Facebook Frenzy!

In the last little while, my Facebook page has exploded.
No, not my Facebook fan page, so feel free to go on over there and “like” me for goodness sakes so I don’t have to keep begging!

No, my personal Facebook page is the one that is growing to gargantuan proportions.
Everytime I check, I have another 8-12 friend requests.
From people I don’t know.

I’d love to say it’s because my celebrity status is now equivalent to that of Jennifer Lawson’s (The Bloggess…yeah, I’m on a first name basis with her…ok, not really, whatever…)

But alas, no.

It’s because Facebook has that “you and this person have 876 “friends” in common,” and by “friends” I mean people I don’t know, but whose profiles I would rather spend hours creeping than plunging my hand into the toilet bowl for its monthly scouring. Procrastination comes in the shape of crisp white lettering surrounded by a blue rectangle.

Wikipedia

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m nosy.

And for a few years, Facebook was the vehicle that allowed me to snoop through my high school sweetheart’s life without appearing needy, desperate, or crazy.
I think he’s on to me now though, so I keep a healthy distance.

So I do welcome all the friend requests, but lately, after receiving private messages from very kind men asking for my hand in marriage, even after I’ve told them I’m happily married, and they’ve replied, “I’ll wait!” I’ve thought it prudent to become more selective.

For instance, I won’t accept your request if your profile picture is a Zhu Zhu pet.

Wikipedia

I’m sorry, but a girl’s gotta have her standards.

Which is why I will gladly accept any hot looking guy or girl; I’m an equal opportunity objectifier.

Wikipedia

I’m also picky about your name.
If the words “coupon” or “frugal” are anywhere in it, for instance MaryCouponMaven, CouponerExtraordinaire, or JoeytheFrugalFather, you’re outta there.
You’re frugality makes me feel guilty about my own out of control spending habits, and quite frankly, I’m not ready to read any of Suze Orman’s books. I’m still quite blissful in my financial ignorance, thank you very much.

Also, I will reject your friend request if your profile picture is of a toddler wearing mascara and Gogo boots.
I draw the line when a four year old has better eyebrows than I do.source

Finally, I will not accept your friend request if your name is Ricco Suavé and we have NO friends in common.
Guys like you, I can practically smell your cologne wafting through the screen of my laptop.

I know what you want, and you’re not getting it.

Listen, if my husband doesn’t get nuddie pictures of me, you don’t either.


Wikipedia

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And remember, today is Friday, the day I’m featured over at In the Powder Room. Go on over and read this one. I’m starting to feel at home, and I let loose a few doozies!
Find out how my kid predicts the world is going to end…oh, come on, you know you want to know.

It’ll give you a heads-up as to what to pack as you’re fleeing for your life.

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40 Responses to Facebook Frenzy!
  1. Kristin_OPC
    September 9, 2011 | 9:35 am

    That was a 4 year-old? WTF do people do to their poor kids!?!?!?

    Facebook has kind of become a troll, don’t you think? I can hardly even stand it anymore – unless I’m being nosey, of course!

  2. Andie
    September 9, 2011 | 10:01 am

    I think I’ve seen that kid before. It may have been in Village of the Damned. Either way, that’s one creepy toddler that’s going to haunt my nightmares.

  3. sushmita
    September 9, 2011 | 10:17 am

    :) as usual i kept smiling thruout the post!!! :) interesting!

  4. Bouncin' Barb
    September 9, 2011 | 10:17 am

    I’m so glad you wrote this today. I have been getting Friends requests from weirdos too. They actually sent me one from a guy I went on 1 date with so I accepted. Thought I’d be nice and say hi after 5 years. I checked his friends list and I wasn’t on there. Now I know what’s going on. Now I know why Bruce Johnson says Facebook is the “devil”. haha.

    Glad you’re doing well. How’s the pain and torture coming along?

  5. Sue Gerth
    September 9, 2011 | 10:24 am

    I feel honored to be one of those 876 friends! Woohoo!

  6. Leauxra
    September 9, 2011 | 10:37 am

    Holy crap, that little girl with mascara’s creepy eyes are haunting me. I clicked back to your source and I think I might have to set fire to my eyeballs hoping to unsee it. Some of those little girls look like they’re 35, divorced 6 times and have 10 kids by 10 different fathers. They look OLD.

    P.S. You ARE famous, just FYI.

  7. Kristina P.
    September 9, 2011 | 11:15 am

    What if my name was Vagina McBoobsly?

  8. bo bo
    September 9, 2011 | 11:21 am

    That toddler pic scares me….

  9. Rita
    September 9, 2011 | 11:29 am

    Makes me doubly glad I finally found out how to delete my facebook account–LOL! ;)

  10. Renegades
    September 9, 2011 | 11:34 am

    I now know why I don’t miss Facebook.

  11. Anita @ GoingalittleCoastal
    September 9, 2011 | 12:16 pm

    Holy crap, that toddler is creeping me out! I don’t think I’ve ever been creeped out by a toddler. Seriously, what are these parents thinking? I could just blame the mother but why? If the father had any balls he would just say no. Where is Nancy Reagan when you need her?

  12. Monkey Man
    September 9, 2011 | 12:26 pm

    Facebook: The place you go to say happy birthday to people you would just as soon forget or are too cheap to buy a card for. Meh.

  13. Dean
    September 9, 2011 | 12:59 pm

    Ok don’t ban me! I should make sure of introductions because my picture is of my mascot bird, Ellsie and I am the L C Guy ( get it? Ellsie / L C Guy…DOH! I’m too clever :-) . In proper homage to your narcissistic greatness I have hung your button on my blog :-)

    Dean
    Http://leftcoastguy.com

  14. JennyBean
    September 9, 2011 | 1:18 pm

    Are you sure that 4-year-old isn’t a Barbie doll?!

  15. meleah rebeccah
    September 9, 2011 | 1:26 pm

    Okay, first of all this made me laugh loudly:

    “Also, I will reject your friend request if your profile picture is of a toddler wearing mascara and Gogo boots. I draw the line when a four year old has better eyebrows than I do.”

    Secondly, I know what you mean about those weirdo friend requests and spammer emails on FB. I just delete and ignore!

    However, I love me some Facebook. And, I more than happy to be one of those 876 friends!

  16. Wombat Central
    September 9, 2011 | 1:36 pm

    I can’t get past the toddler in the tiara. Holy crap. Is that a real person?

  17. RoryBore
    September 9, 2011 | 2:28 pm

    that show respresents everything wrong in this world. I can’t believe it is still on the air. Has a huge fan base I guess. I know hundred or so pedophiles in the prison I used to work just loved it. couldn’t get enough of it.

  18. Jennifer
    September 9, 2011 | 2:48 pm

    You always make me laugh! I love you (in a friendly blogging community kind of way).

    Wishing you a fantastic weekend!

  19. KSK
    September 9, 2011 | 3:20 pm

    I saw the picture of the girl before I read it.. I thought it was a barbie doll.. CREEPY!

  20. Impulsive Addict
    September 9, 2011 | 3:39 pm

    I aspire to be similar to you one day. I only get friend requests for old coke dealers (not mine–duh) or old men who look like they’ve just taken a big crap. So, basically I’m jealous.

  21. bluzdude
    September 9, 2011 | 6:51 pm

    Isn’t “Frugal” the weird little creature-thing from Lord of the Rings?

  22. Alison@Mama Wants This
    September 9, 2011 | 7:01 pm

    I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Last year, I deleted half of my ‘friends’ and blocked anyone (including those I deleted before) who tries to request for my friendship. I’m such a bitch.

  23. J-Tony
    September 9, 2011 | 7:11 pm

    I might friend request you later with my own nuddie pics.

    Yours Truely

    Ricco Suavé

  24. Missy | The Literal Mom
    September 9, 2011 | 7:39 pm

    Those coupon and frugal names sound more like Twitter names than Facebook names. And I have a major love/hate relationship with Facebook. I love to look up the people I hate. Just ’cause.

  25. Ruth
    September 9, 2011 | 8:16 pm

    I don’t allow just anyone on Facebook to message me. All you can do is send me a friend request. I have gotten creepy men wanting to be my friend because they like how I look.

  26. Mrs. Tuna
    September 9, 2011 | 8:46 pm

    See, I supported you but I had to do it with my real name and now my secret is out.

    Sad day for me…….got laid off from my job at Giant Engineering Company and now I’ve got lots of time for statistics. Grrrr…..

  27. Laura@Catharsis
    September 9, 2011 | 9:44 pm

    Wow, Polly Popular! Guess being the cook kid might not be as awesome as I once thought, what with all the weirdies trying to get all up in your snatch (Yikes. Is it too soon in our relationship for me to bring out “snatch”? It’s okay if it is. I’ll give it another week.) Good luck fending them off. Try a stick. It always (mostly) works 100 (23) percent of the time.

  28. Ally
    September 9, 2011 | 11:43 pm

    That little girls picture seriously creeps me out.

    Facebook – love it and hate it. I’ve become a LOT more selective on accepting friend requests, and have blocked several that I friended and shouldn’t have!

  29. Kyla
    September 10, 2011 | 12:01 am

    So true. I personally love the “do my hair and makeup and hold the camera up and take a kissy face picture of myself” pic.

  30. Vapid Vixen
    September 10, 2011 | 12:27 am

    Oh the hours I have spent fb stalking ex’s. The most creepy legal thing I’ve ever done.

  31. XLMIC
    September 10, 2011 | 2:38 am

    wait… something’s different… it’s harder to leave a comment. What happened? Did you go and get all ‘professional blogger’ on us? Shit.

    And I don’t feel so special anymore. It’s like you teased me with that AWESOME headband that I wear on EVERY run and then just *poof* vanished from my life.

    I feel like Ricco Suavé…

  32. Ameena
    September 10, 2011 | 10:14 am

    I only hopped on Facebook because my husband insisted I could get more traffic to my blog that way. But then I found myself addicted to it! So now I spend 10 minutes a day on it and that’s that.

    There are some crazy people on there for sure!

  33. Julie @ mamamash
    September 10, 2011 | 12:15 pm

    This whole Facebook trend of giving yourself a wacky middle name bugs me.

    For instance: “John LivinLarge Gregson.” Really, dude?

    Or “Shanna Mizzsinglemamaworksalot” Errrr….

  34. Plum
    September 10, 2011 | 3:39 pm

    I am not as nice as you, if I do not know the person then I tend to just decline… perhaps this is why I haven’t met any new people in a while… maybe I need to broaden my horizons.

    Wow. I feel like you have just Sensei’d my ass.

  35. Hopes@Staying Afloat!
    September 10, 2011 | 4:18 pm

    The only people that can see my facebook are friends and family because I got tired of the you don’t remember me (because we’ve never met, or talked, or have even been in the same room together) but you are friends with a friends friend of mine and I think you’re cool…lets be friends crap.

  36. Rudy Flores
    September 10, 2011 | 6:52 pm

    i decided to click your button (hmmm) after reading your comment on misanthropy’s page about how your page is crap compared to his….so not true. you are every bit as insightful as that blog. hell, your follower numbers show that. myself on the other hand only have about 13 peeps following mine. so….. anyways i am enjoying the writing and will continue to follow you. p.s. love the princess on the pedestal.

  37. Mrs. Tuna
    September 10, 2011 | 7:48 pm

    Hey it looks like your facebook page has eaten all your comments. What up with that?

    Okay now I have to think of something slutty to say…..just to make you feel the love.

  38. becca
    September 10, 2011 | 9:51 pm

    you mean i can stalk you on facebook WooHoo i hit the jackpot totally running over there now.

  39. Faith
    September 12, 2011 | 8:39 pm

    hehe, facebook scares me … why do people need to be your friend if they don’t know you … and that 4 years old’s eyebrows are amazing … i might be a tad bit jealous.

  40. BusyWorkingMama
    September 12, 2011 | 8:51 pm

    I’m sorry, I’m a giveaway-whore blogger (we’re low on the blogging totem pole), but I still hold myself a giant step above the coupon bloggers who spew 15 post a day about $1 off cereal. No. Thank. You.

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