Let’s get one thing straight! This is not porn!

It would seem that my penchant for sharing stories; stories that to me are natural and normal occurrences in the homes of people with teens and horny husbands all across North America, has been misconstrued as porn.

Here’s the thing: I like to be honest.
The other day during a supper with my mom and her husband, I conveyed to them this very charming story about how when Wayne and I first met, he had told me this…

…”I’m not like other men. I DO NOT watch hockey.”

Being that my ex-husband was all about the hockey, when Wayne made that proclamation to me, I was ecstatic.
I was all, ”Awwwww! I love you! Let’s fuck!”

Then we got married.

Then he suddenly became this hockey fanatic, wearing nothing but clothing with the logos of his favourite teams.

At first I didn’t really notice. I was still in the early stages of love-blindness.

But now, 10 years later, I’m not blind anymore.

So I was retelling my mom and her husband how Wayne had lied to me about his love of sports in order to get into my pants.
Yes.
Those were my words to my parents: “Wayne lied to me so he could get laid.”

Nobody in my family flinches at my choice of words.
Because that’s normalcy.
Or maybe I have no class.
Whatev…

This weekend, I was cleaning the bathroom that my two older sons use.
I’ll admit, it hadn’t been done in awhile because…well, because it’s gross! They’re teenaged boys!

So as previously mentioned, my 13 year old, announced to us the other day, that he’s the proud new owner of three pubic hairs.
Only I’m not allowed to see them.
Because I’m his mother.
Although I gave birth to him…and if this was a new tooth coming in, I’d get to see that.
Personally, I don’t think this is any different…

But anyway, back to cleaning the toilet…

I’m in there, lifting the lid, and there are many many many hairs on there.
I say to the 15 year old who is in the next room, “You mustn’t have any pubic hair left.”
He answers, “Why?”
“Because it’s all on the toilet seat.”

The 13 year old, of course, hearing talk of pubic hair, rears his ugly head into the bathroom.
I say, “Buddy, you must have lost all three of your hairs.”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because they’re all on the toilet seat.”
He’s like, “That’s not my pubic hair. It’s Wyatt’s. Mine is blond.”

I pop my head out of the toilet I’m scrubbing, and say, “Your pubic hair is blond? But you’re a brunette?”

See.
This kind of conversation with my sons will have me labeled as porn.

Why though?

Can’t a topic about normal teenage growth and development (and weird behaviour about cupping one’s balls while running through the house in search of clean jeans) not be construed as pornographic or be banned on certain computers?

I don’t get it.

It’s not  like I’m writing: So Wayne and I were in our bedroom, all boing-chica-wow-wow, when he pulled out this apparatus, and proceeded to….

…honestly, in my world, the apparatus would be a vacuum cleaner and he would have proceeded to complain about how he has to continually vacuum the front entrance because the kids keep dragging dried grass into it.

Not sexy.

Not worthy of banning my blog at your place of employment.

However, that having been said, it’s not all bad, because Kristina at Pulsipher Predilections, one of the bloggers that I view as blog royalty, has bestowed upon me this award:

It would seem the computers in her place of employment have banned me.
S’ok Kristina, you can still read me at home.

In the meantime, I will continue to fight the insinuations that my blog is pornographic just because I’m not afraid to throw in the odd ‘vagina’…no, not MY vagina…the word ‘vagina’….I meant the word!
I’ve already made it clear that I do not own nor do I provide nudie pics!

We good now people who decide what is porn and what is not?
Great.

Did you like this? Share it:
111 Responses to Let’s get one thing straight! This is not porn!
  1. Chanel
    April 27, 2011 | 5:51 am

    People have found my blog by searching “my flat chest” in Google. Life isn't fair sometimes.

    We like reading about your wacky, honest family life.

    And you should totally call your husband out for lying to you. He should by you a bracelet to make up for it. Ten years is a long time to not apologize.

  2. XLMIC
    April 27, 2011 | 6:03 am

    Someone found my blog by googling “Berenstain Bears having sex”. Go figure…

    I love reading your honesty :)

    And I can't believe you fell for that “I don't like hockey” line…

  3. The Blue Zoo
    April 27, 2011 | 6:33 am

    My son is 10 and always on the look out for armpit and pubic hair! lol He just cant wait for it to come in I guess.

  4. Lady Old Soul
    April 27, 2011 | 6:36 am

    HAHA, I was literally rolling around on the [couch] laughing my sizable ass off reading this!! Any moron who would say your blog is porn should REEEEEALLY be fully introduced to what that actually is. Then, they'd give you an award for being awesome and real, and STFU. ;) I'm ridiculously glad that your blog is the way it is…and that's why I follow it! Don't let the haters get you down…WTF do they know, anyway?? HA! LOL

  5. DysFUNctional Mom
    April 27, 2011 | 6:36 am

    You should definitely take that as a compliment!

  6. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    April 27, 2011 | 7:04 am

    Oh, I was surfing for porn and Google accidentally brought me here. It's pretty damn funny, but funny's not really what I'm looking for right at the moment, sorry. Good luck with your fucked-up family, and e-mail when you're ready to post some photos of your husband and the apparatus.

  7. Rita
    April 27, 2011 | 7:56 am

    It's probably just specific word choices. Google doesn't search for content–LOL! ;)

  8. C
    April 27, 2011 | 8:25 am

    WTF?

    oh my God…

    some people are just so close minded.. i think your family lives in the real world and being able to talk like you do, to eachother, is a sign of healthy relationship. we're like that here in mine, too.

    if your blog is pornographic then i am melissa etheridge…

    and i cant sing to save my life…

  9. lyndylou
    April 27, 2011 | 8:25 am

    lol very funny

  10. Peevie Juice
    April 27, 2011 | 10:02 am

    Haters gonna hate.

    Relax. Breathe. Do some more yoga.

  11. becca
    April 27, 2011 | 10:23 am

    haha love this i want to come live with you

  12. Julianna
    April 27, 2011 | 11:00 am

    Personally I think it's great you have such an open line of communication with your kids.

    Of course, this comes from the woman who thought there was nothing wrong with this conversation had with Bonus Brother (16) while he was away at Aname boston with his friends…

    “Are those girl voices I hear?”
    “yeah, we're hanging out in their (hotel) room”
    “Wear a condom.”
    “Um, Dad… I really want to hang up on you now.”
    “No really, Bud, wear a condom. I can have some sent up there if you need them”
    “Ok dad, hanging up now…”

    :)

  13. Toriz
    April 27, 2011 | 11:14 am

    *Chuckles* Too funny!

    P.S. I think a lot of people have blonde hairs at first… They might darken as he gets more.

  14. Jen
    April 27, 2011 | 11:23 am

    People get to my blog for all the wrong reasons too and some of them are fucked up.

    I don't clean the teenager boy's bathroom either. He's leaving for college next fall and at that time I'm just going to remodel it. That will be much easier and cheaper than cleaning it.

  15. Debbie(single;complicated)
    April 27, 2011 | 11:26 am

    I love your blog…I am more 'uptight'.. your blog reminds me to chill out!!!!:-)!! and with a teenage boy…your blog makes me realize our life is normal..maybe not as 'open'..but normal!!lol!

  16. Portia
    April 27, 2011 | 11:26 am

    We're really open here as well. My daughter talks about ANYTHING! During her baby shower the conversation suddenly got a little quiet and everyone could hear my daughter say, “Placenta.” Yeah, the room quieted completely and I burst out laughing! Being open with your kids is awesome!

  17. Mamma has spoken
    April 27, 2011 | 11:37 am

    If it makes you feel better, we have the same conversations here with the sons too. Just last night, we were talking about how the sons needed to get laid. They are turning that uptight.

  18. Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.
    April 27, 2011 | 12:01 pm

    My blog got caught by Rogers' parental blocks, I have at least two friends that can't access it – from HOME – right now.

    I can't even pinpoint what might have done that. Probably all my feminist ranting (or they don't like that I made fun of Hollerado after the Junos)

  19. " Hit It......."
    April 27, 2011 | 12:06 pm

    The conversations that you have with your boys…funny! I have to say, I have heard of pubic hair being dark to a blond, but not a brunette having blond pubes.

    btw – you need to make the kids clean the toilet. When they start dropping pubic hair, I draw the line (i.e. I make them pick it up).

  20. Lizbeth
    April 27, 2011 | 12:09 pm

    Lord, some places are so conservative…I love how you talk to you kids. The fact you put it here–bonus!

  21. Ang
    April 27, 2011 | 12:23 pm

    If you have a tracker on your blog that provides keyword searches… you should TOTALLY post a blog with the top 10-15 search hits you've got.

    Always makes for good reading!

  22. Mommie Dearest Strikes Again
    April 27, 2011 | 12:35 pm

    This is hilarious…and I can so relate. A while back I had a blog posted titled something like “The perfect man and rude butt jokes”….It was about my hubby and teenage son telling crude jokes and how disappointed I was because I had tried so hard to raise the “perfect” man by trying to make my son sensitive, etc. blah blah blah.

    ANYWAY…it seems that google shoots people from Russia and Thailand and Bangladesh over to this post when someone enters the phrase “Perfect man butt”. Delightful.

  23. Gigi
    April 27, 2011 | 12:37 pm

    You are banned from my workplace. But you aren't alone. All blogs are banned. I don't think it's because you “might” be porn though. It's more likely because you are seen as a source of entertainment and we just can't have any fun at work, now can we?

  24. Heather
    April 27, 2011 | 12:44 pm

    My work computer allows you and I work at a school. See? You are almost wholesome!!
    Congrats on the award though. It is my goal!!
    (You don't REALLY want to see the three hairs do you?)

  25. jules
    April 27, 2011 | 12:46 pm

    Really? Blonde pubic hair? Who knew?

    I can still read you at work with my morning coffee! Cheers! :-)

  26. Kathy
    April 27, 2011 | 12:46 pm

    I personally love the comment that said you should take it as a compliment! I like that idea, you have become so famous, you are banned, didn't they bann Elvis's hips on national TV. This may actually be a high point in your career as a blogger! I say, Congratulaions! That said, people can be awfully silly! Thanks as always for a great laugh!

  27. cardiogirl
    April 27, 2011 | 12:52 pm

    Man, now I want to be banned. Somewhere, somehow.

    The strangest phrase that brought someone to my site was “speedo glans prominent.” So then I decided I wanted to become the first site that appears under that search on Google.

    I'm happy to announce I reached that goal and, since I did, I wrote a second post about it, just so I could have the top two spots on a Google search.

    You've got to have goals in life, I always say.

  28. Ami
    April 27, 2011 | 12:52 pm

    I am not completely clear on what porn is? And isn't? Could you try to explain? :)

    I get TONS of hits from people, mostly in the sexually repressed middle east looking for a 'cletoris'. They can't spell, and are sorely disappointed when they learn there is only a reference to the Cletus Clampetts who used to live across the street from me. I once advanced 'cletoris' as a possible plural for Cletus.

    Does that qualify as porn?

  29. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    April 27, 2011 | 12:57 pm

    If that's how they define porn, damn. I should start having the “My blog is suitable for mature audiences so think twice before reading it” sign.

    And keep the pubic hair anecdotes coming. :D

  30. Desperate Housemommy
    April 27, 2011 | 1:05 pm

    Now THAT is an award to be proud of. Well porned..uh..played. Congrats!

  31. LuLu Kellogg
    April 27, 2011 | 1:07 pm

    Him: “Why do you have tears running down your face while laughing hysterically”
    Me: “I am reading Absolutely Narcissism”
    Him: “Let me read it after you are done if you are laughing that much”

    He laughed as much as I did and that is HUGE since he's always so serious and doesn't laugh much.

    LuLu~*xoxo

  32. j-tony
    April 27, 2011 | 1:08 pm

    Love your blog. Very funny…thanks

  33. EmptyNester
    April 27, 2011 | 1:17 pm

    Wait…does this mean that porn is funny? Because your blog is a riot and if it's porn too…LOL

  34. Amy
    April 27, 2011 | 1:17 pm

    oh may.. I have my first son on the way.. I am not sure what I am going to do..

  35. SkippyMom
    April 27, 2011 | 1:34 pm

    If having a picture of your dog after you toilet papered her is considered porn, well then…guilty. :D

    I wrote about my daughter's prom last year and some of my pals mistook the title for the world porn and mentioned it in the comments.

    I spent a couple of months disappointing quite a few perverts because of that. heehee

  36. Deborah
    April 27, 2011 | 1:41 pm

    what…you mean not everyone talks openly in the house about pubic hairs, sex, bodily functions…with their kids? How else are they gonna learn. When I leave it up to my kids they come home thinking that you can get STD's from barettes. (yep, in middle school someone told them that.) haha

  37. Suniverse
    April 27, 2011 | 1:50 pm

    That stealth sports infatuation is a killer. Truly. I just realized, after 18 years, that my husband manages to watch some sort of sporting event EVERY SINGLE DAY.

    Grr.

    Still, nice job on the non-porn.

  38. Vivian
    April 27, 2011 | 2:11 pm

    Your so honestly funny!

  39. Tracy
    April 27, 2011 | 2:13 pm

    I love reading your blog. And I work at a university and nothing is blocked. Freedom on information is a beautiful thing.

  40. powdergirl
    April 27, 2011 | 2:17 pm

    But why are cleaning your kids bathroom?
    If they're old enough to have pubic hair, they're old enough to clean their own damn bathroom.
    Or maybe I'm just a very lazy Mother compared to you : /

  41. CRY
    April 27, 2011 | 2:20 pm

    we would so get along so well talking of these things.
    I know about boys bathrooms, we had to totally remodel my sons in the basement when he left to be out on his own, it made me want to puke even walking by it, his friends would come upstairs and not dare go in there.
    the pubic hair thing has me rolling.
    can i come visit, i know I would be laughing all day and my face would hurt.

  42. DCHY
    April 27, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    I thought it was funny how you felt that the carpet should match the drape. ;)

  43. Kristina P.
    April 27, 2011 | 2:37 pm

    My blog has been blocked at work for being “Tasteless.” However, you reached the pinnacle of what my blog aspires to with “Adult Material.”

    Congrats, my friend! You are your son's pubic hair are well deserving of this award. The only award I've ever given.

  44. Elizabeth
    April 27, 2011 | 2:39 pm

    LOL – Great post!

  45. NerdyRedneck Rob
    April 27, 2011 | 3:00 pm

    I was raised Catholic and now live in Texas which is not just the bible belt, its the dinner plate sized rodeo belt buckle of the bible belt.

    To both of those groups everything is porn.

    When someone starts in on me or my blog i just go. “Whatever”

  46. Annabelle
    April 27, 2011 | 3:07 pm

    Um….WHY are you cleaning that bathroom?

    I'd stand over and supervise, but not do it myself. Boys are GROSS.

    I LOVE your non porn.

  47. Yvonne
    April 27, 2011 | 3:13 pm

    Having shared a bathroom with my two brothers growing up, I feel your pain. They are worse than gross, they are disgustingly gross! Silly Sandra, don't you know all men will lie if there's even a remote possibility of getting laid!!!? haha! You are awesome!

  48. The Minute Man's Wife
    April 27, 2011 | 3:23 pm

    Congratulations on the Award! That's one for the mantle piece! You must be very proud!

  49. meleah rebeccah
    April 27, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    “Can't a topic about normal teenage growth and development (and weird behaviour about cupping one's balls while running through the house in search of clean jeans) not be construed as pornographic or be banned on certain computers?”

    Um…apparently, not!

    Congrats on the award, though! Too bad Kristina has to wait until she gets home from work to read your blog.

  50. Slyde
    April 27, 2011 | 3:48 pm

    im with ya… somewhere along the line my blog got tagged with the 'adult' monikor, and im honestly not sure why.

    i mean, sure, i say 'fuck' alot, but its not like im showing people pictures of my hoo-hoo-dilly?

    see? i coudlnt even say 'cock'!

  51. laughingmom
    April 27, 2011 | 3:53 pm

    Cleaning the teenage boys bathroom requires a hazmat suit and an oxygen tank. I'm with ya on that one. I would consider being blocked a badge of honor – wear it proudly!

  52. Bouncin' Barb
    April 27, 2011 | 4:21 pm

    What the hell is wrong with porn anyway? I like it! I watch it! But I don't blog about it (yet, hehe). Does this mean I'm boring? You are far from boring Sandra even if you don't write porn! Love ya!

  53. Snake
    April 27, 2011 | 4:37 pm

    Honestly Sandra, I don't think it was “vagina” that got you banned . . . It was probably your use of “whore” five times in a single blog post title . . . :) Ciao

  54. ModernMom
    April 27, 2011 | 5:25 pm

    I love that your kids can talk about their pubic hair with you! lol (and your blog is no way porn..I've blocked a few of those sites, where you stop by for a read and there is the author sitting there with no shirt on!! No thanks!)
    Congrats on the FAIL awards:)

  55. Nicole
    April 27, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    If your way of living and talking is not normal, I don't wan tot *be* normal. I'm all in for the vagina and balls talk. You keep up the good work.

  56. KatieSue
    April 27, 2011 | 6:00 pm

    Congrats on the award!!…I would be proud :)

  57. Deborah
    April 27, 2011 | 6:13 pm

    You're just a delight! :o )

  58. sharplittlepencil
    April 27, 2011 | 6:18 pm

    First visit to your site, and I have to say, you are a saucy, mercilessly funny broad… a sister from another mother. VAGINA. PUBES rhymes with BOOBS. And I'm a pastor's wife.

    God what prudes there are in this world. Like saying “fuck” is the first horse of the Apocalypse or something. Those are the women who swear to their kids they NEVER smoke pot in high school. You rock.

    Amy Barlow Liberatore
    http://sharplittlepencil.wordpress.com/2011/04/27/carradine-vs-laughlin-0-1/

  59. The mad woman behind the blog
    April 27, 2011 | 6:27 pm

    I NEED this BUTTON!
    Yes, I'm blocked at work and my comments go to spam filters.
    I've used the word 'penis' ONCE on my blog…though I do like to flash my barely covered boobies!

    ALSO: you're not banned at my work. And neither am I…I LOVE my job.

    And there you go, I just comment vomited all over your post.
    Love me?

  60. Ms.Wasteland
    April 27, 2011 | 6:54 pm

    There aren't very many secrets around my house either. Just the other day we were at the shoe store and my 8 year old was chanting “testicles” and “puberty”. We're probably banned from that store now, too.

  61. Susan Fields
    April 27, 2011 | 7:36 pm

    I think it's great your kids will even talk to you about pubic hairs. I try to have open discussions with mine, but they're oh-so-private.

  62. Eric
    April 27, 2011 | 7:45 pm

    Love the hockey story. When we first got pretty serious I swore to my girlfriend she would never, ever hear me fart. That lasted a few weeks maybe. I meant it at the time, but… As for people who can't handle profanity and reasonably human body or sex stories, fuck em. Or better, let them fuck themselves. Blogging is good for that.

  63. Monkey Man
    April 27, 2011 | 8:05 pm

    Wayne probably also said he likes to go shopping. What we guys won't do do get in some girl's pants. I would say he is desperate with the “No sports” comment, but that would reflect poorly on you.

    As to you being a porn site….why do you think I come here? Roight, mate?

  64. Tipsy - tipsyreader.com
    April 27, 2011 | 8:16 pm

    I think it's hilarious you got banned from her work! It wasn't too long ago that libraries banned youtube, so it's not that far of a stretch for a work to do that..?

  65. Big a
    April 27, 2011 | 8:28 pm

    when your kids get older, they're going to realize what an awesome mom they have.

    by then, they'll also realize what porn really is :)

  66. Meg
    April 27, 2011 | 8:29 pm

    I am seriously going to be laughing about this for like ever! I think I just peed myself! 3 hairs and they are blond. Dang, my time is coming my son is 11. Thank God he tells my husband all those things. I love how you just popped your head out and said, wait blond, but you are a brunette.

    And banned, well I'd be proud, what an honor!

    Megan

  67. Coffeypot
    April 27, 2011 | 8:44 pm

    This is not porn. I know pron when I read or see it. And I see it 10 – 15 times a day and I have the Popeye forearms to prove it.

    You are just hilariously honest, and I would love to be a fly on the wall at your dinner table (on in your dirty panties pile.)

  68. Bibliomama
    April 27, 2011 | 9:22 pm

    Face it, hon. You're too cool for school – and too raunchy for work.

  69. LOLA
    April 27, 2011 | 9:43 pm

    First, don't you dare clean their gross bathroom again. They wanna use it, they clean it. If it starts to stink too bad put police tape across the door and tell them until they clean it they have to visit the nearest gas station restroom. Second, you are not porn. I say fuck and other serious things on my blog regularly. Someone found my blog with the phrase “stopping foot fetish” because I wrote that Franklin the dog licks my toes.

    Love,
    Lola

  70. ms. caboo
    April 27, 2011 | 9:58 pm

    Your blog is about life, and life includes sex and all that stuff! Those who think it's porn clearly haven't seen any porn to know the difference.

    Rock on, sister!

  71. CkretsGalore
    April 27, 2011 | 10:12 pm

    Congrats on an awesome award!

    PS. Love Bibloimama's comment! Pretty much sums ya up.

  72. Bridget
    April 27, 2011 | 10:33 pm

    All my favorite internet sites are blocked at work…Facebook, Twitter, Blogger… :(

  73. Linda Medrano
    April 27, 2011 | 11:05 pm

    I'm going to Google “odd vagina”. It sounds like fun!

  74. B. WHITTINGTON
    April 27, 2011 | 11:38 pm

    One blog that I read whose writer is pretty sedate but who throws in an interesting word occasionally that might be construed as vulgar — now has a big banner warning on it that you might want to be careful upon opening her blog. Like what would happen? Would your head get blown off or you'd go blind from the words?
    Who knows. I get a hoot out of your blog and got knows I need every light moment I can get right now with the way my life is going.
    So blessings!
    B

  75. Jo-Anne Rambling
    April 28, 2011 | 12:22 am

    Your blog is so funny and so about life I love it, I don't get why anyone would want to ban something so great maybe they are just prudes or maybe it is the laughter of the reader that is distracting to others makeing them want to find out what is so funny so they all gather around the computer to have look see and then they start to laugh and no work gets done………..No you don't think so well then I have no idea….

  76. livelaughloveliquor.com
    April 28, 2011 | 12:55 am

    Love it! I think its awesome you can convo your teens like that. Rock it, momma.

    You would be AMAZED at the fetish searches that find my blog. All the poopy diaper talk attracts them like….well…..flies on poop….!!!

  77. Erin
    April 28, 2011 | 1:55 am

    Thanks for the heads up that I shouldn't read your blog at my new job….cuz I don't want my new boss thinking I'm cruising porn! :) hahahaha

  78. Mik
    April 28, 2011 | 2:28 am

    Now that's where my pubic hairs have been going, I better go check!

  79. mintifresh
    April 28, 2011 | 3:08 am

    Why on earth you'd want to see his pubic hair is beyond me but the fact you got Kristina's award, well, you've reached the big time! Congrats! ;)

  80. Stephanie
    April 28, 2011 | 3:17 am

    Ha! You're kinda making me want to yell VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA at the top of my lungs.

  81. The Onion
    April 28, 2011 | 3:24 am

    It was that whore title, no doubt. Fascists!

    I just wrote a racy little number over at the Layers and utilized language I think Special Agent would use. I badgered him at work to read it/ why hadn't he read it/ would you fucking read it already?

    He couldn't. Not allowed. Fascists.

    http://www.alotoflayers.blogspot.com

  82. WhisperingWriter
    April 28, 2011 | 4:07 am

    That award is awesome. Congrats!!

    I can see my son telling me about his pubic hair in the future. He already says things like, “Sometimes my penis gets big,” and I'm like, “Er, TMI son.”

  83. Raven
    April 28, 2011 | 4:26 am

    OMG girl, I so LOOOOOOVE you!! I have conversations like that with my kids all the time, and don't think anything of it. Sometimes when we're in public we forget that most people don't talk about such things so openly and I get strange and/or dirty looks. Whatever. Also, my mother would die if she heard half the things my kids and I talk about. But hey, my kids will come to me with just about anything. I never told my mom a damn thing.

    You rock!! Totally!

  84. From Tracie
    April 28, 2011 | 7:19 am

    My husband told me the same thing about college basketball. And college football. And golf. And tennis.

    I hate ESPN.

  85. Salina
    April 28, 2011 | 10:39 am

    I am so glad find this blog excellent comments here really i enjoy read all of comments… Garden of Life

  86. Deborah
    April 28, 2011 | 10:42 am

    One man's porn is another man's hockey – am I right? Give me a hella yeah!

    You and your boys are awesome and that's how it should be.

    smooches

  87. Patty @ A Day in My NYC
    April 28, 2011 | 2:57 pm

    Thanks for commenting on my Wordless Wednesday post!

    This post of your just made me subscribe! Bravo to you for keeping it real! :)

  88. BugginWord
    April 28, 2011 | 3:00 pm

    Yay for vaginas! (See? I'm helping here.)

  89. Scout's Honor
    April 28, 2011 | 6:18 pm

    Too funny. My 14 year old son was trying to show me his non-existant treasure trail above his waist ban on his tummy. His little sister and I kind of laughed at him. Well just a little. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these conversations.

    ~Scout/Heather Murphy-Raines

  90. Sophie
    April 29, 2011 | 6:28 am

    I love that your blog is so honest! We shouldn't have to censor the way we speak to please other people.
    Too often do I feel bad about opening my mouth and saying something deemed “rude” when all I'm doing is saying what's on my mind.
    Keep up the good work.

  91. Cake Betch
    April 29, 2011 | 10:06 pm

    Dude, I do not trust your 13 year old. I am a blonde and the curtain's don't match the carpet ifyaknowwhatimean. I didn't think that 'true' blondes existed.
    My family also talks just like that. Totally normal for me. Can't understand why you would be blocked at work computers.

  92. bluzdude
    April 29, 2011 | 11:03 pm

    My company did the same thing to MY blog, and it's even less porno than yours. (Because, you know, I don't fill it with pictures of hot brunettes in bikinis.) Pissed me off no end, because there is no porn… OK, a few F-bombs now and then. OK, more than a few. But F-bombs usually only draw an R rating… not X.

    Of course, I have no recourse… I can't rightly march down to the I.T. department and demand they unblock my site so I can go back to wasting time using my blogroll to keep up with my other blogger friends.

    Jerks…

  93. Colleen
    April 30, 2011 | 7:46 pm

    You and your “dirty” blog brighten my day, often. Keep it up! :)
    In ten years, if I'm talking pubic hair with my son, I'll think of you and smile.

  94. Martha@A Sense of Humor is Essential
    May 2, 2011 | 5:58 pm

    Porn for the sexiest muscle, our brains!! That's why I heart Bill Maher, besides my hubby of course.

  95. Ginger
    May 7, 2011 | 7:29 am

    That's the coolest award I have seen in the blogosphere! And you ae not sharing it with 15 other people!!
    You are a class act and Kristina's office filter is anal!!

  96. RoryBore
    August 23, 2011 | 11:34 pm

    I am prepared to dicuss such things as pubic hair growth with my son when the times comes…but no idea how to handle the carpet not matching the drapes dilemna?? This is not porn, this is real life with children.
    My almost 7 year old feels it is imperative to inform the house when his penis gets hard. Further, he has no qualms about asking daddy if his penis just got hard too….because of course, a truthful daddy assures his son – that’s what penises do son. Again, not porn. just one family’s dirty truth.

  97. Pamela Jo
    August 23, 2011 | 11:54 pm

    Maybe they banned you BECAUSE there are no nudie pictures. Those seem to get through everything.

    Pamela Jo

    • Aubrey Anne
      August 24, 2011 | 12:01 pm

      I seriously just laughed out loud at this. So, so true.

  98. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    August 24, 2011 | 5:11 am

    Hilarious post as usual.

    AND DON’T give a shit about those people. If your blog is considered as porn…I wonder what they would think of mine. :O

  99. Lanita
    August 24, 2011 | 7:41 am

    I suppose you could look at it as a complement. You had to get noticed before you were banned. Like when everyone went out and secretly read Catcher In The Rye after the libraries tried to burn it.

  100. Motpg
    August 24, 2011 | 9:51 am

    I used the word ‘boobs’ One Time! (well specifically emo boobs) and I ended up in the porn line up on google search. It totally creeped me out. But seriously! I’m the lady who uses bleepity bleep instead of swear words ; )

  101. Big Fat Gini
    August 24, 2011 | 9:52 am

    And here I was, totally putting out because my husband (then boyfriend) was a Texas Rangers fan. Of course, I got knocked up and in the south, you HAVE to get married. And of course he’s poor as hell. Why couldn’t I have gotten knocked up and married to a billionaire?

    Moving on. I hope to never have that pubic hair discussion with my sons. Oh God.

  102. Aubrey Anne
    August 24, 2011 | 11:59 am

    I love this post, because I was recently called a ‘slut’ for writing a post about how annoying it is when guys automatically assume you want to get into THEIR pants, just because you’re a girl and you smile at them. Anyway, I relate to the misunderstanding… and fyi, I love your blog. Guess we’ll be pornographic together!

  103. Judy
    August 24, 2011 | 12:25 pm

    Since we raised all girls, I come here for my education on what it’s like to raise boys – not for the porn. :D

  104. nicki
    August 24, 2011 | 12:30 pm

    You have inspired me to write about my “sexual harassment” episode at the fire house! No this is NOT porn! I ask my 13 year old all the time if his penis is growing because, really, how am I supposed to know if he is healthy if he won’t let mom see it? My husband thinks I am nuts!

    • nicki
      August 24, 2011 | 1:47 pm

      I finished my post and gave a shout-out for your blog. =) Have a good day.

  105. Kyla
    August 24, 2011 | 1:02 pm

    There are WAY too many funny things in this post. Once right after the other. I can hardly keep up. I LOVE IT.

  106. Monkey Man
    August 24, 2011 | 1:03 pm

    I guess it all depends upon what you have in your blog title as to how it falls into search engines. Clearly the fact that you now have ‘porn’ in a blog title, you will get hits. I wrote one with a title “Red Stilettos” and it got more search hit than any other blog I have written. No doubt whoever came to my blog after that search was mightily disappointed.

  107. randi
    August 24, 2011 | 1:27 pm

    i LOVE it and am SO sorry you got banned.. lol
    nahh! i certainly do NOT think this is pornish.. AT ALL!!

  108. Belle
    August 24, 2011 | 2:51 pm

    I’ve somehow missed your blog on my scroll the last few times. Sorry! This one made me laugh so hard about the hockey. That just killed me. And the pubic hairs? Definitely NOT pornographic; just silly, wonderful fun.

  109. dysfunctional mom
    August 24, 2011 | 9:12 pm

    It seems to me that real porn sites would use slang terms, not proper anatomical terminology. If you were throwing out the *P* word, that would be different (I’m not a prude and I love you but I hate the P word, it makes me cringe). But you’re not. You’re just open and honest and blount. What’s wrong with that??

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