Backup plan


So this is what has been going on in my life. In a nutshell.

I had to do a demonstration of my nursing skills and keep the fake patient alive.

Apparently I did several things wrong.
Fake patient may have developed an infection due to my technique not being completely sterile.
Fake patient may have even died because of his infection.
We’ll never know.
Because fake patient is fake.

Bottom line: I’ve failed the course.

I have been struggling with whether or not medical nursing is even my thing.
I could redo this course next year, but honestly, I don’t want to.
I didn’t like the course the first time around.
Pretty sure I won’t like it the second time.

So now I’m at a crossroads…
…no that’s not even true.
I have no plans on crossing any roads.

I just don’t want to stay in my faculty anymore.
Unless the teachers suddenly decide I’m indispensible to the program and tell me they made a terrible mistake and I actually did execute flawless hand washing technique.

I have options though.

I can become a yoga instructor.
I would have to go away for a month to some really ‘om’ like retreat, and serenity isn’t my strong suit, but I’d get to work on my flexibility, and I’m sure my husband would really appreciate my newfound ability to wrap my legs around my ears.

I could get a job a Lulu Lemon, and then I’d get employee discounts, and I’d have a rockin’ wardrobe.

I could get a job like the girl I saw at the bar on Saturday night.
This young lady stands on a stage and dances all night.
She wears what I can only describe as an awkward bikiki and fuzzy knee high boots.

Thing is, though, I get chilly quite easily, and I suspect the bar owners wouldn’t approve of me working my moves wrapped in a fleece hoodie and sweatpants.
Not to mention, if I was going to embrace this particular profession, I’d rather do it in an establishment where I had a pole nearby and the men weren’t too cheap to stuff a few dollar bills in my awkward bikini.

I could blog  professionally.
However, that would require that someone would actually hire me for my thought provoking and well constructed posts.
In an attempt at optimism, I’m going to say that this is still a possibility.
Some big name corporation is eyeing me up as we speak to sign me on to a multi-million dollar contract, which will not only give me creative freedom, but will also include all the free Lulu Lemon yoga pants that I want.

Or I could move into a different style of nursing. Psychiatric nursing.
I have all the prerequisites.
I’ve spoken to the registrar’s office at a different university and they want me to apply. Like now.
And quite honestly, after all the stress I’ve been through this year at my current university, it’s kind of nice to have people saying, “Let us know as soon as you can, we will save you a spot!”
They like me, they really like me.

And let’s not forget that I don’t necessarily have to do anything at all.
It’ll soon be summer.
I can work on my tan.
Go for runs.
Watch General Hospital.

And eventually want to bash my head in with the cupcake tin from boredom.

hmmm….death by dessert pan or fulfillment from going to school and scoping out the hot profs?
…it’s a toughy…

If you don’t hear from me in the next few days send out the search party: I may have drowned myself via buttercream icing.

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76 Responses to Backup plan
  1. Jessica
    March 29, 2011 | 5:06 am

    Such difficult decisions to make. I hope you get the multi-million dollar blogging contract.

  2. SherilinR
    March 29, 2011 | 5:06 am

    that sucks that you didn't pass that pesky test! don't you hate it when you have to be a grown up & make real life decisions about what to do? yeah, me too.

  3. Kristina P.
    March 29, 2011 | 5:06 am

    I think Charlie Sheen has a Goddess position to fill. You would be amazing. Winning, in fact.

  4. XLMIC
    March 29, 2011 | 5:47 am

    IDK… now that Oprah is not going to do her show, I was thinking I'd take over that spotlight… and I'll probably need some help… at least at first. Would you like to audition? Just in case, you know. Cuz you never know ;-) My husband keeps thinking that he is going to be able to retire on my earnings from my lame-o blog with it's whopping 180 followers and zero sponsors! I am letting him keep on thinking that because that way he is happy to let me spend time leaving comments for other, wittier bloggers :) as I “network” to build my business … LOL!!!

  5. From Tracie
    March 29, 2011 | 6:32 am

    If only there were still openings for that cupcake testing job (that only exists in my mind).

  6. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 29, 2011 | 6:46 am

    First bit of free advice, and you know what free advice is worth: Don't make any hasty decisions.

    Second bit of advice: I doubt that pole dancing is everything it's cracked up to be, although I'd be willing to interview a lot of strippers to see what they have to say.

    Sorry you're feeling blue. Life really sucks sometimes.

  7. Ninja Mike
    March 29, 2011 | 7:00 am

    Personally I like the awkward bikini idea. You could always be a ninja… training's hard… really hard. But if you make it, it works out pretty well. OOooooh! Become a maseusse. er… however u spell that… That would be cool and sexy. So yeah, that's that for you.

  8. Not So Simply Single
    March 29, 2011 | 7:00 am

    NEVER ever EVER could do that job. Never. I would just sit and eat the cake…thats what I would do…


  9. Laura
    March 29, 2011 | 7:05 am

    I would do the yoga thing and then jump on the bar counter in the evenings – will be easy thanks to the yoga and then help out at Lulu Lemon just enough hours to qualify for the staff discount!!!!

  10. Nikki Rules
    March 29, 2011 | 7:06 am

    Well… being that you're at a crossroads and all, remember what Yogi Bera said: when you get to a fork in the road, take it.

    Crossroads are tough when they come unexpectedly. Be brave cuz those yoga pants look like shit when you shart yourself, very unzen!

  11. Carlita
    March 29, 2011 | 7:23 am

    Let's go for coffee sandra!!

  12. Bouncin' Barb
    March 29, 2011 | 7:47 am

    And you tell me I'm the blogger goddess? My fingers are crossed for you to get the big $$ contract. Still doesn't hurt to go for psychiatric nursing. Just in case you get bored with all that writing. Just sayin'! Remember to drag me along with you when you become that famous writer. I can edit, proof, etc.etc. Be your personal assistant. Love you!!

  13. A Daft Scots Lass
    March 29, 2011 | 7:59 am

    Don't we all wish we could be professional bloggers.

  14. Sarahf
    March 29, 2011 | 8:01 am

    You'd rock the awkward bikini and fuzzy boots, just ask them to put the heat on. ;P Whatever you decide, I hope it all works out for you.

  15. Alittlesprite
    March 29, 2011 | 9:08 am

    Sorry you didn't pass your course, but it's good you have other

  16. Helle Kristine Tumbridge
    March 29, 2011 | 10:12 am

    It is a shame you didn't make it, but from the sound of it, you weren't having a fun time anyway. And after all, what is the long-term use of passing a course in something you dislike?

  17. Lanie Painie
    March 29, 2011 | 10:52 am

    psychiatric nursing? clearly, you'd fit right in! Think of all the interesting people you'd meet!

  18. hoodyhoo
    March 29, 2011 | 10:56 am

    I actually have the dancing in the bar job, but I get to wear clothes and dance in the DJ booth… you're welcome to come help!

  19. becca
    March 29, 2011 | 11:01 am

    Hugs honey hope things work out soon for you

  20. Jewels
    March 29, 2011 | 11:28 am

    So glad that your sense of humor is still in place. Hugs and tons of postive thoughts being sent your way. I know you'll come up with a new path that is wonderful for you!

    PS…if you decide to work that pole be sure and let us know so we can plan a bloggers outting to support ya! ;-) hehe

  21. myevil3yearold
    March 29, 2011 | 11:36 am

    I'm not going to give you advice because I can't find something I love doing myself.

    Ok, I can't help myself. Don't go back it sounds like you hate it. If you like Lulu lemonade or whatever it would be better than something you hate.

  22. Jeff
    March 29, 2011 | 11:56 am

    You did such a great job that you are missing entirely what your choosen profession should be…drum roll please…here we go..are you ready for this…I think you should be a guidance counseler :-)

  23. Portia
    March 29, 2011 | 12:37 pm

    I'm so sorry that you didn't pass the course! Going back to school as a mom with kids is tough and I know some days you can wonder, “what the hell am I doing?” when your kids are sick and being a grown-up get in the way.

    Being a psychiatric nurse could give you some good blog fodder!

  24. Sparkling
    March 29, 2011 | 12:59 pm

    well, we sure don't want you in a job where it takes away all your funniness. and this rotation has put a severe damper on that which tells me you aren't happy which means a life of unhappiness if you stay where you are. if they are begging you to join them somewhere else, get to it!! how great will that feel???

  25. FreeFlying
    March 29, 2011 | 1:08 pm

    I think the psychiatric nursing sounds AMAZING. (Wait. Back up. I'm really sorry that your current focus has kind of destructed. That has to suck, especially after all that time spent and dealing with the bullies.) But for real. I would kill to get into psychiatric nursing. I love anything involving psychology. In fact, I kind of wish now that, instead of spending so much effort learning to pour a soda with minimal fizz, I'd actually learned some real skills.

    Kind of. ;)

  26. stephanie
    March 29, 2011 | 1:12 pm

    I vote dancing in the awkward bikini but that's just me… really though I hope everything goes well. And honestly? Who wants to keep fake person alive anyways? No one I know.

  27. Heather
    March 29, 2011 | 1:26 pm

    Well……….at least you have options.
    In were so good at creating options I wish you would create some for me. I have been teaching for 17 years and frankly….it's getting a little old. My dream job is being the golf course snack cart girl!!

  28. ms. caboo
    March 29, 2011 | 1:28 pm

    Oh, so sorry you are having a crossroads moment. They can really suck eggs. I say go for the other university! And a cupcake tester is the perfect back up profession.

    Make whatever decision that will make you happy in the long run.

  29. " Hit It......."
    March 29, 2011 | 1:31 pm

    I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I sucked at it too. I wish you would reconsider and stick it out. I remember thinking the same thing. When I got into the program, the experience wasn't what I thought it would be. If you want to talk, email me. I am a great listener. Good luck!

  30. Jeanie
    March 29, 2011 | 1:38 pm

    Think about whether medical nursing is something you want to do every day for a long time. If it is not, don't do it. If you hate what you are doing there is not enough buttercream icing in the world to make it okay.

  31. Cake Betch
    March 29, 2011 | 1:52 pm

    I definitely could not be a nurse. All the sickness, death, old people, smells, SPONGE BATHS? No thanks. Yoga might be fun! And instead of bashing your brains in with a cupcake tin you could become a baker and wear cute retro aprons around the house with big mittens on your hands and little kitten shoes!

  32. Queen B
    March 29, 2011 | 1:54 pm

    you should totally have applied to be Charlie Sheen's social media intern!

    Psychiatric nursing…. I hate to say that sounds like fun, but it sounds way more fun than changing bed pans.

  33. Patti Murphy
    March 29, 2011 | 1:55 pm

    Ah Sweetie, it sucks failing at something, but that's what builds character. I have lots of character.

    Sounds like the psych nursing is a good fit. You'd be very empathetic being a total nutcase yourself. They'll love you.

    Regardless, keep blogging. I love your stuff.

  34. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    March 29, 2011 | 1:58 pm

    I'm sorry you didn't pass. ):

    I would vote the psychiatry thing though. My dad is a counselor and he JUST LOVES being a “good” parent to his two ” -__-” teenagers.

    Honestly, any time your kids complain about your method of doing things, you could just say, “Hell, I'm a counselor, I have a diploma to prove it, so just shut up. I know HOW to be a good parent.”

    Cheer up.

    You're still awesome.

    Or, you could just not study and find ways to irritate your kids.

    Just make sure you blog about it.

  35. anSeL
    March 29, 2011 | 2:08 pm

    oh, i'm sorry to hear that. hope evrything will be ok- eventhough it is so hard to decide.

    as they say, keep on blogging!

  36. Rebecca
    March 29, 2011 | 2:11 pm

    I don't know how much the money is needed or if you just want to get out of the house and make a difference doing something while making some pocket change in the process…..but I think you'd be awesome in a middle school.

    Doing what is the hard question for me to think about because I don't know you personally.

    If you can be serious and just as fun as your blog sounds then go for teaching. If it's hard for you to separate the two, go for an aide. You could really reach out to the kids and show them how fun learning can be and they would probably feel comfortable coming to you with tough questions.

    Middle school needs good people with great attitudes but who are cool and fun. (I'm good and great but not cool or fun in the middle school brain……….I'm more fit for preschool!~!)

  37. Fizzgig
    March 29, 2011 | 2:24 pm

    start selling sex toys, you know, like at parties. Because i have a plan to ship all the crappy men off to an island somewhere, and I have a feeling business will be booming….

    wish me luck !

  38. Bossy Betty
    March 29, 2011 | 2:26 pm

    I am pretty sure the fake patient had it out for you and fiddled with the test results. Did you insult his fake wife at some point?

    Good luck with the decisions. That buttercream icing holds all the answers I am sure. Apply a lot and then see what happens.

  39. Nicole
    March 29, 2011 | 2:33 pm

    Good luck, lady. I say go to the new school AND blog for millions. The psychiatric nursing is bound to be good blog material. Names changed, of course.

  40. meleah rebeccah
    March 29, 2011 | 3:01 pm

    Oh no. I'm sorry to hear this bad news. That sucks.

    However, maybe you COULD blog professionally ABOUT being psychiatric nursing! I mean can you even imagine the “material” that would provide for fodder!

  41. CarrieAnn
    March 29, 2011 | 3:27 pm


  42. Lizbeth
    March 29, 2011 | 3:42 pm

    First off give fake patient a round of antibiotics and tell him to shove off.
    As an old nurse the worst part of nursing is nursing school. It sucked and I wanted to quit a million times. I always wanted to go into the OR but had to put up with all the med-surg stuff. Lets just say I killed a ton of fake patients. ;)

    Hang in there–L

  43. Nicole
    March 29, 2011 | 4:03 pm

    I don't do giveaways or reviews but I always said that if Lululemon contacted me, I would have a review site up immediately. I love that stuff.

    Anyway, lots of decisions but maybe it's best that you didn't pass the course because it will force you into a path that will ultimately be happier for you. I hope! Good luck!

  44. Melissa
    March 29, 2011 | 4:07 pm

    Well you certainly do have a wide variety of options though I'd rather you not choose to bash your head out of boredom. I don't know what I would do without your blog posts. They make me laugh hysterically and sometimes be looked at by my Chihuahuas like I'm going to be committed. So my dear, you go to the other nursing field and bring me more laughter. Yes, I'm a bit stingy.

  45. PBJdreamer
    March 29, 2011 | 4:40 pm

    I have no advice

    Even if I did, never listen to me!

    I just enjoy your funny posts

    Please keep entertaining me


    that is all

  46. The Minute Man's Wife
    March 29, 2011 | 4:50 pm

    Cross roads? Sounds more like a traffic circle! I'm sorry you turned out to be a fake killer. The point is you TRIED something new and you should be proud of yourself for that one thing alone! Maybe you should try a profession where you can't actually cause somebody a long slow agonizing death? Just saying…

  47. Kelley
    March 29, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    You are so funny! You have options, girl. Options! Don't give up on the nursing thing. I can happen still…down the psychiatric road or even the medical road. I know it is a discouraging time, but you are awesome and I know you'd make an awesome nurse. You just have to get through all of this crap. You definitely could be a professional blogger. Definitely.

  48. Linda Medrano
    March 29, 2011 | 5:35 pm

    Honey, when one door closes, another one opens. You have options. And you are not tied to one particular field. Take a little vacation and think about what you “want” to do. Then do it.

  49. Tipsy -
    March 29, 2011 | 5:51 pm

    Listen to your gut, intuition, whatever. Like any other part of your body, the more you work with it, the stronger it gets! I wouldn't discount professional blogger, but you should do what feels right to you.

  50. Coffeypot
    March 29, 2011 | 6:46 pm

    If you give up that easily, perhaps pole dancing is for you. But I think you are stronger than that and that you will retake the class and kick ass in it. Just do some mental attitude adjustment and you will conquer any course and any situation you come across as an RN. I would even feel comfortable with you giving me a prostate exam. Kinda! Well, maybe comfortable isn’t the right word.

  51. DCHY
    March 29, 2011 | 7:00 pm

    Buttercream icing! Wha…? What did you say? Oh yeah. Classes. Summer. Dancing. Icing, hmm. What? ;)

  52. Mark
    March 29, 2011 | 7:35 pm

    Your poor girl! Bless your heart! I just learned that saying last year. I think it's funny.
    I would take the summer off and work on that tan. And let me know if Demi Moore is back on G.H. I'm boycotting it until she retuns. m.

  53. laughingmom
    March 29, 2011 | 7:50 pm

    Alternate careers : massage therapy – do good work while wearing yoga pants…or baker – all the buttercream you can eat!

  54. pattypunker
    March 29, 2011 | 8:42 pm

    sorry about the test, snookums. when one door closes, you should set it free and see if it comes back to hit you in the ass. or some shit.

    fuck no. this is a good thing. you're going to land where you need to be. and it will be much better than that mean-spirited place. plus you'll be able to tell your grandchildren this story when they are at a crossroads and reassure them that everything works out in the long run.

  55. Shell
    March 29, 2011 | 8:53 pm

    I would take a job that paid in Lulu Lemon clothing.

    And I'd love to be a yoga instructor- actually thought about doing that…back pre-kids when I was in rockstar shape and was actually flexible. SIGH.

    Sorry about the class. :(

  56. Monkey Man
    March 29, 2011 | 9:34 pm

    Too bad the nursing thing has taken a turn for the worse….kind of like your patient. The wrapping legs around ears thing sounds pretty promising though. Be sure to take pictures.

  57. Nari
    March 29, 2011 | 9:44 pm

    Psychiatric nursing sounds good. Do that. Of course, I'm just thinking of myself…just think of all the great blog material.

  58. Julianna
    March 29, 2011 | 10:18 pm

    I vote… travel agent.

    So you could visit often.

    OK. Then maybe the yoga thing..

    But seriously, a month away from all that “hunk o man” that is Wayne? How could you handle it?

    Mmmm, maybe the phsyc. nurse is the way to go. afterall isn't that what you do here, but without meds? And think of all the blog fodder. Yes. Yes, that's the job for you.

  59. suz
    March 29, 2011 | 11:12 pm

    Got a “Chip-in” page? I've got 5 bucks I can spare!

    Go for psych nursing! You've got the strong character, the strong body (which unfortunately may be needed) and the flexible mind! Sanity, balance, sense of humor – I think you'd inspire confidence from your patients, and I'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall if one of them tries to manipulate you! It's a great opportunity if you really care about nursing!

    On the downside, any shrink with a lick of sense would probably be intimidated by you, possibly even terrified!

  60. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    March 30, 2011 | 12:26 am

    That really sucks. But truly, psch nursing does sound way more interesting than say, gall stones…

  61. Rita
    March 30, 2011 | 2:14 am

    When in doubt, do nothing.
    At least for a while. Sit back and wait to feel what is really right for you–and the way will become clear.

    The psych nurse might be a challenging job, but you couldn't talk much about it on the blog. Confidentiality and all that.
    Not much confidentiality issues as a bar dancer or yoga instructor. Maybe another door or two will even open.
    Being paid to blog…now that's the ticket. You could handle that well.

    Very best of luck to you no matter which road you take. :)

  62. randine
    March 30, 2011 | 3:51 am

    Dude, nursing school straight up sucks and I thought about quitting a million times. I wasn't sure I would be a good nurse.
    But if it makes you feel any better- I think I'm a pretty good nurse despite all my misgivings. At least- I haven't killed anyone. Yet. That I know of.
    Point is- it gets better. Hang in there.

  63. Tara Gail
    March 30, 2011 | 12:35 pm

    I was a medical assistant, primarily in pediatrics before I had both of my sons and decided to stay home. I originally went to school for Radiology and they only selected 12 a year into the program. I was on a losing end. So I went into assisting which my courses transferred on over. Even assisting is a demanding job. It puts a lot of stress on you. I had a love/hate relationship with it. I am sure though the best of nurses didn't ace that skills test immediately. I have seen it in real estate also, the best agent in this town failed his board exam 8 times! Eventually he passed and look at him now, he is on top of the world! Hang in there and even if you switch to a different type of nursing, that is okay too. Just don't give up on you.

  64. 1 Funky Woman
    March 30, 2011 | 1:55 pm

    Well I'm rooting for you with the megabucks blogging contract and hope then you hire moi!

    I kinda think you answered your question. If the other school wants you and you aren't liking the one you are at and you already have all the prerequisites and might even be a little psycho anyway, who isn't these days lol, then thats a sure thing!

    Good luck deciding!


  65. Raven
    March 30, 2011 | 5:00 pm

    I'm sorry, that totally sucks ass. But, you are awesome and you will figure it out.

  66. The Onion
    March 30, 2011 | 5:19 pm

    Oh my. I hope the answers lie in the butter cream. I find that eating and reading trashy magazine always clear my head. Please don't bash your head in with a cupcake tin. At least use a heavy bunt pan, lest you not do the job efficiently. Actually, go into the Psych nursing, so you can figure out why other people tried to bash their heads in, etc. Those places need people with a sense of humor and a no bullshit demeanor like yours. Best of luck!

    The Onion

  67. Pearl
    March 30, 2011 | 6:11 pm

    Hey sandra, I missed this entry on my email…
    anyway, cheer up! that's just a test, and a course. You'll bounce back, I'm sure. Not the end of your career as a future very successful head nurse.
    The important thing was you learned, and you learned well, when you made that mistake. I will advise you not to switch Universities. Stick to it, because you have already established rapport and great relationships with your classmates and profs, right?
    Go Sandra!

  68. Nan | WrathOfMom
    March 30, 2011 | 8:43 pm

    So many, many choices.

    Awkward Bikinin lady's mother must be so proud.

  69. gayle
    March 31, 2011 | 8:28 pm

    I agree with some of the others ….just think what do you really want to do.

    Good luck….cause I still don't know!

  70. Snake
    March 31, 2011 | 11:14 pm

    Congrats on not being a Yes Mom . . . You'd look good in an awkward bikini . . . And that month long OM retreat sounds appealing! :) Ciao

  71. SuzRocks
    April 1, 2011 | 10:30 pm

    I'm confused- you have to pick what kind of nursing you want to do before you graduate?

    Also- that is the BIGGEST LOAD OF SHIT that they can fail someone for the stupid fake patient shit.

    I remember we had to do an 'injection' test, and they said if you failed it the second time, then you were out of the program.

    I failed it the first time b/c I didn't knock a few bubbles out of the insulin syringe correctly. As if the stupid little bubbles would've done anything.

    I could've shot those stupid little bubbles straight into the IV, and it wouldn't have hurt. What Idiots!

    I'm sorry! This really sucks! Hang in there!

  72. Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life
    April 3, 2011 | 11:10 pm

    sorry you didn't keep the fake guy alive. i give you kudos for trying. nursing is not my thing. i was a physical therapy assistant for several years (it's a two year program – or it was back when Jesus was a child) but just couldn't take the puking and the pooing. gave it up.

  73. LOLA
    April 4, 2011 | 8:02 pm

    I used to do some healthcare stuff. We had somebody in our class who failed hand washing. She passed the next time. It will be o.k., whatever you decide to do.

    Infinities of love,


  74. Jill
    April 5, 2011 | 3:37 am

    I think sticking with it is that right move so I'm glad I read backwards and you're feeling more optimistic. You can do it babe. It at first…Mwah

  75. Ginger
    April 5, 2011 | 9:05 pm

    Never thought of you as a quitter Sandra. Its just one course. You can do it again. Or you can even try the Psych. There's really nothin impossible for a princess:-*

  76. The Adorkable Ditz
    April 6, 2011 | 4:34 am

    Secretly I'm scared that I'm gonna fail my classes before I even transfer :/

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