Narcissistic week in review

It’s been one hell of a week.
I’ve been unable to read very many blogs. I’m missing so many of you, and appreciate the fact that you keep coming by.

I wish I could say that I have something fabulous to write about, but other than my fab giveaway courtesy of BYF: Because You’re Fabulous which you can still enter till Monday, October 17th, with products worth over $250, it’s been pretty boring around here.

The biggest news is that my first born now has a girlfriend.
I thought this day would cause me to have some sort of negative reaction.
After all, the day I married my first husband, it took us over an hour to leave the reception because his mother was crying in his arms, saying, “…sniff…sniff…You’re going to have a new mother now.”
That should have been my first clue that the guy couldn’t even open a can of soup.
Needless to say, playing the role of his mother got very old very quick, and now he has yet another mother wife.
This one is smart. She sends him to work in the town where his real mother is, so biological mother gets to clean the skid marks from his gitch.

When my son told me he had a girlfriend, I opened up the lines of communication by saying, “You better get a job. Girlfriends are expensive.”
But otherwise, I was thrilled and a little jealous that he’s going to experience those first thrills of love…
…or at least get to grope a boob.
So far I’ve refrained from mentioning that I’m available for rides to the drug store for condoms.
I’ll wait till they’ve been together for another week or so.

On an entirely different note, my mother paid for a cleaning service to come to my house for two hours.
Either she did this: 1. out of love for me and the fact that I’m so busy blogging dealing with everything in my life or 2. she is frightened of peeing my toilets, unsure as to whether or not the green slime in the bowl will come alive and take over the world.
I suspect both reasons.

Either way I’m thrilled. Having someone else stick their hand in what could be toxic residue is like having Christmas in October.
My big dilemma now is whether to do a light house cleaning before they arrive so they don’t think I’m a pig or to simply leave a key under the matt, and resurface when they’ve left so that I don’t have to listen to their frightened cries as they see the jam puddles on my kitchen floor….what? My kids dropped the jar this week, and I haven’t had time to scrub it. That shit is sticky!

Those are the high points of the week. If I can’t think of blogging material soon, I’ll be forced to post pictures of myself posing, and we all know how uncomfortable that makes me.

Oh give me a break! It’s been months since I’ve showed off! I was due!

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53 Responses to Narcissistic week in review
  1. XLMIC
    October 14, 2011 | 12:59 am

    I say own the mess. Why vacate? It’s their JOB to come and clean. No matter how gross… it’s their JOB! I seriously doubt your house could possibly be the worst they’ve ever seen. Really. Well…maybe.

  2. Coffeypot
    October 14, 2011 | 1:25 am

    And all this time I thought you were a white woman. Also, I don’t care if you are a little lax in posting as long as it’s because you are studying and working toward the nursing degree. I am waiting with great anticipation on the pictures of you in your sexy nursing uniform.

  3. RachelJoy
    October 14, 2011 | 2:49 am

    Hahah awesomeness. I still have high hopes for that giveaway =) One question, does a perfect tan come standard with hard rock abs and killer guns???

  4. Kiddothings
    October 14, 2011 | 3:01 am

    That sounds like a pretty good week to me :) You actually look a lot like Sandra Bullock…with a way nicer looking body and tan ;)

    • Takeo
      November 9, 2011 | 12:11 am

      It’s great to read something that’s both enajobyle and provides pragmatisdc solutions.

    • zahjdlui
      November 9, 2011 | 1:32 pm
  5. Plum
    October 14, 2011 | 3:15 am

    The moment I have enough money to I am making it a priorty for a cleaner to come and sort out my shizzle. To say I am not a tidy person would be a bit of an understatement. I don’t suppose your mum would pay for cleaning people to do my flat as well would she? I also spend a lot of time “dealing” *cough* blogging *cough* with life as well. Also that radioactive waste? I think it’s spreading to my sink and bath.

  6. A Daft Scots Lass
    October 14, 2011 | 3:31 am

    You’re fucking BUFF, Hooka!!

  7. Marie from Rock The Kasbah
    October 14, 2011 | 4:09 am

    Damn you have my dream body and dream hair in this pic!

  8. Nicky
    October 14, 2011 | 6:40 am

    You know, looking at that picture, I was struck by how much we look alike. And by we, I mean I have the same jeans. Except they’re bigger.

  9. According to Jewels
    October 14, 2011 | 7:12 am

    Yay for girlfriends, gropings, and gratuitous shots of you. Lots of G’s there. :) Happy Friday.

  10. Laughingmom
    October 14, 2011 | 7:52 am

    That means two carefree more hours of blogging-not that you wouldn’t have been blogging anyway. This way it can be uninterrupted by the grind of daily (ha!) toilet cleaning!

  11. Kristina P.
    October 14, 2011 | 9:19 am

    I always do the light cleaning. I also tell them not to organize or touch my drawers. The cleaning leady we had in high school would do that, and it freaked me out.

  12. Alison@Mama Wants This
    October 14, 2011 | 9:31 am

    Um, cleaners clean, so let them!

    And you can show off anytime!

    Congratulations to your son on the girlfriend, woohoo! (is it wrong that the first thing I thought of was, yay more blog fodder for Sandra?)

  13. Stephanie D
    October 14, 2011 | 9:35 am

    I want someone to come clean my house!!! Lucky duck. Can’t wait for your posts on your son’s new love life! :)

  14. Reading (and chickens)
    October 14, 2011 | 10:15 am

    “You’re going to have a new mother now”? REALLY? Yeuch! Glad you got rid of them.

  15. bobo
    October 14, 2011 | 10:24 am

    I say leave cameras around for the cleaners and post up their horrified reactions for all to see!

    And I picked a good time to catch up on blogs… looking good! :)

  16. RoryBore
    October 14, 2011 | 10:30 am

    I’d never clean before real cleaners arrive. neither would I be embarrassed….I have 3 kids! they are akin to pigs..it’s not actually My mess!
    blame their father :)

    and, um Drat! you would post a pic of your fab abs on the day my MIL just stopped in on her way home from Thunder Bay with….yep, you guessed it…

    …a dozen Persians.
    kill me now.

  17. Kyla
    October 14, 2011 | 11:43 am

    ROWR.

    Can your Mom send someone over to my place.
    I was just wondering will I miss sitting on a wet tolit seat once my kids grow up?

  18. Sara
    October 14, 2011 | 11:53 am

    Ooooh, I’m jealous! I need someone to come deal with the toxic residue in my house! enjoyyyyyyyyy

  19. Monkey Man
    October 14, 2011 | 12:15 pm

    You’re still blogging?

  20. Tabitha@lifeofthechefswife
    October 14, 2011 | 12:17 pm

    I always found that it was better to just put the condoms in their underwear drawer, wallet, backpack ect.

    ALso with the cleaning service – we have one that comes in every other week. Well, we have had a few because I am sure that several of the women went on stress leave after cleaning our house. I make a point of picking up my underwear and hiding the naughty stuff. I don’t want them getting the wrong idea ;-)

  21. Susan, Super Earthling
    October 14, 2011 | 12:24 pm

    Look at that tan! I look like a ghost next to you…a ghost with a Pillsbury Doughboy belly where abs are supposed to be. *smashing all the mirrors in my house now*

  22. Mark
    October 14, 2011 | 12:34 pm

    I have that same shirt! But you look better in it.
    m.

  23. Annabelle
    October 14, 2011 | 12:37 pm

    Karmacly (not really a word?) speakingng, I’m pretty sure it’s dangerous to have those abs AND a house keeper.

    Better be safe and have your mom send her to my house instead.

  24. Nicole
    October 14, 2011 | 12:57 pm

    At our wedding, my MIL sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Fortunately my husband doesn’t have any mommy issues, but it was disconcerting nonetheless.

  25. Amanda
    October 14, 2011 | 1:18 pm

    Holy shit! You’re totally breaking the rules. You are not ALLOWED to look that ripped after having that many kids. It’s really not fair to the rest of us.

  26. Jay
    October 14, 2011 | 2:09 pm

    Ahhh … Young love. I remember my first stalking victim … uh … girlfriend too. Good times man, good times.

  27. Snake
    October 14, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    Flex those abs my narcissistic friend! lol Ciao

  28. Nari
    October 14, 2011 | 4:36 pm

    You look great but you already knew that. It does make me feel better to know that at least there are jam puddles on your kitchen floor. I always seem to have a spot or two on my kitchen floor, even right after it’s mopped.

    Unfortunately, I can’t make excuses other than sheer laziness since I can’t claim I’ve been too busy working out…unless I enlarge that picture and wrap it around myself…hey, it could work, right?

  29. JennyBean
    October 14, 2011 | 4:50 pm

    What size are those jeans? Like a 2?!

    I don’t suppose your mom wants to adopt any grown women? I desperately need a cleaning service.

    XOXO, your BBFF

  30. Belle
    October 14, 2011 | 5:06 pm

    For having nothing to say, this is a great post. I loved my grandson’s girlfriends more than he did! I used to ask, “Is she the one?” The answer was always the same, “No.”

  31. Symdaddy
    October 14, 2011 | 5:08 pm

    “… and we all know how uncomfortable that makes me.”

    In the wrong trousers, they make me uncomfortable too!

  32. Kimberly
    October 14, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    Good God you are tan. And ripped. You look amazing! And I’m SO jealous of your housecleaning gift. I wish my MIL (or mom, or husband, or anyone) would treat me to a housekeeper…

  33. andréa
    October 14, 2011 | 7:11 pm

    :) i love your picture brags :)

    makes me feel like i’m not so egotistical after all.

    right?

  34. Tara @ Sweat like a Pig
    October 14, 2011 | 7:40 pm

    I just cleaned the outside of my toilet for the first time in a while. I think the base had a solid inch of dirt on it….ick!

  35. KSK
    October 14, 2011 | 8:27 pm

    “..now you’ll have a new mother..” …? I just vomited! You’d better send that cleaning lady my way…

  36. sparkling74
    October 14, 2011 | 9:01 pm

    wait, is this the boy who lived in a wool hat for like all of last winter?

  37. Bouncin Barb
    October 14, 2011 | 9:31 pm

    Damn woman, you are hotttt! You make women drool. A cleaning lady? Oh how lucky you are! That is an awesome treat. I remember my son’s first girlfriend. And 3 years later he was a father with his 3rd girlfriend. Push those condoms!!!! I did. Didn’t work did it? Hugs sweetheart! I know you still want me even though you tell others the same thing!!

  38. Adrienne
    October 14, 2011 | 10:00 pm

    I love this and the honesty and whit you present in every post! Glad you are here!

  39. Mrs. Tuna
    October 14, 2011 | 10:14 pm

    I had to let the cleaning woman, Kathy the wonderful, go when Giant Engineering let me go last month. The dog hair and I are getting along swell.

  40. Erin
    October 14, 2011 | 11:46 pm

    Do NOT pre-clean…you (well your mom in this case) is paying for the service. Leave the key and let them deal with it and enjoy the lovely treat!!!!

  41. totsymae1011
    October 15, 2011 | 4:46 am

    Good for your son. Her dad’s probably going out of his mind though.

  42. BusyWorkingMama
    October 15, 2011 | 8:00 am

    Pre-clean or pick up. I always pick up clutter before my blessed Ms. Silvia comes over. The other day I was saying “Lily, make sure you pick up all those toys” and she said “oh, Ms. Silvia must be coming”

  43. Lola
    October 15, 2011 | 10:16 am

    Love the pic! I want more pics! You look fabulous! Don’t I sound gay? I’m totally not. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just not into vaginas. The word vagina? Yes. LOVE the word. But not a big fan of the actual body part. Ummm…what was this post about? Oh yeah! My 12 year old has apparently had a girlfriend, been dumped and reconciled like 3 times already this year. Or so all “the girls” (daughters of my friends) are saying. He says NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH. It’s like living with a fucking mime. I just hope that when it comes time to feel a boob or (G-d forbid) do the nasty he has the sense to maybe talk to his dad?

  44. Joanne
    October 15, 2011 | 11:19 am

    The first girlfriend…very exciting and nerve-racking. I just came down from the kids rooms and I am throwing in the towel…wait there are no towels because they are all on my kids bedroom floor!!!UGH!!!!
    Blessings, Joanne

  45. My Inner Chick
    October 15, 2011 | 12:54 pm

    —Sandra,
    I would appreciate if you’d remove the buff photo, Biaaaaatch!
    –I’m feeling a bit inadequate & FAT now.
    Damn YOU. :) ))

  46. Poppy
    October 15, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    Forget 16 year old boys. That picture might be my spank bank. That picture is smoking.

    (I did read the post, I just forgot what it said after seeing that picture…you have been busy.)

  47. Amber
    October 16, 2011 | 12:03 pm

    I would totally leave the mess and just leave the house. Since my douche landlady has decided to sell the house she has people coming into my apartment whenever she feels like it. I don’t pick of up for, I leave everything as in and leave to go do some shopping or skipping down the streets.

    Looking fabulous as always!!!

  48. [...] So my oldest has his first girlfriend. Honestly, in today’s day and age, I have no idea what this means. I suspect it just means they’ll text a lot and change their Facebook status to “in a relationship.” [...]

  49. Ally
    October 17, 2011 | 10:11 pm

    You know it’s rude to post about your cleaning lady AND show off your totally buff body in the same post, right? LOL You look amazing! And, while I would have the same urge to “pre-clean”, I say save yourself and let ‘em go for it.

  50. meleah rebeccah
    October 19, 2011 | 8:25 pm

    having a “cleaning lady” is the GREATEST thing – EVER.

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