Mustaches and constipation…not necessarily in that order

Nursing students are extremely social creatures.

Basically we travel in packs.
Sure, we work hard.
But nobody unwinds quite the way we do.

This is what we do before class…

While waiting for the class to start we do this…

During class we do some of this…

Between classes we do this…

And of course, throughout it all, there is very little silence.
We like to talk.
We talk about our classes.
We talk about our teachers.
We talk about our classmates.
But most often, we talk about the human body.

Suddenly, when you know exactly how everything works, you either:
a) suddenly think you have the disease recently discussed in class
b) assess each other to make sure you don’t have the disease recently discussed in class

For instance, during our break, when a group of us were in the computer lab showing each other pics of our old boyfriends on Facebook working on an assignment, a discussion ensued related to various foods and how they can affect bowel function.

My friend says, “Soon after I ate that green curry dish at lunch, I had to poo.”
I say, “You did? I ate the green curry dish and it did nothing for me.”
“Are you constipated?”
“Always.”
“Do you know that you can actually feel the stool in your intestine when you’ve been constipated for awhile?” she says.
“Really?” So I start palpating my stomach. “I don’t feel anything.”
“Sure you do,” she says. “Here, let me show you.” So she leans over and starts pushing down on my stomach. “See. Right here! There’s a big piece of poo in there.”
She’s a little gleeful.

“How can you tell?” I ask.
“Because it’s hard.”
“I thought my stomach was hard because I have great abs,” I say.
“Feel it!”
So there we are, groping my intestines from outside my body to be sure she is in fact feeling poo I bet the old boyfriends we were looking at on Facebook would find us so sexy right now when our classmate calls out to me by my last name, “Hey Charron, it’s time to go.”

As we are gathering our books, my classmate starts saying my last name repeatedly, in a French accent.
She says, “You should change your name to Pierre. That would be really French.”
I reply, “I am French. I don’t have to change my name to Pierre.”
“Well you should grow a mustache then. A cheesy French mustache!”


image from here

I didn’t really say too much more about that to my classmate, but according to my kids, I am growing a mustache.
I’ll share that particular tidbit with my friends just as soon as we start on the chapter on menopause.

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72 Responses to Mustaches and constipation…not necessarily in that order
  1. Jana@AnAttitudeAdjustment
    January 14, 2011 | 1:09 am

    Nurses are such heroes. I'm glad you're going to school to be one, because I really think you'll make your patients' lives a lot better with your wicked humor! (And by wicked I mean good. And, I guess, wicked!)

  2. Kristina P.
    January 14, 2011 | 1:12 am

    My husband is a paramedic. And a man. Talking about poo is in his genes.

  3. Gigi
    January 14, 2011 | 1:15 am

    you nurses sound like a total riot!

  4. Julianna
    January 14, 2011 | 1:19 am

    Seriously? I made it into the top five comments? I should hit publish.. like NOW, before I miss my opp.

    My friend says that every time she comes back from a cruise. She can actualy “track” the poo until it leaves her body. And yes, she has rock hard abs too. :)

    But the mustache thing… totally with you. I am forever plucking stray facial hairs. I have tweezers by the bed side, in the car (it's where the best light is), in the bathroom, and the kitchen.

    Bad enough I live with Boys, I don't have to look like one :)

  5. myevil3yearold
    January 14, 2011 | 1:20 am

    Well, I 'm a banker and we do about the same stuff. Poo, exes and facebook is my whole day.

  6. StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously?
    January 14, 2011 | 1:22 am

    Greeeeat. You are too good looking for a moustache.

    Tell that to menopause, I am sure it will understand. I mean, c'mon.

    Seriously.

    I almost typed “god-looking” in there. You might like that better, tho.

    ;-)

  7. Lourie
    January 14, 2011 | 1:32 am

    I suddenly have the urge to feel my stomach…probably soft and squishy. :P haha. Luckily my stache is blond…just as long as it doesn't get fuller than my hubs!

  8. Holly Ruggiero
    January 14, 2011 | 1:32 am

    I can honestly say that I have never had that conversation. You’ve broadened my horizons.

  9. -stephanie-
    January 14, 2011 | 1:33 am

    I'm thinking of going back to bangs.
    Yours are cute. I miss my bangs.

    Poo and mustaches. Ya, they exist in my house too.

  10. Rebecca
    January 14, 2011 | 1:40 am

    Ohhh maybe you can liquor up one of the nursing students and draw a Sharpie Mustache on her.

  11. CB
    January 14, 2011 | 1:42 am

    Bitch! My best friend is in nursing school.

    I. TOTALLY. GET. YOU.

  12. Pearl
    January 14, 2011 | 1:45 am

    Ha ha…how could you get bored in class with your classmates? it's nice to go back in school:-) i can tell your kids think you're a COOL mom!:-)

  13. Mrs. Tuna
    January 14, 2011 | 1:53 am

    Great, now I feel like pushing on my stomach to see if I can feel my poo.

  14. Monkey Man
    January 14, 2011 | 1:54 am

    So in the Great White North you sit around feel each other up and grow mustaches. Interesting. No wonder you have ex-boyfriends.

  15. Linda Medrano
    January 14, 2011 | 2:03 am

    I want to grow a mustache. I think it would rock to have one. And I totally can feel poo by pushing on my belly. Oh wait, there's some! I want to remember this post next time I am dealing with nurses. I'm going to ask them the right place to feel for poo because I just poked myself in the ovary.

  16. Sparkling
    January 14, 2011 | 2:04 am

    I think it's just packs of women, regardless of the career. Though if you walk into the teacher's room and find us probing each other's stomachs for poo, you should call someone because THAT is not normal.

    I just want to know why all of your classes show you all wearing coats and hats. It can't be that cold in your classrooms!

  17. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    January 14, 2011 | 2:14 am

    How fitting that I read your post on my cell phone while I was in the bathroom. Trying to poo. Why is constipation more of an issue for women? Are my ovaries in the way or what?

  18. King of New York Hacks
    January 14, 2011 | 2:27 am

    So where is the next Nurse night at ?? Lol

  19. Snuggle Wasteland
    January 14, 2011 | 2:38 am

    Excuse me while I go feel my kids' and The TO's poo…

  20. Snuggle Wasteland
    January 14, 2011 | 2:38 am

    Ok, I'm back. I think we're all too fat for that trick to work.

  21. Oilfield Trash
    January 14, 2011 | 2:39 am

    Nurses are wild ones for sure.

    There is a nice little bar here that you can hit up at 4pm or 11pm to find tons of them drunk. A friend of mine used to date darn near all of them that went there.

  22. Bouncin' Barb
    January 14, 2011 | 2:40 am

    Sandra…you are just tooo cute. You look like 18. Love the pics.

  23. Blasé
    January 14, 2011 | 2:54 am

    ..some folks are just easily entertained, I guess.

  24. Heather
    January 14, 2011 | 2:55 am

    I felt my stomach. I detected no poo. I am not as talented as y'all are.

    You're French! Aha. No wonder you knew, “bootier” wasn't French for butt!!

  25. Portia
    January 14, 2011 | 3:10 am

    Pregnant women discuss poo a lot, too. I heard about the state of my daughter's bowels throughout her pregnancy.

  26. Sarahf
    January 14, 2011 | 3:44 am

    I couldn't help but have a poke at my stomach just to see what happened. So elegant!!

  27. Lightning Bug's Butt
    January 14, 2011 | 3:56 am

    I have a Whopper with cheese working its way through my alimentary canal right now. Want to palpate it?

  28. Snake
    January 14, 2011 | 4:05 am

    Poo, mustache, and menopause . . . lol Life is beautiful baby!

    Ciao!!

  29. Making It Work Mom
    January 14, 2011 | 4:15 am

    You make nursing school sound so much fun. Like it is not even hard work at all!
    So two things
    1.When I took my son to the DR last year for his physical did in fact show me the big chunk of poo in his intestines. I have to say I was very intrigued. He also has rock hard ads and not an ounce of body fat.

    2. You just reminded me of a story my eyebrow wax lady told me about mustaches and I laughed out loud. Thank you.

  30. Impulsive Addict
    January 14, 2011 | 4:35 am

    I am SO relieved that I'm not ever constipated! I would FREAK OUT if I could feel my poo in my stomach. Seriously.

    Fiber much? lol

  31. Carri
    January 14, 2011 | 4:42 am

    At least we're not like snakes… You know… have a big ol' bulge in our stomach and decide, “Yep, time to take a shit.”

  32. Momma Jorje
    January 14, 2011 | 5:27 am

    Perhaps you just need one of those finger tattoos of a mustache!

    Also, I tend to feel my kid's bellies for poo when they have a tummy ache. “You need to go poop. Then you'll feel better.”

  33. Lisa
    January 14, 2011 | 5:33 am

    Seriously? Holy crap…LITERALLY! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I didn't even plan that! I just laugh my fanny off with your stories. And guess how many people you just made shove their hands into their guts to find hardened pooh? Lots. THAT'S the power of a great blog, my friend. :)

  34. Memphis Steve
    January 14, 2011 | 5:34 am

    I would like to recommend against growing the mustache, Pierre. It doesn't become you.

  35. Holly
    January 14, 2011 | 5:48 am

    So are you saying you “full of crap…”? BAHAHA!!! Sorry… couldn't help it.

    Nurses ROCK!! That is… IF they're NICE… So be NICE!!

    OH!! And be careful of those dirty old men!! They're REALLY gonna' like YOU!! LOL!

  36. Facemot
    January 14, 2011 | 9:04 am

    very narcissem! don't laugh! :ngakak

  37. Marissa
    January 14, 2011 | 9:05 am

    I'm hesitant to knead my stomach. The poo might start “crowning”.

  38. Vodka Logic
    January 14, 2011 | 9:42 am

    Holy crap….

    I work in a blood bank in a trauma center… gotta love hospital talk.

  39. Mamma has spoken
    January 14, 2011 | 10:22 am

    I just think you need more fiber in your diet…

  40. becca
    January 14, 2011 | 11:37 am

    i my world Nurses rock

  41. Debbie
    January 14, 2011 | 1:26 pm

    Thank you for this laugh today! It was just what I needed.
    Good luck on the constipation:)

  42. Laoch of Chicago
    January 14, 2011 | 2:51 pm

    Wow the class notes look intimidating.

  43. anSeL
    January 14, 2011 | 3:38 pm

    poo and mustache, great combination!
    happy pooing, a, i mean, happy schooling!

    :)

  44. Forgetfulone
    January 14, 2011 | 4:05 pm

    My step-son and his wife are both nurses, and they can party like there's no tomorrow! Sometimes I wonder if the nurses who take care of me talk about me when they're out having fun. Nah. I'm too boring! LOL

  45. Joann Mannix
    January 14, 2011 | 5:55 pm

    I did not know you could feel your poo. I do know you can knead your intestines with a stomach massage to get everything rolling. seriously, there's a youtube video instruction.

    Check out the Align. I'm sure Canada has it. Seriously life changing.

  46. Quirkyloon
    January 14, 2011 | 6:19 pm

    LOL!

    If somebody started palpatating my tummy, I'd fart.

    And… I might find where my fave pair of earring disappeared to.

    I never thought I might have ingested them.

    Anything is possible.

  47. Thisisme.
    January 14, 2011 | 6:21 pm

    Love the photos. You look beautiful.

  48. Diane
    January 14, 2011 | 6:47 pm

    I am now having to seriously resist the urge to palpitate my belly for poo. Thanks!

  49. Diane
    January 14, 2011 | 6:49 pm

    Of course I meant palpate! duh!

  50. Kristy
    January 14, 2011 | 8:28 pm

    I had so much fun in grad school with the other women in my cohort. You've made me miss it!

  51. Krissy
    January 14, 2011 | 8:29 pm

    What kinda friend tells you it's poo instead of your great abs? Humph! You all seriously need to quit diagnosing each other. My sister is a nurse and she always tells us there's nothing wrong with us.. well, mostly. :)

    talkativetaurus.blogspot.com

  52. Coffeypot
    January 14, 2011 | 8:56 pm

    You can feel my shit anytime you wann'a. But from the outside only.

  53. Ann
    January 14, 2011 | 10:08 pm

    Well it sounds to me like you are a bunch of nursing students who really know their shit :)

  54. ModernMom
    January 14, 2011 | 10:12 pm

    LOL I love that nurses and nursing students can talk about EVERYTHING! Even poo:)

  55. twilightgazing
    January 14, 2011 | 10:16 pm

    This brings back memories of when my sister was studying to be a nurse… and I was her guinea pig, such fun times!

  56. gayle
    January 15, 2011 | 12:46 am

    You've got a great group!! Love the pictures!!

  57. Nicky
    January 15, 2011 | 12:49 am

    I just got over the stomach flu. There is no pooh left in my intestine and I'm pretty sure there's not even intestine left in my intestine!

  58. wtf…you have all those hott class mates and I get stuck with nurses that look like they used to be professional boxers!!!

  59. Andrea (ace1028)
    January 15, 2011 | 1:34 am

    Oh My. That was just a little bit more than a little bit hilarious. Now you have me wondering if I could tell if there was junk in my system that way. Though I'm so not even close to a nurse. More power to you and your peeps!

  60. Dee
    January 15, 2011 | 2:58 am

    So many of my friends are RNs and talk just like that. You will love being a nurse. :)

  61. Bridget
    January 15, 2011 | 4:49 am

    Bahahaha! Too funny!

  62. Not So Simply Single
    January 15, 2011 | 8:20 am

    Well, I think looking at old boyfriends on facebook really rocks it….

    Don't cross that out, we know THAT IS THE TRUTH!

    Bodily fluids, human secretions, yup, I am an esthetician and work with massage therapists…you should hear about what we are touching all day long……..

    eewwwwwwwwwww…sometimes it makes ya quiver!

    Lisa

  63. Kimberly
    January 15, 2011 | 4:29 pm

    I get a kick listening to the nursing students talk around my desk. Yesterday one of the students had one of our frequent flyers as a patient and the patient is very particular about who cares for her…anyways, the student comes around the corner and says “That little girl must have a heightened sense of smell because she keeps telling me that my breath stinks”…then all the students start thinking about what the proper medical term for “Stinky breath” was.
    Students…crack me up.

  64. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    January 15, 2011 | 7:14 pm

    Hey! My sister-in-law is in nursing school and she hasn't poked my stomach once to see if there is poo! She needs to be in class with you and your friends so she can to learn to assess all the diseases I think I have ; )

  65. Jill
    January 15, 2011 | 7:43 pm

    I'm glad you have a good group of friends to help you through school. That's what I loved most about going to grad school…getting to interact fellow students in that collegial setting. So fun. Mustaches rock btw. Look at Frida. Oh wait, that was a uni-brow. Never mind.

  66. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    January 15, 2011 | 8:36 pm

    Haha, I hope me and my classmates are all that close soon.

  67. Deborah
    January 15, 2011 | 10:19 pm

    LOL … brilliant, you can't beat a french moustache!

  68. QueenBee
    January 18, 2011 | 3:15 am

    Times like these are priceless times. Gotta love the humor.

  69. Ginger
    January 18, 2011 | 9:10 pm

    You and your class mates are so hot!! You guys are going to be knocking the sick male patients off with threats of cathetization …arghhh maybe not!!

  70. Geekin' Hard
    January 20, 2011 | 4:06 am

    And best parties EVER in the history of university parties were the nursing ones. Oh the stories I could tell if only I could remember them…

  71. Marla
    January 20, 2011 | 8:01 am

    Even though I just went through the whole blocked bowel thing, I still find you quite funny. I may just be constipated though. :-)

  72. jenkakio.com
    January 22, 2011 | 4:56 am

    That's awesome! I'm trying to get into nursing school next year. I can't wait!!!!!

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