Today my husband, Wayne, and I had a date.
We were going to Home Depot to shop for new toilets.
I know, it’s not Red Lobster, but it works for us.
As we’re entering the van, Wayne says, “Did you write this on the side of your dirty van?”
“It says ‘I’m a foxy mama’.”
“I did NOT write that!”
I’m very happy now.
“I bet some random guy saw me getting out of my van, came over, and wrote that. God I love being hot!”
Wayne says, “Are you sure one of the kids didn’t write that?”
“Which one would write that?” I reply. “Jackson and Wyatt would NEVER. Terran can’t spell. And Zoe has never heard the term ‘foxy mama.’ Nope. It’s definitely a random stranger.”
We get home.
I ask Zoe: “Did you write ‘You’re a foxy mama’ on the side of my van.”
So, going back to my Valentines Day post when I complained that Wayne hadn’t gotten me a present…well, a GOOD present.
Many of you asked me what I had gotten for him.
It’s me in a hockey jersey of his favourite team.
Of course, in the original version, I’m not wearing pants and underwear.
And no, don’t start telling me which hockey team is the best because I honestly don’t give a flying fuck.
I hate hockey.
I hate it.
I’d rather peel potatoes with my finger nails than watch it.
The jersey is strictly for my husband’s pleasure.
Ok, so to get back to the fact that I was shot down as the ‘foxy mama’…
So I go to my daughter’s dance studio to pick her up, and while I’m waiting for her, I’m flashing the other daddies with my pink hockey jersey, all “Look how fucken hot this thing looks on me,” and they’re all “Oh ya baby! I love a woman who loves hockey!”…
So nobody actually said a word.
But I could see it in their eyes.
Because really, how super cute is this jersey in pink!
So then I felt better after being shot down as the ‘foxy mama’.
The problem, now, however, lies in the fact that I thought this jersey would excite my husband at the thought of its various possibilities in the bedroom.
What I hadn’t counted on was this…
…”Sweetie! Toronto is playing tonight! Go put your jersey on and come watch the game with me!”