Playing doctor

First of all, let me remind you that the final day to put your name in for the giveaway of a fabulous blog makeover by Simply Klassic Blog Designs is Sunday, March 13, 2011. To enter go here! Go now!

So I’ve been MIA since Monday.
Pretty unusual for me since I pretty much live to tell you every minute detail of my life whether you deem it necessary or not.

This week saw me busier than other weeks because my second pair of arms, my husband Wayne, suffered a minor injury.

What injury?
One of his balls is hanging lower than the other.

I know, I know, you’re already shaking your head, right?
How can this be?
What does a man do that causes one ball to get sucked up into his body cavity?
Apparently he squats, picks up a heavy parcel, lifts, and twists.
And poof.
Ball herniates up into the abdominal cavity.

I know, right, you’re cringing.
Don’t.
It’s not that bad…
…I don’t think.

Of course, with all my medical knowledge, Wayne interrogates ME on the specific medical terminology associated with his current predicament.
He asks, “What would you call this?”
I reply, “A strangulated nutsac.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”

“So in the worker’s compensation report I should write: strangulated…”
“…nutsac,” I say.
He smiles. “I know you’re messing with me. So really, what is it: a strangulated…testicle?”
“Nope. It’s nutsac. Definitely nutsac.”

Obviously he doesn’t believe me.
And it’s a good thing he doesn’t because I have no idea what’s wrong with him.
But he’s hanging around me, all puppy-dog like, with his strangulated nutsac, until I say, “I’m pretty sure it’s not a strangulated anything. Maybe you herniated something though. Let me assess.”

I love that I get to use my big nursing words on him.

The assessment takes place in the kitchen.
Because I was in there pouring a bowl of Cheerios when he asked.

“Drop your pants,” I say.

And unlike any other time where those three words would have unleashed a series of comments meant to be interpreted as foreplay, he’s so fricken scared of this strangulated nutsac diagnosis, that he does it.

So there he is, standing in the middle of the kitchen with his pants around his ankles.

And there I am…assessing.
He asks, “Shouldn’t you be wearing gloves for this?”
Groping Fondling Palpating, I ask, “Does this hurt?”
“Nope.”
“Does it hurt if I press here?”
“Nope.”
“How ’bout when I press in your inner thigh…right here.”
“YES!”

“Groin pull,” I say. “Ice it for 20 minute intervals. Aren’t you glad I’m a nurse?”
“Ice? I’m not putting ice on my balls.”
“Nutsac,” I correct.

“Hey, can I blog about this?” I ask.
His reply: “Sure. But you’re not getting pictures this time.”

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87 Responses to Playing doctor
  1. Mamma has spoken
    March 12, 2011 | 2:12 am

    Oh I so want a picture, not!
    When I first read how one was hanging lower then the other all I could think was,
    “So do hubby's”
    Maybe I'll go see if he hurts on the inner thigh, but it's been like that since we've been married :o /

  2. Rhapsody B.
    March 12, 2011 | 2:14 am

    Blessings…..

    All jokes aside please have him go check the nuts out eh. Poor thing, and take some classes on the correct way to lift heavy loads, goodness me…..

    poor thing….:-(

    Take care eh, and do stop by and give me a shout, when you not feeling up the balls ah..nutsac that is…

    Peace…

  3. Holly Ruggiero
    March 12, 2011 | 2:19 am

    Poor guy pulled, herniated, whatever – ouch!

    I like how your conversations end with, “Can I blog about this?”

  4. Crystal
    March 12, 2011 | 2:19 am

    bwhahahaha!!! Yes! We want pics!! Actually, no…no I don't!! sigh…men and their nutsac! LOL!! When my hubby was in high school he was a catcher. He waited one too many pitches to adjust his nut cup and ended up in the hospital! Ouch!!

  5. Kristina P.
    March 12, 2011 | 2:19 am

    My husband wouldn't even let me post a picture of his head superimposed on that Pregnant Man's body.

    Your husband sure does have some balls to let you post this.

  6. suz
    March 12, 2011 | 2:30 am

    Sorry. Still cringing. Yeesh! Poor guy!

  7. Belle
    March 12, 2011 | 2:45 am

    It must be hard on guys having things hanging around that can get hurt. Sometimes things happen in my family and they say, “Don't blog that!”

  8. Lanie Painie
    March 12, 2011 | 2:51 am

    Let me be the first to point out that Belle said “hard on” and then let me continue to tell you . . . . that after I typed “hard on” I completely forgot what I intended to say. . .

    Oh wait. Now I remember.

    There may have been no photography involved, but there certainly is a picture. I'm going to go get my woodburner now to try to sere it off the back of my mind.

  9. Lin
    March 12, 2011 | 2:54 am

    Guys are so queer about their private parts. Sheesh.

  10. Nicole MacDonald
    March 12, 2011 | 2:56 am

    *lol* thanks for a laugh :) Will have me cackling for a while ;p

    The Arrival, Book 1 of the BirthRight trilogy available now

  11. Ninja Mike
    March 12, 2011 | 3:14 am

    Holy crap… that can happen? I mean, I knew it could happen but…. that easily? That's all it takes? Scary. So wait, if it was just a groin pull does his nut come back out? like ever? Or is it gone now, slowly making it's way up to be an ovary?

  12. Random Girl
    March 12, 2011 | 3:24 am

    Poor hubs! That is kind of hilarious though, the dialog, not the strangulated nutsac situation.

  13. Gigi
    March 12, 2011 | 3:25 am

    Hahahahahaha!

    But wait – I'm with Ninja Mike – does ices actually reverse this “condition” easily?

  14. Rebecca
    March 12, 2011 | 3:27 am

    Hope he's feeling better soon.

  15. The Chicken's Consigliere
    March 12, 2011 | 3:31 am

    eww, bummer. But I hope it was fun for you…you know, it occurs to me, you post an awful lot about balls…Is that because you are a nurse? Or do you just have a lot of ball mishaps in your neighborhood? I mean nutsac mishaps. I'm going to remember that term.

  16. Holly
    March 12, 2011 | 3:32 am

    THAT is awesome funny.

    Well probably more for you than for him.

    Hope his ball decides to join the other soon!

  17. Sparkling
    March 12, 2011 | 3:48 am

    the day i ask k-ster if i can blog about anything and he agrees is the same day i tell him to drop his drawers so i can palpate his testicles. never gonna happen.

  18. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    March 12, 2011 | 4:07 am

    What? No pictures? What a rip off. Ice huh. Hope he didn't get the dreaded blue balls. You know, the other kind.

    Slowly making it's way up to be an ovary. That was hilarious!

  19. Coffeypot
    March 12, 2011 | 4:26 am

    If you had been doing that to me you would have gotten you eye punced out…pain or no pain.

  20. Ami
    March 12, 2011 | 4:31 am

    :::speechless:::

  21. 7ladybugz
    March 12, 2011 | 4:36 am

    I feel so unloved that there were no pictures LOL
    I read this to my hubby and he said,”OK OK ENOUGH!!” LOL he was cringing and walking away while muttering, “if you had balls it wouldn't be so funny!” To which I replied,”ITS A NUTSAC!”
    LMAO thanks for that laugh and I hope hubby is ok :)

  22. ChiTown Girl
    March 12, 2011 | 4:42 am

    OMG! Your poor hubby!! I would pay money to be a fly on the wall while you share this story with those old bitches, I mean nurses, that you're stuck working with right now. I would LOVE to see their wrinkled-up sour pusses when you tell them about your husband's nutsac!!!

  23. Raven
    March 12, 2011 | 4:42 am

    Hehehehehehehehe

    I don't know what's more funny, the strangulated nutsac or that he let you blog about it.

    I hope his nutsac unstrangulates soon. ;)

  24. Lazarus
    March 12, 2011 | 4:45 am

    Sandra, I was initially going to challenge your spelling of “nutsac,” but I just checked on Urban Dic(k)tionary.com and “nutsac” is, indeed, the proper spelling. I'll be damned, I've been walking around with one all these years and I always thought there was a “k” at the end. I feel a bit lighter just thinking about it, thanks! Hilarious post too, as always…

  25. Queen B
    March 12, 2011 | 5:05 am

    you should tell him you'll accept a bracelet as his copay

  26. anSeL
    March 12, 2011 | 5:24 am

    agh!
    strangulated nutsac, wow!
    poor guy, i hope he'll be ok…

  27. C@r!ie
    March 12, 2011 | 6:05 am

    I've decided I need to incorporate the word nutsac into my everyday vocab. It is too fabulous of a word not to be used on a daily basis.

  28. Yvonne
    March 12, 2011 | 7:40 am

    “Strangulated nutsac” —lmao! Wow!

  29. Tipsy - tipsyreader.com
    March 12, 2011 | 7:54 am

    Hahaha holy shit. The tale hath been retold to the bf (he asked. I was laughing a lot), with much cringing and fast walking in the opposite direction. Priceless!

  30. Sarahf
    March 12, 2011 | 8:54 am

    I needed a laugh today, thank you. And now I have to try to get ntsac into a conversation today. Bonus!

  31. Eliza
    March 12, 2011 | 9:38 am

    Poor hubby :-)

  32. Deborah
    March 12, 2011 | 10:41 am

    LOL … awww :o )

  33. Sausage Fingers
    March 12, 2011 | 12:42 pm

    Yikes….poor bastard. Even the most grizzled of us men will turn into the softest baby when dealing with and injury of said “happy zone” I hope he is not just using the injury as a direct route to get his dangles jingled by the wifey. It wouldn't be the first time a man has tried that – allegedlly
    cheers, Sausage…

  34. LuLu Kellogg
    March 12, 2011 | 12:43 pm

    Anything strangulated sounds extremely painful. I love though how you asked if you could blog about it….*snort* This is truly GREAT blogging material!

    LuLu~*xoxo

  35. Kimberly
    March 12, 2011 | 12:53 pm

    Honey roasted nutsac Cheerios…a part of Sandra's nutritiously balanced breakfast.

  36. Portia
    March 12, 2011 | 12:55 pm

    Poor Wayne! Now let's see how he would feel pushing a 9lb 4oz baby through a hole the size of, MAYBE, an orange, when fully dilated!

    I hope he feels better soon! But seriously, suck it up buddy!

  37. myevil3yearold
    March 12, 2011 | 1:00 pm

    Tell hubby and his nutsac to feel better soon. He is so lucky to have a wonderful, compassionate nurse in the house like you!

  38. Snake
    March 12, 2011 | 1:20 pm

    I feel his pain! Poor guy . . . Why do so many women have so little sympathy? :) Ciao!

  39. becca
    March 12, 2011 | 1:32 pm

    Ouch!! hope hubby feels better soon

  40. laughingmom
    March 12, 2011 | 1:36 pm

    Patient patient you have there! Tell him to walk leaning to the other side and maybe gravity will take over! Loved the story as always!

  41. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    March 12, 2011 | 1:42 pm

    LOL.

    Honestly, I never really knew anything about balls and testicles until I started reading your blog.

    Thanks for the education.

    (:

  42. IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY
    March 12, 2011 | 1:55 pm

    had a hilarious pic in my head LOL

    can I blog about this? hahahah

  43. knitwit
    March 12, 2011 | 1:59 pm

    I think it was pretty unreasonable of him not to let you post photos!
    Hey–I'm in your neck of the woods next weekend (picking up my husband from the airport after 3 LOOOONG months away!). Any suggestions on where to get lunch before I go crazy at the huge Value Village?

  44. bluzdude
    March 12, 2011 | 2:44 pm

    Perhaps you should come up with some kind of Blog Release document, to cover permission for future posts involving the Hubs. Then you won't have to ask so often.

    Of course, getting him to sign it might be a real trick. I suggest mentioning it to him the next time you're getting “hands-on” with the old nutsac.

  45. Nicky
    March 12, 2011 | 3:20 pm

    Geez, what's up with Wayne? I believe not allowing pictures to be taken of a strangulated nutsac is grounds for divorce.

  46. gayle
    March 12, 2011 | 3:31 pm

    You paint a perfect picture (not that I am seeing anything I'm not suppose too) with your writing!!!

    Hope your husband is feeling better!

  47. Ginger
    March 12, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    Guy are just babies when it comes to their precious balls. Sure you shouldnt have him check it out with the doctor?

  48. Nicole
    March 12, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    This is practically poetry. I will be using this medical diagnosis as a threat on my Hubsters nutlife. As in, “Do you want to go poop scoop or do you want me to strangulate your nutsac?” Thanks!

  49. Lola
    March 12, 2011 | 3:59 pm

    I just love you. We are kindred spirits. I am ABOUT to post something new on my blog and you'll never guess the subject. YES! BALLS! Great minds think alike. Uh, as do mediocre minds and probably simple ones. Hmmmm…

  50. Chanel
    March 12, 2011 | 4:39 pm

    I'm so glad I was born female and I don't have to worry about any part of my anatomy trying to crawl back up.

  51. Bibliomama
    March 12, 2011 | 4:43 pm

    I've been a lazy blogger due to my husband being in California — as far as I know his balls are okay, although he did say his hotel was a shithole. Your commenters are almost as fun to read as the posts.

  52. My Aimless Infatuation
    March 12, 2011 | 5:17 pm

    Loved it! So glad I found your blog!

  53. Carri
    March 12, 2011 | 5:23 pm

    HAHAHA Yeah, that's exactly what your blog readers want… a pic of big ol' hairy nuts. Or would it just be one nut since the other is strangulated?

  54. ryoko861
    March 12, 2011 | 6:56 pm

    Aw, I wanna see pictures.

    Ok, not really.

    Men become such babies when they get injured.

    Next he'll probably want you to massage them. *rolling eyes*.

  55. Lost.in.Idaho
    March 12, 2011 | 6:58 pm

    I, um, crossed my legs a little when I read this post…

  56. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    March 12, 2011 | 7:29 pm

    haha, palpate . . . I love it

  57. Pragmatic Spector
    March 12, 2011 | 8:04 pm

    lol @ ninja mike's comment.

    If I remember correctly from when I took health class when I was a freshman, herniated scrotum happens often due to strenuous lifting, so it's not that severe. He should still go get it checked in case of complications (as they so often happen, not to mention, it might get infected having been pulled into tight quarters, if you know what I mean).

    My boyfriend does about 200 squats, pull ups, hang ups, and etc before he goes to bed (yeah he's a freakin' meat head). The only way he was able to properly avoid a hernia of such kind was doing proper stretches in the morning, and not to mention, he didn't start out having a rigorous routine. He started doing minor exercises. Your husband should do the same.

  58. Marsy {Giddy Fingers}
    March 12, 2011 | 8:06 pm

    Awww it's adorable that you helped fix his nutsacs!

  59. Kat
    March 12, 2011 | 8:13 pm

    He is so cool to let you blog about his injured nutsack; definitely a keeper! I hope he's a quick healer :)

  60. Kelley
    March 12, 2011 | 9:42 pm

    He is such a good sport! I bet he actually loves that you blogged about his nutsac. (BTW, that sounds really painful!!)

  61. Kim Thomas
    March 12, 2011 | 10:05 pm

    LOL, I am impressed you asked before sharing, nicely done!

  62. XLMIC
    March 12, 2011 | 10:50 pm

    My husband has one hanging lower than the other… but it's because it's bigger than the other :) lol

    “Strangulated nutsac” had me on. the. floor.

    Tell your hubs that you know of someone whose husband has had 2 vasectomies and 2 reversals… lots of ice on the ol' nutsac… nothing to be scared of ;-)

  63. Impulsive Addict
    March 12, 2011 | 11:13 pm

    YOU HAVE THE FUNNIEST STORIES EVER! I'm not even kidding! I bet he LOVES that you're his nurse!

  64. The Vegetable Assassin
    March 13, 2011 | 12:23 am

    That poor man! His nutsac's all bruised and forlorn and you make fun of him. WELL DONE YOU! :) Nutsacs are funny no matter what. If he didn't want you to laugh at it, he shouldn't have strained it. That's the logic of the thing.

  65. Aubrey Anne
    March 13, 2011 | 4:12 am

    Hahahahahaha I am laughing so hard. I wish my husband would let me blog about his hilarious ailments! My blog would be way better if he'd just let me tell his secrets. Oh, and thanksfornotposting pictures. ;)

  66. Sarah
    March 13, 2011 | 4:23 am

    Strangulated nutsac! If I never get to use that, I'll be terribly disappointed!

    I was hoping you'd need more advice on the terrible twosome, as I've apparently been feeling pretty hostile this evening (early labor will do that-especially painful and irregular contractions). Seems I've been telling everyone to just slap whomever is bothering them. So not like me. I hope this baby comes soon. Otherwise, a lot of people are going to be getting slapped!

  67. 1 Funky Woman
    March 13, 2011 | 5:25 am

    I love your “real life” stories! I'm pretty upset we didn't get to see pictures. At least his facial expression would have ben great! Hope the ice helped!

    Megan

  68. Jessica
    March 13, 2011 | 6:05 am

    It is a good thing you are a nurse so you can assess these situations over a bowl of Cheerios in the kitchen. You should send him a bill for your assessment. Tell him you only accept diamonds and cash.

  69. From Tracie
    March 13, 2011 | 6:58 am

    I'm laughing so hard at this…and then my husband asks me what is so funny, so I read it to him. At which point he starts groaning and saying that just hearing the words “strangulated nutsac” makes him feel pain down there.

    Men are wimps.

    Your husband should totally pay you for that assessment. And pay a little extra, because technically that was a house call.

  70. Stephanie
    March 13, 2011 | 7:01 am

    Dear lord…thank you for not having a picture for this one. :)

    Wanted you to know that I gave you an award over on my blog. You don't have to do anything…just wanted to share my love of this blog. :)

  71. Lottie
    March 13, 2011 | 7:40 am

    Ouch….I'm sitting here with my legs crossed and I don't even have a nutsac…

  72. Meri
    March 13, 2011 | 7:52 am

    hahahaha- there is no way the boyfriend would allow me to take over like this. For once, I'm glad there are no pictures… the mental picture is already painful enough haha!

  73. Sorta Southern Single Mom
    March 13, 2011 | 11:49 am

    My friend thought this happened to her 11-year-old. Turns out, one just totally jumped sides to the other…its a condition with a name and can only be fixed with surgery!!!

  74. The Minute Man's Wife
    March 13, 2011 | 2:03 pm

    Ha! You are one of the few people that can still make me laugh amidst my marital anxiety and divorce depression!!

    BTW You really enjoyed using the word nutsac didn't you??

  75. Kimberly
    March 13, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    I'm trying to remember if I've ever seen a symmetrical pair o'nutsacs. Not that I've seen hundreds or anything…just sayin' :)

  76. Deborah
    March 13, 2011 | 6:34 pm

    Yeah, I thought all nutsacs had one low-hanger. (Love nutsacs instead of balls btw!)

    You nearly made me aspirate (impressive medical terminology here too – oh yeah) part of my apple I was laughing so hard.

  77. " Hit It......."
    March 13, 2011 | 10:55 pm

    Sorry about the injury. Your hubby is a good sport.

  78. Linda Medrano
    March 13, 2011 | 11:26 pm

    Sandra, I am super-impressed with your triage/ assessment skills! Brava! Now, all I can say is that I hope you are right and the strangled nut gets better right away. (See I know some medical terms too.)

  79. The Adorkable Ditz
    March 14, 2011 | 1:15 am

    Bahahaha! You're husband is funny.

  80. Making It Work Mom
    March 14, 2011 | 3:11 am

    Thank god you knew the technical term! You might have lost all credibility otherwise.
    Oh and I have never learned so much (from the comments) about nutsacs.

  81. Misfits Vintage
    March 14, 2011 | 12:26 pm

    Boy, he sure was teste about it.

    Sarah xxx

  82. Two Normal Moms
    March 14, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    Um, ouch. But will it, uh, “unstrangulate” on it's own? LOL
    -Ally

  83. meleah rebeccah
    March 14, 2011 | 6:07 pm

    Ouch! Sorry to hear about your husbands strangulated nutsac! Good thing your a nurse! xoxo

  84. Brandy@YDK
    March 14, 2011 | 6:28 pm

    i thought the ice would just make it go up in there further.

  85. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 15, 2011 | 2:35 am

    Why am I really turned on right now?

  86. MommaKiss
    March 15, 2011 | 2:58 am

    so now “swing low” is in my head…

    not balls.

    nutsac.

    of course.

  87. purplume
    March 16, 2011 | 4:57 am

    Poor guy. My hubby had nutsac troubles.
    He's funny too, (the comment about no pictures.)

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