On more than one occasion, I’ve come across a comment to the effect of, “I hope your kids’ friends and their parents don’t read your blog. It will embarrass your kids.”
Here’s what I gotta say about that:
1. When I meet people at my children’s school or their extracurricular activities, I don’t walk up to them, shake their hand, and say, “Hi! My name is Sandra. I write a blog called Absolutely Narcissism, in which I mention the word ‘vagina’ as much as I can, divulge personal information about my bodily functions every chance I get, make fun of my husband and children, and will for sure make fun of you and yours.”
2. If I did do the above, I guarantee the person would not even remember the name of my blog.
My MOTHER doesn’t even remember the name of my damn blog, she’s always like, “Can you spell that for me?”
3. I have a very open and honest relationship with my children. They know I blog. I’m sure they could find the URL if they clicked the address bar.
HOWEVER, I do warn them ahead of time, “I’m going to blog about that time you showed your sibblings that you can clack your balls. Do you object to this?”
If they then stupidly decide to show their friends my blog content, they can live with the consequences of their actions…
…somehow, I feel pretty confident they don’t want their friends to know that their mother is unable to have a bowel movement when there is anybody within a four mile radius of the bathroom door.
I can’t be 100% certain about this, but call it a gut feeling…no pun intended.
4. If anybody googles my name to dig up dirt on me, I guarantee they’re looking for more than the information I provide in my posts about how I dress my Shitzhu up in doll clothes when I’m bored, or how it takes over an hour of me posing while my kids take at least 136 pictures before I find the perfect shot for my Facebook profile picture.
5. To repeat #3, I have an open and honest relationship with my children.
Plus I’ve got a big trap.
When I’ve had to pee during one of my runs, I’ll come home and tell my family that I squatted behind the bushes on Deer Creek Road.
…What? It was nightime! Nobody saw.
If they did decide to read my blog, my nocturnal activity wouldn’t come as a shocker…and it only happened once. So far.
…Again, what? I have to drink a lot of water on my training regimen. I have to pee ALL THE TIME.
And four children have each taken up residence on my bladder for several consecutive months.
All that jiggling when I run, either I pull my panties down in the bushes or I come home looking like a potty training toddler.
So dear commenters who worry about my children’s future therapist bills, I’ve got it covered.
But thank you for your concern.
Oh, and one more quick thing, I posted over at In the Powder Room yesterday where I talked a little bit about my whorish ways as an adolescent. If you have the time…you know…could you go over and read, and leave me some love?…do you hate it when I’m needy?