Potty trained monkey takes over the world

Remember when I became a grandmother
…to these lovely children?

Well, when my seven year old, Terran saw them, he decided that he wanted to be a dad too.
So he made himself an egg-baby named Colin.

This is Colin within minutes of his birth…

I gently suggested to Terran that he might be better finding a baby that was more shatter-resistant.

So he did.

This is Chilean Monkey.
Yes, that’s his name: Chilean Monkey.
I know, right. Never ending supply of creativity in this house.

He’s pretty cute.

I thought he was very cute when I found him in Terran’s bed like this…

…and even cuter when Chilean Monkey was caught doing this…

…because nothing says adorable like a monkey taking a shit.

So yes, I’m all kinds of proud because Terran is potty training Chilean Monkey.

I find Terran sitting and watching Toddlers in Tiaras educational television with Chilean Monkey.
I see him spoon feeding the chimp yogurt.
At one point there was even discussion of Chilean Monkey’s future, something along the lines of, “Mom, when Chilean Monkey grows up, he’s going to be really famous.”
I replied, “That’s nice.”

And it is.

Until I walk by Terran’s bedroom, and see him throwing his child from the top bunk of his bed.

“What are you doing? I could call Social Services on you for doing that.”

“It’s ok. He’s learning how to repel. It’ll come in handy when he’s a grown up.”

However, I find this pretty harmless and again, pretty fucken adorable, so I move on… plus Grey’s Anatomy was coming on.

Then when I come back upstairs to put the boy to bed, I find¬†Chilean Monkey¬†doing this…

“Now what are you teaching him?”

“How to use automatic weapons. Doesn’t he look cool!”

…Okey dokey…

Maybe I’ll give him another egg.
An egg baby would look pretty stupid holding an automatic weapon.

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76 Responses to Potty trained monkey takes over the world
  1. Yvonne
    February 11, 2011 | 4:52 am

    Chilean Monkey is adorable! Congrats on the new addition! :)

  2. SherilinR
    February 11, 2011 | 4:54 am

    he is truly a caring & wise father to chilean monkey. he's teaching him life skills & self defense. sounds like a win in my book!

  3. middle child
    February 11, 2011 | 5:02 am

    OMG! What kind of grandma ARE you? Why don't you buy your grandmonkey a potty chair? Why didn't you get a rope and explain the concept of repelling. And you can easily see your grandmonkey needs a smaller gun. If nothing else, I hope you at least made some banana bread. Congrats!

  4. On My Soapbox
    February 11, 2011 | 5:05 am

    Bahaha! Seeing little Chilli rapelling sans rope was a riot. Poor little guy. Well, at least he will know how to jump out of a plane and fight in the jungle. Just sayin'.

  5. Kristina P.
    February 11, 2011 | 5:05 am

    Well, I guess Monkey See Monkey Do!

  6. Lightning Bug's Butt
    February 11, 2011 | 5:10 am

    Cute! You sound like a fun mom!

    That broken egg was funny.

  7. Lisha @ DeLovely Life
    February 11, 2011 | 5:14 am

    Poor Colin…As one who's worked with monkeys (Macaques), and watched way too many episodes of Fatal Attraction, I hope he remains a “friendly” monkey. I say “friendly” because I think monkeys are evil. Those poop heads tried to attack me on numerous occasions. Oh…and watch out for poo throwing.

  8. StephanieC
    February 11, 2011 | 5:26 am

    BWahahahahaha “he's learning how to repel”.

    Seriously, the next time I am in the 'Peg, I want to take you out for coffee.

    You crack me right the hell up.

    Seriously?… Reeeally??… Seriously?

    _

  9. Kelley
    February 11, 2011 | 5:37 am

    I think it's adorable and SOOOO funny! I just love that 7 y/o's still like to play with stuffed animals. He's got quite the imagination!

  10. Carlita
    February 11, 2011 | 5:53 am

    Hey we have a couple of monkeys over here… you should bring Chilean monkey over for a visit.

  11. From Tracie
    February 11, 2011 | 6:15 am

    I think I need a repelling Chilean Monkey at my house.

    My daughter likes to make parachutes for her stuffed animals and throw them off the bed.

  12. Symdaddy
    February 11, 2011 | 6:15 am

    Clandestine military training for the Chilean Army, eh?

    Is he training for the S.M.S. (Special Monkey Service)?

  13. The Restaurant Manager
    February 11, 2011 | 6:35 am

    Wow! You have some great lines! By far my favorite: “…because nothing says adorable like a monkey taking a shit.” =)

  14. Opto-Mom
    February 11, 2011 | 6:49 am

    I love your grandmonkey! He's gonna be like freakin' Rambo!!!

  15. jessicadtorres.com
    February 11, 2011 | 7:03 am

    Poor Colin, he had such a short life. I love Chilean Monkey's pink blanket.

    Grey's Anatomy is my favorite!

  16. Jenner
    February 11, 2011 | 7:08 am

    Yikes! Again… really happy to be a mom to a girl. Though I can hardly wait to see what she comes up with. (NOT)

  17. The Vegetable Assassin
    February 11, 2011 | 8:11 am

    Someone's going to have to have the talk with Chilean Monkey. I mean doesn't he know he has to actually have his hairy ass OVER the hole in the toilet or he's going to shit and it's going to shoot right back up his arse?

    You're welcome.

  18. microsoft outlook exchange
    February 11, 2011 | 8:44 am

    Awwwww! He is a cutie pie! Nice blog!

  19. Bouncin' Barb
    February 11, 2011 | 10:07 am

    You do realize that you get the finest revenge on your children when they make you a grandparent don't you? Just wait patiently. Your time will come.

  20. becca
    February 11, 2011 | 11:40 am

    Chilean Monkey is cute and i love that he is being potty trained how adorable

  21. Jojo
    February 11, 2011 | 11:57 am

    That is one versatile Chilean Monkey!

  22. ryoko861
    February 11, 2011 | 12:11 pm

    Terran watching too much news lately?

  23. twilightgazing
    February 11, 2011 | 12:32 pm

    Like father… like son… both Terran and Chilean Monkey are super cute.

  24. myevil3yearold
    February 11, 2011 | 12:57 pm

    Terran and I watch the same educational TV!

  25. Kimber Leszczuk.
    February 11, 2011 | 1:04 pm

    How thoughtful, with the gun, to teach chilean monkey life skills that apply in today's society. LOL that is hilarious!

  26. ms. caboo
    February 11, 2011 | 1:33 pm

    I have a feeling Chilean monkey will be found with a limb missing pretty soon….after all, your child should learn how to operate on his child, so he can save it's life after the bunk bed incident ends in tragedy.

  27. Lori
    February 11, 2011 | 1:40 pm

    Your such a good grandma! LOL Gotta love his great imagination!

  28. anSeL
    February 11, 2011 | 2:14 pm

    poor eggie!
    chilean monkey is so cute.
    very imaginative terran…

  29. IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY
    February 11, 2011 | 2:19 pm

    cracked me up…….oops,poor colin,no pun intended lol

  30. Quirkyloon
    February 11, 2011 | 2:30 pm

    But you failed to tell us what happened to the crack head, erm I mean cracked egg son.

    Please tell me that you did not promote cannabalism.

  31. Valerie
    February 11, 2011 | 2:59 pm

    My first “outloud hyena laugh of the day” award goes to you. OK, it's not a real award but one of these days I'll get off my retired bootay and create one – holy crap is this funny! Maybe a hard-boiled egg – think of all the fun you could have with that.

  32. Rebecca
    February 11, 2011 | 3:02 pm

    The twins are cute. Poor splattered baby though. Monkey is adorable but I bet he'll need loads of therapy.

  33. blueviolet
    February 11, 2011 | 3:32 pm

    Chilean monkey is taking a shit on the seat and not into the potty hole. There's more work to be done at your house. ;)

  34. Monkey Man
    February 11, 2011 | 4:25 pm

    Chilean Monkey and your monkey boy would fit quite nicely with our family. Nothing like a shit taking, repelling monkey Rambo. I am sure he would get along wuite well with our monkey, Rabies.

  35. Two Normal Moms
    February 11, 2011 | 4:42 pm

    Hilarious! Creativity clearly abounds at your house. I think I love Chilean Monkey. :-)

  36. Belle
    February 11, 2011 | 4:42 pm

    Fantastic post!

  37. Jennie @ Modern Mamaz
    February 11, 2011 | 4:47 pm

    OH, My girl is back!! Love the new blog design… very hot!

  38. Yankee Girl
    February 11, 2011 | 5:05 pm

    Chilean Monkey is going to grow up to be one fine, automatic-weapon-shooting-repelling monkey.

    I have complete faith in him and in Terran.

  39. amanda
    February 11, 2011 | 5:15 pm

    TOO funny! I hope he was smarter than I was as a child and didn't ACTUALLY feed the monkey yogurt. I found an old doll of mine that had applesauce caked in her mouth. Where I thought that applesauce was gonna go after I shoved it in there, I have no idea.

  40. Marissa
    February 11, 2011 | 5:23 pm

    I always heard that monkeys THROW their poop at people. So Chilean Monkey would be pretty OCD using the potty. And the other monkeys would laugh at him.

  41. Boobies
    February 11, 2011 | 7:22 pm

    LOL!! Your son has an awesome imagination. RIP Colin!

  42. KittyCat
    February 11, 2011 | 7:42 pm

    Sounds like congrats is in order. LOl

  43. Mrs. Tuna
    February 11, 2011 | 7:51 pm

    My mom's favorite line…..I let you do it and you lived.

  44. Queen B
    February 11, 2011 | 8:20 pm

    maybe a hard-boiled egg?

    The bunk diving is important training for a monkey to know how to swing through the trees, once he is released back into the wild.

  45. Linda Medrano
    February 11, 2011 | 9:12 pm

    I love Chilean Monkey. And he's growing up to be a very versatile guy, isn't he?

  46. Nari
    February 11, 2011 | 9:24 pm

    A Monkey who can repel AND use a machine gun? That beats two teenaged daughters who fight over everything and can text at the speed of light any day. Wanna trade?

  47. Ms.Wasteland
    February 11, 2011 | 9:52 pm

    Yeah, you'd better hope CPS doesn't find your blog.

  48. My Big Secret Blog :)
    February 11, 2011 | 10:02 pm

    I loved the pictures!

  49. Mamma has spoken
    February 11, 2011 | 10:27 pm

    Funny post but not as funny as the adds that are on my sidebar right now thanks to your post. One is called “Pull-Up Potty Dance” “Narcissism & Codependence” “Adoption Agency” AND “Iron Beds of Yesteryear” What a combo for this post!

  50. meleah rebeccah
    February 11, 2011 | 10:33 pm

    Ahahhaha. I love the Chilean Monkey on the toilet. Classic!

  51. Bridget
    February 11, 2011 | 10:33 pm

    Love this!!! Too stinkin' funny!!! Sorry about Colin, but Terran seems to be having a blast with Chilean Monkey…and teaching him such pertinent life skills, too, because shouldn't everybody know how to repel and shoot??

  52. Polly
    February 11, 2011 | 11:35 pm

    You must be so proud!

  53. Shell
    February 11, 2011 | 11:47 pm

    You've got a creative guy there!

  54. julie moore
    February 12, 2011 | 12:28 am

    Ok so I have not seen a funnier post in a long time. I hope to be a grandma one day soon and you've given me some great ideas!

  55. jess
    February 12, 2011 | 12:28 am

    aw, chilean monkey looks so happy repelling and learning how to shoot semi-automatic weapons. is it weird that stories like this make me WANT to have kids?!

  56. Julianna
    February 12, 2011 | 12:30 am

    Our sons must never meet. 'Nuff said.

  57. Better to be prepared…it's a jungle out there :-)

  58. gayle
    February 12, 2011 | 12:39 am

    What does that make 3 grands for you …. 2 twin eggs and a monkey!!!

  59. Shabbygal
    February 12, 2011 | 12:52 am

    Did you have a funeral for Colin? The grand monkey is so darn cute! Your son sounds like an adorable kid! Traci

  60. Diana Michael
    February 12, 2011 | 1:13 am

    Hello! I stumbled across your post through Jenner. This post totally made my night LOL.

  61. Heather
    February 12, 2011 | 1:38 am

    Hey. I don't think you should ignore the fact that he is spending a lot of quality time with that monkey. Very good parenting.

    My dad and I had some great bonding times over weaponry!! (Ok. I wasn't automatic. I am jealous.)

  62. Mom Went Crazy
    February 12, 2011 | 2:19 am

    An egg would look really stupid holding an automatic weapon!

  63. Portia
    February 12, 2011 | 2:34 am

    Knowing how to use semi automatic weapons will come in handy for the zombie invasion. Your son has good parenting skills. Too bad about Colin, I suppose all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put Colin together again?

  64. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings
    February 12, 2011 | 6:12 am

    Absolutely charming boy you've got there!

    (past!–you might want to bring the kitchen knives into the bedroom with you at night, and then lock yourself in)

  65. Red Shoes
    February 12, 2011 | 6:28 am

    Monkeys…

    What's there NOT to like about Monkeys!?!?!?!?

    You have Monkey Sex… Monkey Poo… and then my personal favorite…

    The Universe Loves You Like A Monkey!!!

    Thank you for stopping by!!

    ~shoes~

  66. Not So Simply Single
    February 12, 2011 | 7:32 am

    What will you think of next….

    Dressing it up in high heels? Oh, its a boy? That will make it transmonkey…I can see it now…a new age monkey doll, boy in girls clothing.

    whoops, plop, there goes the monkey down the toilet!

    Ha!

    Lisa

  67. Misfits Vintage
    February 12, 2011 | 9:45 am

    “nothing says adorable like a monkey taking a shit” – THAT is going on a tshirt.

    Thanks for the retirement $$$ Chilean Monkey!

    New BFF, whether you like it or not.

    Sarah xxx

  68. Betty Manousos@ Cut and Dry
    February 12, 2011 | 12:24 pm

    Cute story! I absolutely enjoyed this.
    You sound like a fun mom.
    You're really a creative person, too.

    Have a great weekend!
    B xx

  69. The Chicken's Consigliere
    February 12, 2011 | 1:58 pm

    Hey, at least you can see your kid's monkey. I can't see any of littleb's friends. Makes it relly hard to tell where the machine gun fire is coming from.

  70. Marty
    February 12, 2011 | 2:50 pm

    lmao…your newest follower…Repelling and automatic weapons…wonder what sort of career he'll be pursuing?

  71. Madge
    February 12, 2011 | 2:59 pm

    I'm just glad that CM didn't fall into the toilet, since you should never put your children in the washing machine.

  72. Helle Kristine Tumbridge
    February 12, 2011 | 4:37 pm

    Oh goodness me, I laughed a lot. I mean, what responsible parent doesn't teach their child how to handle automatic weapons? It's practically a right of passage.

  73. manders
    February 12, 2011 | 5:57 pm

    your son is training chilean monkey for guerilla warfare! hahaha… oy. when am i gonna learn that puns seriously diminish my cool factor?

  74. Jill
    February 12, 2011 | 10:44 pm

    I like how responsibility is being taught in your home! Military skills are very useful ps.

  75. Kimberly
    February 12, 2011 | 10:48 pm

    You could be the cool grandma who teaches Chilean Monkey how to gamble, cover his tracks on the Internet and find himself a little female monkey action?

  76. The Adorkable Ditz
    February 14, 2011 | 6:12 pm

    I used to have a stuffed monkey like that! And that is really cute that Terran is doing that.

    The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps

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