Wannabe Princess

There once was a princess.
We’ll call her Sandra, just for the sake of the story.

This very beautiful and extremely intelligent princess lived to serve everyone around her.
She had four children and a husband…
…so technically that’s five children.
Her children always came first.
For instance, Princess Sandra  not me had badgered her husband for four years to paint the bathroom.
The husband always had an excuse to put off the chore.
It’s not like the princess wanted a new vanity, light fixture, jacuzzi bath tube, and ceramic tile flooring installed in the bathroom.
She just wanted the fucken walls painted a deep shade of plum.
But noooooo…the fifth child husband always had an excuse to avoid the task.
Then Princess Sandra’s little girl told her daddy that she wanted a ballet theme in her bedroom, and as such, would require him to paint the walls Pepto-Bismol pink, and a ballet bar would need to be installed.
No sooner had the child spoken the words, that the husband had rushed off to Home Depot to do her bidding, and returned within minutes with the supplies much to Princess Sandra’s chagrin, the Home Depot is five minutes down the road so the husband spends a lot of time there.
And of course, somehow, the princess got roped into painting her daughter’s bedroom with the fifth child husband.
And while she toiled, hoping to get the job done in a few short hours so as to resume her other royal duties, the husband kept trying to distract the princess by running around naked in the freshly painted room, hoping to get laid. 
The husband did not, in fact, get laid, but the daughter got her dream bedroom.

The princess realized that she could not continue to always live for the others in her life.
She needed an outlet.
Something she could call her own.
Of course it would be handy if this something brought her fame and fortune, since being a princess is not as profitable as one would think, in today’s economy.

So the princess decided to start her own blog.
And since her entire life was always about others, this blog would be about her…making fun of others.

She knew she would always have plenty of blog fodder.
Why, just this morning, her 13 year old asked her what a “scrub” was.
Since the princess knew the boy was obsesssed with his genitalia, she assumed it was part of his anatomy.
She thought for a few minutes, and said, “I think a “scrub” is the piece of skin that connects your testicles to your anus.”
The boy said, “No! That’s called a gooch.” unfortunately neither the boy nor the princess were certain of the correct spelling
“A gooch? You’re sure about that?” the princess asked.
“Yes,” the boy replied. “So what’s a scrub?” he persisted.
“I don’t know,” the princess answered. “Does it have anything to do with sex? Is it something you heard at school?”
The boy did not know, which led the princess to realize that she would have to monitor the boy more closely when he went on the computer because “scrub” was probably some funky new term for tea-bagging or something else highly inappropriate for a teenager.

So back to her blog.
The princess had a designer create her first fancy new settup, and the princess selected this picture:

And the princess’s readers wrote to her and said, “But princess, what does that have to do with your very charming narcissism?” perhaps the readers didn’t say that verbatim, but close enough

And the princess thought,” But…but…that girl in the picture has lollipop eyes. It’s sugar. I like sugar.”

But everytime the princess logged into her blog, she always felt like it wasn’t right.

So the princess contacted Kristin from Simply Klassic Blog Designs, and said, “I want my princess back.”
And Kristin, with her magic powers, got into Princess Sandra’s head, and poof! It was as if Kristen could read the princess’s mind.
Within a few days, the blog was exactly as it should be.
Kristin was knighted or whatever term is used for women and became Duchess Kristin or whatever term is used for women

And the kingdom rejoiced for the princess had returned!

Thank you Kristin from Simply Klassic Blog Designs!
And thank you everyone for your kind words!

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98 Responses to Wannabe Princess
  1. Pissed Off
    February 6, 2011 | 11:15 pm

    LOL–I am going to enjoy reading your royal stories.

  2. Noelle
    February 6, 2011 | 11:20 pm

    I love the new look! And I love Kristen!

  3. daniela
    February 6, 2011 | 11:22 pm

    It does look fantastic!! Now the question is…will the Princess take on the task of painting her bathroom on her own?!!? :P

  4. Yvonne
    February 6, 2011 | 11:36 pm

    You're so crazy! (in non-psychotic way, of course!) Love the new look Prettiest Princess! :)

  5. suz
    February 6, 2011 | 11:42 pm

    Royal is more narcissistic than sugar! I like the look!

  6. Tracy
    February 6, 2011 | 11:43 pm

    Pepto bismal pink must be ingrained on young girl's hearts because I too had the same experience. It did take me more than four years though to get my simple living room painted. I think the threat of never having friends over ever again because I'm too embarassed helped get it done.

  7. ChiTown Girl
    February 6, 2011 | 11:47 pm

    I can't wait til The Princess is as old as this witch, because then she'll realize that it's just about impossible to read that teeny, tiny font, which means this witch misses out on a lot of funny. :(

  8. Bibliomama
    February 7, 2011 | 12:00 am

    I love fairy tales that have the word fuck in them. And while I'm all for lollipop eyes, I like the princess better. And I agree with ChiTown — that font is charming, but too fucking small.

  9. Gigi
    February 7, 2011 | 12:05 am

    The child got her room painted before the Princess got her bathroom painted?! Princess needs to have a fit and issue a royal edict.

    I do love this new look.

  10. Myya
    February 7, 2011 | 12:11 am

    Daddy's are such big suckers for their lil girls. Love the new design, suppah cute!

  11. Mrs. Tuna
    February 7, 2011 | 12:12 am

    Gonna miss the crazy eyes….just sayin.

  12. Ms.Wasteland
    February 7, 2011 | 12:21 am

    Love the new look!

  13. SherilinR
    February 7, 2011 | 12:29 am

    the child gets her room painted, but the princess is expected to put out. hmm… maybe withholding might get the room done faster. or perhaps a reward system could be implemented for good behavior.

  14. Rebecca
    February 7, 2011 | 12:37 am

    I really do love the new look!

    And the princess' paint story? How the court jester went out to buy the tiny little princess whatever it was she wanted to get the ballet room?

    Reminds me of when we went to Bob Evans and after my husband parked, turned the car off, and had the keys in his pocket………my daughter who was only THREE YEARS OLD at the time said, “I don't want to go to this Bob Evans daddy”…..my crazy husband put the keys back in the ignition, started the car, and said which one do you want to go to baby? We went to one the next county over…about 25 miles out.

  15. myevil3yearold
    February 7, 2011 | 12:38 am

    Leave it to a man to think painting his sweet little girl's room pepto pink should some how translate to sex. Tell him if he wants some to get busy with plum purple in the bathroom.

  16. Semi-Slacker Mom
    February 7, 2011 | 12:44 am

    I've missed the princess! But the lollipops were yummy too. I think you should just have that picture of you in that bikini, so I can cuss everytime I read. ;)

  17. Mamma has spoken
    February 7, 2011 | 12:47 am

    Sigh, I was waiting for the evil step mother part…..

  18. Saimi
    February 7, 2011 | 12:47 am

    I love the new look, it's so….you!

    As far as home project, my motto is to hire out!

    It works for all involved:
    Worker: Gets work
    Husband: No more nagging wife
    Wife: Very happy

  19. Momma Jorje
    February 7, 2011 | 12:48 am

    Yay, the princess is back! I liked the photo, but the color scheme was just SOOO much!

    Also, when a woman is knighted she becomes a Dame. I just love the sound of it! :-)

  20. Holly Ruggiero
    February 7, 2011 | 12:48 am

    It looks great. It's good to see the princess again.

  21. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    February 7, 2011 | 1:00 am

    I like the princess too, glad to see it back! As for the small font, I was able to see it cause I have some bad ass progresive lenses!

    And husbands, whats up with the hopeful nakedness and Home Depot trips when they never seem to get things we want done?

  22. Kristina P.
    February 7, 2011 | 1:04 am

    It really is perfect. My only complaint is that genetalia isn't featured more prominently.

  23. Cole
    February 7, 2011 | 1:09 am

    I love the redesign :)

    …and that ballet room is so pretty! Perhaps the 5th child will paint your bathroom next?

  24. Kimberly
    February 7, 2011 | 1:10 am

    I certainly hope that the princess gets her damn bathroom painted soon! Doesn't that fifth child know how quickly he'd get laid if he painted deep plum in the bathroom? He wouldn't even have to be naked.

  25. blueviolet
    February 7, 2011 | 1:18 am

    Looks terrific and it fits perfectly!

  26. becca
    February 7, 2011 | 1:23 am

    what a great post and love the new design

  27. Jill
    February 7, 2011 | 2:04 am

    I'm happy you got some pink too! Now what kind of email do I have to send you to get you to turn off the word verification?

  28. Julie
    February 7, 2011 | 2:12 am

    glad to see the princess back.

  29. Sparkling
    February 7, 2011 | 2:18 am

    YES! So glad the princess and her pedestal have returned. THe lollypop lady never made any sense to me.

  30. Julianna
    February 7, 2011 | 2:30 am

    I must say I'm glad for the return of the princess, and the lighter background. The last pink was too harsh for your peaceful kingdom.

    All I wanted was for the bathroom's second coat to be painted as well. But I had to find the magic genie and “rub his lamp” to get it done finally. :)

    -J

  31. Annabelle
    February 7, 2011 | 2:31 am

    Love this look!

    That conversation with your son was priceless. I hope to have that kind of communication with mine.

    Rock on

  32. Bridget
    February 7, 2011 | 2:41 am

    Love your new look and your daughter's new room. Hope you get your bathroom painted soon…

  33. Portia
    February 7, 2011 | 2:47 am

    It's good to see the princess again! She is just where she belongs now!

  34. Sarahf
    February 7, 2011 | 3:18 am

    Love the new design. If only getting a new bathroom colour was so easy! Hurrah for Kristin!

  35. Texan Zombie Goddess
    February 7, 2011 | 3:32 am

    Totally love the new look. Is the Duchess expensive for us serfs?

  36. Baby Sister
    February 7, 2011 | 3:45 am

    Yes, I do like this one better. :)

  37. Cheryl
    February 7, 2011 | 3:50 am

    I don't say it to his face, but I consider my boyfriend just one more person I have to take care of. One daughter, her boyfriend, me, and mine. I am woman, hear me roar!

    Your last design really popped. This one is really cute!!

  38. Coffeypot
    February 7, 2011 | 4:18 am

    I just got home from by sea cruse on the Navy ship and I feel like I just had a great lay – very tired but happy as a pig in shit. So I'll just say I like your new blog look very much. The girls room…not so much. But then, I'm not gay.

  39. Kimber Leszczuk.
    February 7, 2011 | 4:36 am

    I love the new look!

  40. " Hit It......."
    February 7, 2011 | 4:43 am

    Love the new look!

    Have a headache until the bathroom is redone…maybe he will get the picture! (I bet it will get done really fast).

  41. Fizzgig
    February 7, 2011 | 4:56 am

    I love the new layout! and the pink bedroom, its so cute!

  42. Kelly @ City Mom
    February 7, 2011 | 5:21 am

    Yes blogs your new design! Seems much more fitting! Love the new room BTW even if it's not ur bathroom!

  43. Symdaddy
    February 7, 2011 | 6:27 am

    I love a good fairytale!

    But you did spoil it a little bit for me because, as a 'fifth child' myself, I KNOW that no man will ever start a decorating job FOR ANYONE at the first asking!

    Not even a budding Prima ballerina!

    I would like to point out that design fairies have done a good job with your blog though.

  44. Polly
    February 7, 2011 | 9:21 am

    I did love the lollypop lady, but your new blog look is great.

  45. Shady Del Knight
    February 7, 2011 | 10:47 am

    Hi, Sandra! It's been a while since you and I connected. I'd like to remedy that by giving you a blog award. It is embedded in my latest post on Shady Dell Music & Memories. At your earliest convenience please come pick up your award, dear friend!

  46. SkippyMom
    February 7, 2011 | 11:14 am

    ::tapping my fingers with mucho sarcasm::

    Y'know this post sounds so familiar.

    I painted Wallene's room MONTHS ago. You MUST be copying me.

    bwahahahahahaha!

    Sorry.::innocent eyes:: Was that mean?

    I really couldn't resist. I am still a fuming a little over here in the pond. But the heat makes for an awesome fog [steam?] effect.

    Her room looks lovely. Would she like a nice pink sweatsuit to go with it. She could be all chameleon like. ;D

    Love you darling.

  47. Deborah
    February 7, 2011 | 12:35 pm

    I LOVED this! :o )

  48. ms. caboo
    February 7, 2011 | 12:39 pm

    Sandra, I think you are really more of an Empress of All She Surveys.

  49. Johannthecabbie
    February 7, 2011 | 1:04 pm

    When I was about seven or eight, a kid in school told me a joke I didn't get, because the punch line had I word I didn't know.

    So, at the dinner table that evening, I asked, “Mom, what's a c***”

  50. Kimberly
    February 7, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    Well look at you go…*bowing to her majesty

  51. Flying high in the sky....
    February 7, 2011 | 2:36 pm

    i loved every bit of it… and i don't know why but sadness touched me when i read about princess trying to find a place for herSELF… beautiful post !

  52. Thisisme.
    February 7, 2011 | 3:15 pm

    That was a super post, and I love your little princesses new bedroom! Wow, that's seriously pink!! I adore the new look of your blog – it's really awesome. Brilliant in fact. Hope you get your bathroom painted before next Christmas!!

  53. Bernie
    February 7, 2011 | 3:33 pm

    Love the new design. Very fitting for a princes. :) Very clean looking as well.

  54. Kim
    February 7, 2011 | 3:33 pm

    The design is superb! I thought your son was refering to what you wear to work . . . 'scrubs.' But I'm not a mom of a teenaged boy (dear God, not for another 8 years).

  55. Constar
    February 7, 2011 | 3:36 pm

    even before i read the post i thought ” ohh the picture with the princess on the column is back!” lol.

    Also, A Scrub: first heard internationally on TLC's song ” i dont want no scrub” they actually define it in the lyrics, Ahem, ” a scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly and is also known as a busta, always thinking about what he wants and just sits on his butt, ”

    i happen to know ALL the lyrics to this song, and have unfortunatly dated many of them, if you require any further information on a Scrub, please feel free to contact me lol

  56. meleah rebeccah
    February 7, 2011 | 3:58 pm

    I absolutely LOVE the new blog design! Duchess Kristin did an awesome job for you!

  57. Lady Ohlala
    February 7, 2011 | 4:11 pm

    This is my first visit ever so I don't know how this blog looked like before. But what I know is that a) right now it looks really nice and personal and b) your writing is addictive :)

  58. diane rene
    February 7, 2011 | 5:13 pm

    gooch? I thought it was a taint?? taint your ass, taint your balls?
    eh. maybe I'm just too old.

    love the new look :)

  59. Chanel
    February 7, 2011 | 5:14 pm

    Did he EVER get around to painting your bathroom?

    I told Padawan I wanted to rearrange the bedroom because I didn't like the way the movers had done it. After dealing with the bedroom arranged all wrong for THREE WEEKS I decided I could just do it myself. So I rearranged it to my taste while Padawan was at work one day, and it was not easy. However, I love it. (Padawan hates it, but I told him the only way it was changing back was if he decided to rearrange himself.)

    I think I got off on a tangent somewhere…Oh yes. My point was that you have teenage sons that are more than capable of painting a bathroom if supervised. You needn't deal with the wrong color in your bathroom.(My grandparents had us help paint our own bedrooms when we were in school. Child labor is good.)

  60. MommaKiss
    February 7, 2011 | 6:43 pm

    Did the 5th child slash husband ever get laid?

  61. Monkey Man
    February 7, 2011 | 6:50 pm

    Fifth child must not be too bright. After all, a bathroom is much smaller than a bedroom there fore easier and quicker to paint. Less costly and a way to improve the opportunity to get laid. Duh.

  62. Mamabear
    February 7, 2011 | 7:14 pm

    great post! Great new look!!

  63. Pearl
    February 7, 2011 | 7:36 pm

    i love the new look!:-)

  64. Gwen
    February 7, 2011 | 9:31 pm

    I love your layout and header!!! Kristin did a fabulous job!!!

  65. Quirkyloon
    February 7, 2011 | 9:43 pm

    Gooch? Seriously? I'm afraid to google it, but I just might.

    AND… I like the princess sans lollipop eyes. Why?

    Everytime I saw the lollipop eyes I wanted to sing, “Groove is in the heart!”

    Ha!

  66. Linda Medrano
    February 7, 2011 | 11:19 pm

    You are royal, Sandra, and you have been no matter what image is shown. I would have not been surprised at all if William decided to ditch Kate and marry you. Wait, Wayne would probably object, but oh well. Camilla's husband didn't like it either.

  67. caterpillar
    February 7, 2011 | 11:42 pm

    yay yay Princess Sandra, you got your blog thingy fixed….now if only we could get that bathroom wals painted…..

  68. Trooper Thorn
    February 7, 2011 | 11:56 pm

    I also thought it was a “taint”.

  69. Two Normal Moms
    February 7, 2011 | 11:59 pm

    If I want walls painted in my house, I must do the painting. Sigh. That said, I love the blog design!
    -Ally

  70. SuzRocks
    February 8, 2011 | 12:39 am

    1) I also want to paint my bathroom a deep plum (my friend did it and it looks AWESOME!)

    2)No one understands how special I am either.

    I think these two things mean we're destined to be best friends. Or something.

  71. Bouncin' Barb
    February 8, 2011 | 12:58 am

    Maybe if the princess promised the husband child that she would run around naked for him while he paints the bathroom plum, it would get done quickly? just sayin'

    Love the new 'old' look!!

  72. Geekin' Hard
    February 8, 2011 | 1:14 am

    Nice redesign!

  73. Vee
    February 8, 2011 | 1:46 am

    Great new design, Princess!

  74. qandlequeen
    February 8, 2011 | 2:25 am

    Fabulous!

  75. Deborah
    February 8, 2011 | 2:53 am

    I love the design your Kristin did for you. It's quite regal. (hehehe)

  76. StephanieC
    February 8, 2011 | 3:09 am

    I thought I was in the wrong place for a minute.

    Very pretty, who doesn't like princess-y things?

    I mean, hell, even your husband does! Okay, well at least ballerina things.

    I would have KILLED for a room like that when I was a kid.

    Actually, I still would kill for that now. And BF would benefit from all my stretching on the bar.

    *wink, wink* *nudge, nudge*

    Seriously?… Reeeally??… Seriously?
    _

  77. On My Soapbox
    February 8, 2011 | 3:30 am

    I really like the new design. The lollipop-eyed lady just made me think you liked candy a lot. Or something. I guess.

  78. Marissa
    February 8, 2011 | 6:42 am

    LOL “the fucken walls”.

    And husbands always think that swinging their shlongs is seductive. It's their go-to move.

  79. Amanda
    February 8, 2011 | 6:49 am

    Definitely happy the princess is back. And the ballet room is flipping awesome!

  80. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    February 8, 2011 | 6:50 am

    While I liked the lollipop lady I'm happy to see the princess is back. I am envious of her boobs. They stay nice and perky when she lays down unlike mine which hide in my arm pits when laying down.

    Scrub huh? That's a new one.

  81. Mamarazzi
    February 8, 2011 | 7:30 am

    i love love love all the pink!!! sooo cute!! and i love your new design!

  82. Anonymous
    February 8, 2011 | 9:52 am

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
    Why American men should boycott American women

    http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

    I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

    American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

    This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

    BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

  83. Nicky
    February 8, 2011 | 10:40 am

    Boy, how lucky am I? I get to follow Anonymous' rant about American women. Good thing I'm Canadian.

    So, back to important stuff! Scrub:

    * a man with no class
    * an annoying person
    * an inferior competitor
    * to embarass oneself, usu. by making a physical mistake
    * to remove information from a document

    Sorry, nothing to do with genitalia.

  84. Daffy
    February 8, 2011 | 5:18 pm

    Fantastico!

    And really? Running around naked hoping to get laid? Did you tell him wrong room and wrong paint color for that to be happenin?

  85. Lightning Bug's Butt
    February 8, 2011 | 5:27 pm

    That's quite a fairy tale! I've been planning on painting my bed/bath for 2.5 years now. Nice to know I can blow it off for another 1.5 or so before the sex dries up!

  86. Shell
    February 8, 2011 | 5:50 pm

    Yay! I'm glad you are back to this look!

  87. Kelley
    February 8, 2011 | 6:04 pm

    I really do love the lazy princess on the pedestal with a wand. It's definitely your look! Ha! Love your blog, Sandra. I always have!

  88. Madi and Mom
    February 8, 2011 | 6:04 pm

    Madi and I dropped by to say thank you for stopping by to see and and commenting. We are having a good time blogging. When I started in 2009 I wasn't sure what I'd say….but lo and behold Madi inspires me daily. All of our pets have been such comics.
    Madi and Mom

  89. purplume
    February 8, 2011 | 6:26 pm

    I met you with lollipop eyes and they are so much fun.
    Now I need to get used to this part of you. Of course I know that you are even more than lollipop eyes and even more than a princess.
    Let the facets roll.

  90. NotaSupermom
    February 8, 2011 | 7:06 pm

    It looks great! Thanks for following my little blog.

  91. K
    February 8, 2011 | 9:07 pm

    What a lovely story, I do hope the princess gets to live happily ever after in a plum bathroom with prince charming who often paints naked.

  92. Joanne
    February 8, 2011 | 9:09 pm

    Great story I especially liked the part about the husband running around naked. Too funny. Great post. Blessings, Joanne

  93. Nari
    February 8, 2011 | 10:13 pm

    I have a feeling that Princess Sandra's little girl may have taken the royal crown and replaced it with a fake. With that crown in her possession, there will be no stopping her.

    Also, here's a teen definition of scrub: A scrub is a now generalized term used as a synonym for a “noob” or “newb,” which is someone who is bad at a video game or activity in general.

  94. Snake
    February 8, 2011 | 11:37 pm

    Wow! He could have just painted the bathroom . . .

    Ciao baby!!

  95. gayle
    February 9, 2011 | 12:58 am

    Love this!! Just tell your daughter she should ask for the bathroom to be painted.

  96. Pamela
    February 9, 2011 | 3:55 am

    Yay! The princess is back – love it -it's totally you. Also what's with the American woman boycotting dude? Spammers are so random.

  97. Booyah's Momma
    February 10, 2011 | 6:19 am

    So I am way late to the game in commenting… but I just had to say again, I'm glad the princess is back. I admit, I never really got the lollipop eyes. And it always made me crave sugar. Like I need more of that.

    The princess is sweet, and funny… with just the right amount of edge. She's so you.

  98. Jenny Brown
    February 11, 2011 | 6:29 pm

    I think you're freakin' hilarious….I'm becoming addicted to your blog….I gave you an award…you can go check it out on my blog, if you're interested! :) :)

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