Newly dating child provides blog fodder

So my oldest has his first girlfriend. Honestly, in today’s day and age, I have no idea what this means. I suspect it just means they’ll text a lot and change their Facebook status to “in a relationship.”

However, being the fab, meddling mother than I am, I insisted my boy take his girlfriend on a date.
“And make sure you let her pick the movie,” I added.
Basically, I’m going to train my son to be the best boyfriend ever…or at least not make his girlfriend watch hockey on TV.

My oldest said, “Are you going to blog about this?”
“There isn’t anything really blog worthy about going to a movie…unless you grope her boob during the movie. Are you planning on groping her boob?”
“No. But I could say I did if you think it’ll make for a better blog.”
See, my kids want the reality tv show as much as I do.

As I was driving the boy to the movie theatre, I attempted to make polite conversation.
“So will you put your arm around her?”
“Dunno.”
“Will you makeout during the movie?”
“Dunno.”
“Well, you shouldn’t do that though because the other people will get annoyed.”
“K.”
I should point out that all the while I was trying to prep him for his big night, he was texting the girl. I suspect the date had very minimal conversation and the cute couple just texted each other.

When I was stopped in front of the movie theatre, a little emotional that my first born, my big boy, was going on his first date, my mind raced searching for the perfect words.
Before I could utter them, the boy left the van and walked away.

I refrained from calling out, “…and keep it in your pants. It’s only the first date!”
I’m such a good mother.

I did, however, hang out of the window and shout, “I love you! Have fun!”

He didn’t answer back, but it’s probably because he was excited to see his girlfriend…new love and all of that.

If you haven’t read it yet, I posted over at In the Powder Room, the title of the post: The Tooth Fairy is a Bitch…I thought the title was catchy…

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64 Responses to Newly dating child provides blog fodder
  1. Mrs. Tuna
    October 16, 2011 | 12:10 pm

    First!

  2. Belle
    October 16, 2011 | 12:28 pm

    You must drive your kids crazy! I wish I had warned my girls that every boy they dated would try to have sex with them but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Let them find out the way I did – and be totally shocked and traumatized. (not really; well, I was shocked)

  3. Linda Medrano
    October 16, 2011 | 12:30 pm

    I hope he had a good time. Bless their hearts! I never wanted to hit a girl in my life until the first one mistreated my son. All bets were off at that point. Boys are so innocent compared to girls.

  4. MrsBlogAlot
    October 16, 2011 | 12:31 pm

    What? You didn’t sneak a seat behind them in the theater??

    Well, I fear I will not be the good mother you were when the time comes for me. I don’t think I have that kind of restraint in me. BUT I will have tons of film in my camera and a pocket sized microphone with a 10 foot extension cord to capture every moment!

    Pfft…scrap booking.

  5. Coffeypot
    October 16, 2011 | 12:31 pm

    Boys are always trying to show off to the girls how cool they are. Especially on their first date. Maybe he will impress her with his ball-slapping ability. I’m sure she would be totally impressed.

  6. Bouncin Barb
    October 16, 2011 | 12:41 pm

    You’re a good Mom! Any other mother would have snuck into the theater and sat behind them to see what they did. For the record, I have NEVER done that to my son. Maybe I should have since he had a kid at 20 and another one 11 months later. He never listened to my words!

  7. Staci
    October 16, 2011 | 2:06 pm

    Awwww! You’re such a good mom! I’m praying that when my son starts college in the fall that he meets a girl closer to his age. He’s 17, she’s 15. I hate it.

  8. Alex
    October 16, 2011 | 2:08 pm

    Ha ha, you’re such a good mom, but a pic of the girlfriend would have been a nice touch…or maybe a little scary crazy? Now, we want details of the date…:)

  9. Stephanie
    October 16, 2011 | 3:23 pm

    Ha! The big guy’s lucky to have his mom in his corner. Just a bit of blogging advice: I really think you should consider adopting a teenage daughter. I’d love to see how you’d talk to her before a first date… Actually, you could just adopt me. There’s oh so much that you could teach me.

  10. rosemary
    October 16, 2011 | 4:01 pm

    I NEVER talked with my boys about dating while they were teens. Now that my youngest (29) has moved back home, I do it ALL THE TIME. like in: either marry that girl, or leave her alone!
    Rosemary

  11. LB
    October 16, 2011 | 4:12 pm

    Awww… How old is he??

    Not to freak you out or anything, but my friend’s son just went on his first date to the movies, too. Apparently, the girl was much more “experienced” than him. He got a blow job and lost his virginity. In the top row of the theater.

  12. Faith
    October 16, 2011 | 5:01 pm

    i seriously thought you were going to say you sat in the back of the theatre … hehe.

    ahh, young love and the excitement of the first date! too cute!

    and the comment above me freaks me out a little. i guess that wouldn’t be too cute, haha.

  13. Bridget
    October 16, 2011 | 6:05 pm

    He probably texted you back that he loved you and thanked you for driving him to the movies. Right? Teenage boys are super-cool to their mom’s like that.

  14. Lola
    October 16, 2011 | 6:28 pm

    I would have parked after he walked away, sneaked in the theater, and sat where I could watch them. That would be better than any movie.

    Love,
    Lola

  15. XLMIC
    October 16, 2011 | 6:46 pm

    I think you should’ve borrowed the Jamie Lee Curtis line from Freaky Friday…

    Make good choices!

  16. Pam
    October 16, 2011 | 6:55 pm

    As a mother of FOUR daughters, I truly appreciate you prepping your son for his first date. When our girls were coming along I always had the boy come by our house first. I met every single date the lovelies went on with a huge carving knife in my hand. As I stood in the kitchen chopping vegetables (regardless of the time) I would mention, calmly, that if their penis came out of their pants, I would chop it off. Now, I thought this was funny. The boys didn’t. Maybe they just didn’t have a sense of humor? LOL

    I think that’s a great title- I’m heading over to the powder room!

  17. Jo-Anne
    October 16, 2011 | 7:28 pm

    Damn me and Lola must think alike as I was thinking it would have been fun to spy on them partly because unless we spy we do not find out anything kids are so not forthcoming with information it is like why are we asking such question but hey we are loving caring parents……….or maybe we are just nosey and feel left out if we do not know everything they are doing. No we are loving and caring in a nosey interfering way……lol

  18. Misfit Sarah
    October 16, 2011 | 7:30 pm

    Reality tv show! How can we make it happen? You gotta make it happen! It would be the BEST show ever! Now I’m obsessed…

    Oh, and yay for little man’s first date. Pinch his cheeks for me.

    Sarah xxx

  19. Tonya the Hobo Girl
    October 16, 2011 | 7:33 pm

    My son is 13 and so far, thank goodness, no girls. I am not going to make a very good in-law to whomever he marries I just know it. Every night I go to bed and say my prayers “Dear Lord please don’t let me be Marie Barone”. Maybe it’ll work out after all. Fingers crossed.

  20. Nicky
    October 16, 2011 | 7:37 pm

    Awww, that’s so sweet. My son and his girlfriend have been together for more than a year and a half now, and they still text each other all the time. But, like you, I’m raising him to be a good boyfriend. Yesterday, he went shoe shopping with her. I was so proud. :-)

  21. Amber
    October 16, 2011 | 8:37 pm

    Good for you for raising him to be a good boyfriend!

    This would make for some great reality TV…

  22. Patti
    October 16, 2011 | 9:31 pm

    Aw. Cute. I’m terrified of that stage for my girls. I’m hoping they join the high school band and spend a lot of free time in the library.

  23. Tara @ Sweat like a Pig
    October 16, 2011 | 9:41 pm

    Haha I thought for sure you would have stuck in behind them!! My husband and I still act like teenagers then, as we text each other all day long. I don’t know whether it’s cute, creepy or pathetic!

  24. Kimberly
    October 16, 2011 | 9:42 pm

    I am so not ready for my kids to start dating!!

  25. Making It Work Mom
    October 16, 2011 | 9:43 pm

    Oh God dating!!!!! I am terrified of that. My tween has a “boyfriend”. Essentially that means they text stupid things back and forth to each like:

    “Who do you think is the prettiest girl in school?”
    “You, you are prettiest”
    “No I’m not”
    “Yes you are”
    “No I’m not Sarah is prettier than me”
    “No you are the prettiest. Everyone says so.”
    “Really who says that?”

    Scintillating stuff.

  26. Angie Uncovered
    October 16, 2011 | 9:52 pm

    How exciting! Young love is too freaking cute and you did a good job of not shaming him publicly with more than the “I love you”. haha I always play evil sarcastic mom the first 20 times. I thought it was working until one young man said to my daughter, “I see where you get your personality.”

    Keep up the great work Mom!

  27. Missy | The Literal Mom
    October 16, 2011 | 9:55 pm

    Did you really yell out the window? Good for you! Hope it went well. Not that he’ll tell you, of course. ;)

  28. bluzdude
    October 16, 2011 | 10:31 pm

    I hark back to the time in high school that my buddy an I were double-dating with a couple girls from another town… Dad gave me some heartfelt, timeless advice:

    “Now be careful… I don’t need any more mouths to feed around here…”

  29. Megan
    October 17, 2011 | 12:55 am

    I’m sure when it happens in our house I’ll be hanging out the window yelling “make good choices” but so wanting to yell keep it in your pants.

    And when it’s my daughter I’ll be yelling keep your legs closed and locked for nobody!

    I think our sole purpose on earth is to embarrass our kiddos and I’m pretty sure I’m dam good at it! I imagine you are too!

    Megan

  30. Lesley
    October 17, 2011 | 1:09 am

    That’s awesome! I love that you called that out the window because it was true!

  31. Maxwell (@MisanthropyBlog)
    October 17, 2011 | 2:03 am

    In the immortal words of some random creepy dude who was at the gym and talking to me when I was about your oldest’s age, “If you’re going to send your soldier into battle, make sure he wears a helmet.”

    You’re welcome.

  32. Jessica
    October 17, 2011 | 2:08 am

    I have a feeling there will be many more blog posts on the subject of dating.

  33. Marie from Rock The Kasbah
    October 17, 2011 | 2:53 am

    I imagine sending a boy off on a date to be completely different than sending a girl off on a date. Like my girls are going to have to carry a purse big enough for a billy club…

  34. Tempo
    October 17, 2011 | 2:54 am

    What, no reminiscing of your first date?
    I’m reminded of the cynics second law…
    Love is grand
    Divorce is 80 grand

  35. Lola
    October 17, 2011 | 7:00 am

    Parallel lives you and I! Really. Parallel lives.

  36. Barbara
    October 17, 2011 | 7:38 am

    Hysterical! I think he just came up with the best line ever too “Can I grope you so my mom can blog about it later?” Any girl would be dumb to say no! ;)

  37. Kimbelry
    October 17, 2011 | 8:05 am

    That’s when you should have yelled out to him “Oh Hon, you left your condoms and lube on the front seat”…

  38. Paula @ thewilyweez
    October 17, 2011 | 12:57 pm

    Awww! How sweet!

  39. Yvonne
    October 17, 2011 | 1:41 pm

    I’m surprised you didn’t sneak in the movie and sit discreetly near them!

  40. RachelJoy
    October 17, 2011 | 1:55 pm

    Awww young love how cute. I would’ve texted him that last bit you weren’t able to shout out ;)

  41. Mandy
    October 17, 2011 | 2:21 pm

    AW!!!

    Thanks for offering me a handbook on what to do with my seven-year-old son in seven years. Or however many years it’s going to take. I think he likes girls already.

  42. Lily
    October 17, 2011 | 3:31 pm

    When my dad would drop me off at the movies (for a date or just with friends) he would drive REALLY slow past the front blaring Spanish music (we are not Spanish) and after he dropped me off he’d yell “I LOVE YOU! HAVE FUN! BE SAFE! I HOPE YOU FIND SOME CUTE BOYS!”

    He was really evil. You would think this would make sure I was super nice to my kids. You’d be wrong. If I don’t pass down family traditions who will??

  43. Lisa
    October 17, 2011 | 4:17 pm

    Ha! Keep it in your pants is a great answer to a lot of problems. I’ve heard and probably said that one before.

  44. MommaKiss
    October 17, 2011 | 4:40 pm

    This? I’m so not ready for this. For the dating. The having to trust my kid. The ‘texting marathons.’

    But thank you for your inspiration on being a good momma thru it ;)

  45. Margaret (Nanny Goats)
    October 17, 2011 | 6:58 pm

    It’s stories like these that make me glad I don’t have kids and don’t have to sprout 34 grey hairs every time I have to experience this sort of thing. You, however, handled it with great aplomb, if I may say so.

  46. Joanne
    October 17, 2011 | 8:43 pm

    Ok you are a great mom because I would have bought a ticket and gone to the movie without them knowing!
    Blessings, Joanne

  47. Ally
    October 17, 2011 | 10:16 pm

    Ah, yes. I remember that day. An now my son just “celebrated” a year and a half with the same girl. I cannot tell you the mixed bucket of thoughts in my head on that subject. Including making sure the condoms are available. Just sayin’. I don’t have a desire to be a grandmother.

    • Ally
      October 17, 2011 | 10:18 pm

      Let me be clear – I don’t encourage teen sex between them. I don’t want it to happen and I’m very vocal and clear about that. I do, however, remember the raging hormones of a teenager. And therefore I remind him if it ever WERE to happen, it better be well protected. Ahem.

  48. Ruth
    October 17, 2011 | 11:35 pm

    Kiddo is 15 and I am really not looking forward to her first date. So far, she thinks all the boys in school are lame, but that could change.
    I’ve already had the birth control/condom talk with her, much to her dismay.
    And I know if a guy does try anything with her she doesn’t want she could break his arm. She is a black belt in tae kwon do. That does make me feel a little better.

  49. Carolyn lil' dahling
    October 18, 2011 | 5:28 am

    You’re a cool and hilarious mom. I’m sure you’re excited and nervous at the same time huh? Your boy has grown up now on his first date. Hope the date went well..;)

  50. Natalie
    October 18, 2011 | 10:14 am

    LOL you are probably right…they probably just sat there and text back and forth! What did we do before cell phones???

  51. Rachel---TheKookyQueen
    October 18, 2011 | 12:43 pm

    AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You scare me! I don’t want my girls to start liking boys till they are like 22 and the boys CAN control themselves…eee! But who am I kidding? I was engaged once…boys can’t control themselves, lol!

  52. Slyde
    October 18, 2011 | 1:17 pm

    that is so damn cute.

    my son is only 8, but i do believe that on the day he goes on his first date, he will make his daddy cry.

  53. Stephanie D
    October 18, 2011 | 2:16 pm

    Just the giggle I needed today. Thanks!

  54. twelvedaysold
    October 18, 2011 | 6:53 pm

    Ha! He could make up that he touched her boob. That kid is hilarious.

  55. Poppy
    October 18, 2011 | 7:21 pm

    15? He’s totally grabbed her boob.

  56. Sydney Chritian Dating
    October 18, 2011 | 7:25 pm

    First date, they make it memorable for sure. Teens are unpredictable sometimes.

    Angel

  57. BusyWorkingMama
    October 18, 2011 | 8:49 pm

    You’re such an awesome mama!! Hope the date went well :) Wish my mother had been as supportive!!!

  58. JennyBean
    October 18, 2011 | 9:57 pm

    Your kid is as cool as his mama, offering to give you blog fodder and all!

  59. Sue - The Desperate Housemommy
    October 19, 2011 | 12:48 am

    Awww….Ain’t pubescent love grand? And I have no doubt that you are a fabulous teen mom (read: mom of a teenager, not 14-year-old mother).

  60. Cry
    October 19, 2011 | 1:03 am

    What movie did they see.
    I cant wait to hear more about this new romance

  61. Nari
    October 19, 2011 | 5:31 pm

    I have one daughter who shares every little detail of her life. She’s eighteen and she lets me know every conversation she has (with anyone), she reports the status of her health, her hair, her periods, and she tells me every little detail of every date and calls me when she’s about to take another step toward what she referes to as her “sexual journey”.

    I also have a nineteen year old daughter who I have to practically beat over the head repeatedly (until the white meat shows) just for her to tell me how much gas is left in the car when she gets home.

  62. The Accidental Somebody
    October 19, 2011 | 6:27 pm

    I have a feeling when my daughter starts to date and realizes how awesome it will help my blog, she will join a convent instead of risk the humiliation. Of course, then I’d just blog about nun jokes so the joke would be on her. mwaaaaa haaa ha

    :)

  63. meleah rebeccah
    October 19, 2011 | 8:24 pm

    I accidentally completely humiliated my own son on his 1st date, last year!

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