You’re so vain!…this song is absolutely about me!

Today my husband, Wayne, and I had a date.
We were going to Home Depot to shop for new toilets.
I know, it’s not Red Lobster, but it works for us.

As we’re entering the van, Wayne says, “Did you write this on the side of your dirty van?”
“Write what?”
“It says ‘I’m a foxy mama’.”

“I did NOT write that!”
I’m very happy now.
“I bet some random guy saw me getting out of my van, came over, and wrote that. God I love being hot!”

Wayne says, “Are you sure one of the kids didn’t write that?”

“Which one would write that?” I reply. “Jackson and Wyatt would NEVER. Terran can’t spell. And Zoe has never heard the term ‘foxy mama.’ Nope. It’s definitely a random stranger.”

We get home.
I ask Zoe: “Did you write ‘You’re a foxy mama’ on the side of my van.”
“Yes.”

Oh.

…ok, then…

So, going back to my Valentines Day post when I complained that Wayne hadn’t gotten me a present…well, a GOOD present.
Many of you asked me what I had gotten for him.

This is what I got him.
I had to order it and it arrived today.

It’s me in a hockey jersey of his favourite team.
Of course, in the original version, I’m not wearing pants and underwear.

And no, don’t start telling me which hockey team is the best because I honestly don’t give a flying fuck.
I hate hockey.
No.
Seriously.
I hate it.
I’d rather peel potatoes with my finger nails than watch it.

The jersey is strictly for my husband’s pleasure.

Look how happy he is with his present.
He’s looking at the team logo, not my boobs.
Although I am wearing my good bra.

Ok, so to get back to the fact that I was shot down as the ‘foxy mama’…

So I go to my daughter’s dance studio to pick her up, and while I’m waiting for her, I’m flashing the other daddies with my pink hockey jersey, all “Look how fucken hot this thing looks on me,” and they’re all “Oh ya baby! I love a woman who loves hockey!”…

…Ok.
So nobody actually said a word.
But I could see it in their eyes.
Because really, how super cute is this jersey in pink!

So then I felt better after being shot down as the ‘foxy mama’.

The problem, now, however, lies in the fact that I thought this jersey would excite my husband at the thought of its various possibilities in the bedroom.

What I hadn’t counted on was this…
…”Sweetie! Toronto is playing tonight! Go put your jersey on and come watch the game with me!”

He’s gonna need to give me more than a giant-ass bear…

…before I’ll be doing that.

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96 Responses to You’re so vain!…this song is absolutely about me!
  1. Lost.in.Idaho
    February 27, 2011 | 4:45 am

    Foxy's a good word. Fitting.

    And I'm in a similar boat. My girlfriend HATES football but has a cute pink jersey she wears just for me. If only she liked sports, she'd be the perfect woman…

  2. Carlita
    February 27, 2011 | 4:56 am

    Pink is hot Sandra and u r rockin that jersey!

  3. ib
    February 27, 2011 | 4:58 am

    Was your husband dry humping your leg in the first picture? He looked awfully busy. :)

  4. Raven
    February 27, 2011 | 4:58 am

    You are a foxy mama and I love your pink jersey!

  5. Kristina P.
    February 27, 2011 | 5:10 am

    That hockey jersey screams pure sex.

  6. suz
    February 27, 2011 | 5:10 am

    It's cute, but it would look better with a bracelet…

  7. The Onion
    February 27, 2011 | 5:12 am

    Haaaa. Thank God you posted something, I am dying of boredom tonight. Special Agent is not a super sports watcher, but bought me some Red Sox undies which he insists I wear. It makes the kids very interested in my undies, which is why I would rather not. There is nothing more sex killing than having your kids pawing at your bits, pointing out the logos on your ass.

    Sigh.

    Jewelry! It always fits….

  8. Kate
    February 27, 2011 | 5:15 am

    You're hilarious. And you're absolutely a foxy mama. Love the jersey. I don't mind hockey; that is, I kind of like to read about it in the newspaper (back when I read the newspaper instead of blogs and knew what was going on in the world instead of just what's going on inside my blogfriends' heads). It's too hard to follow the puck on TV, and it's too scary when you have good seats at the game.

    But I'd totally use the jersey and nothing else present on my husband…and he'd love it.

  9. Yvonne
    February 27, 2011 | 5:16 am

    You're rockin the jersey! He better man up and get you something OTHER than that poor excuse of a bear! hahaha

  10. Lazarus
    February 27, 2011 | 5:44 am

    Sandra, I'm shocked that I've discovered a Canadian who doesn't like hockey but that will be to your advantage when you rule the world. No need to appoint Gretzky to anything. I think the hubby bribed your daughter to say she wrote the “Foxy Mama” comment. Everyone is always against the future ruler from an early age….

  11. Teresa Evangeline
    February 27, 2011 | 5:46 am

    It's almost midnight, I need to go to bed, but I can't stop reading and laughing. This is gonna be fun…

  12. LilPixi
    February 27, 2011 | 5:56 am

    You are a damn foxy mama!! Whoo whoo!

    I HAVE to have a shirt like that!! I wonder if they have them for other teams…

  13. mintifresh
    February 27, 2011 | 6:00 am

    Yeah, it may take more than a stuffed animal to get that!

  14. vanessa
    February 27, 2011 | 6:19 am

    omfg you are so effing hilarious!! definitely following you. you are my new role model for when i join the parenthood club.

  15. Nari
    February 27, 2011 | 6:19 am

    I think your husband wrote that on the van. First the bear, then the van grafitti, and finally the hockey bonding time…what the hell does he have against bracelets?

  16. Misfits Vintage
    February 27, 2011 | 6:47 am

    Awesome. Now take it down to the embroidery place and have 'TEAM BRACELET' embroidered across the front AND back.

    Seriously, whatever happened to those places – they used to be outside supermarkets and you could get His n Hers embroidered on towels and shit… What will I do now? I could suddenly have a towel embroidery emergency!

    You are so hot.

    Sarah xxx

  17. Kato
    February 27, 2011 | 7:34 am

    Well now daaammmnnn!

    You ARE a foxy mama!!

    :)

  18. Kato
    February 27, 2011 | 7:34 am

    Well now daaammmnnn!

    You ARE a foxy mama!!

    :)

  19. Symdaddy
    February 27, 2011 | 7:39 am

    I cannot tell a lie!

    'Foxy' is not a term I would personally use – it implies a sneaky, chicken stealing nature.

    However, the phrase 'finger lickin good' does come to mind.

    I'm with you on the hockey thing! I've fallen asleep during the only two games I went to see … YAWN!

  20. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    February 27, 2011 | 8:04 am

    *whistles* FOXY MAMA. Sure describes you. (:

  21. The Vegetable Assassin
    February 27, 2011 | 9:59 am

    One of the saddest sights I ever saw was in a bar in Toronto, watching The Leafs (sorry, but that's just bad grammar) lose some playoff game or other, years ago. You'd think the city had been bombed.

    Maybe they should've played without pants?

  22. Alittlesprite
    February 27, 2011 | 11:04 am

    The pink Jersey is cute as.

  23. Rhapsody B.
    February 27, 2011 | 11:37 am

    hmmmmmmmmmm……
    Interesting my question would be the say though. “why didn't you get yourself the bracelet.?”

  24. Deborah
    February 27, 2011 | 12:20 pm

    Your hubs is adorable.

    I always think EVERYONE thinks I'm adorable. If I stop thinking that . . . well . . . I won't stop thinking that!

    But you are cute in your pink jersey.

  25. ms. caboo
    February 27, 2011 | 12:25 pm

    That jersey is waaaaay better than a teddy bear. Seriously–he still needs to make up for that.

    Bud watches hunting shows all the time. I have learned to pick up a book and read, thereby signaling my boredom. He still watches them anyway, and I get some reading done!

  26. My name WAS Female, I shit you not!
    February 27, 2011 | 12:40 pm

    It WAS GR8 to be young and sexy.
    I'm not so old that I can't remember it. :0) W2G !!!

  27. laughingwolf
    February 27, 2011 | 12:40 pm

    lol… esp the trawna maple LAFFS!

    tho i hear they're ALMOST good this year…..

  28. Canadianbloggergirl
    February 27, 2011 | 12:42 pm

    LOL, totally agree with you on the peeling potatoes with your finger nails thing.

    Some Canadians we are huh?…hating hockey!

    CBG
    canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com

  29. Daisy
    February 27, 2011 | 12:59 pm

    Hello! Thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog.

    Thanks, too, for the laughs here. Very funny post. :D

  30. Lola
    February 27, 2011 | 1:15 pm

    HA! Love that no one said a thing but you KNOW they were thinking about your scorching level of hotness. I get that.

    It's not easy being the hot one. But someone has to do it!

    I have a cute little Harley shirt that I wear for my husband who is a Harley fanatic. I look so flipping cute in it but I can't actually ride for more than like 30 minutes. Hurts my delicate tush.

    Besides do you know you're not supposed to wear HEELS on a motorcycle? What fuckwad made that one up? Although I DO have some totally kick ass boots that just scream “hot little biker chick”.

    I will never fit in though. I actually hate motorcycles. Too dangerous. Besides, the real biker chicks are always covered in tattoos and tend to be missing teeth. You know, from bar fights? Needless to say? They don't like me. For me? It's ALL about the fashion.

  31. Julianna
    February 27, 2011 | 1:38 pm

    Too funny!

    Almost Hubs also finds me sexiest when I represent. Bruins, Red Sox, Pats, Nascar… he doesn't care. :)

    Sent you a private email re: your comment on my post :)

  32. Snake
    February 27, 2011 | 1:46 pm

    You're very cute in that top, but a Montreal Canadiens version would look good too! :) Ciao!

  33. Staci
    February 27, 2011 | 1:49 pm

    That bear is just killing me.. I mean you wear the jersey and he gets you a BEAR??? This does not connect. So funny.

  34. Stephanie Faris
    February 27, 2011 | 2:10 pm

    Sports over sex. Of course!

    You ARE a foxy mama. He's one lucky guy.

  35. " Hit It......."
    February 27, 2011 | 2:15 pm

    He is such a guy! My husband is that way over football. Very cute jersey!

  36. Rachel
    February 27, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    Ah, cute jersey! I love how it's pink, it looks so sweet. :D

  37. Kimberly
    February 27, 2011 | 2:32 pm

    If it makes you feel better, I'd hit it.
    My husband bought me a “girly” Maple Leafs jersey once…he made me wear it for the “Don” as in Cherry.

  38. laughingmom
    February 27, 2011 | 2:34 pm

    Too funny! You should put the jersey on the bear and plop it on the sofa next to him so they can enjoy the game together!

  39. myevil3yearold
    February 27, 2011 | 2:40 pm

    Oh… he was so looking at your boobs! He just doesn't want to tell you because he wants to keep your ego in check.

  40. Debbie(single;complicated)
    February 27, 2011 | 2:57 pm

    Cute post!! You look hot in the pink Jersey…just sayin!:)

  41. Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.
    February 27, 2011 | 3:00 pm

    Hahaha I love that your hubby is a Leafs fan! we are a long-suffering, misguidedly loyal bunch indeed!

  42. Mamma has spoken
    February 27, 2011 | 3:09 pm

    So whatever happen to that big ass bear? The stuffed one not hubby.

  43. Nicole
    February 27, 2011 | 3:18 pm

    You had me at toilet shopping.

  44. Sparkling
    February 27, 2011 | 3:45 pm

    You know I love pink. But I think the sports people know that many women love pink, so they've upped their marketing to suck in ever more dollars by creating every jersey in pink. And they won, you see, because people like you bought it.

    Ok yes, I do own a pink Red Sox baseball hat but only because I got it for free. Ok, I might have bought my sister a pink Red Sox t-shirt but only because it was on sale and she loves the Red Sox.

    But my point is that I hate those damned marketers who learned that you can lace anything with pink and many women will buy it. And wear it. And love it. And ignore whatever logo is on it because they can't see past the pink.

    If you were shopping for a pink toilet, now that would be something!!

    Oh, and the plural of leaf is leaves, so what is wrong with those damned Torontoans? It should be Maple LEAVES, not Maple Leafs. Geez.

  45. Sparkling
    February 27, 2011 | 3:49 pm

    Oh and about hockey. I actually will watch it with k-ster on TV because I can make fun of the commentary. And repeat silly things like “nobody home”. That's one of my favorites. And I can gripe about the improper use of the phrase “man advantage”. I say that every hockey team has the “man advantage” because they are all men. DUH!! What they need to say is the “one man advantage” but they never say that. Sports guys are so D-U-M-B. BUt in my living room, I can see the puck at all times and understand what's happening thanks to the commentaters and I get my feet rubbed and I can sort of zone out and it doesn't matter. Until they get a goal and then we all have to run for cover because k-ster screams GOAL and everything goes flying, the cat loses another life and I need a valium to calm down from all the screaming. At least it's free. You won't see me paying to go to a game where I can't keep track of the puck, there is no one telling me what just happened and k-ster can't hear me saying silly things because there are too many people around.

  46. Momma Jorje
    February 27, 2011 | 4:27 pm

    So didja tell 'im you had potatoes to peel? Ick, I'm so glad my husband doesn't like sports. I like where you were going with that gift, though! And it does fit you in a rockin' hot, er foxy mama way! ;-)

  47. Thisisme.
    February 27, 2011 | 4:28 pm

    Hee Hee Hee! That's a man for you. Bet you were seriously gutted about your daughter writing that Foxy bit on the side of the van!!! oH WELL, you can dream!

  48. Saimi
    February 27, 2011 | 4:38 pm

    So when you went to your daughters dance studio sporting the hockey jersey were you wearing underwear and pants??….Just asking….

  49. On My Soapbox
    February 27, 2011 | 5:54 pm

    Why do men think everyone needs to wear a team jersey for games? Do they think it will somehow “help” the team win? I don't understand….

    Pink looks good on you, though!

  50. Belle
    February 27, 2011 | 6:27 pm

    You know what? You are totally foxy in that cute jersey.

  51. jess
    February 27, 2011 | 6:31 pm

    okay, so know what drives me crazy about that song?
    she sings “you're so vain, i bet you think this song is about you.”

    IT IS ABOUT YOU… erm… him. whoever the vain, apricot scarf wearing, yacht walking, dipped below one eye hat wearing dude is. the song IS about him.
    it's like, she's only encouraging his vain-ness.

  52. Marissa
    February 27, 2011 | 6:47 pm

    Cute jersey. Sandra, I'm pretty sure you can make a muu muu dress or a tattered bathrobe look awesome.

  53. Misty
    February 27, 2011 | 6:53 pm

    ROTFLMAO! OK This time it wasn't coffee, but BEER! Made new note to self NEVER drink Anything while reading this blog!!

  54. wendy
    February 27, 2011 | 7:17 pm

    LOVE the hockey shirt—in pink,totally awesome…..and especially without the underwear I am sure (tee,hee)
    I can't get into hockey either….except MAYBE for the Stanley Cup (is that what it's called…oh dear, I can see you hubby rolling his eyes at me right now)
    I LOVE FOOTBALL….my cowboy hubby does not watch sports. I LOVE FOOTBALL. Amazing that this was NOT a deal breaker for us.

    You are foxy…what are people thinking. Like when I keep telling my 14 yr. old grandson how HOT I am.

    and it is so funny how this blogging world works….going through your comments I see a few people I blog with on a regular basis. AND…Kristina, and Hit it (Kari) I have been with in person. Totally awesome gals.
    Kristina even came to my son's viewing when he passed away in November.
    What a great bloggin world this can be for new friendships eh.

  55. Ms.Wasteland
    February 27, 2011 | 7:23 pm

    You are a foxy mama! The pink jersey is super cute.

    I didn't get my husband anything for Valentine's Day.

  56. The Tame One
    February 27, 2011 | 7:32 pm

    I have a friend who bought a camo bikini and a Bears Jersey for her hubs. The TV, however, stayed off. I didn't need to know that.

  57. PBJdreamer
    February 27, 2011 | 8:07 pm

    You ARE a FOXY mama

    hee!

    Maybe you should stand in front of the TV and take it off slowly?

    No? Too many kids around?

    I understand.

    Stuffed animals are not valentine worthy for adults..

    JEWELRY–

    I say this as I sit here single so yeah, ignore me

    I like the jersey, but you look hot in almost everything I have seen you in.

    I don't know whether to kill you for it, or flirt with you

    Life is confusing over here

    that is all

  58. Linda Medrano
    February 27, 2011 | 8:10 pm

    Okay, Foxy Mama, the jersey looks adorable. I'm probably jealous. Well, okay, not of the jersey. You look gorgeous and I'm glad you are wearing pink. It is a rocking color on you. But then you'd also look great in “blue fox” don't you think? Next Valentines Day, blue fox head to toe!

  59. Celeste
    February 27, 2011 | 8:47 pm

    Lovin the pink jersey!! Love your post too….have no clue how I found you but glad I did. Swing by my blog http://shallowocity.blogspot.com when you get a minute.

    CHEERS!

  60. SuzRocks
    February 27, 2011 | 8:52 pm

    You didn't really think that one through did you. Now you're going to have to WATCH the damn sport.

  61. Laoch of Chicago
    February 27, 2011 | 9:00 pm

    Hockey is great, although the Jersey need some blood stains for authenticity.

  62. meleah rebeccah
    February 27, 2011 | 9:11 pm

    you are a totally-super-foxy-mama. And that pink hockey jersey ROCKS. Your husband needs to step up his game!

  63. Madame DeFarge
    February 27, 2011 | 9:21 pm

    Oh, you're making that man suffer beyond reasonable tolerance!

  64. Krysten @ After 'I Do'
    February 27, 2011 | 9:39 pm

    That jersey is awesome even though hockey is horrible. I hate it too.

  65. deborah
    February 27, 2011 | 10:15 pm

    lol!!!! foxy mama, i'd cry over a big ass bear too. remember there is no extra charge for awesome-ness:)

  66. THE SARCASM GODDESS
    February 27, 2011 | 11:20 pm

    I just “met” you and I think I'm in love. This was hilarious. Love the way you write. I can't wait to spend time here and read more. Thanks for becoming a follower!

  67. gayle
    February 28, 2011 | 1:10 am

    Very Very Pretty!!

  68. Tracey Axnick
    February 28, 2011 | 1:39 am

    If it were me, I would CLING to the hope that some man wrote “foxy mama” on the side of my van. After all, that's a very late 70's/early 80's thing to say… SURELY not something a child would come up with , yes?
    And, yes you ARE a foxy mama. Stick with THAT. :)

    The pink jersey is extremely foxy by the way. And Wayne STILL owes you the Pandora bracelet. Tell him we're ALL waiting….

    MY husband broke his ankle last night (humorous recounting on my blog). As you might imagine, he's milking it for all it's worth.
    Excuse me, I believe he's ringing the bell right now… I must go fluff his pillow. Ha!

  69. The Minute Man's Wife
    February 28, 2011 | 1:57 am

    I don't know what it is about Home Depot that really keeps the spark alive!! My hubby and I went shopping there on Christmas Eve for our toilet. Yup. True story!!

  70. Coffeypot
    February 28, 2011 | 2:31 am

    I like the kitty cat night light in the background.

  71. Jill
    February 28, 2011 | 3:26 am

    Lady, you are the hottest mama there is! That jersey is adorbs!

  72. Alessandra
    February 28, 2011 | 3:37 am

    I don't care for hockey either, but that shirt is super cute, pink is the best color ever.

  73. Swanky Mama
    February 28, 2011 | 4:50 am

    I think it's really Cute!

  74. b. lee
    February 28, 2011 | 11:48 am

    cute jersey, foxy mama ~ love ur little wrote that on ur car * *

  75. Kim @ Stuff could...
    February 28, 2011 | 2:36 pm

    A date at Home Depot sounds like our kind of date :)
    kim

  76. KittyCat
    February 28, 2011 | 4:26 pm

    Just sayin but he owes you more than a date at home depot thats for sure.
    love the new top.
    great photo of you two.

  77. Busy Bee Suz
    February 28, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    U r so foxy.
    I would think that is how the kids would write that. ;)
    I loathe hockey too…actually any sport that my kids don't play annoy me. :)

  78. CkretsGalore
    February 28, 2011 | 5:56 pm

    Manfriend has same types of pictures! However, I don't have a pink jersey (yet).

    I've bought him hockey tickets before but it's a big old Fail because he wants me to come with him. (I'm his bestie and all that…yadda yadda).
    He just tells me, don't worry baby you can just get drunk.

    And how.

  79. Shell
    February 28, 2011 | 6:28 pm

    That bear still cracks me up!

  80. Shell
    February 28, 2011 | 6:28 pm

    That bear still cracks me up!

  81. Bibliomama
    February 28, 2011 | 6:42 pm

    Your hotness is unparalleled.

  82. XLMIC
    February 28, 2011 | 6:56 pm

    Totally thinking your husband either put Zoe up to it or wrote it himself ;-) I think he was just showing appreciation for the jersey by bringing you in on watching a lil hockey. Great post!

  83. Cake Betch
    February 28, 2011 | 8:22 pm

    I would never have told my husband that it was a kid. I would have let him think it was a random man :-D

  84. Kelley
    February 28, 2011 | 8:42 pm

    You are so funny and shameless (and cute in pink!). I love it!

  85. Brandy@YDK
    February 28, 2011 | 8:56 pm

    i bet the men like it because you can see through it.

  86. Jane Kennedy Sutton
    February 28, 2011 | 11:24 pm

    Isn’t it funny how kids always do stuff we’re positive they wouldn’t do?

    I dislike watching sports period. But maybe if I had a cute pink jersey of some sort I could be swayed.

  87. Megan (Best of Fates)
    March 1, 2011 | 2:10 am

    You ARE quite the foxy dame.

    I was making that argument long before that van came along.

    Freaking van, staling my lines.

  88. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    March 1, 2011 | 7:56 am

    Want to make him really happy? Do it Doggy Style while you both watch the game and have a beer. Dream date.

  89. The Adorkable Ditz
    March 2, 2011 | 5:36 pm

    Oh men and their sports, sometimes they don't realize what their significant others are really doing with gifts like that jersey haha.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps

  90. Bouncin' Barb
    March 3, 2011 | 1:51 am

    I'm behind because of being away but you can come here anyday with or without the jersey. If I leave Bruce I'm coming to get you! What an adorable picture.

  91. cathyjoy
    March 4, 2011 | 6:22 pm

    so one time?

    my girlfriend's car was filthy dirty.

    so i wrote on it…

    “I wish my husband was this dirty!”

    how awesome is that???

    and?

    her husband washed the car that afternoon!

  92. Ginger
    March 4, 2011 | 10:30 pm

    You are one kick ass mama in pink Sandra. Love it. Love that you got it for him.

  93. purplume
    March 6, 2011 | 5:24 pm

    Wow, you're beautiful. You are a foxy Moma.

  94. The Absence of Alternatives
    March 7, 2011 | 2:32 am

    New reader and I chose this post to comment on first: it's obvious what kind of person I am. I hope you're happy.

    This is one of the few cases where I'd say: To hell with the wrapping paper! Just give me what's inside already! ^_^

  95. Pearl
    March 8, 2011 | 6:34 pm

    Zoe's great in words too:-)
    You and Wayne look so sweet and great together…

  96. Kaymee
    March 19, 2011 | 4:12 am

    You are crackin me up!!! I'm glad you found me :)

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