Here a hair, there a hair, everywhere a hair-hair

My life is very busy right now.

I am stressed. I am scared. I am confused.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I attend classes at the university.
Wednesday evening, I sit at the hospital and spend several hours researching the charts of the patients I’ve been assigned to.
Thursday and Friday, I am up at 6am making lunches for my kids.
I am at the hospital by 7am, and quite literally do not sit down until sometime after 6pm, long enough to eat a meal with my family, before I have to finish more homework, and somehow also interact with my children, hoping desperately that I’m still tending to their individual wants, needs, and desires.

By Saturday morning, I am a shell of a human being.
I move through my days habitually rather than purposefully.

The highlight of my week was when my friend Meghan unknowingly walked through the hospital and around the hospital ward where we work with a pair of flashy panties static-clung to her white uniform pantleg.

However this morning, a conversation occurred around our breakfast table; a conversation which grabbed me by the shoulders and shook away the cobwebs of anxiety which had been slowly engulfing me, and dragging me down into a sea of despair… ok, not really that dramatic, but it sounded all deep and thinky, right.

Jackson: Zoé made fun of me. She says I have a unibrow.

me eating my waffle: You don’t.

Jackson:  I do!

me inspecting: You have, like three hairs. That’s not a unibrow.

Jackson: Can you take me to have it waxed today?

me: No.

Wyatt joining in: I have a unibrow. It doesn’t bother me.

Jackson: That’s because you think hair makes you a man. You probably have a big hairy bush like Zohan.

Wyatt: Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.

me reminding Wyatt of a conversation we had earlier in the week: Well don’t be thinking you’re going to be growing one of those bush beards. I’ve already told you I think beards are creepy.

Wyatt: I’m totally growing a bush beard.

me: Then you’ll have to live in the backyard with the dogs.

Wyatt now eating my waffle: The dogs don’t live in the backyard.

Jackson: Mom, how can I get rid of my unibrow.

me: You can do like your dad does to his and use Nair to take it away.

Jackson: Nair? What’s Nair?

me: It’s a cream that you put on to take off pubic hair. But your dad is very clever and he uses it for his unibrow.

Jackson: Then when I’m older, I can use it for my pubic hair too?

me: No! It’s not for a man’s pubic hair. It’s for the hair around a woman’s bikini area.

Jackson: Really? ‘Cause I’d totally use it on my pubic area. I don’t want my junk to be hairy. I want it all smooth and hairless.

me: I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be putting Nair anywhere near your junk.

Wyatt: Jackson’s going to be such a metrosexual.

me:  Can you guys just leave me alone so I can eat my waffle.

And just like that, my world was right again.
Nair.
Bringing families closer.

And no.
Sadly I am not being paid by Nair for this post.

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80 Responses to Here a hair, there a hair, everywhere a hair-hair
  1. SkippyMom
    March 27, 2011 | 12:22 am

    The pictures made me laugh.

    And I would not, not, not put Nair anywhere my bikini line. The thought scares me. [But I am blind as a bat]

    Glad your world righted itself this morning. :) Always a good thing when that happens.

    Hope you have a relaxing, wine filled evening. Or tea, whatever works.

  2. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    March 27, 2011 | 12:39 am

    hahaha, your kids are awesome.

    Whenever I tell my mom I get bothered by my body hair, she tells me I'm silly and that's about the deepest she gets into the subject.

    I have to buy Nair and all the stuff myself. I have a question though. Is it okay to use nair for your arms?

  3. Anonymous
    March 27, 2011 | 12:43 am

    Don't put Nair anywhere near your junk. It will eat your skin like acid.

  4. ellen abbott
    March 27, 2011 | 12:54 am

    I'm totally with Jackson. Hairy balls are gross. and all Wyatt needs is a tweezers.

  5. The Onion
    March 27, 2011 | 12:58 am

    Your house reminds me of mine growing up. I don't think there was a conversation that was off-limits.

    My brother was 5 years older so I learned A LOT. Early.

  6. Gigi
    March 27, 2011 | 1:05 am

    You slay me. Well, to be more precise, your family conversations slay me.

  7. Stephanie Faris
    March 27, 2011 | 1:13 am

    I used Nair on my legs when I was a teen. I never could get it to work. I'd have just as much stubble on my legs as when I started. They'd say I needed to let the hair grow long, then Nair it. No thanks!!! The last time I tried it, my legs broke out in a horrible rash…so I think I'll stay away from my more delicate areas with it!

  8. Ami
    March 27, 2011 | 1:28 am

    I'm wondering if Nair will work to scrub the images of the hairy beasts you posted here.

    I always learn so much from your blog.

    :)

  9. suz
    March 27, 2011 | 1:33 am

    Well. Nothing like a little body-hair discussion to balance things out! So, do your kids so this on purpose to cheer you up?

  10. Kimberly
    March 27, 2011 | 1:38 am

    This is my favorite post of the whole week! I almost had red wine shooting from my nose…Lord, I gotta remember not to take a drink while I read what you've written.

  11. Lost.in.Idaho
    March 27, 2011 | 1:46 am

    Bright side, at least his future girlfriends will appreciate the manscaping…

  12. Raven
    March 27, 2011 | 1:52 am

    Tears. Tears are flowing down my face I'm laughing so hard. Your kids are so lucky, you're such an awesome mom! I wish my mom had been half as cool as you instead of being so stuck up and uptight she made June Cleaver look like a raunchy party animal.

  13. Leila
    March 27, 2011 | 2:04 am

    I remember when I first started getting pubic hair, I was so self-conscious about it! But at the same time I ignored it (not shaving or waxing) thinking it will go away. By the time I first had sex, my boyfriend at the time thought i was so silly for not wanting to show my body because of the hair…

    I think once i lose weight and get a sexy bikini body, I'll think about waxing or shaving down there. For now it's not out of control, so nair can suck it

  14. Kristina P.
    March 27, 2011 | 2:06 am

    Apparently, the Epilady still exists. I think he should go that route.

  15. Mamarazzi
    March 27, 2011 | 2:16 am

    the way life should be…love the conversations in your house. you ARE the cool mom, even if your kids don't know it, yet.

  16. Alessandra
    March 27, 2011 | 2:17 am

    Your kids are just too funny, mostly because they sound so real.
    Jackson just needs some tweezers, Nair stinks. I would definitely tell him not to put it anywhere near his junk, unless he really enjoys getting skin rashes etc.
    Wyatt is too much, and he might be right about Jackson….he could turn out to be a metro sexual…lol.

  17. Mamma has spoken
    March 27, 2011 | 2:23 am

    I remember when my oldest was in college, he would spend hours in the shower and I couldn't figure out why. Finally one day I saw him without his shirt and noticed there were no hair on his chest or stomach. Being the nosey mother I am, I asked what was up with that. I was told that girls don't like hair on the happy trail, hence he shaves all of it off. Just wait till your sons start doing this.
    No beards hum, of the four sons, only one has no facial hair and that only because the military doesn't alloud it.

  18. Anita
    March 27, 2011 | 2:28 am

    You and your family are perfect for a reality TV show. :)

    Seriously, schedule some rest time…watch that blood pressure, too.

  19. Belle
    March 27, 2011 | 2:29 am

    My husband and I both enjoyed the conversation on pubic hair. “Tweezers!” he yelled.
    Your life sounds so hectic and tiring. My daughter is a nurse and was worn out too. I hope things get calmer soon.

  20. Carri
    March 27, 2011 | 2:29 am

    You're the coolest mom ever.

  21. Riot Kitty
    March 27, 2011 | 2:37 am

    Bwahahaha!

    I am dreading the day when this kind of convo comes up w/one of my younger siblings.

  22. Making It Work Mom
    March 27, 2011 | 2:52 am

    Thank God you have your kids to keep you grounded and keep you funny. We don't need you all stressed and anxious.

    I would seriously consider hiding all the Nair in your house. I don't trust Jackson.

  23. Kaymee
    March 27, 2011 | 3:18 am

    I love that I can count on you to lift my spirits any day! Thank your boys for me too! they crack me up :)

  24. stephanie
    March 27, 2011 | 3:22 am

    You're family is hysterical. I love it! And definitely hide the nair from Jackson :)

  25. Cake Betch
    March 27, 2011 | 3:30 am

    Lol hand the boy a pair of tweezers and tell him not to go nuts with the plucking.

  26. Lazarus
    March 27, 2011 | 4:11 am

    Sandra, the pictures really compliment this posting, nicely done! As usual, it's very funny…but, I must say, if I were in your family, I would cut my tongue out now to avoid the embarrassment of appearing in here! Bravo!

  27. Nicole
    March 27, 2011 | 4:23 am

    Mair? Nair for Manboys with unibrows? Just a new product suggestion.

  28. Yvonne
    March 27, 2011 | 5:17 am

    Nair stinks! I could never get it to work either! My niece used to have a unibrow when she was little. Poor thing! lol

  29. Bouncin' Barb
    March 27, 2011 | 5:30 am

    You could always put the fear of god in them and tell them how Grizzly Adams caught his bush beard on fire and burned and scarred his face and neck all up. Tweezers! Let him feel the pain of each hair! I'm so mean aren't I? You're a good Mom. School isn't forever. Light at the end of the tunnel. Hugs and love you too!

  30. Tina
    March 27, 2011 | 6:51 am

    Is it just me or is the pic of the dude with the man pelt exposing his left nut? Eeeewwwwww!

  31. Thisisme.
    March 27, 2011 | 7:47 am

    Gosh, you've certainly got a busy schedule at the moment. But things will get easier – honest! I loved all those photos and the conversation you had with your boys. They're just too funny! I do hope you manage to get some you time before it all starts all over again.

  32. Julianna
    March 27, 2011 | 12:20 pm

    Ok. You're excused for not checking in on me more often. :)

    I've used nair on my bikini line before. Ended up with a chemical burn on my stretch marks that we can't discuss here. :(

  33. EmptyNester
    March 27, 2011 | 12:36 pm

    What a hilarious post! Reminded me of when our girls were coming along and some of the conversations we had–some of which sent Hubs running from the table! LOL

  34. The Minute Man's Wife
    March 27, 2011 | 1:01 pm

    I actually had a crush on Grizzly Adams when I was a kid. Everybody loved Grizzy! He was king of the forest!!

    Sex-ay!

  35. Sparkling
    March 27, 2011 | 1:36 pm

    sounds like you are on quite a treadmill these days. i hope the real world of nursing isn't that frantic and monotonous. we'll never hear from you again!!! where are the fun nurses like on scrubs????

  36. Hilary
    March 27, 2011 | 2:43 pm

    That was crazy funny. Three hairs.. three plucks with the tweezers. Nair scares me. Thanks for the morning laugh.

  37. " Hit It......."
    March 27, 2011 | 2:52 pm

    I quit nursing school because I couldn't get through it with 2 little kids. This is one of my biggest regrets! I am proud of you. Keep going.

    Love your conversations with your boys. They are real and honest; unlike other conversations in blog land.

  38. Jessica
    March 27, 2011 | 3:14 pm

    Nothing like family bonding over Nair and waffles.

  39. Lizbeth
    March 27, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    Nair scares me. I used on my legs and it burnt down to my dermis. Ouch!

  40. Kimberly
    March 27, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    Jebus…that hairy bastard must leave his mark on anything..
    “Hey dude, I have a hair in my souuuu…it's curly…is it? Oh my God. It's your chest hair isn't it?”
    *Shudder.

  41. Kimberly
    March 27, 2011 | 4:00 pm

    Jebus…that hairy bastard must leave his mark on anything..
    “Hey dude, I have a hair in my souuuu…it's curly…is it? Oh my God. It's your chest hair isn't it?”
    *Shudder.

  42. Queen B
    March 27, 2011 | 5:32 pm

    Yeah, you should tweeze him. Remind him that he's not too old for you to cause him some pain in the name of good parenting ;)

  43. Stephanie
    March 27, 2011 | 5:50 pm

    lmao @ smooth and hairless junk. Actually, the word “junk” alone is enough to reduce me to giggles.

  44. Brandy Rose
    March 27, 2011 | 5:59 pm

    I'm a shaver myself…

  45. Rebecca
    March 27, 2011 | 6:36 pm

    That hairy man was really gross and give the boy a pair of tweezers.

  46. Bibliomama
    March 27, 2011 | 7:19 pm

    My daughter has a unibrow. I will totally Nair her the day she asks me to. The first time one of my son's friends pointed it out I wanted to clothesline the little fucker.

  47. Meri
    March 27, 2011 | 7:28 pm

    hahaha- I'm saying your best bet is to hand them the Nair and “wash your hands” of the situation. This story is cracking me up, as always :)

  48. becca
    March 27, 2011 | 8:23 pm

    i love your family you have the best conversations ever

  49. Rita
    March 27, 2011 | 8:43 pm

    OMG!! Love the flashy panties clung to the white pant leg and the whole Nair conversation–OMG! Burns me, tho. No thanks. ;)

  50. Lola
    March 27, 2011 | 9:47 pm

    You said “junk”
    Gigglegigglegiggle

  51. Monkey Man
    March 27, 2011 | 11:46 pm

    One sure way to get him to stop complaining about the unibrow….have him use duct tape to rip he hair out. Only a weanie would use Nair. Duct Tape = Manly.

  52. On My Soapbox
    March 27, 2011 | 11:52 pm

    I think you need to introduce your son to tweezers. That way, he can remove his three hairs without chemicals. Would you really trust him with Nair?

  53. Alittlesprite
    March 27, 2011 | 11:53 pm

    LOL!
    get him one of those little battery run personal shavers.. that'll do the trick.

  54. Alittlesprite
    March 27, 2011 | 11:54 pm

    LOL @ Monkey Man “Duct Tape = Manly”

  55. gayle
    March 28, 2011 | 1:43 am

    I love your conversations with your boys!! How old are they?

  56. Jen
    March 28, 2011 | 2:47 am

    I agree with the person that said that the guys nuts are showing in the picture…

  57. Emily
    March 28, 2011 | 3:26 am

    Hilarious post. Excellent!

  58. Not Blessed Mama
    March 28, 2011 | 8:57 am

    on the bright side- nair might pay you to NOT mention them on your blog??

  59. Trac~
    March 28, 2011 | 9:13 am

    LOL too funny! What a conversation to have over dinner! Thanks for stopping by and being a new follower. I am your latest follower as well. Have a great day! :)

  60. anSeL
    March 28, 2011 | 12:24 pm

    your son is so modern, that means he will be vain- conscious of the way he looks…

    your family makes your day!

  61. FrouFrouBritches
    March 28, 2011 | 12:29 pm

    Oh my gracious! You are hysterical! I hate to tell you that I've always had a little crush on Dan Haggerty (Grizzly Adams). :)

  62. SuzRocks
    March 28, 2011 | 1:00 pm

    Note to self: buy bottle of Nair when begin to procreate.

    who wouldve thought?

  63. Rebecca
    March 28, 2011 | 3:09 pm

    Those man pictures were gross! Next time cleanse the palate afterward with a nice Brad Pitt pic, won't you?

  64. Sarah
    March 28, 2011 | 3:29 pm

    Bonding over Nair! And I'm cracking up about the metrosexual comment!

    Last time I commented (I think it was a Friday?) I was feeling apparently violent saying to punch people. Turns out, I was in early labor ;-) I should have known, when I left multiple comments on blogs about smacking the shit out of someone! Haha!

  65. Alexis AKA MOM
    March 28, 2011 | 3:31 pm

    See Nair doesn't just take off hair but it can cut off a whole conversation! LOL

    Oh lord hair ball … excuse me :)

    P.S. The SBD farter I so can excuse the first one ok maybe two but heck when they keep rolling out. You MUST step off the machine and go poo … lol

  66. Stephanie
    March 28, 2011 | 4:41 pm

    But seriously…does Nair even work that great? I've never given it a shot.

    Let the kid grow a beard–they're in and they're sexy. At least a creep stache.

  67. Chandra
    March 28, 2011 | 4:48 pm

    Nair, Nair everywhere.

    What happened to the good ol' tweezers? I actually like the pain of tweezing my eyebrows…ya, I'm weird..can't image your son would want to tweeze his man jewels…NAIR is the best optionI guess…(what's in that stuff anyway that it removes hair..terpentine?) LOL!

  68. Boobies
    March 28, 2011 | 5:26 pm

    LMAO! Best convo over waffles ever!

  69. meleah rebeccah
    March 28, 2011 | 5:59 pm

    This is too funny, who would have thought “Nair”…could bring families closer together over waffles!

  70. Bà Già Khó Tính
    March 28, 2011 | 6:22 pm

    woaaaa ! all hair style in here very cool :D , funny !

  71. Mrs. Tuna
    March 29, 2011 | 3:00 am

    I am over the edge too, I totally sucked it this week, I didn't even do a post.

  72. From Tracie
    March 29, 2011 | 3:17 am

    Nair totally should pay you.

    I have never tried it, because I'm afraid of it. It seems to me that whatever it does to make the hair go away (in my mind it melts it, like acid) would also happen to the skin, and so I have these mental images of a hair-less/skin-less me going to the beach….and that isn't very cute.

  73. Holly
    March 29, 2011 | 3:33 am

    BAHAHAHA!!! You know, Nair never did much for me… I think I may be related to the hair monster… looks a little like my uncle!!! Your son makes me LAUGH!! And your schedule makes me dizzy! ((HUGS))

  74. The Absence of Alternatives
    March 29, 2011 | 5:53 am

    I once burned the corners of my mouth with Nair. Never again! And did you see the movie “Fur” starring robert downey Jr?

  75. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 29, 2011 | 6:49 am

    Reading your posts backwards has its benefits. Now I see why you're so stressed out: You have too much on your plate.

    No, not the waffles! The work, the school, the kids, the husband. That's too much for one woman. Give yourself a break, emotionally if not otherwise.

  76. Linda Medrano
    March 29, 2011 | 5:38 pm

    Your schedule exhausts me just reading about it. I doubt I could live through it. Your son is hysterical and so is your husband. Thank God for lighter moments!

  77. The Random Blogette
    April 1, 2011 | 7:47 pm

    OMG! I can't wait to have these conversations with my kids. Right now I am just terrorizing my 9 year old by asking him if he has ball hair yet. He swears he will never get it. Poor kid. He is going to be a hairy beast like his dad.

  78. Madge
    April 1, 2011 | 10:25 pm

    YIKES!! Let me just start with that, I would never put Nair anywhere near my eyes. And we call it a cybrow at our house.

  79. LegalMist
    April 4, 2011 | 4:53 pm

    Great breakfast conversation — I bet everyone went off to school all laughing and happy… :)

  80. LOLA
    April 4, 2011 | 8:06 pm

    I'm actually laughing out loud and I don't do that too often. The only physical description of Criseyde that I recall from Chaucer is that Criseyde had a unibrow. I bet she wished she had a mom like you who would tell her about Nair.

    Infinities of love,

    Lola

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