So it’s Sunday.
I last blogged Wednesday night.
Usually I blog at least every second day.
And usually my posts are upbeat and fun, and funny.
Maybe they aren’t always funny for everyone, but I try to introduce the words ‘vagina’ and/or ‘stinky butthole’, which, let’s face it, are giggle-worthy.
But today, not so much fun.
This was my option: either blog the truth about why I haven’t been blogging.
Or don’t blog.
Clearly, I’m going to spill my guts.
So get your Kleenex handy because it’s going to be a tear jerker.
Did you get your Kleenex?…
Go ahead…I’ll wait…
So as several of you know, I am a nursing student.
I am currently doing my rotation in the hospital.
I was enjoying the first couple of weeks.
I was learning new skills.
I was interacting with patients, their families, the staff.
For the first time since I started my schooling, I felt like maybe I hadn’t made a mistake in going into this profession.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I got put on a shift with a couple of nurses who can be called many things, but kind and compassionate are not two of them.
Unfortunately, I am no longer that little girl who runs away from the bully.
On the first day, I stood up for myself, and made it clear to them that I would not be treated that way.
I said, “You do not get to treat me that way.”
Pretty clear, right.
I may or may not have been doing the “Speak to the hand” gesture…
image from here
Of course, now, as punishment, I am being paired with these nurses during every one of my shifts.
So essentially, I spend 16 hours a week, dodging insults, put-downs, snickers, eye rolls, and deep sighs, which, if they could be translated into human speak, would mean “We hate you! Nobody stands up to us! Nobody! Die bitch! Die!”
…ok, maybe a tad over dramatic, but give me a break, I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress.
Being bullied is exhausting.
No, there is nobody I can go to to speak about this because the staff is very tightly bound.
No, my teacher won’t understand.
Yes, I have to grit my teeth and get through this.
Yes, when it is over I will be stronger for this.
However, in the meantime, I’ve sort of taken to curling up into a little ball and feeling sorry for myself.
Which means, I don’t really see the funny in my life.
Which is too bad.
My one son made up a “bucket list” for a school project on which one of the items listed stated, “Get a job one day,” which, come on, how much fun could I have had with that.
(Other items also included “put a pizza in the oven,” “bang a gong,” and “play the flute”…but I’m too sad to find the will to pursue the comedic twist on these, so you’ll have to just imagine what I would have come up with.”
So all of this to say, I am sad.
I am 42 years old and struggling with the emotions associated with being bullied.
I can’t even imagine how a child, who doesn’t have the coping skills of an adult, feels.
And that makes me even sadder.
Sorry for the lack of funny today.
Perhaps I’ll shake this off soon, and be back next week with our regularly scheduled dose of inappropriate topics.