Blogging rules: the cold hard truth

I read a post over at All Fooked Up in which Lynn, the blogger brings up the issue of competition among bloggers. It was extremely interesting, and made me realize that after a year and a half of blogging, I don’t know all of the “rules,” and don’t particularly care for several of them.

Let’s take guestposting, for instance. The point of this is to get your name out there via other blogs. It’s a great way to build your readership.

Here’s the truth: I hate guestposting. Although I’m honoured when I’m asked to, more often than not, I will refuse.
Partly because I stress out about what I’m going to write about.
But mostly because guestposting, for me, is like going to my neighbour’s house, and pooping in her toilet.
In my house, I know where the switch for the ceiling fan is. I know where the room deodorizer is kept. I’m not afraid to open the window.

But in my neighbour’s house, I sometimes don’t even know where the bathroom is, never mind pooping with the ease of mind that nobody is going to come banging on the door while I’m in there ahem…I need TOTAL silence people! asking me to hand them the People magazine.

See what I mean?


Essentially, when I’m guestposting, my host has her/his way of running her/his blog. Her/his readers are used to reading a certain genre, in a certain manner that they are acclimated to.

Then when I barge in there referring to my kid as a “little fucker” and mentioning my leaky vagina, the reader is jostled a little bit.
Sure, a few of them might find the new rhythm of the guestposter intriguing and worth a quick trip over to said guestposter’s own blog.
But in general, let’s be honest, very few will become regulars.

And here’s another interesting fact: when I go to your blog, and you’re out having coffee, ie. guestposting somewhere else, well, I feel jealous. I’m all, “She’s buddy-buddy with her? But I didn’t even think they knew each other!”
Oh yes! I get jealous! I feel left out. I feel like suddenly, I’m not part of your crowd anymore.

I feel like…wait…
Momentary lapse into adolescence.

Oh! And I only realized recently that if you do guestpost somewhere else, you shouldn’t post on your blog on that same day. Apparently it’s rude.
See, I did not know this.
It is a blogging faux-pas…which really, makes me want to do all the more when I’m told not to…but that’s my issue…

So what is my point?
…what is my point…?

Right! My point is that I don’t know all the rules, and I can’t follow all of them.

And I’m pretty sure posting gratuitous bikini shots isn’t super popular with the masses, but I break that rule a lot too because…well, that’s just fun.

I should clarify however, that writing at In the Powder Room where my last post “The Women and The Wenis” was cause for much discussion about the wagina, is not like guestposting.
My editor there is all about the bathroom breaks.

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60 Responses to Blogging rules: the cold hard truth
  1. Kristina P.
    December 11, 2011 | 1:06 am

    I am totally with you on that. And truthfully, 99.99% of the time, I don’t read guest posts. I go to a person’s blog because I want to hear them.

    When I had a posting gig for a compilation blog, I didn’t see that as guest posting either, because that’s what the blog was. All “guest posts.”

  2. Renegades
    December 11, 2011 | 1:14 am

    I’m with the above poster. I’m not really into reading the guest posters anyway.

    Plus I’m with you then it kinda reminds me of not being in the “in crowd” and we all know that from high school.

  3. XLMIC
    December 11, 2011 | 1:14 am

    I think gratuitous bikini shots are desired. More please. And I think you should post them on my blog.

  4. Tempo
    December 11, 2011 | 1:18 am

    Rules…theres rules? ..and here was me thinking it was my blog and I could damn well post whatever I liked… I like to hear what others think of my posts or what they think in general but I dont want to be told what and where to write, I dont guest write and not interested in meme’s. I read what interests me and i write what I’m thinking about at the time..(scary huh?)

  5. Ruth
    December 11, 2011 | 1:22 am

    I don’t get the whole guestposting thing either.
    Really I don’t get any of it. I am not good at pimping my blog.
    I’m just an itty bitty fish in a big blogging pond and so I shall remain. Unaware of all the rules.

  6. Marie from Rock The Kasbah
    December 11, 2011 | 2:29 am

    I totally agree. And I get jealous of people who have a zillion followers and write complete and utter crap. That’s why I’m an extremely selective blog reader. So I guess I’m saying….I love your writing (and your blogging attitude) or I wouldn’t be here.

  7. Tara @ Sweat like a Pig
    December 11, 2011 | 3:25 am

    Well the only guest poster I’ve ever had was my husband, and he doesn’t really count because he’s not a blogger! Usually if a blog I read has a guest post I will just skim it. I’ve only ever found one blog I still read today through a guest post.

    But blogging rules….meh. I’m sure I break a lot of those!

  8. Symdaddy
    December 11, 2011 | 4:14 am

    Y’know,I get a little bit hacked-off whenever I traipse across town to visit someone and, when I get there, they’ve gone out!

    The amount of times I’ve knocked on people’s ‘blog doors’ just to find out they’ve popped over to Ethel Bloggy’s place for a guest spot … makes me wanna spout four letter expletives all over the place.

    As for rules … aren’t they meant to be broken?

  9. Alison@Mama Wants This
    December 11, 2011 | 5:04 am

    I’m honoured you chose to pop by my place to poop in my toilet – I hope my home was welcoming.

    I did write a post about ‘rules’ of guest posting, and I understand people will read it and go, ‘well, go fuck yourself’, but I also know that many people DO want to actually guest post and appreciate some ‘guidelines’, so as not to piss their host off. Public service if you will.

    As for me, I realized I did way too many guest posts and my regular readers were just tired of clicking away, so my slaved-over guest post hardly went read. I might as well save the good stuff for my own blog, right?

    I still host 2 guests monthly in an interview style so there’s no pressure to worry about what to write, how to write it. I know that some readers hate those, but I still do it because I like featuring my favorite bloggers. And I know some of them got some new readers because of it. So there.

  10. Chris B
    December 11, 2011 | 7:19 am

    Agree with the guest post crap.

    I’m auto starting a vid in a post cuz everyone says it’s annoying…it is….so fucking what. If that’s the biggest problem in a person’s day then they are doing pretty fucking good.

  11. Angela@BeggingTheAnswer
    December 11, 2011 | 7:45 am

    I totally agree with all of this. Thank you for having the guts to put it out there.

  12. Abby
    December 11, 2011 | 9:34 am

    One of the reasons I will never be “popular” or whatever is that I know about some of these weird rules but completely disregard them. My blog is not pretty, I don’t enjoy guest posts for all of those reasons, I hate self-promotion and schedules, etc. For me, my blog is an escape from having to do things to make other people happy all the time. I don’t want it to be one more stress, so those rules?

    Eff them. You can shit on my toilet any time as long as you do the courtesy flush, so to speak. You can also say “vagina,” as long as it’s not “Abby is as enjoyable as a leaky vagina.” That would be rude.

    • Dan Perez
      December 11, 2011 | 12:03 pm

      Your blog is dang purdy! says me.
      PS – very well said.

  13. bluzdude
    December 11, 2011 | 10:48 am

    I agree with Tempo. The beauty of blogging is that you get to make your own rules and do whatever the hell you please. And it that’s a string of bikini shots with a dollop of leaky vagina, so be it.

  14. Mayor Gia
    December 11, 2011 | 11:05 am

    Ah, I didn’t know some of those rules, either! I’m relatively new to blogging and I wish someone could give me a list of blogging etiquette. Sometimes I read something in a blog like “I don’t trade links so don’t ask!” and I’m like “…what? Is that a thing? I don’t understand!” and if someone asks me to guest post, do I need to invite them to guest on mine? Because I’m territorial about my blog…

  15. Dan Perez
    December 11, 2011 | 12:08 pm

    Guest posting on other blogs (especially blogs with high traffic) is a nice way to attract a new audience for your style of writing. It works for some.
    In your case, you already have a dedicated audience (and the type of engagement most blogs would kill for) so I see no reason to go shit in someone else’s toilet – they should be asking to shit in yours.
    Oh, and I got no problem with the gratuitous bikini shots. Just saying…

  16. Mercurial
    December 11, 2011 | 12:29 pm

    It’s all about my mood…sometimes I go read a guest blogger and fall in love and decide to stalk them forever. Other times? I immediately click off the page never to return. That said, if they called their kids “fuckers”, I’d be their new best friend. ;-)

  17. allison
    December 11, 2011 | 12:42 pm

    Conflicted here too. I’ve guest posted once (whoo), and contributed to a group guest post once. Once I was asked (which totally did make me squeal and then look around to make sure I was alone), the other time I totally horned in because it sounded like fun and then hyperventilated over whether my post was good enough. I just got my first free thing that wasn’t a book to host a giveaway and the results were…a bit underwhelming. That said, I appreciate being told the rules, because I’m not a rulebreaker, and even when I am, I want to be breaking a rule on purpose, not by accident.

  18. Bouncin Barb
    December 11, 2011 | 12:44 pm

    You could guest post in my house any day! You’re awesome! Love ya!

  19. Belle
    December 11, 2011 | 1:32 pm

    I wouldn’t want to guest post either. Not that anyone has asked me! Very scary. I didn’t know any rules when I started and I don’t like rules in general.

  20. Carri
    December 11, 2011 | 1:51 pm

    You can come poop in my toilet. Just leave the UGGs at home. :)

  21. Lola
    December 11, 2011 | 2:48 pm

    I don’t do well with rules. The hell with them.


  22. Kyla
    December 11, 2011 | 2:51 pm

    I love you can admit your jelousy. Good thing we weren’t in highschool together.

  23. Sable@SquatLikeALady
    December 11, 2011 | 3:27 pm

    Yeah I’m not a big fan of guest posting either. I kind of wish I was, because there are several blogs that I LOVElovelove and I know my readers don’t know about them and I want them to guest post REALLY BAD but then I also ‘get’ that 90% of the time I’ll skip my ‘usual’ blogs when they feature guest posts.

  24. Kimberly
    December 11, 2011 | 3:59 pm

    Yea, guest posting. It’s awkward. It reminds me of being the only drunk person at a 2 year old’s birthday party. You come barreling in with a fuck and a Jesus joke and you practically ruin your name with a whole set of new bloggers.
    It’s nerve racking really.

  25. Kate
    December 11, 2011 | 5:32 pm

    If my body looked like yours, I’d be posting bikini shots all the time.

  26. kathryn
    December 11, 2011 | 6:56 pm

    I started blogging before anyone even invented the rules and to me it’s like when you’re a kid and playing some game then the bossy kid comes in and starts telling everyone how to do it “right”. Kills all the fun!

  27. julianna
    December 11, 2011 | 7:56 pm

    I’ve only guest posted twice. Both times were well recieved. Actually, I like to guest blog on sites that typically write a different type of style than mine. Like honestly, if I wrote for you, I’d have to include the word vagina at least once, yet I’m thinking it’s never appeared once on my blog.


    Just a way to explore other styles Ya know?

  28. Coffeypot
    December 11, 2011 | 8:18 pm

    I’ve never been ask to guest post and I have never asked to do one either. In fact, I rarely go over and read the person I am visiting guest post. I just don’t have the time to traipse all over the blogging world. I understand the reason and concept, and if being read my the masses is important, then go for it, but I’m in no competition with anyone. Read me if you want to, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out if you don’t. I do it for my pleasure and knowing that I made a couple of you smile. Besides, I can’t imagine you even using someone else bathroom to poop. You rarely even do it in your own bathroom.

  29. Kimberly
    December 11, 2011 | 8:19 pm

    I love you just the way you are, and you don’t need to change a thing about how you blog. Well, maybe- if you want to post more often, I’d love it. But I understand how life gets in the way.

  30. Nicky
    December 11, 2011 | 8:54 pm

    So, you realize now that you’ve said that you don’t want people to ask you to guestpost, I’m going to bug you to guestpost all the time. Wanna guestpost? No? How ’bout now? Now? What about now?

  31. sparkling74
    December 11, 2011 | 9:10 pm

    Who made these rules??? Do what you want and if people dont’ like it, they can stop reading!

  32. meleah rebeccah
    December 11, 2011 | 10:49 pm

    “My point is that I don’t know all the rules, and I can’t follow all of them.”

    And that’s one of the reasons I love you. And, if it’s any consolation, I am the SAME way.

  33. chickens consigliere
    December 11, 2011 | 11:26 pm

    Frankly, AN, I’ll follow you to any link but I might not notice the link you were on enough to go back later, which is a backwards way of saying that if you posted on someone else’s link and I didn’t know you, I’d follow you back to your link to see your gratuitous bikini shots and read about you calling your kid a little fucker. Because it’s fun.

  34. Mrs. Tuna
    December 12, 2011 | 8:17 am

    Shit, and here I was going to ask you to guest post in order to increase my followers.

    I also notice you posted this at 1 AM, it this because you’re done with school or you’re avoiding. Me? I’m done, jealous?

  35. Jennifer Boykin
    December 12, 2011 | 9:22 am

    I ADORE your brilliant awful mind! And, ironically, I FOUND you and read you now through your Guest Post at ALL FOOKED UP!

  36. Mandy
    December 12, 2011 | 10:21 am

    I’ve tried guest posting the past few months and I have to admit I’m not entirely a fan. I’m used to speaking to my own group of friends and you are exactly right, I feel the shift in tone and persona on a guest post can cause the regular readers there to freak out. Or at least feel uncomfortable/unfamiliar with this new/uninvited voice.

    I blog for fun. I always come back to that. It’s how I’ve managed to continue doing it for seven years. Every time I think I need to try to get more readers it immediately becomes un-fun.

  37. Missy | Literal Mom
    December 12, 2011 | 10:30 am

    BTW, Loved that you didn’t turn down Lynn’s guest post because that WAS funny! And fits with her style in a lovely way.

    Sometimes I find it hard to follow all the rules too.

  38. totsymae1011
    December 12, 2011 | 10:40 am

    Well, I feel even more left out than you. Shit, I’ve never been asked to guest post anywhere. What’s up with that?

  39. The Accidental Somebody
    December 12, 2011 | 11:46 am

    I would never ask you to guest post on my blog because I’d never be read again. You would totally take over because you’re just that fucking awesome. :)

  40. Slyde
    December 12, 2011 | 12:50 pm

    i usually politely refuse the guest blogging requests as well.

    im always very flattered, but the truth is that i just dont have the time. i struggle to find the time to throw up 2 posts a week on my OWN blog ….

  41. Lizbeth
    December 12, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    I’m frigging clueless when it comes to blogging rules. I just spew a few thing out and then hit that little publish button. God knows where I’d even find the time to write a post for someone else…

  42. Cari
    December 12, 2011 | 4:07 pm

    I know the blogger etiquette when it comes to guest posting, but I think that’s because I read Scary Mommies post on it; otherwise, I would’ve messed it up. Other than that, eh, do whatcha wanna. I like the bloggers who “blog outside the box”.

  43. Ginger
    December 12, 2011 | 8:08 pm

    Sandra, i would read your sh*t, wherever you poop it…lol. Guestposting is a bit intriguing for me cause I like comparing how the blogger i know behaves when they go ou to play. Is she as rude/naughty there as she is on her blog or does she pretend to be all polite and prim etc. yeah, I’m queer like that :)

  44. My Inner Chick
    December 12, 2011 | 8:54 pm

    When I go to some of my fave. blogs and they are guest posting in another blogmosphere, it pisses me off.
    I’m like, “Damn, now I need to click someplace else.”
    & it’s too much work, man.
    I also have found that several of those bloggers lose some of their funky, sassy, kick ass voices because of the site they are on, the rules, the culture of that particular blog.
    It just annoys me & I usually do not follow them over to where they are.
    I’m kind of a bitch like that… xxx

  45. sara@domesticallychallenged
    December 12, 2011 | 9:28 pm

    I feel ya. I feel the same, because I am terrible at guest posting, hate clogging other people’s toilets, and am afraid to touch their people mags because of their poop germs.

  46. Romina Garcia (@Martyrhood)
    December 12, 2011 | 10:41 pm

    Oh my heavens I am so glad I just found you. You had me in stitches this entire post. I too am not a fan in shitting in other people’s toilets/blogs. Frankly I don’t like putting my arse cheeks on their seat.

  47. Bridget
    December 13, 2011 | 12:52 am

    I get jealous too. I want all my bloggy friends to only be friends with me. Is that wrong?

  48. Jessica
    December 13, 2011 | 1:04 am

    I’ve been guest posting way too much for the last few months and it has me completely stressed out and I don’t think I’ve had any new readers from it.

  49. According to Jewels
    December 13, 2011 | 7:23 am

    You crack me up. I love guest posting or swapping where we both get new posts on the same day but from each other at the other’s place. Get it? hehe. I know how crazy real life can get and usually answer the call to anyone feeling too stressed to manage their own post load so I usually offer up a guest post.

    Anyway…it can be fun but I totally understand the pooping in a neighbor’s toilet analogy. You crack me up with your neurotic thinking. haha.

  50. Nicki
    December 13, 2011 | 8:50 am

    I am the jealous type. I am also somewhat bitchy about things like: A blogger is new to the blogging world and they have like 4 followers and I have more…only 74 more but still…so I follow them. I read them all the time…I put their blog on my blog roll…I comment on their blog all the time…and then? I see that they don’t follow me, never comment on my shit and they are suddenly wayyyy more popular than I!! So..I delete them. Wait a minute… don’t follow me! Haha! Don’t worry….I am referring to ONE blogger in particular and it isn’t you! I love your shit! You could guest blog on my blog and say in it that Nicki is a piece of ass hair and I would still read your blog! You are honest, you crack me up and I love ya! Also, this post made me feel better since I have never been asked to guest post!

  51. Julie
    December 13, 2011 | 1:38 pm

    I’ve guest posted a few times and enjoyed it, but I’ve never hosted anyone.

    So apparently, I’m cool with taking a dump in someone else’s house but don’t really like it when anyone poops in my pot.

    Meh, fair enough.

  52. wendy @ mama one to three
    December 13, 2011 | 11:58 pm

    so true about the insecurities– I love guest blogging because I am the girl who walks into the party, stomach in knots, with a super big smile hoping, hoping, hoping that you all will like me by the end of the evening. It’s funny how we deal with our anxieties differently, no?
    I really like your blog. Thanks for stopping by mine!

  53. Lola
    December 14, 2011 | 7:23 am

    I don’t guest post either. Well, first of all I don’t get invites so it would be kinda like crashing a wedding for me to show up on someone else’s blog. Secondly, I don’t like the extra work. Or work in general. Hell, I wouldn’t work on my own blog if my family wasn’t nuts, essentially creating the fodder all by themselves! If it felt like work, I’m pretty sure I’d quit. Wow, this comment wore me out. Nap time.

  54. Catherine
    December 14, 2011 | 11:26 am

    Some of the blogging rules make me insane. Which is why I’m not very popular.

    Oh well…….

  55. LuLu Kellogg
    December 14, 2011 | 8:37 pm

    I drive my own train. I am bossy like that so I don’t follow rules.

    You are going to totally rock in your photo shoot…boots or not.

  56. Ally
    December 14, 2011 | 11:41 pm

    When one is as funny as you, one can laugh at the “rules” and do things her own way. :)

  57. Kayla @ kpLovingIt
    December 28, 2011 | 1:07 am

    I had no idea there were blogging rules. I think I’ll just keep kickin’ it rebel style.

  58. BusyWorkingMama
    January 8, 2012 | 8:34 pm

    Ugh, I despise when people want to guest post on my mommy blog. It just means they want a link.

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