Since entering the world of blogging, my horizons have expanded.
I am now in touch with a number of people from different parts of the world who write blogs on a variety of different topics.
So of course, I talk about the stories I read and the bloggers I interact with, with the people in my life.
Then one day, someone said to me, “I can’t believe all of this goes on on the Internet. It’s like being in high school.”
Upon hearing that, I was immediately able to transpose certain bloggers I’ve encountered over the months into the various cliques from my high school.
Sure, I can’t pinpoint the “stoners” and chances are there aren’t many “stoner” bloggers out there, because can you really concentrate on writing when you’re cooking up mac ‘n cheese and toast with peanut butter to satisfy the munchies?
…not that I even know what the munchies are…I’m just sayin’, you know, if I had the munchies that would be a good…
So let’s begin with those bloggers who have cult-like status in the blogging world.
They come in all shapes and sizes.
Some claim absolute knowledge on certain topics, ie. childrearing, politics, relationships.
Others claim nothing at all.
And we will come.
Sometimes they offer substance.
Sometimes they don’t.
And it doesn’t matter.
Because. We. Will. Come.
There’s a certain fascination with these people; a certain ‘je ne sais quoi.’
They aren’t fantastic.
Yet. We. Will. Come.
See, to me, this was the girl in high school who could do no wrong.
Not particularly pretty, talented, or even nice, but won the crown in the town beauty pageant.
Wasn’t overly smart, but somehow, she got the As.
Was caught cheating in biology, but never suffered any consequences for her actions, AND was given the book back in which she had been copying her answers.
I know this because I was sitting right next to that girl, and she said to me, “Do you want me to pass you the book when I’m done?”
I would watch this girl with fascination, because she had nothing more than anybody else.
Yet she had this cult-like power.
Then there are the bloggers who aren’t particularly nice on their blogs.
They don’t really have much to say.
They insult, enrage, and argue.
They don’t have many readers.
And when you do read them, and leave a comment, they respond by challenging the comment.
EVEN IF YOU’RE AGREEING WITH THEM!
Fortunately, I’ve only stumbled upon a couple like that, and I usually leave as quickly as I’ve appeared, because…well, because they’re assholes.
Now these were the boys in high school who were mean.
They weren’t bullies.
They just had this knack for being assholes.
You didn’t dare look at them or even walk by their desk, because they would say or do something assholy.
One such particular asshole wiped his boogers on my copy of The Chrysalids.
I should note that said asshole was eventually caught jerking off with a bottle of ketchup at a party…
…yeah, I know, I’m having a hard time figuring out the mechanics of that one too, but hey! That’s what I heard!
And when some guy wipes his snot on your book, you aren’t likely to reject the rumour.
Now let’s get to those bloggers who band together.
They are faithful to one another, they are supportive, they are wildly popular.
And with good reason. They are terrific, funny, insightful, and well written.
But nobody else can get into the clique.
You can read them. But don’t expect to get into the group because you aren’t. You just aren’t.
And we (I) want their attention.
We (I) want to belong to that group.
We (I) want to tweet cool stuff to them on Twitter even if we (I) don’t actually know what a cool tweet entails.
I don’t even really have to expand upon this, right?
These bloggers are representative of the popular kids in school.
The popular kids who were always together. Had been since kindergarten.
And even though they would smile and talk to the other kids, you could not get into that group.
But I still liked these kids.
Which is why I kept trying until I graduated.
Then I got Facebook, and none of them are even on there! So I still can’t get into the fucken group!
And finally, let’s address the mean commenters.
You know what I mean: people who read your blog.
Then say something mean.
Sometimes it’s legitimate.
And sometimes it’s just bullshit.
And even if you try to ignore them, they come back.
Oh, and usually they are anonymous, which is even more frustrating because you can’t retaliate by going to their blogs and calling them cocksuckers…
…not that I’d ever do that.
So this, obviously, is the bully.
Or in my case, the mean girl.
The kid in high school who terrorized me by scratching the word “bitch” on my locker; who made fun of my school bag because it had the word “Sprite” in neon green letters; who followed me after school and threatened to beat me up if I didn’t start looking less pretty.
…ok, she didn’t actually use those words, but what other reason would she have had to chase me across the school yard with her 9 ugly friends who assured me they would hold me down while Gertie – yes, that was her name! – cut my glorious locks off.
And yes, I’m still bitter about that!
Do you know how long I have waited to find a way to bring this up in a post?!!
A. Long. Time.