Who wants to play Scrabble with us!!!

I hate boardgames.
I mean, I really hate boardgames.
Like hit me over the head with a round top shovel and bury me in the backyard if there is mention of playing boardgames.

But tonight I succumbed to the guilt of having spent the entire afternoon blog hopping rather than, I dunno, watching more movies with my kids or helping my seven year old learn how to read words that are longer than three letters.

So it was decided that in lieu of them playing video games, sitting at the computer watching YouTube videos on how to beat video games, and watching TV shows about little kids who have created video games and are now multimillionaires, I would play Scrabble with the kids.

The Players:

Wyatt: 14 years old

Jax: 13 years old

Colin: 13 years old – not my child
-goes to expensive private school and wonders why my children aren’t going to expensive private school as well

Zoé: 11 years old – she cheats

and Me.

Before the board even gets pulled out of the box, Jax is gleefully telling his friend that it’s his goal to spell the word “penis.”
Ok.
And we’re off…

First person to go is Wyatt. He puts the letters: D-R-A-P on the board, and cheerfully announces, “Booya! I just spelled ‘drape’!”
I say, “…ummm…no. You just spelled ‘drap.’ That isn’t a word.”

Colin is next.
He spells the word ‘antlers.’
Fucken antlers!
So of course, I can’t help but point out, “Colin, this is why you go to private school and my kids don’t.”
Because really, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t pass the entrance examinations when they can’t even spell fucken ‘drape’.

The game continues with Zoé spelling her own name.
Yes, we had agreed that proper names could be used as long as they were common like Frank, Bob, or Sally.
It was made clear that names such as Buphinder or any ethnic names we could not verify the spelling of were not going to be accepted, to which Jax had to clarify, “Does this mean I can’t spell ‘Wang’? That’s a proper name.”
We agreed that it could only be accepted if used in the context of a reproductive organ, not an Asian name.

Other words were added: dealer (not sure what kind of dealer, as in Vegas card dealer, or recreational drug dealer; thought it best not to ask for specification), nude, lube, and shot.
To the letters R-A-T, Jax adds W-A-T.
I’m like, “Ratwat? What exactly is a ratwat?”
Jax says, “Twat. Just twat.”
I explain, “You can’t just add on another word to one that’s previously there unless it completes it. Twat does not complete Rat.”

Wyatt makes me proud once again as he places the letters B-L-I-C-E, and cheerfully exclaims, “Bliss! On a double word score, that’s…”
I interrupt: “That’s not how you spell bliss.”
“Oh.” I’m so proud…sigh…

At one point, Jax has disappeared.
I yell out, “Jax, where are you? It’s your turn.”
He answers, “I’m in the can taking a dump.”
Colin says, “I can spell that!”
I say, “Spell what?”
He replies, “Dump.”
…sigh…so glad his parents are spending $15000/year on his education…

Jax returns from taking his dump, looks at his letters, and proudly says, “Look what I can spell! V-A-G!”
“Vag? What is a vag?” I ask.
“It’s short for vagina.”
I say, “Unless you can actually spell the word in its entirety, you can’t play vag.”…”and furthermore, what’s up with these words: vag and twat? Where are you getting this shit from?”
He replies, “Well what is a twat?”
I say, “It’s a derogatory term for vag.”

Well, at this point, I’ve lost complete control of the game.
Laughter and dirty boy jokes abound.
And quite frankly, I’ve been sitting in the chair acting like I’m having fun for 45 minutes.
Where’s the fucken round top shovel?

I think it’s interesting to note that the winner of the game is the genius who came up with the words: D-R-A-P and B-L-I-C-E.

…I know, right!
Where’s my reality TV show?

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87 Responses to Who wants to play Scrabble with us!!!
  1. Mumstrosity
    January 3, 2011 | 6:19 am

    Haha I love board games. People usually hate me for pointing out mistakes, and DP is really bad loser so we barely ever play. I mean a reeeally bad loser.

  2. dbs
    January 3, 2011 | 6:21 am

    I don't know where your reality show is but I look forward to watching it on A&E.

  3. Kristina P.
    January 3, 2011 | 6:25 am

    Well at least they didn't try to spell rapper, raper.

  4. jojo
    January 3, 2011 | 6:29 am

    vag so should have counted!

  5. Sarahf
    January 3, 2011 | 6:45 am

    I hate board games too. But they sound more fun around your place.

  6. DW
    January 3, 2011 | 6:47 am

    Since I used to be a teacher, I'm just going to crawl back under my rock for a little cry.

  7. Patti
    January 3, 2011 | 6:50 am

    I think I got a hirnya from laffing so hard. I love that you included Hasbro and Scrabble as labels. The company could really use this post in a series of adz about family bonding.

    Thanks for your lovely comments my way. And for the record, I don't care where you stick your comments or where I stick mine.

  8. Snake
    January 3, 2011 | 6:52 am

    I'm with you re:board games . . . Maybe, just maybe, these boys will be running our country in three decades . . . And, they'll give you all the credit . . . lol

    LIB

  9. Crazy Sister
    January 3, 2011 | 7:22 am

    You have me laughing a lot here. What an awful game!

    Hilarious, though.

  10. A Daft Scots Lass
    January 3, 2011 | 7:36 am

    Scrabble Live!

    Drapped in Pure blice!

    Brilliant post that made me giggle out loud!

  11. K
    January 3, 2011 | 9:05 am

    Sorry but I love board games I could pop round and teach jax lots more terms for genitals. ( bad spelling optional ),..bearded oyster, beaver,ponani,are any of these high scoring?

  12. Cole
    January 3, 2011 | 9:48 am

    So, I'm guessing you're not a Words with Friends kind of girl?

    Oddly enough, mommy loves most board games, but is not a big Scrabble fan; she is very competitive and NEVER won growing up – Grammy Boo is a science teacher who thought nothing of throwing down words like “zygote” even when playing against her 6 year old daughter, and Coach just cheats…

  13. Thisisme.
    January 3, 2011 | 10:47 am

    I should stick to your blogging next time!!! LOL !

  14. Vodka Logic
    January 3, 2011 | 10:52 am

    TEARS FROM LAUGHING.

    Your boy may not be as “smart” as the private school kid but he is twice as funny. and kuddos to you for educating them on the meaning of twat.

  15. Gigi
    January 3, 2011 | 11:12 am

    I don't mind most board games – and actually love Scrabble. But there are some (can you say Monopoly? and more recently, chess) that make me want to scratch my own eyes out and run screaming from the room.

  16. becca
    January 3, 2011 | 11:42 am

    i love boardgames but i have come to learn i suck at them when playing against my son

  17. Marsy {Giddy Fingers}
    January 3, 2011 | 12:08 pm

    Ha ha, loved this post. I also am not a fan of boardgames and I have these two friends who whenever I go to their house get over excited about boardgames and insist I must play. And so I play… with a very disgruntled look on my face.

    Happy New Year Sandra! xo

  18. Jewels
    January 3, 2011 | 12:09 pm

    My aunts and I are clearly playing this game wrong…its so much more fun your way! haha. Glad you had a good time playing.

  19. Deborah
    January 3, 2011 | 12:18 pm

    This is the second time in as many days that I've heard the word twat!

    I swear I've gone years without seeing or hearing it.

    Now it is stuck in my mind forever.

    LOLOL at your kids.

  20. Mamma has spoken
    January 3, 2011 | 12:46 pm

    I love playing games with the sons! But not scrabble, our spelling skills are about like your children's :(
    How about Apples to Apples or Boxers or Briefs?

  21. alexis
    January 3, 2011 | 12:47 pm

    oh man, I love it!

  22. CANCEROLAZO
    January 3, 2011 | 12:52 pm

    happy new year, I greet you from Argentina, you have a wonderfull sense of humour!

  23. George
    January 3, 2011 | 12:54 pm

    If I played scrabble with the people here at work, it would have sounded the same, misspellings and all.

  24. The Vegetable Assassin
    January 3, 2011 | 12:59 pm

    Board games suck ass. My whole family were board game oriented and my boyfriend and his family are too so I feel totally outnumbered. I hated things like Monopoly as a kid. 'Monotonous' it should've been called. Scrabble is only any fun if you can use dirty words like your good self and why anyone would want to play chess is beyond me entirely. I do enjoy me some Trivial pursuit because the pursuit of triviality is totally in my nature, and I like cake so earning wedges of “cake” appeals to me.

    I think they're called Board Games when they should be called BORED Games. No?

    Twat is a great word. I'm just saying.

  25. Just Plain Tired
    January 3, 2011 | 1:12 pm

    I haven't played a board game in ages. Gotta admit I'd have been amused with the kids you had at this one though.

  26. My name WAS Female, I shit you not!
    January 3, 2011 | 1:20 pm

    Raise your arm up high!
    Another winning hillarious post.
    Your award shelf must be ready to bust off. :0)
    THX for amusing us.
    You are just what the doctor ordered.

  27. -stephanie-
    January 3, 2011 | 1:29 pm

    I love boardgames, and yes..VAG should have counted.

  28. Oilfield Trash
    January 3, 2011 | 1:52 pm

    You see that is why I can't have that game in my house with my kids. The only words I can spell really good are all the dirty ones.

  29. B. WHITTINGTON
    January 3, 2011 | 2:24 pm

    I love your blog. AND I absolutely HATE board games or games of any kind. My family hates that I hate games and are always trying to get me to play. I'm now a grandma and I will occasionally play with the kiddies but I DO NOT LIKE IT. What is that about. I get depressed when asked to play a board game. I think because I cannot sit still for very long. WHen I play games I have to have a continuous snack!
    Thanks for stopping by my blog.
    Barb
    Look forward to reading more of yours.

  30. ADoC
    January 3, 2011 | 2:31 pm

    I'm such a dork i had to look vag up to see if it WAS included in the scrabble dictionary. Sadly, no. But vagi is, for future reference lol!

  31. Peggy
    January 3, 2011 | 3:10 pm

    All this time I thought scrabble was boring. I just needed to come play at your house. LOL

  32. Diane
    January 3, 2011 | 3:11 pm

    I would totally watch your reality show.

  33. Ashley
    January 3, 2011 | 3:19 pm

    this is about how scrabble would go with my husband haha!

  34. Sounds like a blice-ful game.

    BF went to one of them thar fancy 'Peg private schools. Both fortunately/unfortunately for me, it left him bloody brilliant and high achieving.

    Let's just say my country bumpkin school was a little lacking.

    Ahhh well.

  35. Holly Ruggiero
    January 3, 2011 | 3:41 pm

    Hum, did you get a nice round shovel for Christmas. I love reading the comments to, boy do people feel strongly about board games!

  36. BlahCooCooBlah
    January 3, 2011 | 3:44 pm

    I love board games! They give me a natural high…As long as I'm winning! When I start losing, that's when the comedown begins!

  37. Bouncin' Barb
    January 3, 2011 | 3:51 pm

    Maybe there should be a new Scrabble version called “slang and or sex terms Scrabble”. Might be a big seller huh? Love ya!

  38. ~ Darla ~
    January 3, 2011 | 3:54 pm

    LOL, gotta love that Colin.

  39. Wow, that was awkward
    January 3, 2011 | 3:58 pm

    Hilarious! Scrabble is great for building the vocabulary, but those kids seem to be doing just fine already. I'm addicted to the words with friends game on my iphone. It won't let you do vag though.

  40. Bossy Betty
    January 3, 2011 | 4:25 pm

    OH OH. I love board games. I must remember to hide the shovels when others are around and I suggest we play one. Hey! At least you learned some new interesting vocabulary.

  41. life in the mom lane
    January 3, 2011 | 4:42 pm

    I like board games for the most part- but am glad I never played them with young teen-aged boys.. I think I would've had a hard time with some of the “slang” they came up with….:) I am amazed you held it together :)

  42. Quirkyloon
    January 3, 2011 | 5:03 pm

    LOL!

    You are so hilarious and your boys are too!

    Dare I admit, I used to play online Scrabble. And they even have a little dictionary link.

    It was cool!

  43. Lin
    January 3, 2011 | 5:06 pm

    Haha, I suck at Scrabble! I always end up with 3 letter words while my husband is over there spelling out words I've never even heard of, jerk.

  44. Bridget
    January 3, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    HAHAHAHA! That sounds exactly like how board games are played at my house!! Of course, afterward, I'm like, “Oh yeah, I remember now why I rarely play these…”

  45. Saimi
    January 3, 2011 | 5:11 pm

    Uh sorry to have to be the one to say it but….I think by the looks of the game players, they need more spelling in their young life…better keep out the game! HA!

    Funny post!

  46. Joann Mannix
    January 3, 2011 | 5:17 pm

    I am so not into board games, unless there is singing involved. Singing or drinking, then I'm good.

    Your board game fun was hilarious. We would definitely not have the same words in this house with 3 girls, it would be more like, Playtex and stiletto, but I guarantee you the misspellings would be one and the same.

  47. Nicole
    January 3, 2011 | 5:23 pm

    Hee hee. I love board games when they are the drunken, adult-only Trivial Pursuit kind. Drunken Scrabble – way better. But I guess that defeats the purpose of “playing board games so you can spend quality time with your children.”

  48. Big Fat Gini
    January 3, 2011 | 5:31 pm

    Play Dirty Scrabble. I promise it will be fun and interesting (but you may want to make it clear ahead of time that you're not planning on having sex after…men seem to get that idea far too often)!

  49. Monkey Man
    January 3, 2011 | 5:57 pm

    My family won't play scrabble with me any more. The score is usually about 256 to 83 after six rounds. Maybe I should be playing Wyatt. I'll even let him misspell words.

    BTW – Vag antlers sound both ugly and painful.

  50. Kimberly
    January 3, 2011 | 6:24 pm

    Oh Scrabble, teaching our young minds about different ways to call a vag part since…since? When the fack was scrabble made? My grandparents gobbled that shit up when they were alive. Must've been made in the early 1900's…yup my grandma just rolled in her grave for that one ;)

  51. Booyah's Momma
    January 3, 2011 | 6:31 pm

    This makes me so glad my kids can't spell yet. Really glad.

    But reading about your kids spelling? Pretty funny.

  52. KittyCat
    January 3, 2011 | 6:34 pm

    You REALLY hate board games?

    I would drive you crazy then. We have a million.
    We play them alot, but mostly on the weekends with friends (where alcohol is invloved) and /or on the holidays.

  53. Rebecca
    January 3, 2011 | 6:50 pm

    That is so funny. Boys…..glad I still have a few years before the dirty jokes come.

  54. Coffeypot
    January 3, 2011 | 7:43 pm

    I think it should be a rule that Scrabble MUST be played with young teens. It makes it much more fun and you can learn some new words like Vag.

  55. Heather
    January 3, 2011 | 9:22 pm

    Bwahahaha! I think vag should have counted.

  56. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    January 3, 2011 | 9:29 pm

    Haha, only at your house Susan! Sounds like the kids had a good time. And good for you for making it so long!

  57. Linda Medrano
    January 3, 2011 | 9:52 pm

    Your kids are a riot too.

  58. I sooooooo wanna play!

  59. Corey
    January 3, 2011 | 10:57 pm

    BUWAHAHAHAHA! This seriously is grand! I came and started reading this earlier, and then got distracted at work and left and forgot to come back.

    then i suddenly remembered something about scrabble, and remembered i had to come back and finish.

    So glad that i did, because this is ridiculously hilarious! i love your kids.

    and i love colin too. i wish he was my child. however, if he was my child, he would not be colin. because i would not name my kid that. dont know why, other than i just dont like the name.

    and i would probably not spend 1500 dollars to send him to private school.

    but if i was ever allowed to just have a kid that has already been raised and paid for and named and all that shit, i would want that child to be colin.

    or your kids.

    cause they are really freaking cute.

    haha so glad i came back to finish this post.

    haha… “vag..” tehehe

  60. Amanda
    January 3, 2011 | 11:09 pm

    LMFAO!!!!!!!! Made. my. DAY!

  61. meleah rebeccah
    January 3, 2011 | 11:12 pm

    Scrabble is the ONLY board game I will play with my family. But we've NEVER had as much fun as you guys did!

  62. Daffy
    January 3, 2011 | 11:22 pm

    Only thing missing were shots!

  63. Carri
    January 4, 2011 | 12:06 am

    OH EM FUCKING GEE. I peed myself. Can I join your family?

  64. caterpillar
    January 4, 2011 | 12:07 am

    heehee….I normally like board games and would have loved to be a part of the game u guys had…

  65. Snuggle Wasteland
    January 4, 2011 | 1:06 am

    I'm laughing and at the same time cringing as I think about the teen years at my house.

  66. Jen
    January 4, 2011 | 1:07 am

    I HATE Scrabble but your version sounds much better than that crappy brainiac game I grew up with.

    I love that you are real with your kids too. I wanna be you when I grow up.

  67. Sparkling
    January 4, 2011 | 1:13 am

    As a teacher, I too am appalled at their spelling. But I am more impressed that you son know what a drape is and has heard the word bliss. But damned that invented spelling!! At least I teach a foreign language, so I can't be blamed for misspelling. My students get so mad at me when I tell them spelling counts in English AND in French. Because if it's spelling wrong, IT'S NOT A WORD. Yeah, I'm such a bitch, I have these outrageous expectations.

    And I can't stop reading BLICE as BLICE, like lice with a b.

  68. Geekin' Hard
    January 4, 2011 | 1:30 am

    Wow, sadly enough you could have had a similar experience playing with me… I can't spell and I've got the maturity of a 12yr old.

  69. On My Soapbox
    January 4, 2011 | 1:47 am

    I like playing board games with anyone except my bf. He's very competitive and ALWAYS just has to win.

  70. Lin
    January 4, 2011 | 1:47 am

    I think with that load of rocket scientists, you'll need to stick to “Sorry”.

  71. Julianna
    January 4, 2011 | 1:51 am

    Ok. New game. Bananagram. It's like scrabble, but with no board, and you can play it anywhere. All the pieces fit in this banana shaped bag with a zipper when you are done.

    Plus, think of all the dirty inuendos Wayne can come up with for a game in a banana. :)

  72. gayle
    January 4, 2011 | 2:14 am

    I would have loved to watch this in person!!

  73. Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic
    January 4, 2011 | 4:39 am

    This made my night – I'm so glad you followed my blog so I could find yours! As for the none spellers I guess ignorance can really be blice if you try hard enough :)

  74. Poppy
    January 4, 2011 | 5:33 am

    I hate board games too. Oh, and I don't let kids win. Ever.

  75. HeatherOz
    January 4, 2011 | 6:59 am

    Oh my gosh! That was fucken hilarious! I HATE boardgames too! My daughter ALWAYS tries to talk me in to playing Clue! Blick!

  76. Jojo
    January 4, 2011 | 11:10 am

    I'm SO glad you came over and left a note. Otherwise I might not have bumped into your blog!!! You're now on my read list.

  77. Clyde
    January 4, 2011 | 12:00 pm

    I'm thinking that your kids have been fairly well educated without the private school

  78. amelia
    January 4, 2011 | 2:57 pm

    Thanks for the visit and like you, I would love to be snowed in and not be able to get out but here, things are much too organised for that!! I'm sure they are in Winnipeg too. Ploughs have us dug out quickly!

    I loathe board games BTW and even refuse to play them with my grandchildren!

  79. Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog
    January 4, 2011 | 4:20 pm

    Hmmm… I don't know if it's been mentioned above, but I feel compelled to point out that “fucken” is usually spelled “fucking” or “Fuckin”.

    Just sayin.

    ;)

  80. Kim @ Stuff could...
    January 4, 2011 | 4:25 pm

    Wow, that is some words! I do not care for board games either but they are fun sometimes?
    kim
    ps, How do you get 79 comments?? congrats, just wondering??

  81. Jill
    January 5, 2011 | 4:53 am

    I love that you're playing “dirty” scrabble with children. Where IS your reality show?!

  82. Kelly @ City Mom
    January 5, 2011 | 5:31 am

    Hilarity! And quite entertaining!

  83. ryoko861
    January 5, 2011 | 2:29 pm

    LMAO!!! I wish I was a fly on the wall for that session!

    I recently tried playing Scrabble with my 23 year old.
    Let's just say I'm just glad he was able to get a diploma.

    So I guess I won't be seeing you on Facebook playing Scrabble in the public forums, huh? LMAO!! You're too funny!

  84. Kernut the Blond
    January 5, 2011 | 6:13 pm

    Well, I would like board (or should it be “bored” LOL) games a lot better if they went like this.

    BTW – I googled it and it turns out drap is a Scottish word for drop. Probably just the accent :)

  85. Aleksandra Nearing
    January 8, 2011 | 12:29 am

    Holy cow, we almost thre our scrabble away last week. Mainly because Adam is SO f#cking slow. Like make me get on a computer and tweet or something slow. He thinks, and thinks and thinks. I just want to make a word and move on. I swear we will not play it again fo another 6 months.

  86. Myya
    January 8, 2011 | 5:50 am

    You never disappoint. You always make me laugh. Good thing you don't mind it being at your or your families expense, because really that would be just awful if you didn't put all of this out there for us to enjoy too. As far as Scrabble goes. I am freakin addicted. I have at least 6-7 WordFued games going on my cell phone. I am sad. I know.

  87. Kelley
    January 9, 2011 | 6:33 am

    You are so hilarious! I would love to play Scrabble in your household. I like games, though. DON'T UNFOLLOW ME! The fact that you allow proper names is making me break out into a wild rash.

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