If you are one of my regular readers, you know that many of my posts are centered around getting a laugh at my children’s expense.
If you’re curious as to what exactly I put them through, go here to read why my eldest will never look at his nipples the same way again; go here to see for yourself that sperm is indeed a topic of discussion appropriate for all meals of the day, not just dinner; and go here to find out why vulva has now replaced vagina as my new favourite word.
Yet, oddly enough, the above reasons are not those that make my kids cringe the most with shame.
Here is a list of things that I unintentionally do that embarrass them:
1. I dance in the van while I’m driving.
Not a big deal. Everybody does it, right?
But when I get my groove on and start bopping around to the beat of the song, you’d think I’d was driving around dressed like a gorilla.
And frankly, I find it annoying.
When I start bustin’ a move to the Black Eyed Peas, I do not want to hear a symphony of “Mooooom! Stop that!”
That just makes me want to stop the damn car, get out, and do my stuff on the street…might even get some coffee money that way.
image from here
2. Wearing my hair in pig tails.
According to Jackson, my 13 year old, this is highly unbecoming on me.
I take offence to that.
I think I look pretty darn cute, and quite frankly, it’s not like I’m sporting a Catholic school girl uniform.
And again, maybe if I was, I’d get money for coffee.
image from here
Ok, I could probably get wayyyy more than just money for coffee if I looked like that.
3. Wearing my Edward Cullen tshirt.
I guess it’s ok if you’re 12 years old to wear pants with the words Justin Bieber across the ass, but if you’re 40…ahem…41, you can’t have an innocent Team Edward emblazoned in shiny letters across your chest.
4. Carrying my 7 year old son around in my arms.
He’s still little, thus highly portable.
He’s my last baby.
It’s not like I’m still breast feeding him.
I’m just carrying him from point A to point B.
Yet my kids find this highly embarrassing, to which I reply to them, “If he was a chimpanzee, you guys would find this completely acceptable.”
5. Wearing a crown.
There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t leave the house with it on my head.
I only do it while performing menial chores around the house.
6. Practicing ballet moves.
My daughter, especially, finds this ridiculous.
I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I love the feel in my thighs.
It’s not like I drop down into a plié in the middle of Walmart.
But in the privacy of my living room, I like me a little third position.
My daughter would be horrified to know that when she’s not around, I wear her ballet slippers.
My ultimate goal is to be able to look like this:
That’s my daughter. I know, right!
How can a mother resist?