1. I will not judge people…
Let me be more specific. I will probably continue to judge the stupid mothers who sit at my daughter’s dance studio, their faces glued to the glass as they admire their progeny striking their dance poses, each believing that their kid is the one who is going to receive the elusive and prestigious ballet solo.
I will continue to judge them because MY KID GOT THE SOLO, and come on! How could they not have seen this coming.
But I won’t judge anybody else.
2. I will refrain from relying on the use of words describing private parts to get a cheap laugh.
An example of the words I will no longer use are: vagina, vulva, tits, nipples, asshole and/or butthole.
I may, however, on occasion write the word coochie, because I think that one has a nice ring to it, and it conjures an image of a cute little vagina wearing a sombrero.
image from here
3. I will no longer make fun of my husband in my posts.
This means that when we go to the beach and he huddles in the middle of the blanket for fear of getting sand on his toes, I will not mock him publicly or blog about it.
If he’s not capable of saying CHEESE, I will
And when vomit is involved, I will put down the camera, and rub their backs and/or brows cooing, “It’s ok. I’m pretty sure the other passengers can’t smell it.”