I think I might be fostering a nipple phobia…

Yesterday we went for supper at my mom’s house.

While we were there, Wyatt, the 14 year old, announces that he may go to his “semi-formal” on Friday.
Wyatt never goes anywhere. Never does anything with his friends.
He spends most of his time on the computer googling “How to become Steven Spielberg” or watching “My Name is Earl.”
So far it’s all pretty harmless, but his adoration for Homer Simpson frightens me a little.
I have this vision of him in the next 10 years, sporting a dirty Grizzly Adams beard, sitting on a tree stump in my back yard, hanging around a bonfire, drinking copious amounts of Molson Ex it’s Canadian beer.
No, not homeless, but with aspirations of becoming a hobo in order to experience the true socialist discomforts needed to become a passionate film maker (this is according to him. Personally, I’m prepared to send him to film school.)


Wyatt in 10 years

So, needless to say, when the “semi-formal” topic came up, I was right on that.
However, Wyatt owns three tshirts and one pair of jeans.
I constantly offer to get him more clothes but he constantly refuses…probably figures it’ll be easier to live on the streets if he doesn’t have too many changes of clothes. What’s a little stink among fellow hobos.

Wyatt, however, is a big boy: he’s pushing 6 foot and easily weights 200 lbs.
So when he mentions the “semi-formal,” I immediately ask my step-dad if he has any dress pants and a shirt that Wyatt could borrow.
We’re successful with the dress pants.
But the white shirt that he borrows is a little tight.

Of course, having self-confident, well-balanced children would be boring, so as Wyatt is deciding whether or not the shirt is too tight, I pipe up, and say, “I can see your nipples through the shirt.”
Wyatt’s like, “What? Really?”
I say, “No. I’m just kidding.”
But he’s looking at me, and he’s like, “No, you aren’t kidding. You can totally see my nipples.”
I add, “It’s not a big deal Wyatt, it’s not like they’re hairy or anything.”
He’s looking down at his chest.
So I ask, “Are they hairy?”

Wayne, who isn’t one to pass up an opportunity to join into the fun, says, “No, of course they aren’t hairy. If you want though Wyatt, I can take the permanent marker and draw some hair on your chest.”
Wyatt’s like, “What? No! I’ll wear a tshirt under the dress shirt.”
My step-dad is now saying, “Wyatt, you can’t wear a tshirt, it’ll be too bulky.”
Meanwhile my mom is running around, pulling out all the dress shirts my step-dad owns, measuring the sleeves againts Wyatt’s arms, as he’s still looking down at his chest.

I reitirate, “I’m just kidding Wyatt, you cannot see your nipples through the shirt.”
My step-father says, “Wyatt, I don’t wear a tshirt under my shirt when I go out. You can’t see anything.”
Of course, this is way too much fun, and I can’t just let my step-dad talk Wyatt off the ledge, so I add, “But do you have hairy nipples? Maybe it’s ok to have hairy nipples show through your shirt just not naked nipples.”
My poor step-dad, caught up in the whirlwind that is my family, is laughing jovially, saying, “I don’t have hairy nipples…I don’t think…”
So now he’s peering into his shirt.
Wyatt is peering at his grandfather’s chest.
And my mom is still pulling shirts from the bedroom, saying to Wyatt, “Try this one on. It’s bigger in the sleeves.”
Then to be helpful, Wayne adds, “If you want, we can guntape your nipples, this way nobody will see them through  the shirt.”
Even my mom joins in, “I have this band-aid things for nipples. Maybe he can borrow them….but they have flowers on them…”
Wyatt looks like he’s ready to flee. Suddenly 14 doesn’t seem too young to become a hobo.

Finally, my mother pulls out this shirt from a box. It was going to be my step-dad’s Christmas present, but nothing is more important than getting Wyatt to this “semi-formal” so he doesn’t turn into Grizzly Adams, so she says, “It was going to be for Grandpa, but it’ll be your present instead.”
I’m sure Wyatt is now thinking, “I’d rather have an Xbox game,” but he obediently goes into the bathroom to try the shirt on, comes back out, and we all say, “Wyatt, that’s the perfect shirt. You look great!”

But then he looks at me, and goes, “Mom! You just looked at my nipples! You can totally see my nipples through this shirt.”
And I say, “No you can’t!”
And he replies, “Yes! I can see you looking!”
And I’m like, “Oh who cares Wyatt, it’s not like your like nipples are hairy.”
To which my husband once again offers to draw hair on his nipples with a permanent marker.

And then Zoe pipes up, “Does Wyatt have hair on his penis yet?”
And I say, “Yes.”
And Wyatt groans.
And she says, “How do you know? Have you seen it?”
I reply, “No, I haven’t seen it on him, but he doesn’t run around naked anymore, so I think that means he’s hairy now.”
“Oh, it’s that puberty thing, right?” she says proudly. “Wyatt’s in puberty!” This is probably a status symbol when you’re an 11 year old girl.
And Wyatt is pulling the hat he insists on wearing all the time, very low over his eyes.

…and I think I’ve pretty much guaranteed him a spot on the tree stump in my backyard.
Not sure if he’ll be able to grow the Grizzly Adams beard though since the whole naked nipple thing makes me wonder if he’ll be in his twenties before he can grow facial hair.
But he does have genital hair, so that’s gotta count for something.

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95 Responses to I think I might be fostering a nipple phobia…
  1. The Adorkable Ditz
    December 7, 2010 | 6:02 am

    OMG OMGOMG OMG

    I can't stop laughing! I wish I was there to see my adopted little brother get paranoid about whether he has hairy nipples or not! I'm seriously crying! I so would have loved to see him in those nipple band aids. Were they pasties?

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com

  2. SherilinR
    December 7, 2010 | 6:08 am

    pubescent boys just love it when their sisters talk about their penis hair with mom & the grandparents. make for fun bonding times!

  3. Jewels
    December 7, 2010 | 6:10 am

    I am crying I am laughing so hard! Oh goodness. It's 1:10am for me and I should have known better than to read this before bed…I'm going to dream of nipples now! bwahahahaha.

  4. nursemyra
    December 7, 2010 | 6:55 am

    Why does you mom have floral nipple cover ups? Did she used to moonlight as a stripper

  5. JoJo
    December 7, 2010 | 7:18 am

    I'm glad I'm not the only one that spends most of my time googling how to become Steven Spielberg.

  6. rachel...
    December 7, 2010 | 7:25 am

    Clearly, you must post a picture of Wyatt in his dress shirt and let us decide if the nipples are hairy and/or visible.

  7. foxy
    December 7, 2010 | 7:49 am

    He lasted so much longer in that conversation than my son would have. He might've made it through the nipple speculation, but he'd totally bail at granny's bandaids and gone ballistic (hee hee) at mention of his penis and pubes.

    My children suffer at their parents; humor also, they're just not as good about it ias yours.

    My mother once said that having children was the best entertainment. God, she was right!

  8. Gigi
    December 7, 2010 | 10:59 am

    Totally hilarious! Wyatt is a much better sport than mine. Mine would have said forget it from the word nipple.

  9. JennyJenJen
    December 7, 2010 | 11:50 am

    Hahhaaha! Poor wyatt. Puberty is a bitch.

    O hey, I suggest you head over to b&b and read my last post and the comments.. ashley and her friends have retuned with a vengence. Unlucky for her, my girlfriends are the fucking mafia.

  10. InnerFatGirl (Taryn)
    December 7, 2010 | 12:29 pm

    I think the point is that with your family's influence, Wyatt is going to make some very interesting films after he retires from being a hobo.

  11. Jeff
    December 7, 2010 | 12:37 pm

    HAHA…that is too funny…people talk about our hormones raging at 14..but, they have it all wrong..it is our NEED to impress the gals :-)

  12. Lindsey
    December 7, 2010 | 12:40 pm

    Wow. Just wow. I would never know if my son had pubes because he hasn't run around naked since his sister was born.

  13. Anything Fits A Naked Man
    December 7, 2010 | 12:53 pm

    OMG, that's HILARIOUS! Your poor son! I'm so glad he found the perfect shirt (at the expense of grandfather's Christmas present!). You MUST post a picture (but, then again, maybe you shouldn't. You KNOW we'll all just be looking at his nipples!!).

    Hope he has a great time at the dance!!

  14. Flying high in the sky....
    December 7, 2010 | 1:01 pm

    haa…haa………….ha…………loved every bit of it!!!!!!!!!! what a family!! wow!!!

  15. JP
    December 7, 2010 | 1:16 pm

    So how much are you setting aside each month for future therapy?

  16. Dr.Sameena Prathap
    December 7, 2010 | 1:31 pm

    Hi Sandra,

    It's always nice to read your posts…They make me laugh…:)Keep on writing..Hope your hubby has recovered completely…:)

    Dr.Sameena@

    http://www.lovelypriyanka.blogspot.com
    http://www.myeasytocookrecipes.blogspot.com

  17. ms. caboo
    December 7, 2010 | 1:45 pm

    Your family should have it's own tv show.

  18. Bouncin' Barb
    December 7, 2010 | 1:54 pm

    Poor boy. He's going to freak if he really finds a nipple hair. Scarred for life! Hope you're satisfied Mom….hahahahahaha. God you are funny sweet lady.

  19. ChiTown Girl
    December 7, 2010 | 2:00 pm

    You are a nutball!

  20. Sherri
    December 7, 2010 | 2:14 pm

    Hi
    just found your blog today via twitter. hate to admit that seeing something about a nipple got my attention. any mom who has had a teenage son can relate.
    now following you

  21. The Random Blogette
    December 7, 2010 | 2:22 pm

    This is freaking hilarious! I tease my son all of the time about being hairy and he is only 9 and no hair yet. And I love the whole nipple thing. My hubs has issue with his nipples “chafing” so he has to wear a shirt under his dress shirts. I tell him he is a vag. Your family seems awesome!

  22. Joann Mannix
    December 7, 2010 | 2:26 pm

    Your poor, poor Wyatt! That is too hilarious! I'd say if he's a strapping six foot at 14, he's got the pubes. And I'm sure he LOVES having his mom's blogger friends, discuss his pubes. I love to mortify my kids. It's one of my favorite things to do!

    Oh, and YEAH, why does you mom have nipple band aids? That's pretty rock star for a senior citizen. Right on, Mom!

    Also, I have a college girl in film school. She's always made films. Won some national awards in high school for her films. Last week, she told us she thinks she's going to change majors. Now she wants to be a fashion designer. Huh? I didn't know she even knew how to sew.

  23. Jill
    December 7, 2010 | 2:52 pm

    Lol! Poor Wyatt. My bro is painfully shy and those types of convos used to make him cringe. Of course we took every opp to tease him.

    Re nipples: I had an earth science teacher that used to wear pale colored shirts to school and we could see his nips. That's what he'll forever be known for so nipple exposure is nothing to joke about…

  24. nitebyrd
    December 7, 2010 | 3:02 pm

    The therapy's gonna be expensive.

  25. Bird Shit and Baby Caca
    December 7, 2010 | 3:02 pm

    LOL I can't stop laughing, poor kid and his nipples!

  26. anSeL
    December 7, 2010 | 3:04 pm

    hi!
    this is a unique family bonding! very unique!LOL

  27. Jumble Mash
    December 7, 2010 | 3:09 pm

    Bwhahahahahha. Sandra, you freakin' crack me up. I hope I have a son one day so that I can talk about his hairy nipples infront of our family. LOL

  28. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    December 7, 2010 | 3:19 pm

    Your family is Awesome! Tormenting our teenagers is always more fun in a group setting: )

  29. Kristina P.
    December 7, 2010 | 3:23 pm

    The real question is, Are they sparkly?

  30. Baby Sister
    December 7, 2010 | 3:38 pm

    Wow…puts a whole different spin on my family dinners, that's for sure. :) Hilarious!!

  31. Oilfield Trash
    December 7, 2010 | 3:41 pm

    I dated a woman when I was in college who had hairy nipples. And that my friends is the only time I ever had a phobia of nipples.

  32. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    December 7, 2010 | 3:43 pm

    Sounds like a good night over there. Haha!

  33. Rebecca
    December 7, 2010 | 3:52 pm

    Land Sakes This is so so funny!

    For the record, my husband always wears a white t-shirt under his dress shirts.

  34. vickilikesfrogs
    December 7, 2010 | 4:17 pm

    Is today National Nipple Day or something?? I swear, this is the 2nd blog post I've read this morning that contained the word NIPPLE. True, they were 2 coompletely different posts, but still. How often do you read the word NIPPLE twice in one day on the internet?…Oh, wait…

  35. DCHY
    December 7, 2010 | 4:17 pm

    I am NOT gonna be able to “un-grin” for an hour…maybe more. LOL

  36. Just Sayin...
    December 7, 2010 | 4:31 pm

    OMG! I'm giggling out loud at my desk! lol
    I'm a grown woman now, but never have I wished more that I had a little brother to torment when I was younger! lol

    BTW – Molson Ex sucks donkey ass.
    Granville Island Amber Ale is the best. ;)

  37. Cindy
    December 7, 2010 | 4:40 pm

    It has just occurred to me as I am sitting here wiping the tears from my eyes that in fact my husband and myself, evil as we are, are too damn nice to our kids.

    I'm one of those overly sensitive people and my son is not far from the apple tree.

    and we are teasers but holy crap woman you guys are hysterical.

    my son wants to be emancipated. he wouldn't last 5 minutes at your house.

    I freaking love it!

    GO WYATT!

  38. Sparkling
    December 7, 2010 | 4:46 pm

    I think you foster a lot in your house. I think nursing school has stripped you of any knowledge that some topics are just not spoken of in front of people. I would have DIED if the genital hair conversation ever took place- with ANY member of my family!!! Your mother must have wished she could climb in that shirt box and just disappear. O-M-G. Soooooo funny. It's like watching a sitcom when I sit down to read you!

  39. Meri
    December 7, 2010 | 4:54 pm

    Oh Goodness- once again, your post has brightened my day. This is why people have families, isnt it? You should write a book, you really have a gift for finding the comedy :)
    Meri

  40. Sandy
    December 7, 2010 | 5:20 pm

    I love the easy laughter and silliness your family has. It would make a great sitcom. Great post as always. ;)

  41. Elizabeth - Flourish in Progress
    December 7, 2010 | 6:08 pm

    Holy smokes, you just make me laugh so hard, my head accidently hit my desk as I was rocking back and forth. I will send you the doctor bill. =)

    YOU ARE HILARIOUS and I like you.=)

  42. Charlene
    December 7, 2010 | 6:11 pm

    Poor child. He will be a stronger and more creative person because of things like this!

  43. Linda Medrano
    December 7, 2010 | 6:12 pm

    Torturing 14 year old boys is the most fun thing in the world. By the time they are 16, they are mostly torture proof. I love the thought of Wyatt at 20 looking a little ZZ Top ish.

  44. JUST ME
    December 7, 2010 | 6:17 pm

    You are the most hilarious mom on the planet.

  45. Kara Hoag
    December 7, 2010 | 6:36 pm

    Don't worry, you're just giving him material for his future career.

    visions unto myself

  46. Monkey Man
    December 7, 2010 | 6:37 pm

    How long is the wait in Canada for psychiatric help? Better sign up now, Wyatt is going to need it.

  47. Poppy
    December 7, 2010 | 6:41 pm

    I really hope he gets to at least 2nd base on his date to make this all worth while for him. If he has to go through puberty with this torture, I hope he gets a little. As usual, you crack me up.

  48. Ginger
    December 7, 2010 | 7:07 pm

    You and the kids are a riot Sandra. I'm still chuckling out loud…….

  49. Mrs. Tuna
    December 7, 2010 | 7:45 pm

    Thank goodness I don't have hairy nipples, I think however I'm moving into new parental territory. Sheldon has gotten a lot more secretive about trying on clothes in front of me, I know its not the tattoo, I'm thinking she started shaving…..down there. I've moved into the don't ask, don't tell mode.

  50. The Tame One
    December 7, 2010 | 8:25 pm

    This could be the funniest post EVER! Your Wyatt should meet my “little” brother Nate. This was a giant flashback to when he was about that age.

  51. Myya
    December 7, 2010 | 8:43 pm

    Your poor boy. All I can say is that it is a good thing he didn't just throw up his hands & say never mind I am not going to the semi-formal. Although I feel bad for him, I totally would have been in on the making fun. : )

  52. Amanda
    December 7, 2010 | 8:53 pm

    I'm sitting in the hospital so my newborn can sit under lights to bring her belirubin levels down and I'm BORED OUT OF MY MIND! This post seriously made my day!

  53. Nicole
    December 7, 2010 | 8:59 pm

    I'm still laughing about living with the hobos to be an authentic film maker. It makes me think of Chris Farley “you'll be living in a VAN down by the RIVER”.

  54. The Vegetable Assassin
    December 7, 2010 | 9:09 pm

    I decided a long time ago I was never having kids and I've never swayed from that, but you've just given me a reason that someone conceivably MIGHT want to have them – to embarrass the living crap out of them! I mean they put you through the horror of childbirth right, you have the ultimate right to mess with them till they leave home. :) I bet there's nothing a 14 year old boy loves more than to have his “equipment” discussed by his mom with the family. :) Well done!!!!

  55. Bibliomama
    December 7, 2010 | 9:11 pm

    You are all HORRIBLE and tell Wyatt he can come and live with me. Honestly! On the other hand, the next time Angus thinks his Dad is torturing him, I can tell him about this for comparison and he'll understand how good he has it.

  56. Holly Ruggiero
    December 7, 2010 | 10:03 pm

    It kind of sounds like you live in a sitcom.

  57. GigglesandGuns
    December 7, 2010 | 10:08 pm

    This is to darn funny! Nice to know some things don't change (14 yr old boys)

  58. A girl needs 2 Talk
    December 7, 2010 | 10:46 pm

    Sandra!! You had no rolling on the floor laughing! Poor kid!! :D :D

  59. Julianna
    December 8, 2010 | 12:02 am

    My son has no nipple hair as of yet, he is only 8. But tonight I noticed he has rather dark hair starting on his upper lip. Lord help me, I'll never find a sharp razor in this house again. :)

  60. Kimberly
    December 8, 2010 | 12:18 am

    Totally unrelated but kinda…I waxed my husbands nipples before on a dare and I ended up taking off half his nipple skin. It was really awesome…for me.
    This story made me laugh. You make me laugh. I love you.

  61. Lightning Bug's Butt
    December 8, 2010 | 12:35 am

    Wyatt values simplicity. I respect taht — especially from a 14-year-old.

  62. Dee
    December 8, 2010 | 12:37 am

    Your a hoot. :)

  63. Jessica
    December 8, 2010 | 12:43 am

    Bahahahahaa!!!!!

    “he doesn't run around naked anymore, so I think that means he's hairy now” <– I'm dying.

  64. Omgirl
    December 8, 2010 | 1:09 am

    Hehehe, poor kid. I'm sure this is tantamount to that time my dad told the boob joke (the lack of boob joke) about me in front of my whole family. I spent the next 9 years examining my chest to see if it was growing. But I didn't end up on a tree stump, so I think you're good!

  65. Patti Murphy
    December 8, 2010 | 2:01 am

    My husband was trying to have a serious chat with me while I was reading this post using my excellent powers of peripheral vision.

    So, when he said stuff like, “I think I may have some trouble with a coworker,” I responded with: “HAHAHAHAHAAHA!”

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and not taking offense at my poke at the shitty little city you were born in.

    I think you get your funny bone from your Sudbury side (and maybe your hairy nipples?).

    I'll be following your posts.

  66. Felicity
    December 8, 2010 | 2:14 am

    Dear, sweet, amazing Sandra,

    Thank you for the gift of this post today!
    I'm posting out of my local library [our internet connection has been down for two days] and had to hold my lips together with my teeth so that I didn't alarm the complete strangers surrounding me with my constant outbursts of laughter!

    I'm so pleased that this tale had a happy ending [?] and also that you stopped by my place as I was able to follow you back to yours.

    I'm looking forward to receiving the gifts that are your posts as I follow you through your fabulously narcissistic world!

    Felicity x

  67. Travel Nurse Extraordinaire
    December 8, 2010 | 2:47 am

    I could totally picture the whole craziness with your mother frantically running around like a keystone cop! I nearly peed myself, thanks for the laugh!

  68. Yvonne
    December 8, 2010 | 3:35 am

    OMG I can't stop laughing!!! I have two younger brothers (well they're grown men now) and can remember the many, many, MANY times we would team up against the other brother and give him a hard time! As long as your son doesn't have a third nipple a la “Chandler Bing” then, he's good! lol

  69. wanderingmenace
    December 8, 2010 | 5:27 am

    For the record, this is the best first time blog visit I've ever experienced.
    Your family sounds amazing.
    Between your son standing there in humiliation, your mother offering up her own nipple covers, and the younger sister publicly announcing the puberty-you had me cracking up.
    I'm gonna follow your sons film career in the future. I sense a future Coen in the making….

  70. Helga
    December 8, 2010 | 11:16 am

    I love it!!! I have an almost 14 year old and I am sooooo embarrassing to him! Everything I say and do is embarrassing :)

    Thanks for stopping by my blog! I am following you back :)

    Go out this weekend….it will be a blast and the couch, blanket and reruns of Greys will be there when you get home :)

  71. Jessica
    December 8, 2010 | 11:24 am

    I can't breathe, my chest hurts from laughing. Is Wyatt still going to go to the semi-formal or is he totally mortified now?

  72. Ann On and On...
    December 8, 2010 | 11:32 am

    You are too funny! That sound have been on film….and put on youtube if nothing else. LOL!
    Going or not?

  73. Jessica
    December 8, 2010 | 1:32 pm

    Laughing hysterically, your poor son, scarred for life over the nipple conversation.

  74. jules
    December 8, 2010 | 2:18 pm

    Ok, every part of this story is hilarious! So how did the dance go?

  75. Lady Fromage
    December 8, 2010 | 3:00 pm

    LOL, you never fail to make me laugh!!! LOVE this post!

    Stop by my blog for a give away ending Friday! all you have to do is comment for a copy of The Rebel Housewife Rules!

  76. Ro
    December 8, 2010 | 4:17 pm

    You need to add a hash to your blog that says:

    “WARNING!”

    Pee before reading!

    OMG HILARIOUS!!!

    hairy nipples hahahh

    ok that is all.

    xoxo

    RO

    O… the word verification for this comment is NORPLE.. NO LIE!

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  77. Chandra
    December 8, 2010 | 4:38 pm

    Nipples are my phobia! Poor kid, will never wear 'one'shirt again.

    He'll be that kid in gym class that doesn't want to take his shirt off for fear of…dun dun dun…nipple hair!

    Too funny!!!

  78. Barbaloot
    December 8, 2010 | 4:59 pm

    I can just see your son's future therapist having a field day with this! :)

    For the record, my brother is a little too fond of the Simpson's and he's actually managed to become a decent member of society, so at least there's hope, right?

  79. Jennifer Fabulous
    December 8, 2010 | 7:15 pm

    Hahaha! Poor Wyatt. :P Sounds like your household is a lot of fun. My parents NEVER talked about stuff like that with me, so casually. Sigh.

  80. Mia
    December 8, 2010 | 7:35 pm

    I knew about boys and girl nipples. I guess it's good to know they're obsessed with their own as well.

  81. Together We Save
    December 8, 2010 | 8:22 pm

    OMG! I had to laugh at this one!

  82. Kim
    December 8, 2010 | 8:22 pm

    I am so very, very happy to know that I am not alone in tortuing my children!! Did you start very early? B/C mine are only 7, 3, and 5 and we are already on a roll! This totally had me laughing, and wanting to shelter your poor soon from you :) Thanks so much for your comment over at my blog! You're a huge blogger, it boggles my mind that you were reading me!

  83. Megan (Best of Fates)
    December 8, 2010 | 9:54 pm

    Oh silly Wyatt – doesn't everybody know nipple shame is directly related to hair per square nipple inch?

  84. CkretsGalore
    December 8, 2010 | 11:07 pm

    Oh sweet baby jebus that was too funny!

    Thanks for the afternoon laugh after a long day.

  85. Victoria
    December 8, 2010 | 11:24 pm

    Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog!!!! :)

  86. jess
    December 9, 2010 | 2:27 am

    i have nipple phobia, because i am afraid of my own! i swear to god, unless it's 85 degrees out, they are constantly at a state of attention. we call it having nippleitis, and i always have a deadly case of it.

  87. Helena
    December 9, 2010 | 6:36 am

    Oh my gosh, this is the funniest thing I've read all week.

  88. meleah rebeccah
    December 9, 2010 | 2:36 pm

    That was the funniest story I've read all morning! Hey, Wyatt I can see your nipples too!

  89. Meghan
    December 9, 2010 | 5:53 pm

    HA!!!! You have a nipple phobia too!! Welcome to the dark side!!!

  90. Kimber Leszczuk.
    December 9, 2010 | 8:55 pm

    OMG that was a hilarious story.

  91. ryoko861
    December 12, 2010 | 12:32 am

    Yep, you've demoralized him completely. Now he's self conscious and a complete wreck over his body.

    LMAO!!

    He and my 19 yo are very much alike. Computer geeks. Will you send mine to film school. He would prefer FIT in New York City.

    I love torturing my kids like this! Makes the wanting to move out come quicker.

  92. Jillian
    December 12, 2010 | 8:12 am

    Wait….I'm new here, but can we back up to the part where you mom offered your son pasties? Cause I'm not done laughing at that.

  93. Krissy
    December 15, 2010 | 2:45 pm

    I know I'm way behind at reading up on your blog, but I think when you told us about the diarrhea incident recently you should have just told the punk you could see his nipples. :)

    http://talkativetaurus.blogspot.com/

  94. Aleksandra Nearing
    December 19, 2010 | 1:33 am

    OMG I love it. I snorted out loud when I read “Wyatt looks like he's ready to flee. Suddenly 14 doesn't seem too young to become a hobo.” Hope he made it out alive, puberty or not! Thank god I have a lonely only daughter.

  95. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
    February 25, 2011 | 10:53 am

    Oh. my.

    I LOVE your blog.

    You are the coolest mom I know.

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