I think this may strike some as creepy

So last night I took my daughter and her friend to see the movie “Never Say Never”.
Yes, that’s the Justin Bieber film.

I’ll admit that I like his songs.
I think he’s a cutie.

My oldest son outright refused to come see the movie with us claiming that he didn’t want to see some bullshit story about a poor kid who makes it rich in the big bad world…
…he didn’t say the word “bullshit.”
Only I’m allowed to say “bullshit.”

So I’m sitting there, watching the movie, and honestly, I was mesmerized.

That little fucker has so much stage presence and personality, I wanted to jump up in my seat and throw my panties at the big screen.
What is he? Like 16?
And there I was swooning at his sexy little smile.
Frankly it was embarrassing.
And I’m embarrassed.

Yet, there I was watching, torn between wanting to scold him for being so goddamn hyper – the fucken kid never stops. During one scene he’s in a hotel room and he’s bouncing from one bed to the other.
And if that was my kid, I’d be like, “Stop fucken jumping on the bed!”

But then, his gorgeous 3D face is close up to mine, and I’m thinking, “Me love you long time.”

Creepy! I know!
I AM creeping myself out!

But then the movie skips back to scenes of him and his friends running through the park, carrying on like the kids that they are, and I’m thinking, “Just shut the fuck up already! You’re so hyper, you’re driving me batty!”

And then we see him on stage holding Miley Cyrus by the waist…

…and I’m thinking, “Nail her! Just nail her already!”

How can a boy that age ooze so much sexuality?
Really?
My teenager oozes about as much sexuality as Cat in the Hat.

Here’s the kicker: I get home, and for kicks, I add Justin Bieber on my Twitter account.
The little fucker is FOLLOWING ME BACK!
And instead of being even more ashamed at my pedophilic behaviour, I squeal like a teenager, “Justin Bieber wants me!”

Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure my current behaviour is purely driven by the menopausal hormones zipping through my crotch.

In approximately 4-6 days, I should be back to my old prim and proper self.

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93 Responses to I think this may strike some as creepy
  1. Kristina P.
    March 14, 2011 | 4:43 am

    Speed dialing CPS. This isn't the first time I've done that after visiting your blog.

  2. Jess
    March 14, 2011 | 4:43 am

    I love you.
    I forced my son to see Never Say Never with me and of course it is me with the Bieber fever!!!
    Jess

  3. H A R R Y G O A Z
    March 14, 2011 | 4:52 am

    You're a SUPER MOM!!!! She will remember that night for the rest of her life.. +Following

  4. SkippyMom
    March 14, 2011 | 5:04 am

    ::rubbing my eyes:: Shouldn't that say 4 to 6 HUNDRED years [like, y'know, when hell freezes over] til' you get back to your prim and proper self?

    I am glad you threw in the word pedophilia because I was buying a ticket on that bus awfully quick to call you out on your boy crush.

    I bought the tickets for my daughter and her friend to the movie, threw the 3D glasses at them and ran the hell over to “The Kings Speech” to avoid the screaming meemees in the Bieber movie.

    I figured I saved my own life.

  5. SkippyMom
    March 14, 2011 | 5:05 am

    PS – I love my kids.

    Just not that much.

  6. The Vegetable Assassin
    March 14, 2011 | 5:06 am

    LOL, woman. You're disgraceful. Yet I am somehow not all that surprised. You could teach that boy a thing or two about life, I'm sure. He should BE so lucky. :)

  7. Hilary
    March 14, 2011 | 5:20 am

    You're hilarious. I'll bet your daughter was slinking down in her seat pretending not to be with you. ;)

  8. The Onion
    March 14, 2011 | 5:21 am

    I lusted after the Starbucks barista boy for a time myself in the same YES-NO manner, so I feel you.

    It stopped when:
    a) he reminded me of his 18 years when he pretended to speak with an bad English/Australian accent for a week or so “MAYYYYTE”; and

    b) he announced he was gay. Figures.

    This is exactly why dating a youngster wouldn't work for me. Hot, annoying kid, hot, annoying kid..

    Now I just enjoy his photos on FB. Quieter.

  9. Momma Jorje
    March 14, 2011 | 5:22 am

    1) He's 17. Somehow that makes it more okay. (He is almost an adult!)

    2) He probably sold his soul to the devil to gain all that stage presence and sexuality ooze.

    3) There is a prim and proper you?! I'm confused.

  10. Yvonne
    March 14, 2011 | 5:25 am

    LMAO! I just couldn't get into that movie! I took my 10 year old niece and sat there with her and her 3 friends. I endured the movie and the sqeals and “omg he's SO hot!!!” from them afterwards. If I tell my niece he's following you on Twitter, she's going to want to go kick your ass! ;)

  11. Jenner
    March 14, 2011 | 5:37 am

    I'm with your son… I wouldn't have gone with you either! I have a couple of celebs as “friends” on facebook, though, and I do swoon when they reply to my comments. None quite that young tho! *wink*

  12. XLMIC
    March 14, 2011 | 5:40 am

    Are you sure your husband didn't sign up for a twitter account using the name Justin Bieber because he knew you'd do that? Or maybe it's a cop set-up on the hunt for middle-aged (lol) ladies trying to score with JB? Either way, I might have squealed, too, and I don't even think he is all that cute. But my taste is clearly questionable as I am hot for my bald, hairy-backed husband :)

    These comments your readers are making are totally hilarious, too!

  13. The mad woman behind the blog
    March 14, 2011 | 5:44 am

    Oh thank you for sparing me, I mean, for sharing this experience.
    I'll take your word for it.

    BTW, you comment about your son's sexuality CRACKED me up!

  14. Tipsy - tipsyreader.com
    March 14, 2011 | 5:52 am

    oh my god. im amazed you paid to see that movie in 3D. But clearly you enjoyed it! And we enjoy the rre-telling of it! :P

  15. Coffeypot
    March 14, 2011 | 6:04 am

    As much as you were swooning over him, it's a good think you didn't throw your panties at the screen. Think how embarrassed you would be if the stuck.

  16. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    March 14, 2011 | 6:07 am

    BAHAHAHAHAHA!

    GO, COUGAR!

    OKAY, FINE. As much as I hate to admit this, Justin Bieber has a damn catchy voice. I listened to “Baby” on repeat for I think, um, twenty times the first time I heard it.

    And you know, if I were a guy his age, I would find you pretty hot. I mean, I'm a girl his age and I find you hot already, so…

    ANYWAY.

    After reading your post, I've decided to watch that movie, but I think I won't have a problem keeping my panties on. I'm more into ripped, sun-kissed guys.

    Cheers to sexually deprived teenage girls.

  17. Jessica
    March 14, 2011 | 6:35 am

    He followed you back? That is funny.

  18. Inkstainedpaws
    March 14, 2011 | 6:59 am

    hey, no knocking Cat in the Hat- that cat was Suave I tell you! Either that or he was a really convincing bad boy….

  19. A Daft Scots Lass
    March 14, 2011 | 7:32 am

    You're star struck by the Bieber..oh my there is no hope for you

  20. Raven
    March 14, 2011 | 7:51 am

    Ok, so I'm a little creeped out. And jealous. I followed Sully Erna on Twitter but he didn't follow me back. *sigh*

  21. Deborah
    March 14, 2011 | 8:02 am

    LOL … why wouldn't he! :o )

  22. Sarahf
    March 14, 2011 | 9:11 am

    Don't they teach you a cure for Beiber fever at nursing school?!

  23. Nicky
    March 14, 2011 | 9:51 am

    Awww, that's nice that you and your daughter got to enjoy some quality time together. Perv. :-)

  24. lyndylou
    March 14, 2011 | 9:57 am

    ha ha ha you're such a perv! I love it!!!!

  25. Eliza
    March 14, 2011 | 9:58 am

    So funny :-)

  26. becca
    March 14, 2011 | 10:19 am

    my son went to see that movie for a field trip wasn't overly impresses i must say. how cute that he follows you back on twitter. just remember to behave yourself on second thought don't behave go have fun with it.

  27. Texan Zombie Goddess
    March 14, 2011 | 11:07 am

    He didn't want to see a bullshit movie about a *teenager* who *works for a living* and *makes his own money*, pulling himself, and his family *out of poverty*. Shit, he is probably scared you'll make his money-sucking ass get a job too lol!

  28. myevil3yearold
    March 14, 2011 | 11:33 am

    I understand ya. I am not into Beiber but that kid that plays Jacob in the Twillight series… I'm all over… er I mean about that.

  29. Mamma has spoken
    March 14, 2011 | 11:41 am

    I think he's following you because he's seen those pictures of you. You know which ones. Or maybe he's into hot cougars who are married. Either way I can't help but sit here and chuckle at the whole post. Am I the only Beiber hater who blogs?

  30. Ms.Wasteland
    March 14, 2011 | 11:43 am

    I want to go see that movie and my kids REFUSE to go with me. Brats.

  31. Deborah
    March 14, 2011 | 11:50 am

    Ok now I definitely have to see this movie!! :)

  32. Portia
    March 14, 2011 | 12:12 pm

    Prim and proper? Really?

    When my daughter was a young teen she was into NSync, the boy band from the late 90's. I took her to four concerts and, since we live in Central Florida, we would go out on NSync sighting runs.

    Sadly the one I liked turned out to be gay. Shows you what I know!

  33. -stephanie-
    March 14, 2011 | 12:19 pm

    I'm confused by your menopausal hormones zipping through your crotch. In my menopause years, I have nothing zipping through my crotch. Maybe seeing the Bieber movie will stir some up.

  34. Krissy
    March 14, 2011 | 12:21 pm

    Ummm… There is a prim and proper version of you? Where have you had her hog-tied and buried? :)

    I must admit you creeped me out a bit with this one. Although my niece kept calling me a perv for saying Jacob was hot after the second Twilight movie. We are old-er, not dead!

    TalkativeTaurus.com

  35. Krissy
    March 14, 2011 | 12:22 pm

    Btw.. I would love to see Bieber's face after some of the stuff you tweet and blog about. LOL

  36. laughingmom
    March 14, 2011 | 12:44 pm

    Chris Matthews from Dateline NBC has a nice pitcher of lemonade waiting for you in some kids kitchen…predator!

  37. The Minute Man's Wife
    March 14, 2011 | 12:49 pm

    They're obviously spiking the sodas at the concession stands with love potion #9… yeah, just keep telling yourself that!

  38. nitebyrd
    March 14, 2011 | 2:01 pm

    Bieber? Really? I don't know much about Bieber Fever due to the fact that my kids are old. But I do know about those creepy crushes, I wanted to jump Sebastian Bach's bones when I saw Skid Row in concert with my daughter. Yummy!

  39. ellen abbott
    March 14, 2011 | 2:03 pm

    kinda like me taking my 14 year old daughter to the Madonna concert. I'm standing and singing and yelling and whooping it up and she's looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm telling ya, it was a great concert/performance.

  40. DCHY
    March 14, 2011 | 2:05 pm
  41. Carla
    March 14, 2011 | 2:31 pm

    I don't know which makes me laugh more; your posts or the comments. I am not a Bieber hater, but I really don't get whatever it is about with him. Maybe I should go see this movie, but as I have no young children or grandchildren, I'm afraid that might look more than a little creepy. Also, I am definitely Team Jacob. I'm old, but I'm a long way from dead. And the only thing that ran through my crotch during menopause was hot flashes that did NOT turn me on.

  42. Fizzgig
    March 14, 2011 | 2:36 pm

    oh my. im going to pretend i didnt read this.

    i cant for the life of me understand his appeal, so I dislike him like boys disliked NKOTB in my day.

  43. Cake Betch
    March 14, 2011 | 2:48 pm

    You are NOT ALONE! You would not believe how many people were all over FB saying the EXACT SAME THING! Hahaha!

  44. Big Fat Gini
    March 14, 2011 | 3:32 pm

    I imagine it must be a lot like how I felt swooning over Taylor Lautner in Eclipse. I mean, first I'm drooling over a kid under the age of 18 and then I'm watching a Twilight Saga movie.

    Do I have to turn my Responsible Woman Card in now?

  45. Shell
    March 14, 2011 | 3:46 pm

    I'm not a Bieber fan- but I had to laugh at the twitter thing! He has SO many followers- he must realize you are awesome. :)

  46. Random Girl
    March 14, 2011 | 3:53 pm

    My 5 y/o daughter and I have equal amounts of love for JB. I tell her he is too old for her, while secretly thinking he is just right for me. Where's he from? What's the age of consent? Ok, now I feel creepy too. Thanks for that.

  47. SuzRocks
    March 14, 2011 | 4:16 pm

    I would make fun of you unmercifully, except that I just started watching Glee last night, and I'm now addicted. I also want to do some of the high school boys.

    Don't tell the husband.

  48. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts
    March 14, 2011 | 4:20 pm

    OMG!!! I was thinking the same thing. The little fucker is a child and he oozes so much confidence and sexuality that I forget how old he is and look at him like “DAMN!” I thought I was the only one.

    Damn that Justin.

  49. Bouncin' Barb
    March 14, 2011 | 4:36 pm

    I couldn't break my granddaughter's heart by going after JB. Plus he really is too young for me. We'll probably end up seeing him on Celebrity Rehab in 20 years when the fame and fortune goes to head and up his nose!

  50. Amanda
    March 14, 2011 | 5:15 pm

    Just found your blog and love it! I needed a good laugh today. :)

    Hope you'll stop by….keepitcomplicated.me

  51. Mark
    March 14, 2011 | 5:34 pm

    Perv! But in the good way!
    Your Friend, m.

  52. ournextchapters.com
    March 14, 2011 | 5:49 pm

    Sounds like my obsession with Jacob. TEAM JACOB! ;)

  53. meleah rebeccah
    March 14, 2011 | 6:05 pm

    I am dying to see the movie Never Say Never – but my 14 year old son refuses to come see it with me! I've been trying to sucker one of my girl friends to come with me – but so far, no takers!

  54. Not Blessed Mama
    March 14, 2011 | 6:30 pm

    HA! I promise to still read your blog when you're on Megan's List.

  55. PBJdreamer
    March 14, 2011 | 6:33 pm

    run Justin run

    run away from the cougar!

    heee
    e
    ee
    eee

    funny

    that is all

  56. Ginger
    March 14, 2011 | 7:18 pm

    Oh dear Sandra!! you re so ewwwwwww. I cringed while watching the trailer just yesterday. guess its beef. he is so freaking young and awesome did i forget to add rich!! cant wait for his voice to crack then we can have some peace for a year or two.

  57. Rebecca
    March 14, 2011 | 7:19 pm

    He'll be of legal age soon enough.

  58. Chanel
    March 14, 2011 | 7:28 pm

    I wouldn't say he oozes sexuality…

    No. I really wouldn't.

    But I find it so very amusing that he followed you back. Does your Twitter link to your blog? Imagine his face if he read this!

  59. randine
    March 14, 2011 | 7:29 pm

    I know how you feel. I felt the same way about Edward Pattinson when I was watching Twilight. I forbade myself from watching any more of the series because it makes me feel too pedophilic and I can't deal with that.
    BUT- now Water For Elephants is coming out and of course I have to watch THAT on account of having read the book already and so I have to watch the movie. Plus Edwards that much older now, too, so it's a little less creepy.

    And that's awesome that JB's following you. I'm slightly jealous for some reason. And I totally want to see that movie now.

  60. Impulsive Addict
    March 14, 2011 | 7:34 pm

    This is too funny! However, I am NOT a Justin fan. J.Timberlake? Yes please but No for the Beib. Does this mean we have to break up?

  61. iheartvegetables
    March 14, 2011 | 8:31 pm

    Hahahaha ok so I just found your blog from Thorns Have Roses and I literally almost fell out of my chair at work while I was reading this post. Which would have been kind of bad considering I'm at work and there are people around me. But seriously, I LOVE your blog

  62. Ang
    March 14, 2011 | 8:32 pm

    That's awesome…and some what creepy. I don't get Bieber, not at all. Might have a decent voice, but he needs a hair cut- that swished to the front too long crap bugs the heck out of me.
    Yet I like my guys curls grown out a bit…and he's older and WAYYYYY sexier than Bieber!! LOL

  63. Brandy@YDK
    March 14, 2011 | 9:20 pm

    my crazy nana refers to my 2 yr old as “little beiber” it's way effed up.

  64. Crystal
    March 14, 2011 | 9:24 pm

    bwhahaha!!! That's so funny. He such a good looking little fart! It's kind of scary….he can't be that much older than my oldest son…so EW!!! BUt darn it…he's so cute!!

  65. Kat
    March 14, 2011 | 9:31 pm

    Oh Shit!! (excuse me)

    I'm a teenager. And I hate Justin Beiber. THAT GiRL!! IS SO EFFIN ANNOYING!!! THE WORLD HAS GONE AGAINST MEEEEE! dON'T follow That girl. She's stupid, evil and obviously he copied NeverShoutNever and made it never say never. You better be embarrased. *clicks the follow button*
    -i am now your minion….-

    No.

    Okay. Done with my speeech. COMMNT!

  66. Lottie
    March 14, 2011 | 9:49 pm

    Down girl…..down….

  67. Linda Medrano
    March 14, 2011 | 10:39 pm

    Sandra, you've gone too far. That said, he is pretty cute and pretty talented. My grand daughters (14) are both in love with him. Now I could use a little of that Maroon 5, Adam Levine. But Justin is just too “pretty”.

  68. Patti Murphy
    March 14, 2011 | 11:23 pm

    This had me in hysterics and then I thought, she must be so relieved:

    My teenager oozes about as much sexuality as Cat in the Hat.

    Keep on rockin' in the free world. BTW, those were your dying eggs talkin' (except when his hyperness was driving you nuts. That was your mom side).

    Thanks for dropping by my site. I was thinking of you the other day and there you were, leaving inane comments on my blog. So I thought I'd do likewise. :)

  69. Julianna
    March 14, 2011 | 11:36 pm

    I hate this new blog feeder… it dropped you into the abyss. :(

    And now I know why… Justin Beiber? really?

    You can say “Justin” all you want, I'm still sayin' “Hell No.”

    But truthfully, the movie, I heard a GUY on the radio say he went with his daughter, and that he found the movie quite good. So I guess you're not totally creepy.

  70. Belle
    March 14, 2011 | 11:46 pm

    When I was 58 I walked into my grandson's room to wake him up and his best friend was laying on the floor asleep with nothing on but sheet covering him up a bit. I looked at him, felt something I haven't felt for a long time and thought, “I gotta get out of here!” He was like 16 years old! So, yeah, I can relate.

  71. Tracey Axnick
    March 14, 2011 | 11:50 pm

    Yes, that blood STILL flows HOT through those veins, doesn't it? I had that SAME experience when I took MY daughter and her BFF to see “Seventeen Again” with that jail-bait hottie Zac Efron a couple of years ago. I was secretly THRILLED that they decided to sit a few rows away from me so I could HAVE my little middle aged fantasty, all by myself.

    Just means we're still alive, honey, and everything still WORKS the way it's supposed to. Just hot, red-blooded women, we are. :)

  72. Dutch Sugar Babe
    March 14, 2011 | 11:51 pm

    “Me love you long time.”
    Bwahahaaa!!!

    Justin Beaver?? Are you sure?
    I'm not feeling the sexiness.

  73. Leila
    March 15, 2011 | 1:36 am

    :) Oh boy. Am I the only one who wants to see a REAL man on stage nowadays? Like Terrence Hill during his 1970s-80s success? UGH that man makes me moan just looking at him

  74. DysFUNctional Mom
    March 15, 2011 | 1:39 am

    I just swallowed a sunflower seed shell whole after reading you call yourself “prim and proper”. Bahahaha!!
    I can't stand that little Beiber shrimp. My mom bought my tween daughter a Beiber shirt this weekend and I threatened to burn it.

  75. The Reckmonster
    March 15, 2011 | 1:57 am

    Oh, I had my “old lady” crush on that little hottie Jesse McCartney pop-tart a couple of years ago. That video “Leavin” – whoa nellie…even though the kid had no chest hair, I was bopping along singing and begging him to take ME on his G-5, G-5, G-5…LOL

    But, I can't see it with the Biebster…maybe in a few years, when he grows pubes or something, but right now…nope.

  76. Carri
    March 15, 2011 | 2:30 am

    Don't lie. You sent him a pic of yourself in your whore boots! And now the little fucker is stalking you because all 16 year old boys are into MILFS. You crazy woman.

  77. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 15, 2011 | 2:33 am

    We're not going to be reading about you in the newspaper, are we?

  78. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 15, 2011 | 2:34 am

    'Cause I sure hope so.

  79. Mrs. Tuna
    March 15, 2011 | 2:45 am

    Shit, next you'll be eyeing your son's friends.

  80. Maryann
    March 15, 2011 | 3:33 am

    Hahaha so funny! I personally dont get the whole Bieber phase, maybe seeing his movie would change my mind?

  81. Leila
    March 15, 2011 | 4:08 am

    On the contrary Sandra, we've met before :) and yes it's the banner I made on Wix. I've been dying to hire someone to redo my blog template, but I have a net amount of $24.95 and the last time I went template shopping, those bitches were charging AT LEAST $49.99. So uh yeah not happening. I do know that you had a giveaway from Klassic Designs, and you had no idea how much I wanted to participate! I decided to just sit back because 1.) i had no readers to impress 2.) some other more passionate blogger deserves it 3.) this is only a hobby! Yes I followed you on a different alias not too long ago, but decided to adopt a pseudonym when I realized close friends started discovering my blog! Don't worry about scrabble either. I suck at it. That game is not about how many letters you can stack up, but more about the placement of said letters. Takes a lot more ingenuity!

  82. WhisperingWriter
    March 15, 2011 | 4:19 am

    *Shudders* Justin Bieber freaks me out. He can go hang out with Charlie Sheen or something.

  83. The Adorkable Ditz
    March 15, 2011 | 5:15 am

    Better back away from the Beiber before you get your ass in jail Sandra.

    He maybe cute but he's so not worth it.

  84. From Tracie
    March 15, 2011 | 5:54 am

    I have never seen or heard Justin Bieber.

    I have avoided him.

    I'm thinking that might have been a good decision.

  85. Raquel's World
    March 15, 2011 | 12:38 pm

    Confession here: My daughters room is loaded with JB posters and sometimes I fold her laundry in her room just to spend time with him.

  86. Lisha @ DeLovely Life
    March 15, 2011 | 3:54 pm

    Ewwwwww. I'm still angry that Glee did a Justin Bieber special. I am so not on the bandwagon. Will be checking back in a few days to make sure your sanity has returned.

  87. Sparkling
    March 15, 2011 | 5:06 pm

    just can't do it. cannot watch the bieber. can. not. i just can't stand him. maybe because this is what i teach all day- hyper teenage boys. what is it about the moms who want him so? is it because he's from canada? is it your loyalty showing?

  88. Roxie-Girl
    March 15, 2011 | 11:56 pm

    I had all the same goddamn feelings as you did while watching that movie. When he did the 3-D closeup, I swear we were touching noses. Just sayin'…..

    xoxo
    Roxie-Girl

  89. KittyCat
    March 16, 2011 | 12:37 am

    Justins name is not allowed to be mentioned at our house.
    Earlier in the year the soccerboys hair looked similar to Justins.
    excpet my son is better looking.
    but
    anyways
    some of the kids at school started teasing the soccerboy the ke looked like Justin, which pissed the soccerboy off.
    So he went in and got it all chopped off. A total buz.

    Just so that he wouldnt look similar to him anymore.

    every once in awhile I tease him that I just saw the Bieber and he got his hair cut. That really pisses him off.

  90. Making It Work Mom
    March 16, 2011 | 2:41 am

    A couple of weeks ago I was like all into the Beiber. I mean he is the Beiber. And then I read that I am older than his parents (they are 36 and 37) and that really kind of freaked me out!

    when my 4 year old want to get on my 11 year old's nerves (see always) she runs around the house yelling “You love Justin Beiber”

  91. Jill
    March 16, 2011 | 4:44 pm

    HILARIOUS! Yeah, he's confusing for me too. Mostly he makes me feel old.

  92. Jenny Brown
    March 18, 2011 | 7:06 pm

    You're freakin hilarious….I'm sitting here at work laughing out loud and my co-workers are looking at my asking why I'm laughing… You Rock, girlfriend! :) :) You're freaking hilarious….

  93. Nicole
    March 22, 2011 | 3:41 am

    Snorty, snorty, snort. I'm still laughing. Out loud and for real. I will not see this movie as I'm afraid to lust after little boy-men. I already look too long at the high school cross country team that runs by my neighborhood.

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