I don’t have a moustache though…

I am 43 years old. This is fine.
43 is the new 21…
…well, it is now. According to me. Let’s go with that, k.

Thing is, although my 40s don’t scare me, the slight physiological changes are causing me to do things I’ve never done before.
So far I can report that contrary to some of my 40 year old friends, I have not begun sprouting facial hair, and I’ve only had to pluck one grey pubic hair.

This is my issue: my eyebrows are falling out.
Seriously!
Like I never have to tweeze them.

I would never even have noticed this if I wasn’t growing my bangs out. Now, in order to keep the hair out of my face, I wear a headband most of the time thus revealing my forehead, and as such, my eyebrows.
Yesterday morning as I was inspecting myself closely in the mirror brushing my teeth in the mirror, I noticed how sporadic my eyebrows are becoming.

Not a big deal, right. This can easily be solved by drawing some in.
So I pulled out my black eyeliner, and started jotting in a dotted line.
My left eyebrow looked good.
My right one, though, was arching up.

I tried rubbing it off, but instead it smeared even higher up onto my forehead, and I looked like a mad scientist, all “Muwahahahaha! I am going to kill you!”

But I was late for class, so the upraised eyebrow stayed.

As the day wore on, the eyeliner wore off, and my “Muwahahahaha! I am going to kill you!” turned into more of a “You were saying?”

I momentarily wondered about getting botox in order to permanently sport this “I give a shit about what you have to say” look.

Of course, as one narcissistic thought lead to another, I thought of my ageing boobs.

I figured if I was going to get botox, then breast implants should be next on my to-do list.

But then, as is often the case with my early morning, life altering decisions, by lunch time, I had forgotten all about the boob thing.

I was still fixated on my lack of eyebrows, though.

I booked an appointment with my hair dresser for next Friday.
I’m getting my bangs back.

I know in the picture my ponytail has four strands.
That’s because my hair is falling out too.

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74 Responses to I don’t have a moustache though…
  1. Alexandra
    January 5, 2012 | 11:34 pm

    Oh, yeah…the eyebrows.

    Well, I can tell you this: Clinique has an eyebrow shadow that is so natural.

    Go ahead, splurge on some good product.

    xo

  2. Mercurial
    January 5, 2012 | 11:36 pm

    LOL! Where’d you get that picture of my boobs? ;-)

  3. Laura@Catharsis
    January 5, 2012 | 11:43 pm

    Wait. My pubic hairs are going to get gray? Fuck.

  4. Yvonne Salvatierra
    January 5, 2012 | 11:47 pm

    I have the opposite problem! I’m sprouting hair like a mad woman! Serious! Ok, so my hair is falling out, that’s another story for another time. But my facial hair keeps growing, I think I will be a man soon. And not just on my face, but the rest of my body. I’ve spent more time at the nail salon (because that’s where the “eyebrow/bikini wax lady” lives)than I ever have before! Stay strong my sister! :)

  5. Brandon
    January 5, 2012 | 11:47 pm

    I’m 30. I’m crying over the thought of graying pubes…

    • Jane
      January 8, 2012 | 12:11 pm

      When your grey pubes all fall out you’ll cry cos you miss them.

  6. Robin
    January 5, 2012 | 11:57 pm

    Maybe you need to invest in a pair of reading glasses! I was excited to find a few of my eyebrow hairs when I finally broke down and bought a pair of reading glasses… I was getting frustrated with how slow my 8 year old was reading my prescription bottles to me.

    Unfortunately those eyebrow hairs that I found were the ones that needed to be plucked. :/

  7. Coffeypot
    January 5, 2012 | 11:59 pm

    A gray pubic hair??? I figured that with all the body building and bikini wearing you would be bawl. Not complaining, though. I love a thick carpet.

  8. Mayor Gia
    January 6, 2012 | 12:00 am

    hahahah I love your drawings in this one…

  9. Redshoes51
    January 6, 2012 | 12:40 am

    LMBO @ Laura…

    Robin has a good point… get a pair of those glasses that have the large nose and eyebrows attached… remove the nose, and voila!! you are ready to go!!!

    For what it’s worth, women in their 40′s are sexy as Hell… ;o)

    ~shoes~

  10. Chris
    January 6, 2012 | 12:48 am

    Boob job over eyebrow job….do they have an eyebrow replacement surgery? Fuck it…use a marker and make those boobs as perky as when you were 18!! Or 39…I ain’t even saying their not perky….just sayin if your struggling with your options you should fill the boobs. Can’t see how that goes wrong?

    Graying pubes. I bet there’s a whole internet niche’ of folks who dig that big time. There is a niche’ for having sex with animals too though….so….just fucking ignore most everything I said :)

  11. nora
    January 6, 2012 | 1:02 am

    My eyebrows are turning gray and so is my pubic hair, but it is true, they are becoming more sparse. The hair on my chin is growing, but I need my reading glasses to pluck them out. I was planning on letting my bangs grow. I may not now. My boobs are in the same shape yours are. I blame it on gravity.

  12. Belle
    January 6, 2012 | 1:07 am

    My eyebrows and lashes have gotten thicker as I age. But I have passed menopause so maybe after that you will get your eyebrow hair back!

  13. Lin
    January 6, 2012 | 1:43 am

    First of all, I’d totally take gray pubes over my manlike facial hair. Hate it SO much.

    Second, your pictures (especially the boon one) has to be printed on tshirts. Totally fucking epic!

  14. Sarcasm Goddess
    January 6, 2012 | 1:46 am

    If I did nothing to my eyebrows they would take over my whole face. A year ago I had four grey hairs. I could count them. Now it’s easier to count the ones that aren’t grey. I’m not even thirty. Getting old is awesome.

  15. Alison@Mama Wants This
    January 6, 2012 | 1:58 am

    I can’t get over the drawing of your boobs.

    Not that I’m thinking of your boobs.

  16. Tara @ Sweat like a Pig
    January 6, 2012 | 3:13 am

    Ha! I’m growing out bangs at the moment and it’s such a pain! I’m so sick of wearing headbands, but I’m so close to the stage where I’ll be able to pin it to the side without it looking like I have a mullet ;)

  17. tempo
    January 6, 2012 | 5:43 am

    Not such a big issue…just take an old pic with you when you next visit your local Tattoo art Studio and have a couple of new permanent eyebrows inked in just like the old days..
    Imagine the possibilities if you will? You could have that enquiringly lifted eyebrow without all the effort of actually inquiring… But wait there’s more…

  18. Lola
    January 6, 2012 | 7:08 am

    Bangs are the poor woman’s Botox.
    And that’s all I have to say about that.

  19. Abby
    January 6, 2012 | 7:26 am

    The most unfair thing in the world is that I can grow bangs, but I can’t grow boobs.

  20. Carol
    January 6, 2012 | 7:57 am

    I’m so glad my vision is going so I can’t see if my pubic hair is gray. I don’t need one more thing to worry about. I do however have one hair that grows out of where my mustache will be one day, just one, I’ve been plucking it for five years now, it keeps coming back.

  21. Misfit Sarah
    January 6, 2012 | 8:34 am

    I went with the fringe (bangs means something very different here) a few years ago when I was making the to-botox-or-not-to-botox decision. Best thing I ever did. I have no idea what my eyebrows look like but my fringe looks awesome. And you, my sista, are awesome. And I have frickin loads of grey pubes. You’re welcome.

    Sarah xxx

    • Jane
      January 8, 2012 | 12:08 pm

      You’re offering to send her your grey pubic hair? Sheesh, that’a gross. Unless of course it’s long enough for her to knit a pan scrubber with it.

  22. ChiTown Girl
    January 6, 2012 | 8:45 am

    I saw something on The Doctors once about hair dye for your hoo-hah. I can’t remember the name of it, but you’re resourceful, you can find out. :)

    • sparkling74
      January 6, 2012 | 11:47 am

      Ok, I have never colored my hair, on my head or anywhere else, but I think hoo-ha coloring has to be the craziest thing I’ve ever heard! I can’t even imagine!

    • Teresa
      January 12, 2012 | 9:43 pm

      the website is http://www.bettybeauty.com/ dye for you Betty

  23. Pam
    January 6, 2012 | 9:41 am

    As much as I wish I could say I have no idea what the hell you are talking about, I can’t. I know it all too well. And I am not digging it one little bit!

    The bangs hide the remaining eyebrows that have turned white quite well. Just so ya know. LOL

  24. Kristina P.
    January 6, 2012 | 10:30 am

    Dude, I am like, half your age (33 is the new 10), and I have chin hair AND a mustache. Not only do I have some hair on my mustache, but I have age spots or something, on my upper lip, so it looks like either I didn’t wash my face, or I am a 55 year old dude. It’s great.

  25. Angie Uncovered
    January 6, 2012 | 11:17 am

    I thought 38 was the new 21, but if you insist… I’ll be your 19 y/o sister!

    I am experiencing the thinning hair, and thinning brows too, but for me I’m loving this new phase of life! I tweeze less, need less shampoo and conditioner (I use more hair color though), and less product!

    My doctor told me that some of it is due to my exercise in comparison to my diet. Apparently he knows I hate healthy food. I’d rather not eat sometimes than eat something like Brussel sprouts. :)

  26. Mrs. Tuna
    January 6, 2012 | 11:31 am

    Kay, gonna scare you. I know this one woman who tattooed her eyebrows, eyeliner and lips. She stopped looking like Bozo the clown after about a year. You know how I feel about tramp stamps. Just saying.

  27. Carri
    January 6, 2012 | 11:32 am

    hahahah What happened to your hair in the boobie picture? And you didn’t mention vaginas once. I don’t know if I’m proud or disappointed.

  28. Mark
    January 6, 2012 | 11:44 am

    My eyebrows are as long as your bangs. I think I’ll start braiding them!
    m.

  29. sparkling74
    January 6, 2012 | 11:45 am

    My ponytail has had 4 pieces of hair in it since I was like 5, so God help me when I get to 40 and it all falls out. I sit green with envy at all of these middle school girls with their gorgeous, long, thick hair. I never had gorgeous hair. And now that it’s long, it’s just not nice. I’m going to be that lady who has 6 hair left and still puts them in a bun.

  30. Wiley
    January 6, 2012 | 12:20 pm

    Grey pubic hairs?!?!? I didn’t know there was such a thing. Eeeekkk. Ahhh… Grey hairs on my head don’t worry me, but I don’t know if I could handle grey pubic hair!

  31. RoryBore
    January 6, 2012 | 12:32 pm

    I love those drawings….brilliant post. I noticed a freakish long eyebrow hair the other day. I mean freakish as in when I brushed it up to trim it… the darn thing damn near reached my hair line!!

    seriously, I need new friends — don’t tell me that thing wasn’t obvious. The mutant thing had to have been waving holiday wishes to all the past 2 weeks!

  32. Linda Medrano
    January 6, 2012 | 1:58 pm

    I’m sorry about your eyebrows. You can always just get them tattooed on and then you don’t need to mess with them. I probably would say go with a nice little Laura Mercier eyebrow compact with sort of a taupe color. You can use the brush for the “powder” and then seal it all with the “brows don’t move” gel. I kind of like the Mad Scientist look myself, but that’s just me. Keep the more petite boobs. You won’t have as far to fall in 20 years.

  33. Kimberly
    January 6, 2012 | 2:24 pm

    I have a mustache and I’m only 31.
    Thanks to the Italian genes outnumbering my irish ones.
    I’m best friends with my face waxer.

  34. Kyla
    January 6, 2012 | 2:46 pm

    OMG. I just posted about Botox today. And not too long ago, I wrote about my GREY eyebrows. WTF!

    Good drawings.

  35. Lisa
    January 6, 2012 | 3:27 pm

    You could do what my mom did. She got permanent eyebrows. AKA tattoo to fill in where they were looking thing. I guess whatever works…

  36. fizzgig
    January 6, 2012 | 7:21 pm

    and i hear the voice of my mother….”if you keep plucking your eyebrows one day you will be sorry, they stop growing back in”

    i have no idea why moms always get to be right. this might be the only reason in a billion I would consider having kids.

    so i can always be right.

  37. RebeccaFlys
    January 6, 2012 | 9:19 pm

    HEY, eyebrows and hair falling out? SOUNDS LIKE ME. Better get your thyroid checked sister. Ask for a TSH, T3 & free T4, & an anti-body check.

    I learned this lesson the ugly way. (o:
    Rebeccaflys

  38. robin
    January 6, 2012 | 10:31 pm

    WTF….not only do the pubes turn grey…..they fall out too!!!!
    So what is left….. bald, patchy and grey!!!!!
    How come no one ever told us about this!!!! Not fair!!!

  39. Ally
    January 6, 2012 | 11:35 pm

    Wow, well I’m 44, my eyebrows are thinning, I regularly pluck a few chin hairs AND I’ve got more than one gray pubic hair. And I’m not too proud to dye them if anymore show up.

  40. Shawn
    January 7, 2012 | 9:44 am

    Things change. The long flowing locks of hair that hung down to my shoulders are now growing from my shoulders. Welcome to 40.

  41. Suniverse
    January 7, 2012 | 9:54 am

    I’m also 43 and while I’ve not had to deal with rogue gray pubic hairs, I have had the sparsifying eyebrows. Here is the best thing ever:

    Clinique Brow Shaper.

    It’s a nice powder that you don’t have to use too much of [I look like Brezhnev when I do], so it lasts forever, and it stays on all day.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a chin hair that needs plucking.

  42. Joanne
    January 7, 2012 | 10:27 am

    Ok when your stomach, butt, and boobs all make an applause sound when ya run then it’s time to call for help…until then it’s all good!
    Blessings, Joanne

  43. The Bearded Iris
    January 7, 2012 | 10:57 am

    Quit bragging, you lucky bitch. My eyebrows are multiplying, and not it a good way…I am starting to look like a miniature schnauzzer. I plucked a stray hair from my forehead the other day… so apparently my eyebrows are trying to pilgrimage to the motherland. Fucking great.

    Maybe I should get bangs too…to hide the runaway brow hairs.

  44. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes
    January 7, 2012 | 11:48 am

    Oh no, you only have 4 strands of hair left? You’re like a cartoon character, lol. No I’m sure these changes are only noticeable to you. Think of it as a good thing that you don’t have to tweeze your eyebrows or shave your legs as much. I pretend I’m 40 as well by not doing any of those things :) Solidarity! haha

  45. Kimberly
    January 7, 2012 | 4:18 pm

    Love the illustrations!

    The most shocking thing I took from this post is that you have pubic hair. I had you pegged for a waxer. Guess up in Canada you’ve gotta keep it on to keep it warm? Haha.

    Slightly disturbed by the self-realization that I make assumptions about people’s pubic hair (or lack thereof). I’m going to go now… ;)

  46. Missy | Literal Mom
    January 7, 2012 | 5:22 pm

    No other way around it – gettin’ old can be a real bitch!

  47. andréa
    January 7, 2012 | 7:29 pm

    oh the sagging boobs … i’ve had ‘em since i was a kid, b/c i was anorexic and they didn’t grow like the other women in my family.

    so they think big, with no meat to back ‘em up.

    yup.

    gottem.

  48. Lola
    January 7, 2012 | 9:23 pm

    Perhaps you have alopecia? It can cause hair loss aaaaaaaalllll over your body. But you already knew that, Nurse Sandra.

    Love,
    Vagina Janie

  49. Janie Junebug
    January 7, 2012 | 9:25 pm

    My other comment says it was left by Lola because I forgot to change my name on your comment form. I apologize profusely. I do not want to give anyone false hope that Lola is alive.

    Love vaginas,
    Janie

  50. Heather
    January 7, 2012 | 10:41 pm

    I love the pictures that go with the post. Cracks me up!

  51. Marla Hansen
    January 8, 2012 | 12:02 am

    Yep. Falls out of where it belongs and grows where it doesnt.

  52. cry
    January 8, 2012 | 12:38 am

    glad I have small boobs, even though they arent as perkey as they once were.
    I think you are beautiful just the way you are

  53. Emily
    January 8, 2012 | 11:49 am

    My eyebrows are the Bain of my existence. I would love if they just stopped growing so I wouldn’t have to get them waxed every four hours.

  54. Jane
    January 8, 2012 | 12:03 pm

    Eyebrows? head hair? Bah, you aint seen nuthin yet girl. Just wait til you have a natural Brazilian. You might think that’ll be a handy economy but nope, you’ll feel like you’re trying to encourage perverts.

  55. Chrissy
    January 8, 2012 | 12:26 pm

    OMG! hahahaha Thank you so much for making me laugh…and I am totally not laughing AT you, I’m laughing WITH you! lol

  56. Kristy @PampersandPinot
    January 8, 2012 | 3:17 pm

    Oh, no! My mom has shared about the eyebrow problem with me. Sigh. We always still feel like we’re 25 on the inside, you know?

  57. meleah rebeccah
    January 8, 2012 | 4:26 pm

    I am super jealous. I’d rather lose my eyebrows than sport my damn mustache. UGH!

  58. Shawna
    January 8, 2012 | 6:10 pm

    Haha! I have a LONG list of cosmetic surgery procedures that I will undergo…someday. :)

  59. BusyWorkingMama
    January 8, 2012 | 7:30 pm

    I dread the day when I spot a gray hair, and my eyebrows have always been sparse. Enjoy the hair appointment!

  60. Consciously Sedated
    January 8, 2012 | 8:54 pm

    Don’t even get me started with this whole thinning hair thing. I have seriously considered hair plugs.

    Getting old sucks, and it only gets worse. Before you know it, it’ll take a whole tube of k-y to get our groove on. Such is life.

    Bangs are good – they are the frugal answer to botox.

    Thanks for dropping by earlier;)

    CS

  61. Ruth
    January 8, 2012 | 9:34 pm

    I am picturing you like in “Seinfeld” where Jerry’s uncle had drawn on eyebrows. His was done with sharpie though.

  62. Wombat Central
    January 8, 2012 | 9:55 pm

    You know, I really don’t have a problem with mid-40′s either, except for the fact that I’m experiencing shit that I thought wasn’t supposed to happen until my 60′s. What the hell?

  63. injaynesworld
    January 9, 2012 | 12:48 am

    First of all the 40′s are the best. Trust me. Been there, liked it so much I’m doing them all over again. 21? You couldn’t fucking pay me — perky boobs and all- to go through the hideous 20s again. Anyway, don’t give me the sagging boobs crap. You have a rockin’ body, girlfriend!

    Sorry about the eyebrows though.

  64. Cari
    January 9, 2012 | 11:39 am

    I don’t have a problem with hair loss-age (it’s a word now). In fact, I have to be careful to maintain my brows so I am not sporting a Uni-brow every few weeks. I wouldn’t have a moustache if the waxing lady didn’t wax off my “moustache” last time, now solidifying it will grow back 10 shades darker. Blast! And I’m obsessed with my sagging boobs, I’m waiting for a cream or something that will perk ‘em up, I’m too poor for surgery.

  65. Caz
    January 9, 2012 | 11:20 pm

    I just left a very witty comment, which for some reason or other didn’t go through! Basically, I said that I am also 43 but instead of losing facial hair, I am gaining it (upper lip) and I didn’t know this was a part of the aging process, so now I feel better!! I also said I LOVE your drawings and I LOVE your attitude!!

  66. [...] Anyway, I wrote what turned out to be a very successful post. [...]

  67. Anita
    January 11, 2012 | 11:23 am

    This reminded me of the SNL skit with mike Meyers. Hello, my name is Simon and I love to do drawings.
    Cheeky monkey!

  68. Jennifer
    January 12, 2012 | 12:33 am

    I often wondered if my grandma’s pubes were gray. I asked her one day and she never responded…

  69. Boobies
    January 12, 2012 | 11:27 am

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I want to laugh about this, but the prospect of having to draw in my own brows in the near future, well it scares me. I have a shaky hand. I’m so effed.

  70. Teresa
    January 12, 2012 | 9:45 pm

    the dye for your gray hair is found at :
    http://www.bettybeauty.com/
    you can dye your Betty almost any color

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