Amuse me!

My husband, Wayne, used to play semi-pro hockey.
Sadly, this was long before I came into his life.
Too bad.
I think it’s hot.

So the other day we somehow got onto the topic of him playing hockey again.
I said, “You should do it. I’d go and watch you. I’d hold up a sign in the stands that says ‘GO BABY!’ Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Not really,” he replies.

“Really? It would be fun!”

Then I break into a beat: Go baby! Go baby!

“Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

“Not really,” he says again.

“Come on! Then your team mates would look up into the stands and say, “Who is that chick up holding the ‘GO BABY!’ sign?” And you could tell them, “That’s my wife,” and then they would say, “That’s your wife?” and you could say, “Yup,” and they would say, “You get to tap that ass every night?” and you could say, “Not every night. Only the nights that I don’t fall asleep on the couch.” And they would say, “If I had a wife that looked like that, I’d be tapping that ass every night.” And you could say…”

But he’s not listening anymore.

He’s walking down the hallway.

So I yell out, “So what do you think? You gonna play hockey again? I need some notice so I can get working on my ‘GO BABY!’ sign.”

He doesn’t answer.

Well I think it would be fun.

I can tell he’s smiling on the inside.

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99 Responses to Amuse me!
  1. Carri
    March 1, 2011 | 3:21 am

    You never fail to crack me up!

  2. Misfits Vintage
    March 1, 2011 | 3:25 am

    Wish someone would make me a sign. I wouldn't even care what it said. Any kind of encouragement would be frickin awesome…

    “Sarah, you're doing ok”

    “You're not dead yet – good job!”

    “You got out of bed – woohoo!”

    GO BABY GO!

    Sarah xxx

  3. Lost.in.Idaho
    March 1, 2011 | 3:29 am

    I need a personal cheerleading section.

    Hell, I'd settle for a sign. “Are you getting laid tonight?” with a little sliding indicator that pointed to a 'yes' or a 'no.' It would make relationships SO much easier…

  4. Lazarus
    March 1, 2011 | 3:31 am

    When you're ruling the world, then he'll wish he had gone back to playing hockey. Of course, by then you can just order it. Make him play goalie, just to teach him a lesson!

  5. Gina
    March 1, 2011 | 3:31 am

    I'm sure he could be persuaded if you indulged in a little role play …

    “Oh my. What a fine big stick you have…”

  6. Bridget
    March 1, 2011 | 3:33 am

    LOL!! That is hysterical!

  7. Bridget
    March 1, 2011 | 3:33 am

    LOL!! That is hysterical!

  8. Raven
    March 1, 2011 | 3:33 am

    Thanks for the laugh!

  9. Making It Work Mom
    March 1, 2011 | 3:37 am

    Because well it's all about you even when you are trying to be about him, right? That's okay I get it. He should play hockey just so you get to be the hot hockey wife. I mean really he would if he really cared.

  10. Bouncin' Barb
    March 1, 2011 | 3:38 am

    I'm sure he's smiling every single day knowing he's got you to tap anytime!!! You sexy bitch!

  11. bluzdude
    March 1, 2011 | 3:40 am

    I think you just found a good way to keep him from spending his nights at the rink.

  12. Kristina P.
    March 1, 2011 | 3:47 am

    I think you could definitely handle his stick more often.

  13. anSeL
    March 1, 2011 | 3:51 am

    go, sandra, go!

  14. Coffeypot
    March 1, 2011 | 3:53 am

    If I were your husband I would be standing on the ice and pointing to you and say, “That is mine. I tap it as often as I like. And to prove my loyalty to the team, y'all can have some, too. Go Baby!”

  15. Mrs. Hyde
    March 1, 2011 | 3:54 am

    My hubby played semi-pro baseball before I met him. I'm so disappointed in the current state of events. Hilarious conversation by the way. I get ignored, too. I feel your pain.

  16. Dani- danielleislosingit
    March 1, 2011 | 3:55 am

    He definitely wants to play again. He just doesn't know it yet.

  17. Don
    March 1, 2011 | 4:07 am

    omg you're hilarious. that truly cracked me up! :)

  18. CkretsGalore
    March 1, 2011 | 4:13 am

    LAWLZ to the “when I don't fall asleep on the couch.” What is it with men and their couch sleeps? He misses when we worked on different rotations so he could get his couch sleeping time in.

  19. Yvonne
    March 1, 2011 | 4:22 am

    How can your husband keep a straight face with you around? lol And he TOTALLY would say all of those things if you cheered him on like that.

  20. Lightning Bug's Butt
    March 1, 2011 | 5:06 am

    You deserve a slap shot.

  21. The Onion
    March 1, 2011 | 5:09 am

    This conversation was an excellent visual. I do a lot of talking to the back of Special Agent's head as well. He loves me and my layers.

  22. A Beer for the Shower
    March 1, 2011 | 6:52 am

    I want to get back into hockey. I also want a cheerleader to egg me on to do it. :(

  23. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    March 1, 2011 | 6:54 am

    Oh he so wants you to do it. Go Sandra!

    And mine went to bed at 9:30 tonight. What the hell? We're not that old. Someone needs to start eating his Wheaties.

  24. Marissa
    March 1, 2011 | 7:04 am

    Uh, if you scream out “Go Baby, Go Baby” in a hot, rhythmic beat at any hockey game, some poor distracted goalie is gonna take a puck in the eye.

  25. powdergirl
    March 1, 2011 | 7:27 am

    Do you mean to say that he doesn't play hockey AT ALL anymore?

    Thats just plain un-Canadian… tsk.

  26. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 1, 2011 | 7:55 am

    So you actually want to be a puck girl?

    (Ask your husband. He probably remembers what it means.)

  27. Symdaddy
    March 1, 2011 | 8:03 am

    Erm … I'm thinking of taking up hockey again … hello?

    Is anyone there?

    Hello?

  28. Not So Simply Single
    March 1, 2011 | 9:15 am

    Such a spunky wife you are….

    Truthfully, I think you just want the hot sex after he wins a game…and you want to be wearing the Tee Shirt with arrow pointing at him….

    THAT IS MY HOT HUSBAND WHO JUST MADE THE WINNING GOAL..

    We know where the puck resides…

    Lisa

  29. My Big Secret Blog :)
    March 1, 2011 | 9:18 am

    I can imagine you screaming in the stands with that sign!

  30. Murr Brewster
    March 1, 2011 | 9:27 am

    You're the one with the penalty box. Use it, sister.

  31. Polly
    March 1, 2011 | 10:30 am

    Hilarious!

  32. Gigi
    March 1, 2011 | 11:33 am

    You are too funny; way to make me smile first thing in the morning. Obviously, you are a natural cheerleader!

  33. sildude
    March 1, 2011 | 11:43 am

    Hockey? I'm with him. What a boring sport.

  34. Marty
    March 1, 2011 | 12:04 pm

    Hockey rocks!…I love watching them beat the hell out of each other…

  35. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    March 1, 2011 | 12:23 pm

    hahahaha, I'm sure he appreciates your enthusiasm!!

  36. becca
    March 1, 2011 | 12:29 pm

    as always thank you for the Giggle :)

  37. Lola
    March 1, 2011 | 12:39 pm

    I think you annoy your husband much in the same way that I annoy mine. Not that you turn things that are about HIM into being about YOU.

    As I tell my husband, “It's ALL about me! All day, every day!”

    So far?

    This works for us.

  38. Mamma has spoken
    March 1, 2011 | 12:43 pm

    I think you just want to be the team's mascot ;o)

  39. Sausage Fingers
    March 1, 2011 | 1:02 pm

    I was a semi-pro soccer player and somehow the thought of my wife standing up there cheering me on is:not cool. I don't know why so I kinda understand your hubby's lament. Even if he gets to “tap” on his bedroom nights

  40. meandmythinkingcap
    March 1, 2011 | 1:07 pm

    woww…very funny.

  41. meandmythinkingcap
    March 1, 2011 | 1:07 pm

    woww…very funny.

  42. Lin
    March 1, 2011 | 2:35 pm

    lol…I think it's a great idea!

  43. Justsayin'
    March 1, 2011 | 2:54 pm

    Good blog. Very funny. Now followin and supportin happily :D

  44. Deborah
    March 1, 2011 | 2:54 pm

    Every day I check my blog list to see if you have posted. I know you will make me laugh every time, and once again, I am not disappointed!

  45. Mark
    March 1, 2011 | 3:14 pm

    Would you be satisfied if he just wore the uniform around the house? I'm sure that you could still make a sign and cheer him on there.
    Your Friend, m.

  46. Helle Kristine Tumbridge
    March 1, 2011 | 3:15 pm

    Don't worry, some men are just repressed.

  47. Sheila
    March 1, 2011 | 3:29 pm

    i LOVE your way of thinking………

  48. Rebecca
    March 1, 2011 | 4:14 pm

    Every time I think of Hockey I think of Chris Pronger and how I'd totally let him 'tap' me! Except that guy is so massive that he'd probably split me like a log. I saw him at the mall one day and I kinda sorta come up a little taller than his waist. I know!

  49. 2busy
    March 1, 2011 | 4:29 pm

    You have me laughing so hard! I'd love my husband to put on his Marine Corps fatigues again years later That was pretty hot, but he wouldn't fit in them.

  50. Jumble Mash
    March 1, 2011 | 4:45 pm

    OOOO! can I make a sign that says Go Sandra's Baby and stand next to you?!?!

  51. Big Fat Gini
    March 1, 2011 | 5:05 pm

    I'm laughing, mostly because you're hysterical, but also because I picture it going this way in my house…

    “Yeah, that's my wife alright. I get to tap that big ass every night!”

    And his teammates would be all like, “Um. Okay.”

    Awkward silence.

  52. myevil3yearold
    March 1, 2011 | 5:52 pm

    You are hysterical, I love it!

    He totally should do it so you can get yourself a supercute cheerleading outfit to wear.

  53. twelvedaysold
    March 1, 2011 | 6:56 pm

    You would be such a hot trophy wife up there in the stands!

  54. ryoko861
    March 1, 2011 | 7:11 pm

    I like Gina's answer. A little role play won't hurt anyone!

  55. KittyCat
    March 1, 2011 | 8:17 pm

    Would this be like a for fun older guys team? I think it would be a good idea.
    the sportsman still plays basketball, golf, volleyball, and some softball.
    and hes 36.
    your never too young to hang with the boys and play some.

  56. Holly Ruggiero
    March 1, 2011 | 8:57 pm

    How can he resist that offer? Maybe you had better work on that sign just in case.

  57. On My Soapbox
    March 1, 2011 | 9:52 pm

    I think you should make a sign anyway. Hide it under the bed, and pull out the sign at the moment you deem appropriate….

  58. THE SARCASM GODDESS
    March 1, 2011 | 10:36 pm

    This is exactly the type of conversations the husband and I have. Like the time I asked him if he'd still be with me if he found out we were siblings. He said no. My feelings were hurt.

  59. Anita
    March 2, 2011 | 12:44 am

    When are you going on the lecture circuit to teach, “How to spice up your sex life?” :)

  60. Bibliomama
    March 2, 2011 | 1:03 am

    Geez, how old is he though? I'd never let my husband start playing hockey again, unless it was with a strap-on defibrillator. (agreed on that tapping that ass every night thing though).

  61. Snake
    March 2, 2011 | 1:48 am

    Wow! Very funny post Sandra . . . A “Go Baby” sign for Wayne? lol Tap that ass? Go BABY! Ciao . . .

  62. WhisperingWriter
    March 2, 2011 | 2:01 am

    Make the sign anyway. It'll still be funny.

    Maybe I'll make a GO BABY sign for when my husband comes back from Korea. He'd probably turn around and get back on the plane.

  63. Munir
    March 2, 2011 | 2:24 am

    He must love to come home to you !!
    All of can learn something from this blog of yours.

  64. Julianna
    March 2, 2011 | 2:36 am

    We have had this exact same conversation but for soccer…

    But in his head, I was wearing his jersey and um, not much else…

    In my head, I was thinking I could get a night of peace once a week…

    so maybe this wasn't the EXACT same conversation…

  65. pattypunker.com
    March 2, 2011 | 2:46 am

    oh yeah, he's not gonna sleep on the couch anymore. way to work it, girl.

  66. Crystal Escobar
    March 2, 2011 | 5:39 am

    haha, that is so funny. I could totally picture it and I loved how HE'S the one falling asleep early at night. Usually it's the women, and men are always complaining they don't get enough action.

  67. Red Shoes
    March 2, 2011 | 6:08 am

    Hell… go ahead and make the sign anyway… and have it laying around the house…

    Hahahahahahaha…

    ~shoes~

  68. A Daft Scots Lass
    March 2, 2011 | 6:51 am

    You could also go and buy yerself a cheerleader's outfit to complete the look. Pom-Poms maybe a bit over the top though…

    Go Baby!!! Go Do it!!!

    I would coz I think hockey is HOT too.

  69. The Blue Zoo
    March 2, 2011 | 7:19 am

    You should totally make the sign. You could stand in the driveway holding it when he gets home from work, hold it and cheer when he pumps the gas, or does the dishes – I think Im going to make a sign for my husband too!

  70. Mamarazzi
    March 2, 2011 | 9:32 am

    hilarious…as always!!

    love the convo…as he is walking away…you know, smiling on the inside.

  71. Nicky
    March 2, 2011 | 1:37 pm

    If I had a wife that looked like that…

    I'd be a man.

  72. DCHY
    March 2, 2011 | 3:17 pm

    Why don't you bring that sign and cheer me on while I take on the softball league? ;)

  73. Two Normal Moms
    March 2, 2011 | 4:14 pm

    That cracked me up!

  74. Mrs.Mayhem
    March 2, 2011 | 5:45 pm

    My husband rides motorcycles on a track. I TOTALLY need to steal your idea and make my own GO BABY sign… if only to majorly embarrass him in front of the guys. Hee. That would be fun.

  75. ModernMom
    March 2, 2011 | 5:45 pm

    Bwhaha I say make the sign anyway! Maybe show up at his work with it:)

  76. *
    March 2, 2011 | 6:40 pm

    lol, that's great!

  77. Stacia
    March 2, 2011 | 8:00 pm

    I think you should make the sign anyway. =>

  78. knitwit
    March 2, 2011 | 8:12 pm

    Hilarious! I wish I had a husband who used to play hockey. Mine used to play soccer. Not the same thing at all…

  79. Shell
    March 2, 2011 | 8:48 pm

    Ah, he walks away like mine does. LOL

  80. Meri
    March 2, 2011 | 9:11 pm

    Haha- If I go play hockey will you bring a sign that says, “Go Meri Go” and cheer for me? I'd learn hockey for that!

  81. Linda Medrano
    March 2, 2011 | 11:00 pm

    He thought you were asking him to leave with your “Go Baby”.

  82. The Adorkable Ditz
    March 2, 2011 | 11:05 pm

    He really wants it, he just doesn't want you to know that haha.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps

  83. HisBell
    March 2, 2011 | 11:17 pm

    And I'm smiling on the outside! Hilarious! My hubs still plays baseball… I always threaten to make a Go Baby sign… I think you just provided me w/ inspiration! ;)

  84. Stacy Lynn
    March 2, 2011 | 11:22 pm

    Oh my gosh are you hilarious! Loved this post and a couple of others I read. I have to come back.

    Thanks for visiting my blog, by the way. :)

  85. caterpillar
    March 3, 2011 | 12:39 am

    Lol….

  86. You must have an AWESOME couch!

  87. 7ladybugz
    March 3, 2011 | 1:27 am

    I have a lil something on my page for you :)

  88. Tracey Axnick
    March 3, 2011 | 2:28 am

    Ha ha ha!!! Hilarious!

  89. Jess @ Blonde Ponytail
    March 3, 2011 | 2:31 am

    I'm so glad to have connected with you!! When are you getting your own show?!

  90. meleah rebeccah
    March 3, 2011 | 3:05 am

    Go Baby! Go Baby!

  91. Jill
    March 3, 2011 | 3:10 am

    If you were my wife, I would tap that ass twice a day!

  92. Cha Cha
    March 3, 2011 | 4:39 am

    Bwah ha ha!

    I have a lot of those sorts of conversations … you know, the ones where you're totally engaged and then you realized he walked away like, five minutes ago? But you still think it was, like, the best conversation you had all day?

    Yeah.

  93. Margaret (Nanny Goats)
    March 3, 2011 | 5:23 am

    Thank you for reminding me that you exist by commenting on my blog because I forgot how much I miss you over here. And that you kill me.

  94. Ginger
    March 4, 2011 | 10:21 pm

    You've praised yourself so much that even I couldn't think of something to top your narcissism. Maybe that's what happened to Wayne…loltongue

  95. The Chicken's Consigliere
    March 5, 2011 | 1:39 pm

    You are such a supportive wife. It brings a tear to my eye.

  96. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    March 6, 2011 | 2:44 am

    Haha, that would be fun.

  97. purplume
    March 6, 2011 | 5:21 pm

    A major problem in my life with men has been when they don't say anything and I assume the wrong thing and go off in the wrong direction.
    At least you are smart enough to tell him you need notice to make your sign.
    I know I know the assuming is all my part in it. XD

  98. KittyCat
    March 8, 2011 | 1:07 am

    So glad your happy again.
    im sad. can you cheer me up.

    : (

  99. Pearl
    March 8, 2011 | 6:29 pm

    go sandra go!

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