An ode to my ex-husband

When I was 6 years old, I walked to my first day of school with my mother by my side.
Alongside of her was another mother.
Alongside that other mother, was another little 6 year old girl.
The little girl and I peeked at each other suspiciously from around our mothers’ waists.

The little girl and I became the best of friends.

When I was 12 years old, my father moved our family to the next province, and then four years later, he moved us further still.

Despite distance and differences my friendship with the little girl endured.

In my 20s, I moved to Montreal. We became roomates. We both met boys.
And I moved away again to follow my new husband.

This time however, the distance was detrimental to our slowly eroding friendship.
We wrote infrequently. We did not call each other.
Then my father died suddenly, and I did not tell her.
It was as though we had mutually agreed that our friendship had run its course.

Seven years later, when I was in a relationship with a different man, raising three children she didn’t know I had, trying to avoid an ex-husband that I hated, I got a phone call.

From the ex-husband that I hated.

Despite the fact that my ex and I were battling for custody of our children in court, could not be in the same room together because I would hiss like a cat and he…well, he would just say stupid things; despite the fact that my ex and I were definitely in a time in our lives where we did not want to communicate with each other, he called to tell me that my best friend had contacted him, and given him her phone number to give to me.

I had not spoken to her in 7 years.

I called her.

Nine years later, we are, to quote Forest Gump, like peas and carrots.
She’s been my sister.
She’s the person who gets me.

And I actually have to thank my ex-husband for this.

Of course I won’t call him and thank him personally.
But his wife can do it for me.
Since I know she reads this blog religiously.
Why wouldn’t she? I’d totally read her blog if she had one, especially if she wrote about flatulence problems and general shit that I would totally give me the opportunity to say, “Oh my God! You were married to that? She’s got no class!”

Whatever.
I do too have class.
I’m thanking your husband for giving me the best gift ever: my best friend.
So shuddup and stop judging me.
Sheesh….some people just don’t know when to move on.

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52 Responses to An ode to my ex-husband
  1. XLMIC
    December 29, 2011 | 2:28 am

    That was pretty huge of him to do that. I am so glad you and your bestie were reunited :)

  2. Tracie
    December 29, 2011 | 3:20 am

    I reunited with my long-time best friend (after several years apart due to a stupid fight and a large distance) and it is such a wonderful thing.

    I’m glad your ex was good for something.

  3. Tempo
    December 29, 2011 | 5:14 am

    Class….all class!
    Nice of you to put credit where credit is due…

  4. Alison@Mama Wants This
    December 29, 2011 | 7:35 am

    You are indeed all class – for this ode.

  5. diana lesjak
    December 29, 2011 | 7:53 am

    Love it! Peas and carrots~ very nice! There is no work involved in that kind of friendship! Lucky you!

  6. Mayor Gia
    December 29, 2011 | 7:57 am

    It’s nice when people can man up and do the right thing, even when its not like them at all.

  7. Slick Sumbich
    December 29, 2011 | 8:08 am

    LOL…couldn’t help but laugh my *ss off at the fact you know his wife reads your blog religiously.

    Love your writing style… too amusing.

    Glad you got re-conected!

  8. Chris
    December 29, 2011 | 9:27 am

    Further back than you want to remember you loved that guy.

    Shit goes bad. There is always 2 sides and usually both can’t even imagine the others until much later. Too late kinda later and usually for the best all things considered.

    He gave you back a best friend from way back and we know how hard it is to find real friends. The ones who know enough about us to give us the benefit of the doubt when we need just that and can’t seem to get it from anyone.

    Your ex did you a “solid” That’s a glimmer of the shine you once fell in love with.

    I’m glad he did the right thing when no one woulda ever known if he hadn’t.

    Props to you for giving it a post.

    Man, I love your blog!!! Best find of 2011.

  9. nitebyrd
    December 29, 2011 | 9:34 am

    It shows that you weren’t entirely wrong in picking him as your first husband. He wasn’t all bad. That was a nice thing to do. It was the best divorce gift you could have gotten!

  10. Lola
    December 29, 2011 | 9:45 am

    Supposedly I’m classless. I thank that means I don’t got no class, but I think the person who defines me that way believes in people belonging to a particular class and not mixing with the other classes. So she doesn’t mix with me. Why would I wanna hang out with someone who thinks I ain’t got class? And my carrots live so far away. I wish she and my peas were together more.

    Love,
    Lola

  11. Sara
    December 29, 2011 | 9:55 am

    LOL! I am enjoying a similar reconnection with a long lost friend. It’s amazing to have people in your life that you don’t have to explain yourself to because they just get you.

  12. annabelle
    December 29, 2011 | 10:14 am

    Gah…don’t you just hate it when life gives you the good with the bad?

    Really – I don’t have a decent comment, I just wanted to say

    - I still read you daily.
    - I still laugh, everytime.
    - I still think you are brilliant.
    - I still suck at leaving comments.

    Happy New Year Darlin’!

  13. Bouncin Barb
    December 29, 2011 | 10:15 am

    That is quite a story. He did do a good thing there. Divorce and custody battles are sad but at least you credited him where it was due. My best friend and I have been friends for 45 years. We’ve been through the good, the bad and the ugly. I’m so happy you got your best friend back. And you do have class!! Hugs!

  14. Kristina P.
    December 29, 2011 | 10:20 am

    Look at you, being the bigger person! Now, stop it.

  15. Angie Uncovered
    December 29, 2011 | 11:06 am

    :D You do have class and a sense of humor.

  16. Snake
    December 29, 2011 | 12:04 pm

    Just another example of how incredibly unpredictable life can be . . . We wake up in the morning, put on our clothes, brush our teeth and we’re off to fight a new battle . . . With absolutely NO idea how anything will really play out! Life is beautiful . . . Ciao

  17. Belle
    December 29, 2011 | 12:45 pm

    It was kind of him to do that. The new wives can be a bit cranky. I have experienced that :) I’m so glad you could renew the friendship. I consider honesty classy, it is a rare commodity and you have it.

  18. Kyla
    December 29, 2011 | 2:15 pm

    I was just crying. Then laughing at farting. YOU BIG JERK!

  19. Just Jennifer
    December 29, 2011 | 3:22 pm

    That is so cool! The majority of my relationship with my best friend has been long distance, yet it thrives. We love each other so much! I’m so happy you guys were able to reconnect.

  20. Tara @ Sweat like a Pig
    December 29, 2011 | 4:55 pm

    Aww it’s so nice that he did that! My best friend and I have been living on opposite sides of the country for the past two years and it really is difficult to maintain a strong connection. But I do my best!

  21. LB
    December 29, 2011 | 5:06 pm

    LOL! I’m cracking up about the fact that you would read her blog. I wish my husband’s ex would write a blog b/c I would be her biggest stalker!

    While I’m sure you ex is a total tool, it was nice of him to give you her number. Of course, that may have been a ploy to find out if you were at home alone. The husband and kids just may have saved you from a murder-for-hire scheme! Sorry, I’ve been watching a “Snapped” marathon all day.

  22. sprinkles
    December 29, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    I have a friend that I’ve fallen out of friendship with. Mostly because we no longer work together and so don’t stay in touch that much. And some other stuff.

    Now I’m kinda thinkin’ maybe I should give her a call.

  23. Mark
    December 29, 2011 | 6:26 pm

    He sounds like a total dream boat. Obviously, the divorce Must have been your fault.
    Sandra, I hope that your Mommy Blogger Friends know that I’m joking.
    m.

  24. Coffeypot
    December 29, 2011 | 7:01 pm

    I have always wondered about friendship. In all my life I have never had a best friend. Mainly because I never had any friends who could afford me (just kidding) or understand me. So when I read about these BFFs I wonder what that is like. I am glad you reconnected with yours though.

  25. Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd
    December 29, 2011 | 7:06 pm

    I loved this. It was a big move for your ex to call, and a big move to publicly thank him!

  26. julianna
    December 29, 2011 | 7:53 pm

    At least he gave you something womderful (other than your kids).

    Mine has given me three amazingly wonderful things in his life time…

    1. Oldest
    2. Youngest
    3. The divorce from his second wife, leaving me as next of kin and able to control some of the chaos resulting in his untimely death two weeks ago. And in his death, he gave me peace of mind for the boys.

    (A bit morbid, yes. but that’s all I got.)

  27. Kimberly
    December 29, 2011 | 7:57 pm

    That was really sweet of him. Even the worst exes *usually* aren’t horrible people 100% of the time. And he gave you some amazing kiddos, for whom I know you’re thankful.

  28. Wendy
    December 29, 2011 | 8:24 pm

    That was pretty big of him. But obviously it was bigger of you to make him famous for it, and to give his new wife a shout-out. So, you’ve got your friend AND you’re still the better ex. Nice!

  29. Karie McRae
    December 29, 2011 | 10:41 pm

    You are a hoot! Our live seem to have been quite similar; hated my ex-husband too. No friendships have lasted though. Just realize, that it’s not class that the new wife really judges. How can she not read your blog and be envious of your fun personality and imagination (also your very in shape bod)? She may bitch about you; but she is jealous.

  30. Alexandra
    December 29, 2011 | 11:28 pm

    My best friends in grade school were boys.

    I still remember them, so fondly: Tommy Foti and Dean Cain.

    Awesome dudes.

    Don’t think their wives would appreciate me showing up in the picture.

  31. Yvonne Salvatierra
    December 29, 2011 | 11:51 pm

    Stay classy! ha! Great post! And she’st TOTALLY judging you! Hater! ;)

  32. reccewife
    December 29, 2011 | 11:57 pm

    This post is why I friggin love this blog.

  33. Ally
    December 30, 2011 | 12:42 am

    Aww – so glad you reconnected with her, and I’m glad you give him credit. But am thoroughly amused at letting his wife tell him – bwahahaha!

  34. Poppy
    December 30, 2011 | 1:31 am

    I can hear a “that Sandra is such a bitch!” all the way in the states. Yep, she totally reads this.

  35. Memphis Steve
    December 30, 2011 | 2:01 am

    Sometimes best friends are better and more loyal than spouses. And sometimes they stick around longer.

  36. Deborah
    December 30, 2011 | 7:20 am

    Sweet sweet story!

  37. Missy | Literal Mom
    December 30, 2011 | 7:58 am

    What a roundabout way to get back in touch with a best friend! And how wonderful that you did.

    (How do you know your exe’s wife reads it religiously – google analytics?)

    Just askin’.

  38. Lori Dyan
    December 30, 2011 | 8:17 am

    I love this….so happy you reconnected with your sister from another mister.

  39. Wombat Central
    December 30, 2011 | 10:42 am

    True friends are the best gift ever. Glad you were able to reconnect (even if it involved having to speak to your ex!).

  40. My Inner Chick
    December 30, 2011 | 4:55 pm

    —She’s the person who gets me—

    I had one person who really got me, i mean, really, really got me.

    My Sister, Kay.

    So glad you found one another again. Fab. Xxo

  41. dramaqueensmum
    December 30, 2011 | 7:03 pm

    That’s good that your ex got you back in touch with your friend. I have friends like that too. We can lose touch with each other & don’t talk for a while, but when we do get back in touch, it’s like we never stopped talking.

  42. Very VERY busy mom
    December 31, 2011 | 3:08 am

    I hope I am such good friends with my ex-husband’s new bride. I like her much more than I like him.

  43. hpretty
    December 31, 2011 | 3:16 am

    the best friends are those that pop in and out of your life and the magic is still there.

    M2M

  44. Ginger
    December 31, 2011 | 6:42 am

    What a sweet post. This makes me want to believe that me and my ex-best friend can become peas and carrot again sigh.

    I guess she reached out to your ex-husband cos thats the last person she knew you with. I’ve done some crazy things trying to reach out so i definitely understand.

    Happy New Year Queen Sandra

  45. JennyBean
    December 31, 2011 | 8:06 am

    Love this story. We need our girlfriends (and BBFFs), even if it takes an ex to bring us back together again.

  46. Shawn
    December 31, 2011 | 8:38 am

    Awesome story.

    Happy new year.

  47. Lazarus
    December 31, 2011 | 10:35 am

    Very nice post Sandra, are you feeling well?!! And I just figured out the other day who your second husband is…”Wayne” is none other than the Great One, Wayne Gretzky!! You sly dog, I knew your husband loved hockey but I didn’t realize you were married to a hockey legend, congrats! Anyway, here’s wishing an awesome 2012 to you and your family, hope it’s your best year yet!

  48. Mrs. Tuna
    December 31, 2011 | 3:53 pm

    I love it when long ago friends circle back. They appear when needed most. Have a great new year chica.

  49. andréa
    December 31, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    we all have a few of those … papi’s ex reads my blog just so she can find the bad stuff to make her smile.

    my fave part though, is when there’s good stuff so that she can read that papi is not the person he was with this critter prior.

  50. Robyn Engel
    December 31, 2011 | 6:08 pm

    That’s a great story.
    Happy New Year!
    xoRobyn

  51. So. Cal. Gal
    January 1, 2012 | 1:54 am

    I was contacted by a friend of my childhood best friend (got that?) and was given her contact info. So I e-mailed her. She was married with 3 children and living in another state…but she never said what gender(s) her children were, their names or her hubby’s name – which I found odd. Sure enough, after a 1/2 dozen e-mails (initiated mainly by me) she stopped communicating.

    Thank your lucky start you found your best friend again!

  52. Kristy @PampersandPinot
    January 1, 2012 | 12:48 pm

    What a great story of friendship! Loooove the penis pictionary below too!

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