whore whore whore whore whore

I have a big exam tomorrow.

Here’s what my day has been:

9:00am: Should be getting out of bed to start studying.
But not.
Set alarm for 10:30am.

9:17am: Can’t get back to sleep, but refuse to get up because I’m not in the studying “zone” yet.

9:37am: Husband is in the bathroom brushing his teeth and gargling. Must want sex.
I quickly close my eyes and deep breathe giving the illusion that I’m sound asleep.

9:55am: Husband doesn’t care that I’m sleeping deeply, and initiates romantic foreplay: “Hey…sweetie…wanna have a quickie?”

10:01am: Done sex. Initiate post-coital pillow talk by asking: “Can you drive Wyatt to his meeting this morning? I have to study.”

10:30am: Alarm goes off. Decide I should get up and study.

10:55am: Am sitting at the kitchen table eating a waffle.
Seven year old comes by wanting me to make him a waffle, to which I reply, “Let go my Eggo.”
Seven year old gives me a blank stare.

11:15am: Sitting in bedroom with laptop on one side of me and study notes on the other. Deciding if I should check on my blog before I get too immersed in my studying.

11:16am: Am rejoicing at my new comments.

11:17am: Catch up on some of my favourite blogs.

12:05pm: Check out Twitter even though I still have no idea what I’m doing.

12:05pm: Do the happy dance because I have been acknowledged in a tweet by the “IT” blogger of our time, The Empress from Good Day Regular People!!!

12:06pm: Reply to The Empress’s tweet with shameless display of adoration, and openly admit that I want to be her lover  my desire to be one of her loyal subjects.

12:07pm: Have no idea what more to do on Twitter, so go to Facebook where I proceed to creep the profile of old boyfriends.

12:30pm: Put laptop away and begin studying notes on post-operative management of pneumothorax.

12:35pm: Pick up laptop, go to Facebook, and leave status update saying: “If I have to reread the word ‘pneumothorax’ one more time, I’m going to shoot myself.”

12:36pm: Pick up notes and reread the word ‘pneumothorax’ approximately 8 more times.

12:38pm: Go back into Facebook to see if anybody has “liked” my status update.
Nobody has.

12:39pm: Study.

1:45pm: Decide it’s time for a break.
Jump in the shower.

1:57pm: Come out of shower.

1:58pm: Put on bra.
Take off bra.
Put on bra.
Take off bra.
…decide to go braless since I won’t be leaving the house and husband likes highbeams.
Also decide that a little nipple sighting might be good when I have conversation with husband about my desire to go to BlogHer 2011.
Husband is against me going to San Diego because he fears I will be kidnapped.
Have informed husband that conference is being held at the Marriott hotel, not one star resort in Mexico, but apparently, he’s cheap scared for my safety.

2:00pm: Study.

2:55pm: Am disturbed by the sound of my youngest calling me from the bathroom.
Run to see if he’s fallen in…it happens…
Informs me that he has made a turd in the shape of a grenade and that when it landed in the toilet, it splashed his bum.

2:56pm: Child insists I look at his poo to confirm it’s shape.
I look.
It does indeed look like a grenade.

2:57pm: Call husband to come clean up the kid because I am busy studying.

2:58pm: Log back into Facebook to see if anyone has yet commented on my last status update.
Nobody has.

2:59pm: Feeling slightly inadequate so go back to my blog to reread the comments from my last post.
Decide to use the word “whore” in all of my post titles from now on since it seems to have generated new traffic.

3:18pm: Study.

4:00pm: Oldest calls and needs to be picked up.
Have been studying so hard, decide to take a break and go get a milkshake at McDonald’s go pick him up.

4:45pm: Study.

6:00pm: Supper time.

…and that’s pretty much it.
I could go on.
But honestly, after supper I gave up trying to read the word “pneumothorax” and watched “Sister Wives” instead.

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87 Responses to whore whore whore whore whore
  1. Carri
    April 11, 2011 | 4:15 am

    hahahaha Aaaaaand…. that's why I hated school. I'm the same exact way. I hate studying so much and you know what? I'm happy being dumb.

  2. Lost.in.Idaho
    April 11, 2011 | 4:16 am

    I admit, I clicked on this post because of all the whores…

    And I'm jealous. You got some this morning. I can't remember the last time I had sex. My girl just shuts me down when she's not in the mood, and she's been 'not in the mood' for a few weeks now.

    So… ready for that exam?? :D

  3. LOLA
    April 11, 2011 | 4:23 am

    I simply adore the word whore. If you don't mind too much, I might borrow it for some of my titles. I also find that quirky, dumped first wives, skinny women, and dumped skinny women draw readers, so please feel free to make use of those terms. Best wishes with the exam. You've worked quite hard today.

    Infinities of love,
    Lola

  4. Yvonne
    April 11, 2011 | 4:26 am

    Sex? What is that anyway? I seem to have forgotten. I hate you right now. I'm jealous. But in a good way, not a bad way. :) Good luck on your test!!!!

  5. Kristina P.
    April 11, 2011 | 4:33 am

    A whole 6 minutes! What a stallion!

  6. C@r!ie
    April 11, 2011 | 4:54 am

    there grenade made me laugh so hard I snorted. good luck with your test!

  7. Jessica
    April 11, 2011 | 5:08 am

    You really should be at BlogHer. Tell your husband it's a necessity for your blog.

  8. Misfits Vintage
    April 11, 2011 | 6:45 am

    I wanna be your twitter whore. Which is WAY better than being a bitter whore. Or a bitter sore whore. Stop me.

  9. Juniper
    April 11, 2011 | 6:52 am

    Another study procrastinator… I could be studying right now before work but that would be too hard.

    Hope the exam goes/went ok!

    J.

  10. A Daft Scots Lass
    April 11, 2011 | 7:27 am

    Break a leg. All the best for the exam.

  11. Nicole MacDonald
    April 11, 2011 | 7:36 am

    ..I'm with #2.. clicked on post cause of all the whores..but laughed lots at post and read it out loud to partner, he of course found the poo hilarious ;p
    The Arrival, Book 1 of the BirthRight Trilogy available now

  12. Sarahf
    April 11, 2011 | 9:21 am

    We have similar approaches to studying, which explains why I keep failing all my tests.

  13. Mountain Witch
    April 11, 2011 | 9:51 am

    You're a blog whore AND a twatter?? I love you! And I love this post. It's as tho we live in the same house and share the same habits! We should be on “Wife Swap!” ;)

  14. Gigi
    April 11, 2011 | 9:56 am

    All of which explains why I shouldn't go back to school….there are just too many distractions to keep me from studying!

  15. Kat
    April 11, 2011 | 10:03 am

    If one of us was a man, we could be the King and Queen of procrastination. Of course, who says a man is needed; we could be the queens! Then again, men ARE handy for morning sex (you are so lucky!)….

  16. Peevie Juice
    April 11, 2011 | 10:15 am

    Your kids are so creative. Honest. Wonder how it would have been if one of them was a girl.

    I have my law entrances in a month. I'm giving mocks every alternate day. Not doing so good. Whyyyyyyyyyy.

    Distractions distractions distractions.

  17. becca
    April 11, 2011 | 10:47 am

    great post

  18. Rob Slaven
    April 11, 2011 | 11:31 am

    Hrm. I was going to read your blog entry but you used the word whore too much and offended my Midwestern sensibilities (heh). :)

  19. Bouncin' Barb
    April 11, 2011 | 11:50 am

    I think you are burning out on studying. How much more do you have to do? Come to Myrtle Beach, and we can drink margarita's on the beach while we watch the eye candy.

  20. blueyes
    April 11, 2011 | 12:05 pm

    This is why I take my school work to Starbucks now. I actually get more work done there than anywhere. I just plug into the tunes after I get my coffee and go to town and still manage to people watch and read twitter while I'm there.

  21. TKW
    April 11, 2011 | 12:06 pm

    You can pull off morning sex? I am in awe.

  22. EmptyNester
    April 11, 2011 | 12:10 pm

    Hilarious! Perfect way to begin a Monday! Good luck on your exam! DD3 and DD4 have exams coming up soon. DD3 takes BOC tomorrow—YIKES!

  23. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    April 11, 2011 | 12:13 pm

    Your day sounds exhausting. I think you should nap today after your exam. Hope it went well.

    And really, morning sex? I had forgotten there is such a thing.

  24. Heather
    April 11, 2011 | 12:30 pm

    am sex. Yum.

    I think that ten minutes of studying you got in is probably more than enough.
    Maybe there will be a question on the test about Sister-Wives.
    Can I copy the title? I like traffic.

  25. Annabelle
    April 11, 2011 | 12:35 pm

    Your focus and dedication are inspirational…but who you callin a whore?!?

    Good luck with your test : )

  26. jules
    April 11, 2011 | 12:46 pm

    “Leggo my eggo!” And it was lost on your son! Well I loved it.

    WHYYYY is Sister Wives SO SO RIVETING?!?! I'm so into it.

    Good luck on that test!

  27. stephanie
    April 11, 2011 | 1:06 pm

    This cracks me up because I can relate. And why the hell is Sister Wives so damn addicting? It's amazing it really is.

  28. Mamma has spoken
    April 11, 2011 | 1:11 pm

    whore, 6 minute sex and poop, posts can't get better than this!

  29. Rochelle@AFamilyofLooneys
    April 11, 2011 | 1:14 pm

    You totally had me at the word Whore :-)

  30. meleah rebeccah
    April 11, 2011 | 1:31 pm

    Good luck on your exam! You'll do great. You and I have the same study habits. [read = checks Facebook instead].

    I really hope you get to go to the BlogHer conference. You're gunna love it.

    And, congrats on being mentioned in a tweet by the The Empress!

    PS: Yes, the word 'Whore' totally generates mad traffic.

  31. Laoch of Chicago
    April 11, 2011 | 1:32 pm

    I think this is a an accurate depiction of a lot of us.

  32. Claudia Moser
    April 11, 2011 | 1:55 pm

    Very funny :) And great style btw LOL

  33. DCHY
    April 11, 2011 | 2:32 pm

    And you didn't shoot yourself? ;)

  34. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    April 11, 2011 | 2:46 pm

    GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR EXAMS.

    YOU WILL ROCK IT.

  35. Ms.Wasteland
    April 11, 2011 | 2:48 pm

    I think using the word whore in every post is a GENIUS idea. Maybe you'll make millions off your blog and you can quit school.

  36. ms. caboo
    April 11, 2011 | 2:57 pm

    Don't ya just hate it when you have to study and you just cannot focus? Even picking lint out of your belly button is better than studying.

  37. Queen B
    April 11, 2011 | 3:08 pm

    I want to be your fb friend. I promise to show you love :)

  38. Monkey Man
    April 11, 2011 | 3:27 pm

    Add 'comment whore' to your list of new titles. Then again, maybe your use of the term whore is why Wayne doesn't want you to go to San Diego.

  39. Rita
    April 11, 2011 | 4:13 pm

    Oh how the mind wanders when you are trying to absorb something that numbs the brain cells. Even sex and poop and blog lust didn't help. So sorry. ;)

  40. Deborah
    April 11, 2011 | 4:26 pm

    haha…great post!

  41. myevil3yearold
    April 11, 2011 | 4:27 pm

    I may try the “whore” trick if it works.

    Would that be strange since my blog is mostly about my young children?

  42. Brandy Rose
    April 11, 2011 | 4:49 pm

    This post has it all, sex, poop, nipples, and whores. Nicely done.

  43. MamaKK922
    April 11, 2011 | 5:18 pm

    Except for the fact that I am studying Political Science and history we pretty much have the same day. This is so funny. I do that all the time. When I am supposed to be “studying” I become obsessed with the goings on of Twitter and FB because honestly I would rather do anything but study.

  44. Linda Medrano
    April 11, 2011 | 5:23 pm

    Your life is much more fun than mine. I want a do over with 4 kids and Wayne for a husband. Oh fuck it. Why don't we just trade places?

  45. twelvedaysold
    April 11, 2011 | 5:33 pm

    Whore! I'm one of those people that are constantly quoting movies and tv shows (I know! How annoying) and I put them as my blog titles all the time. I cannot tell you how many people have found my blog searching for “fazha what is farger” from Austin Powers. Not that they stick around or anything, but they are a blog confidence booster.

  46. laughingmom
    April 11, 2011 | 5:45 pm

    Since your time studying beat your sex time – you are certainly in great shape for your test!!!

  47. Snake
    April 11, 2011 | 6:04 pm

    I DO hope your whorish studying paid off! :) Ciao baby!

  48. Raven
    April 11, 2011 | 6:09 pm

    LMAO that sounds about like what happens anytime I have something I'm supposed to do. The Queen of Procrastination takes over and nothing gets done.

  49. Alice X
    April 11, 2011 | 7:30 pm

    Ahaha social media is my main distraction, facebook, twitter and the rest, it's a recipe for procrastination.

  50. Christina - Rant Rave Roll
    April 11, 2011 | 7:38 pm

    Highbeams are like a bargaining chip when your negotiating with husbands.

  51. having whore in the title works :-)

  52. Mark
    April 11, 2011 | 7:51 pm

    You had me at “whore”. m.

  53. Wow, that was awkward
    April 11, 2011 | 8:39 pm

    Look! Something shiny!!

  54. KatieSue
    April 11, 2011 | 9:18 pm

    Love Love Love your blog!! :)

  55. Antares Cryptos
    April 11, 2011 | 10:02 pm

    “Shooting yourself” is that the new euphemism for hands-on training?

    I mention hairball (whoreball?) on my recent post, does that count?

    Good luck!

  56. Cool Gal
    April 11, 2011 | 11:13 pm

    Hahaha…love the whole “whore” thing. Great idea!

    What's with men and the morning “romp” anyway? Horny bast….

  57. Belle
    April 11, 2011 | 11:20 pm

    Sooo funny!

  58. Annah
    April 11, 2011 | 11:22 pm

    9:55 a.m.: Husband doesn't care that I'm sleeping. 10:01 a.m. Done with sex.

    Bahhahahahhahaha. Cracking up over here.

  59. Bridget
    April 12, 2011 | 12:43 am

    BAHAHAHAHA!! Good luck on your test!

  60. Melissa
    April 12, 2011 | 12:48 am

    Your post…not so great – you got to have sex!
    Your commenters who haven't had sex in a while like me…now that is great! I was starting to think I was the only one.

  61. Coffeypot
    April 12, 2011 | 1:05 am

    How does your not studying equate to whore, whore, whore, however many times you said it? You aren’t screwing anybody (except for a couple of minutes with hubs – sad for you by the way). Don’t get me wrong. I love a little whore in a woman, but I could care less if she studies first, during or after.

  62. Mrs. Tuna
    April 12, 2011 | 1:32 am

    OOOOOOhhhhhh, can we be sister wive whores together, except without the husband because he might be too time consuming.

  63. Jo-Anne Rambling
    April 12, 2011 | 1:44 am

    Saw your blog mention over at Bouncin' Barb so decided to come and see what I was missing and had a good laugh decided to follow you so I do not miss any more great laughs.

    This is a fantastic blog.

  64. The Minute Man's Wife
    April 12, 2011 | 1:56 am

    I am a firm believer that bras are the root of all evil – and probably breast cancer.

    BTW, I gave you an award because I love you superhard! (Whore.)

  65. Making It Work Mom
    April 12, 2011 | 1:57 am

    So jealous you got twittered and tweeted by the Empress. Ya Big Ol Whore!

  66. Shell
    April 12, 2011 | 2:18 am

    I don't think I could even study at all at this point. It's amazing if I can even hold a coherent thought for 5 minutes.

  67. Stephanie
    April 12, 2011 | 11:28 am

    Haha! As always, this post is laugh-out-loud funny. I so look forward to reading your blog every day. Thanks for the laugh!

  68. Debbie
    April 12, 2011 | 2:45 pm

    I'm not sure if your studying was very productive but your post was!
    And if you figure out twitter, would you please explain it to me?

  69. injaynesworld
    April 12, 2011 | 3:43 pm

    Substitute “work” for “study” and this could have been me. Minus the husband, sex, and children, but add one dog, one cat and two horses and the New York Times.

    And don't ask — tell your husband you're going to San Diego. Yet another reason why I'm single. ;)

    Now I have to go check my Facebook page, then go read the New York Times so I can begin my day really pissed off about something.

  70. Katie Potter
    April 12, 2011 | 3:52 pm

    HaHa!! I laughed so hard. This could sooooo be me on a Saturday. Thanks for stopping by my page. I'm your newest follower. Can't WAIT to read more!

  71. Mary
    April 12, 2011 | 4:16 pm

    Sounds like your method of studying was VERY similar to mine! I'm dreading starting back to school since I've had the twins!

    AND, I've always used the word whore as a term of endearment…b/c it is!

  72. K
    April 12, 2011 | 8:03 pm

    My husband calls me a comment whore because I'm a big of tart and visit lots of blogs.

    It's so hard to be productive when the beautiful blog world calls to me. I feel your pain.

  73. U U N A
    April 12, 2011 | 9:49 pm

    ha ha ha ha
    welllll I'm sure you aced it

  74. Unknown Mami
    April 12, 2011 | 10:49 pm

    You should ask for favors before sex.

  75. Cake Betch
    April 13, 2011 | 12:58 am

    Hahahaha I am supposed to read 40 pages of technical drawing stuff before tomorrow. I have gotten more facebooking, tweeting, blogging, and reading blogs done today than I have all week. FML.

  76. le Chef
    April 13, 2011 | 4:00 am

    OH. My. – I'm stumbling around reading blogs with all these beautiful old memories involving garden hoses, and then I fall into whoredom.
    I. Am. So. Smitten.
    Is that wrong? Grenade poops and morning quickies aside; I think I've found Zen.

    Keep whoring. Because you totally rock it! … wait, that may have come out wrong…

  77. Booyah's Momma
    April 13, 2011 | 4:46 am

    Know what I felt when I read this post? Jealousy.

    Not that you're getting lucky. And not even that you got to merely inspect the grenade poo, but didn't have to wipe someone's butt.

    I'm jealous that you got to sleep in until 9.

  78. Chelsey
    April 13, 2011 | 7:07 am

    I want to have babies with you even though we are both girls. I will find a way

  79. Raven
    April 13, 2011 | 7:38 am

    You had me with “whore.” I like you. Alot.

  80. IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY
    April 13, 2011 | 10:15 am

    Bahahah…..change housework for study and this is my life :)

  81. Andrea (ace1028)
    April 13, 2011 | 3:02 pm

    Dude. You have 80 comments on this post. EIGHTY. WTF? SO cool. NOW I get the title. Whore, indeed.

    Off to read your last post!

  82. Toriz
    April 13, 2011 | 4:40 pm

    That's… Erm… Detailed. LOL!

    Hope the exam went well.

    P.S. Sorry, I meant to come over and comment ever since you commented on my blog, but I just never got to it.

  83. Jill
    April 14, 2011 | 2:50 am

    I'm glad you fit both sex and walking around bra-less into your busy day.

  84. gayle
    April 14, 2011 | 9:20 pm

    Promise your husband more sex for your trip :) ))

  85. The Onion
    April 15, 2011 | 2:11 am

    What the hell IS up with Twitter anyway? I am on too, but I am a failure. I am not really the limited characters kind of gal.

    I presented you with a Cherry On Top award over at the Layers. Check it out. http://www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

  86. Danielle
    May 20, 2011 | 5:05 pm

    No poop grenade picture? I'm disappointed.

  87. SP
    June 12, 2011 | 3:52 pm

    After all these whoring around… how did the exam go?

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