Don’t try this at home

Last night as I was putting this kid to bed…

…he said to me, “The other night, when I looked at that picture, I got scared.”

He’s pointing at this picture:

So I say, “Why would you be scared of that picture?”
Because really, come on folks, they’re puppy dogs riding a train.
That’s fucken cute.

He replies, “I woke up during the middle of the night, and when I looked at that dog…”

“…he was smiling at me.”

No more Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups before bed.

But, being the ever soothing and compassionate mother that I am, I share this with him, “It’s just your imagination. The dog was not smiling at you.”

He says, “How do you?”

“Because when I was a little girl, I woke up during the night one time, and there at the foot of my bed, stood Jesus.”

“Jesus? Baby Jesus or adult Jesus?” he asks.

“Well obviously it would have to be adult Jesus. How would baby Jesus be able to stand?”

“I dunno? Maybe he was floating in the manger.”

“No. He wasn’t floating in the manger. It was definitely adult Jesus. But it was just my imagination,” I reassure him.

My 11 year daughter, who had been listening to the exchange, walks out of the room and says, “Way to go Mom. Now he’ll be afraid that the next time he wakes up during the night, some hairy bearded guy wearing a bathrobe is going to be standing at the foot of his bed.”

image from here

The girl’s got a point.
Clearly I hadn’t thought this one through very well.

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74 Responses to Don’t try this at home
  1. Sparkling
    April 16, 2011 | 5:18 pm

    that is awesome.

  2. Queen B
    April 16, 2011 | 5:19 pm

    um, that is the best picture of Jesus ever :)

  3. Chanel
    April 16, 2011 | 5:25 pm

    Maybe you should buy a card board cut out of that dude from Lord of the Rings. You know, the one with the beard that has the sword. Then you can put it in his room and say it's his guardian and he'll protect him from anything and everything. Even bearded men in bathrobes.

  4. Kristina P.
    April 16, 2011 | 5:26 pm

    That picture definitely says Jesus is your homeboy.

    I usually live my life by asking What Would Baby Jesus Do?

  5. Raven
    April 16, 2011 | 5:33 pm

    That is utterly fantabulous! LMAO

  6. CkretsGalore
    April 16, 2011 | 5:35 pm

    Ah good ol' Buddy Christ! Kevin Smith had something there. A Buddy Christ might up the numbers for those Catholics.

  7. Kjbikakis
    April 16, 2011 | 5:36 pm

    omg lol!
    this post made my day XDD
    Puppies are so cute! you shouldn't be scared of something smiling! Be scared of waking up and have one of your younger (or older?) siblings leaning over you waiting to ask you a question in the middle of the night but to afraid to touch you. Be scared of that. lol

  8. Dazee Dreamer
    April 16, 2011 | 5:46 pm

    oh my. what a smarty pants you have on your hands. I thought you had a great answer there until she brought that up.

  9. Saimi
    April 16, 2011 | 5:49 pm

    Never a dull moment around your house.

  10. Kathy
    April 16, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    Great post! I love the conversation with you and your son, it reminded me of the same kind of discussions I have with my own 12 year old. And your daughters comeback was priceless! Thanks, I love to visit your site!

  11. CkretsGalore
    April 16, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    PS. So stoked for my prezzie! I hope it's there for when I get home on Wed.

    Oh and you're right…I'm not very finicky. Stickers of cat assholes (if there is such a thing..if there isn't then there bloody well should be) would have me thrilled.

  12. Kat
    April 16, 2011 | 6:05 pm

    Your daughter's comeback sounds very much like something my 12 yr old son would say. Maybe we should get them together….in a few years, of course, when they're actually old enough to date. Let's not rush things ;)

  13. BusyWorkingMama
    April 16, 2011 | 6:09 pm

    Haha, love it! Lily tells me “why is there a stick wearing a bathing suit” every time we drive by a local church. Luckily she doesn't dream about it!

  14. Dirt On The Rocks
    April 16, 2011 | 6:21 pm

    oh i thought this was so funny. i think i've had that happen to me a couple times.

  15. Rita
    April 16, 2011 | 6:24 pm

    Love the Jesus Dude.

  16. Stephanie
    April 16, 2011 | 6:42 pm

    That's so funny! That dog kinda DOES look like it's smiling. When we were little, we had a painting of an inuit that my uncle made. It was seriously weird and creepy. My sister refused to go to her room because she was “afraid of the bad man”. Of course, this freaked my parents out…until they realized she meant the painting that hung in the hall.

  17. Annabelle
    April 16, 2011 | 7:50 pm

    I've always liked you, but a hilarious mom droping a Buddy Christ in a blog post might mean love.

  18. Ninja Mike
    April 16, 2011 | 8:01 pm

    Lol, nice inclusion of buddy christ in the pic! And ya know, jesus would be a fairly creepy guy to have standing at the end of the bed…. Good stuff.

    A ninja teaches stuff:

  19. Holly
    April 16, 2011 | 8:12 pm

    FUNNY!! I STILL see weird things… Go figure… HAH!! ;p

  20. LOLA
    April 16, 2011 | 8:20 pm

    I'd like to wake up and see a naked man in my room — a real live naked man with a gigantic


    Infinities of love,

  21. LuLu Kellogg
    April 16, 2011 | 8:21 pm

    ROFL…out of the mouths of babes!

  22. Nicky
    April 16, 2011 | 8:27 pm

    Great. You *do* realize I'm going to have nightmares now of adult Jesus floating on a creepy, smiling puppy at the foot of my bed watching me, don't you? I may never sleep again.

  23. Melissa
    April 16, 2011 | 8:31 pm

    When your son can't sleep at night…you will look back and say “Now why do you have nightmares?”

  24. Jessica
    April 16, 2011 | 8:45 pm

    I'm not going to be able to sleep now either.

  25. Rachel
    April 16, 2011 | 9:17 pm

    Love it! That girl has an awesome sense of humor.

  26. Jo-Anne Rambling
    April 16, 2011 | 9:21 pm

    Smiling puppies and and beaded man in a robe standing at the end of the bed would scare any kid………and some adults. Trust his sister to have a great response

    I love the photos they are awsume…….

  27. Bouncin' Barb
    April 16, 2011 | 9:21 pm

    Buddy God! Loved Dogma. If Jesus looked like that maybe we wouldn't all be so afraid of dying! You're a good mom don't worry. I say so!

  28. 00dozo
    April 16, 2011 | 9:39 pm

    I'm sure your glad he doesn't know about Charles Manson yet.

  29. Antares Cryptos
    April 16, 2011 | 9:46 pm

    It's going to be a long night.

  30. Venassa
    April 16, 2011 | 9:46 pm

    Haha they both sound a little scary to me.

  31. Kristin
    April 16, 2011 | 9:49 pm

    Waking up and seeing anyone at the foot of the bed would be terrifying.

  32. Bridget
    April 16, 2011 | 10:20 pm

    BAHAHAHA!! Your daughter is hilarious!!!

  33. Julianna
    April 16, 2011 | 10:24 pm

    Sometimes… when I'm REALLY tired, like I haven't slep in three days tired, I will wake up from finally sleeping in a semi sleep state and see spiders.

    Like the size of dinner plate spiders.

    And scorpions.

    I know.

    I'm weird.

    But strangely, you like me more now, don't you? :)

  34. Brenda Susan
    April 16, 2011 | 10:39 pm

    Ha! Now you've done it! That smiling puppy pic is gonna creep me out tonight!

  35. Shabbygal
    April 16, 2011 | 11:27 pm

    She must take after her mother with her sense of humor! Your kids are funny! Traci

  36. middle child
    April 16, 2011 | 11:37 pm

    When you were little and saw Jesus standing at the foot of your bed, that WAS Jesus.

  37. The Family Stone
    April 16, 2011 | 11:40 pm

    She must get her sense of humor from you!

  38. Mamma has spoken
    April 17, 2011 | 12:05 am

    At least you didn't mention that the dog looks like he's humping the train!

  39. Amber
    April 17, 2011 | 12:42 am

    That's my favorite Jesus picture ever, hahahaha

    And I see it, I see the puppy smiling. The real one, not your altered one.

    Your son and I are totally not the crazy ones here, lol

    April 17, 2011 | 1:05 am

    He's been watching too many commercials featuring the dogs wearing those awful big false teeth.
    Give him an extra hug at bedtime.

  41. Rebecca
    April 17, 2011 | 1:11 am

    Just tell him to sing “Jesus Loves Me” over and over until he falls back asleep……….he'll be saved and safe.

  42. Coffeypot
    April 17, 2011 | 1:20 am

    If I wake up and see Jesus stand there, I'll probably shit the bed. I mean, does that mean it's time to 'Go Home?' I don't think it's because he's a perv and wanting to watch me in action…though I could understand if he did.

  43. stephanie
    April 17, 2011 | 2:25 am

    best. picture. of. Jesus. EVER.

  44. Monkey Man
    April 17, 2011 | 2:51 am

    Wow! An Easter post with Jesus reference and everything. Way to go girl. I mean that Jesus coming back from the dead and all…I am still trying to figure out if he was one fantastic magician (it's just an illusion) or if he was the original zombie.

    Zombie Jesus. Try that one on your son.

  45. The Onion
    April 17, 2011 | 3:00 am

    I am loving the photo of the big JC.

    Does your 11 year old daughter know mine? That wise-assery is oddly familiar…

    Clowns scare Special Agent, but puppies??

    Also, your spelling of “fucken” makes me smile EVERY SINGLE TIME i see it. It's fucken hilarious.

  46. Yvonne
    April 17, 2011 | 3:32 am

    hehehe! way to go sandra!

  47. twelvedaysold
    April 17, 2011 | 4:15 am

    Oh, siblings. At least they are entertaining.

  48. On My Soapbox
    April 17, 2011 | 5:14 am

    Whatever happened to teenage Jesus anyway?

  49. Deborah
    April 17, 2011 | 12:04 pm

    Your daughter is awesome. She's a chip isn't she? Love it.

  50. The Minute Man's Wife
    April 17, 2011 | 2:33 pm

    Too funny!

    Yeah, if puppies scare the boy Jesus is going to send him straight into adult therapy!


    I love your blog!

  51. bluzdude
    April 17, 2011 | 2:55 pm

    Tell him that the puppy on the wall couldn't possibly have been smiling, because if it moved, the alligators under the bed would have eaten it.

    If he's then afraid of the alligators, at least he's afraid of something more fright-inducing than puppies. Which will reflect better on you, of course.

    You're welcome!

  52. Brahm (alfred lives here)
    April 17, 2011 | 4:19 pm

    Ha ha ha… good way to scare the kiddies!

    Creepy looking Jesus by the way…

  53. Boobies
    April 17, 2011 | 6:31 pm

    LMAO! You either eased his anxiety or no doubt will be paying for therapy soon!

    Love it!

  54. Peevie Juice
    April 17, 2011 | 7:05 pm

    Pictures speak best don't they?

    PS – I went on the date today! Not for coffee but something better. :D

  55. Greg
    April 17, 2011 | 9:11 pm

    Funny! I had an active imagination as a kid too, I saw Bugs bunny smiling at me.

  56. Jessica @ Stylish Stealthy and Healthy
    April 17, 2011 | 9:27 pm

    that story was amazing. I love the Talladega-Nights-ish “baby Jesus or Adult Jesus” question, totally something I would have asked.

  57. XLMIC
    April 17, 2011 | 9:44 pm

    Made me laugh so hard I'm crying… “he's smiling at me” is the recent refrain in our house so I got an extra kick out of the story. And we have that Jesus… somewhere. Your daughter is pretty smart ;-)

  58. Amy Cappelli
    April 18, 2011 | 12:48 am

    That is one fly Jesus. If I had grown up with that Jesus- I might not have left my church at 15 years old.
    Oh, woman, you make me smile. This is one of my favorite posts ever.

  59. Nicole
    April 18, 2011 | 2:34 am

    Making Christ a creepy nighttime visitor just in time for Easter. your job here is done.

  60. Meri
    April 18, 2011 | 3:25 am

    My neighbors used to have this SATANIC golden retriever- a real bad seed, and it used to chase at and bark at my sister whenever she walked by. The owners always said, “oh, he's just SMILING at you…” yeah right.

  61. Lazarus
    April 18, 2011 | 4:25 am

    Sandra, your kids are pretty sharp!

  62. Vivian
    April 18, 2011 | 6:41 am

    Thats so funny! But as a child I was scared of everything too. I had bubblegum monster stray.
    ThaT Jesus is kinda freaky though.

  63. Sarahf
    April 18, 2011 | 9:48 am

    Those dogs kinda scare me too. They look a bit drugged.

  64. Lizbeth
    April 18, 2011 | 12:21 pm

    Fucking halarious!

    And, yeah, it wouldn't be the first (or last) time The big J scared someone…all I'm sayin'

  65. Linda Medrano
    April 18, 2011 | 5:20 pm

    After seeing the movie toy story, my grandson, Cyrus, insisted on sleeping with a baseball bat under the covers with him. (Jut in case, you know.)

  66. Rebecca
    April 18, 2011 | 5:37 pm

    I'd rather see a smiling puppy, myself!

  67. Tipsy -
    April 18, 2011 | 8:30 pm

    No baby cheeses floating above your bed? So sad. heh heh heh.

  68. Jill
    April 19, 2011 | 2:09 am

    Both scary. I don't like to wake up at night, no less see anything or anyone.

  69. TanaLicious
    April 19, 2011 | 11:05 pm

    pure awesomeness.

  70. Kimberly
    April 20, 2011 | 6:11 am

    thanks for stopping by. the cow heart was HUGE and weighed a ton

    (I kinda think the puppy train is a bit scary…

  71. Cake Betch
    April 21, 2011 | 4:05 pm

    I would shit bricks if I woke up and that Jesus was standing at the foot of my bed.

    SHIT BRICKS. I don't care how friendly he looks or whether he's giving me the thumbs up or not.

  72. Toriz
    April 21, 2011 | 11:18 pm

    Hope the kid isn't now terrified to be in his own bed at night. LOL!

  73. Renegades
    April 22, 2011 | 7:30 am

    Hahahahahahha to to funny!

  74. The Adorkable Ditz
    April 28, 2011 | 10:01 pm

    Depending on what this dream Jesus will do I can't answer whether I'd be okay or not.

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