I hate these comments…

On more than one occasion, I’ve come across a comment to the effect of, “I hope your kids’ friends and their parents don’t read your blog. It will embarrass your kids.”

Here’s what I gotta say about that:

1.  When I meet people at my children’s school or their extracurricular activities, I don’t walk up to them, shake their hand, and say, “Hi! My name is Sandra. I write a blog called Absolutely Narcissism, in which I mention the word ‘vagina’ as much as I can, divulge personal information about my bodily functions every chance I get, make fun of my husband and children, and will for sure make fun of you and yours.”

 2.  If I did do the above, I guarantee the person would not even remember the name of my blog.

My MOTHER doesn’t even remember the name of my damn blog, she’s always like, “Can you spell that for me?”

3.  I have a very open and honest relationship with my children. They know I blog. I’m sure they could find the URL if they clicked the address bar.

HOWEVER, I do warn them ahead of time, “I’m going to blog about that time you showed your sibblings that you can clack your balls. Do you object to this?”

If they then stupidly decide to show their friends my blog content, they can live with the consequences of their actions…

…somehow, I feel pretty confident they don’t want their friends to know that their mother is unable to have a bowel movement when there is anybody within a four mile radius of the bathroom door. 

I can’t be 100% certain about this, but call it a gut feeling…no pun intended.

4.  If anybody googles my name to dig up dirt on me, I guarantee they’re looking for more than the information I provide in my posts about how I dress my Shitzhu up in doll clothes when I’m bored, or how it takes over an hour of me posing while my kids take at least 136 pictures before I find the perfect shot for my Facebook profile picture.

5.  To repeat #3, I have an open and honest relationship with my children.

Plus I’ve got a big trap.

When I’ve had to pee during one of my runs, I’ll come home and tell my family that I squatted behind the bushes on Deer Creek Road.

…What? It was nightime! Nobody saw.

If they did decide to read my blog, my nocturnal activity wouldn’t come as a shocker…and it only happened once. So far.

…Again, what? I have to drink a lot of water on my training regimen. I have to pee ALL THE TIME.

And four children have each taken up residence on my bladder for several consecutive months.

All that jiggling when I run, either I pull my panties down in the bushes or I come home looking like a potty training toddler.

So dear commenters who worry about my children’s future therapist bills, I’ve got it covered.

But thank you for your concern.

Oh, and one more quick thing, I posted over at In the Powder Room yesterday where I talked a little bit about my whorish ways as an adolescent. If you have the time…you know…could you go over and read, and leave me some love?…do you hate it when I’m needy?

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73 Responses to I hate these comments…
  1. Kori
    September 3, 2011 | 3:01 pm

    That’s ridiculous! You need an outlet too honey! Have a great weekend! Hope you can enter my new giveaway!!!

    http://www.blondeepisodes.com/2011/09/great-news-its-back-to-school-giveaway.html

    Kori xoxo

  2. Kimberly
    September 3, 2011 | 3:04 pm

    I used to be surprised by how much you were willing to divulge. Not shocked, not horrified, not scared that you were scarring your children for life. Just surprised. Then I read the post you wrote about your son being offended about something you blogged about, and how terrible you felt, and how you immediately deleted the post. At that moment, I was reminded of how awesome a mother you truly are. Yes, you’re a phenomenal and hilarious author, but first and foremost, you are a wife and mother. And you do a hell of a great job.

    As far as writing about ball clacking, peeing in shrubbery, and constipation, hey- that’s real life for you (aren’t you lucky?!)! I for one am very glad you embrace it and share it with us so we can all enjoy a good laugh.

    Your blog has always been one of my absolute favorites, and I really hope you don’t let the naysayers get you down. Don’t ever change who you are to please people you don’t even know. If your kids know there’s a possibility that their embarrassing antics might show up on the World Wide Web, either they’ll shape up or they’re fair game. It’s not like they’re babies who don’t understand.

    Much love to you, gorgeous mama.

  3. Padded Cell Princess
    September 3, 2011 | 3:08 pm

    I say all power to you and you are lucky that your family doesn’t read your blog. I have written some hilarious and slightly ‘inappropriate’ lines in my posts but after laughing at how ‘clever’ I am, I delete it because my family, in-laws and friends read my blog (and a lot of them are very conservative!). I envy your freedom and am glad those commenters won’t affect your posts!

  4. Ian
    September 3, 2011 | 3:09 pm

    I really love this. I once had on overly religous dude send me a similar comment, saying I should delete some of my posts because they were embarrassing. I simply said you get the good with the bad, Its me, If I fuck up or do something wrong, I still blog about.

  5. Megan
    September 3, 2011 | 3:14 pm

    Awesome I loved this! My kids pretty much know mom just talks and whatever comes out well it could be anything! Now peeing behind a bush, well that hasn’t happened for years but I’d never say never!

    Megan

  6. The Accidental Somebody
    September 3, 2011 | 3:20 pm

    How the hell do you clack yer balls??

    My kids are aware of my potty mouth and I also ask for permission if I want to talk about anything personal. Maybe these judgemental comment-leavers don’t understand that usually if we’re this honest on our blogs, we’re also honest with those we care about. And our kids too. ;)

  7. Jen @familyfoodfitnessandfun
    September 3, 2011 | 3:24 pm

    LOL…it’s your blog, you can write what you want! Why the heck are people so judgy?! They are just jealous, that’s why.

  8. RoryBore
    September 3, 2011 | 3:29 pm

    I wish my mom had been as open as you! I’m 40 and I still can’t burp, fart, curse…or God forbid mention sex (even though I have 3 children!) in her presence.
    And I doubt she even reads my blog.

  9. claudia ochoa
    September 3, 2011 | 3:41 pm

    I think i have fallen in love lol … you rock and it should never matter what someone else thinks. Keep doing what your doing i enjoy reading your blog!

  10. XLMIC
    September 3, 2011 | 3:47 pm

    I love it when you’re needy. I wish you needed me more ;)

  11. Shelly (La Tejana)
    September 3, 2011 | 4:09 pm

    Great post!

  12. Ruth
    September 3, 2011 | 4:19 pm

    I think when you grow up and some things are never talked about, it tends to make you an uptight individual. I ought to know. I was raised that way.
    I have relatives that complain on facebook when someone uses a cuss word on status updates because it is offensive. I am really so tired of people being pc so no one will get embarrassed or offended or mad.

  13. Stephanie D
    September 3, 2011 | 4:20 pm

    I love that my child is only 7 and has no clue how much I blog about her. And, so you know…I type what she dictates to me on her blog. Cheating, a little, I know…but her typing is so slow she forgets her thoughts. Thanks for the sweet comment on her post/video. She’s some kind of special, I know!

  14. Linda Medrano
    September 3, 2011 | 4:24 pm

    I am amazed at the audacity of some people who would think criticizing you in this manner is okay. If you wish, send me their info, and I will get them sent to Gitmo.

    I don’t think there is one word in any of your posts that would be shocking to your kids or anyone else. I don’t think you use a lot of profanity, and when you do use it, it’s funny. If someone finds the content objectionable, then fucking move on.

  15. Missy | The Literal Mom
    September 3, 2011 | 4:33 pm

    I had a mom and good friend IRL just tell me she can’t believe how much I share on mine. And I was like, “Pshaw, you should read this woman over at . . .”

    Totally kidding. I didn’t say that, but I was struck by what the hell I wrote this week that prompted that response. Then I remembered the puberty post. And really, I didn’t even share the HALF of the conversation that I could have. I thought that was showing amazing restraint, don’t you?

    I love your honesty. Some people are scared by honesty and prefer to live in denial. They’ll be the ones who are completely blindsided when their child drives through the living room window at 3am the very first time they let her take the car out.

    I prefer having honest relationships with my family (except for the whole lying about the Smurfs thing).

    Obviously, you do too. So I’m stickin’ with you.

  16. SP
    September 3, 2011 | 4:57 pm

    Copy… Paste…

  17. Pam
    September 3, 2011 | 5:12 pm

    Frankly, I would think your kids were more well-adjusted than most others!

  18. Kate
    September 3, 2011 | 5:14 pm

    Chances are that you’re a better judge of what will scar your children than some random judgmental stranger. And chances are good that they’ll be more traumatized by all their guy friends fantasizing about their hot mom than by any of the (hilarious) stories you post.

  19. kristi
    September 3, 2011 | 5:38 pm

    I agree with most of the commentors, it is your blog…write what you want!

  20. Terri
    September 3, 2011 | 5:41 pm

    Your kids will be fine. They’ll probably inherit your sense of humour and want to add stories of their own.

    Wait until you get passive-aggressive comments from your ‘friends’ on their social media sites. That’s nice, too. You should thank your commenters for having the decency to leave their opinions in the right place ;) That will really get them incensed.

  21. Lanita
    September 3, 2011 | 5:41 pm

    y family is getting used to my blogging. My husband told me he wants me to buy him a ranch in Taos when I become a NYT bestselling author. He feels that is fair payment for writing about him and they fact that he shops for his underwear online.

  22. The Real Jack_Fabulous
    September 3, 2011 | 5:52 pm

    No. I love it when you are needy. It means I have a real purpose in life.

  23. Kim at Let Me Start By Saying
    September 3, 2011 | 5:56 pm

    I find being just as embarrassing in real life as I am on my blog keeps these worries at bay. Consistency is key.

  24. ChiTown Girl
    September 3, 2011 | 6:10 pm

    When I was growing up, my parents, along with all my friends’ parents, found PLENTY of ways to embarrass us, and there was no such thing as the internet!!

    These people should just mind their own damn business!! Again, if you don’t like what you read here, GO AWAY! UGH!

  25. Sue Gerth
    September 3, 2011 | 6:23 pm

    You are so right about no one remembering the name of our blogs! Crap, pretty much none of my family even knows I blog, and neither do the people I work with. And kids these days can find plenty of ways to look like idiots anyway.

    Blog away, sister!

  26. Lola
    September 3, 2011 | 6:34 pm

    Oh My God – Just being seen in my parents’ presence embarrassed me. And when we went to somebody’s house or had people over, they always had to tell people every little thing that might embarrass me. When I was 12, they were embarrassing me with stories from when I was two. If it had been funny and we had all been in on the joke, it would have been o.k. But it wasn’t done in fun. It was done in cruelty. I never have the sense that you blog to be cruel, and it sounds as if your kids are in on the jokes because of your open relationship. My blog sometimes upsets my kids because I say things about their dad. They act like adults about it. They just don’t read it, and I’m fine with that. More adults should be as adult as my kids.

    Love,
    Lola

  27. Nicky
    September 3, 2011 | 6:41 pm

    I tell my kids that 10 years from now, when they’re in therapy, I’m going to get blamed for everything anyway, so I may as well enjoy myself now!! :-)

  28. Alison@Mama Wants This
    September 3, 2011 | 7:06 pm

    Parents embarrass their children all the time offline, so you writing about your kids is hardly embarrassing.

    These judgey types making comments like that should just go get a life.

  29. Jo-Anne
    September 3, 2011 | 7:26 pm

    All my family know I blog but really they rarely and I do mean rarely read it does that bother me nope if they are not interested enough in what I have to say then it is their loss not mine…………

  30. Diane@BeStillaMinute
    September 3, 2011 | 7:57 pm

    Some people need to unloosen their top button every now and then. Geez!

    We went on a road trip for Spring Break in April and I had to pee so bad that I finally had my husband pull the car over (because there were no public restrooms to speak of) and squatted behind a tree, with my kids in the car in broad daylight. They thought it was hilarious.

    Oh, and the not being able to poop if anyone is within a 4 mile radius of the bathroom door? I feel you, sister! I feel you! The planet, moon and stars have to be properly aligned before I can do my business. Hell, I even have to turn over a magazine if there is a picture of someone’s face on it! Wtf does that say about me?!

  31. Ami
    September 3, 2011 | 8:11 pm

    It’s sort of like censoring television shows or reading material or lessons in school… easier if those who are offended just sort of, well, fuck off. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

    I don’t always love everything you say. But I still get a kick out of reading your blog.

    You need to do a standard ‘you and the horse you rode in on’ email for those who feel the need to harass you.

    (My mom doesn’t read my blog, she’s offended by the fact that I support gay marriage.)

  32. Belle
    September 3, 2011 | 8:39 pm

    I’ve tried twice to join the powder room to no avail. It won’t take any password I try. Loved the post there, it was terrific.

  33. Alex
    September 3, 2011 | 9:28 pm

    Some people just have way too much time on their hands. I just don’t get why they keep reading your blog if they know what you talk about and how ‘open’ you are, really, maybe they should get a life.

  34. So. Cal. Gal
    September 3, 2011 | 10:04 pm

    “Plus I’ve got a big trap.”

    Talking about vaginas again??? : P

  35. sparkling74
    September 3, 2011 | 10:11 pm

    I just don’t get people. I read your blog and think you must have the most adjusted kids around because you mention things that you all talk about and I don’t think most people have such frank conversations with their kids. PLus, you have lots of boys in that house and the only way I know of to relate to boys is to use straightforward talk, especially of the genitalia kind.

  36. Andréa
    September 3, 2011 | 10:16 pm

    do you allow anonymous comments? i did for a while until a creepy critter gave me a cruddy comment … ick!

  37. fizzgig
    September 3, 2011 | 10:22 pm

    isnt it nice to know how so many people you dont know are concerned for your childrens well being? it must be nice to be perfect, right?

  38. The Suburban Princess
    September 3, 2011 | 11:40 pm

    You tell ‘em, girl!

  39. Poppy
    September 4, 2011 | 12:08 am

    I don’t even know how to spell the name of your blog and I’ve been reading it since the beginning. Thank god I know how to do use the internet so I don’t have to.

  40. Jen-Eighty MPH Mom
    September 4, 2011 | 12:09 am

    I love how people feel they have the right to tell you what you can and can’t say on your own blog! Your kids will be fine and your personality iis what your “true readers” come back for. Don’t change a thing :)

  41. Tracie
    September 4, 2011 | 2:40 am

    People email you stuff like that!?! Apparently some people have no life. How crazy.

    I think that being open, and looking for humor in life is a great way to raise your kids.

  42. Mommy Inconsistent
    September 4, 2011 | 2:46 am

    Gawd, people need to chillax and learn to laugh at themselves (and their own famiy)…makes for a happier life and a funny blog! Keep it up..(I know you will) ;)

  43. Kathryn
    September 4, 2011 | 3:33 am

    I say there’s not enough vagina talk ;)

  44. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    September 4, 2011 | 5:11 am

    I WISH my parents were this open.

    Sadly, no.

    And I shall shower all my love on you at the Powder Room.

  45. LuLu
    September 4, 2011 | 7:41 am

    Peeps need to chill…..*shrug*

    Headed over to the Powder Room!

  46. Rita
    September 4, 2011 | 8:07 am

    Your kids and husband know you and how you talk and what you normally talk about. They know you blog and blog about them. You are an adult who accepts responsibility for consequences. It’s your family and your life. Some people just love to pass judgment–and you’ll never please everybody anyways. There are so many other monumental things to worry about in this world–LOL! Kind of silly when you think about it. ;)

  47. Lola
    September 4, 2011 | 8:37 am

    I’ve had similar comments. As ridiculous as they are, they are still hurtful. And even though in my heart I know I’m a GREAT mom and a fun-loving one at that (much more so than these crazy uptight bitches who have nothing better to do than judge others they’ve never met) these comments DO make me question myself for a moment, and they always make my heart heavy for a while. Don’t let them get to you Sandra! You are fabulous, fun, funny and fuck…can’t think of another f-word. Fragrant? Foul-mouthed? Fan-fucking-tastic! That’ll work!

  48. Chrissy
    September 4, 2011 | 9:46 am

    Haa haa….this is priceless. I love when people make snap comments (read: judgements) about bloggers.

    I have gotten a whole range of idiotic comments about being a blogger. But my favorite was when a friend of my husband’s said “well i hope you’re making a ton of money on that blog thing…because you certainly sell out your whole family.” Now, outside of the obvious contradiction in his statement…OF COURSE BLOGGERS MAKE A SHIT TON OF MONEY. I mean, we bloggers make so much we can hardly find places to stash it…we blog and money just falls out of trees. geez.

    Oh, and on a side note…i think it’s fabulous that you peed when you had to. I mean…moms are on a schedule…and we have to do what we have to do right?

  49. RachelJoy
    September 4, 2011 | 10:02 am

    FINALLY I’ve been able to read your most recent posts. Every time I click on your blog in my blog roll I get an error. Anyways I feel the exact same way when I need to take a dump, the bathroom has to be clear, I have to have my hair up in a ponytail (coz I have a fear that my hair will touch the poop infested toilet water even if it is only chin length long) and I have to be completely naked (for the same reasons as the hair needing to be in a ponytail)…what a ritual aye? This is exactly why I refuse to poop in public restrooms…

  50. Tabitha
    September 4, 2011 | 10:33 am

    I run the bathroom sink as loud as I can and pretend I am washing my hands in order to take a crap. Anything to cover up the little “plop” noise. dont even ASK ME what I do in a public bathroom.

  51. Impulsive Addict
    September 4, 2011 | 10:55 am

    Emma Kate could only hope her momma is a cool as Mrs. Narcissism. Enough said. Tell the opinionated bitches to go complain on trollswithwoodenspoons. <—-those trolls need HELP. And it's a loooong story why I know that.

  52. Laura@Catharsis
    September 4, 2011 | 10:57 am

    I know others have already said this, but the fact remains: it’s your blog, your house, and you can say what you want. Plus, it says you’re doing a good job if somebody gets that fired up about something you’ve said.

  53. Totsymae
    September 4, 2011 | 11:05 am

    You’re a crazy woman and I’m so cool with that. :-)

    There will be some mommy-blogger police out there, so I say whatever, whatever. People need to get that you doing you is just that. Everyone has their own identity, even separate from out children. And vagina is something every woman’s got, unless she’s had surgery to get herself a penis. What the big deal? A lot of us got here through a vagina. :-)

  54. Hopes@Staying Afloat!
    September 4, 2011 | 11:38 am

    It’s YOUR blog and YOUR voice. If you aren’t going to be real then what’s the point? People just need to realize that and leave you alone!

  55. StephanieinSuburbia
    September 4, 2011 | 2:34 pm

    I really admire your open relationship with your kids, it’s one of my favorite parts of your blog. I always tell my husband if I am thinking about posting something. And I try to avoid things that are negative, while I jump on just about anything hilarious.

  56. Mandy
    September 4, 2011 | 4:09 pm

    Last time I checked it was your blog.

    I have never understood why people comment on a blog if they don’t care for it. Just move along. There are lots of other blogs out there, I’m sure there’s one for everybody.

  57. Shell
    September 4, 2011 | 5:34 pm

    I don’t understand those who feel the need to comment about that. So frustrating.

  58. Jen Has A Pen
    September 4, 2011 | 6:04 pm

    I don’t understand the embarrassment. You are simply regurgitating real life stuff. Screw ‘em (and by “‘em”, I mean the kids) if they can’t take a joke.

  59. My Inner Chick
    September 4, 2011 | 6:09 pm

    –Sandra,
    My dad reads every one of my blogs….When I don’t post, he’s like, “Kim, where’s your post today?” He still loves me -and I use ‘fuck’ in several blogs….cause I can’t help it.
    My kids think I’m a Freak Show :)
    Ps. Congrats on your gig at in the Powder Rm.

  60. Kyla
    September 4, 2011 | 7:01 pm

    Damn it. You are fabulous!

  61. Angie Uncovered
    September 4, 2011 | 9:16 pm

    Amen! Plus, isn’t it our job to embarrass our kids? My kids know about my blog too and if they don’t like it they know how to use the “x” in the corner!

  62. Deborah
    September 4, 2011 | 9:24 pm

    As we’ve all heard a million times, “Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one.”

    I love the judgers. I love to say to all of them, “blow me.”

    Because you, my darling girl, are absolutely fabulous.

  63. Anita
    September 4, 2011 | 9:45 pm

    Hey, we’re all different. The recipe and/or formula for each family can sometimes produce amazing results. You are who you are, regardless of who agrees or disagrees.

    Am I sounding like Lady GaGa? :)

  64. Making It Work Mom
    September 4, 2011 | 11:09 pm

    What? You mean other people don’t write about every embarrassing thing that happens in their familes’ lives??

    I love how other people always want to make judgements about what happens in your family!

  65. Murr Brewster
    September 4, 2011 | 11:46 pm

    You’re my kind of person. I’m not very private, either. Then again, the only person in my family who isn’t quite dead is my sister, and she doesn’t read my blog. This is really pretty freeing.

  66. Kelley
    September 5, 2011 | 12:24 am

    I know I read this yesterday but I don’t think I commented. If I did, please don’t be annoyed that I’m commenting again. (Too late?) This your blog and you can do whatever you want on it. You obviously love your children and they love you. End of story!

    I am definitely planning on going to BlogHer (with YOU!) in NYC next year. My husband is totally behind the idea yet, but it won’t be long!! I’m going to convince him somehow!

  67. momstheword
    September 5, 2011 | 12:48 am

    Thank you so much for your sweet comment! I love that outfit too. Yesterday I spray painted my wicker and knelt down without thinking and got white spray paint all over my knees. Frankly, I blame you because you said I looked good in it……lol!

    I pretty much always tell my family “I’m making fun of you on my blog” and they’re like, “Whatever, dude.” I haven’t done that much recently but hey, they’ve been pretty boring lately.

  68. Yvonne J. Salvatierra
    September 5, 2011 | 12:49 am

    When all else fails, I just say, “They’re jealous!” and leave it at that. Besides, in your case, they proabably are. :)

  69. meleah rebeccah
    September 6, 2011 | 1:10 pm

    you’re an awesomely hilarious writer, AND, a most excellent mother! That is all.

  70. Lin
    September 6, 2011 | 4:15 pm

    Some people are way too sensitive. If you’re open with your kids about it then who cares? Plus you’ll be the one paying for the therapist bill anyway so whatever.

    Heading over to read your other post :)

  71. Cool Gal
    September 6, 2011 | 10:14 pm

    Ah…the “judging” types.

    If they don’t like what they’re reading, go someplace else.

    We love it!

    Keep it up, sista!

    **MY favorite blogs are the ones where people aren’t afraid to be honest! Makes me feel like I’m not alone on an island! Thank you!

  72. C.B.
    September 7, 2011 | 9:24 am

    some parents nowadays are really over protective and or anal about “children’s sensibility”. Or they get really scared at the slitest little thing that is not within their control. As a child, I shared my icecream with my dog (one lick me, one lick for you), that same dog was a rotweiller with 300 pounds of strenght in her jaw and from the time I was 3 to 13 never did she hurt me. My mom made fun of me all the time. That one time I helped an old lady down the stairs and she said “thank you little boy” and my mom couldn’t stop laughing? Well she still calls me mister now. And that time I was attacked by a hord of old people at a meat counter in a super market? Well she still askes me if I can go get her a couple of t-bones (while snickering). You’re kids will just grow more open because they have learned from a young age that being ridiculous never killed anybody!!

  73. Kenna Ray
    September 19, 2011 | 2:17 pm

    Isn’t it your job to embarrass your kids? I thought that’s what we parents did!

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