You know how the parenting books are always saying: Choose your battles?
Well, I have chosen.
I have chosen to battle my son for the stupid hat he has worn all day, every day since last November.
I’m pretty sure he even sleeps with it on, but I can’t be certain because I’m usually sleeping when he is, so it’s basically his word against mine.
Oh, I know, it’s just a hat, right.
But my son is a good looking kid.
If he was ugly, he could wear the hat. Pull it down over his face even.
But he’s not.
And not only does the hat take away from his chances of being more than the weirdo buddy all the girls like to hang out with, but it also gives him the identity of Cat in the Hat.
He actually referred to his siblings as Thing 1 and Thing 2.
But it’s coming.
So this weekend he wanted new clothes.
I was thrilled.
The kid never asks for anything.
Except his hat.
We went shopping, I bought him tons of new stuff, he got a new haircut, then I said, “This means you don’t wear the hat anymore.”
This is the funny part: he actually obeyed me.
He hasn’t worn it since I issued the decree.
I’ve been telling him that all his friends are going to say, “Wyatt, you’re so good looking without that ugly hat,” to which he replied, “Nobody will say that.”
But I was insistent. People would take notice. People would walk up to him in the halls and be all like, “Dude, you’re rockin’ without that fugly hat.”
Evidently I was wrong.
My son said that his friends have started a petition that will eventually make its way into my hands, in which the fine citizens of his high school are requesting the hat be returned because, in their words, “Dude, I can’t even recognize you without the hat. I almost walked right by you!”
Stupid teenagers. As if you almost walked right by him.
I will not be deterred by this.
I will stand my ground.
This is the battle I have chosen.
Oh sure, I could stand firmer on the issue of incomplete homework and the towels I find all over his bathroom floor.
But homework is inconsequential in the scheme of things.
So what if he doesn’t hand in his science project.
They’ll be others. He’s still got three more years of high school in which to hand in science projects.
I don’t really care.
I just want that hat off his head.
Of course my family has tried bringing up my mild fascination with princess crowns.
I don’t find anything unusual about this.
Princess crowns should be worn more often.
Why should I always have to wait for Halloween to dress up as a fucken fairy princess?
I look so pretty as a princess!
If I knew I wouldn’t trip over the dress and take a few eyes out with the wand, I’d totally wear this costume everywhere.
Not to mention, the crown is very handy when I’m having a bad hair day.
In this picture though, your eyes are probably drawn to my boobs, right.
I don’t blame you.
I’m wearing a really great bra…ahem…Lulu Lemon folks, I could really use plane fair to BlogHer 2011…