Drunken night out!

Last night was my first night out of dancing and drinking in over seven years.
Don’t know why I went seven years without a moment of reckless abandon with booze…
It’s like I had that fourth kid seven years ago, and figured a hangover would quite possibly kill me, leaving my children motherless.
So no more partying.
Until last night.
Yesterday my classmates and I wrote our last exam of the semester, and it was unanimously decided that a night of drunken debauchery was in order to wipe away the memory of the last three months of grueling classes, studying, and teachers with big, saluting nipples.

Here are a few things that are different now than when I used to go out in my 20s and 30s.

1. The alcohol.

I used to drink beer. Maybe vodka and 7UP.
Now they have these pretty pink drinks called Crantinis: vodka and cranberry juice.
Which is really handy, because while you’re slamming back that booze, you can also prevent urinary tract infections.

2. The shooters.

I remember shooters called Sex on the Beach and Blowjobs.
Now they have these yummy concoctions called Dirty Hookers.
As opposed to Squeaky Clean Hookers, I guess.

3. The footwear.

In my 20s and 30s, I didn’t worry about the height and width of my heels.
The higher, the better.
Now, although I did start off the night in a pair of rockin’ shoes…


…before leaving the house, I took them off and opted for a pair of “sensible” ones.
4. Hazardous Situations
The bar we went to last night had this very narrow stairwell which connected the downstairs to the upstairs.
Whereas it used to be that copious amounts of alcohol inhibited my need for safety, last night, while going up and down this staircase, I found myself shouting: “People, be careful! Watch your footing so you don’t fall and get hurt!”
5. Smells
I’m pretty sure when I was younger, alcohol consumption eradicated my sense of smell.
After a few drinks, I couldn’t even smell a bad fart.
Last night, while entering the narrow stairwell, I noticed a puddle in the corner, and proceeded to warn the other patrons, “Ewww! Don’t step in that! Can you smell that? That smells like urine! I’m pretty sure that’s urine!”
6.  Men
It used to be that I got a few looks here and there when I went out.
Last night, as I was getting ready, my husband looked at me and said, “You’re going to get hit on, you know.”
I replied, “Of course I’m going to get hit on. Please! I get hit on when I’m wearing sweatpants and Uggs. I’m going to get hit on at the bar.”
As it turns out, the only comment I got all night, was from a very drunk man who asked me, “Hey! Are you that hooker who works on the corner of Princess?” to which I replied, “…ummm…no…”
He took one more look at me, and said, “Well, you look a lot like her.”
Thank you?…


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70 Responses to Drunken night out!
  1. Fran
    December 19, 2010 | 10:35 pm

    I love the way there's an ad to the right of this post that says, 'Sick and tired of drinking? Have an alcohol-free 2011.' Just when you only just started again!

  2. Heather
    December 19, 2010 | 10:38 pm

    I am sorry. I am laughing at the hooker questions.

    Last time I went out and a guy who bad been talking up some cute chick unsucessfully looked at me and said, “Hi. I like smart chicks too.”

    I didn't know whether to be flattered or what.

    I hope you had a great time and I didn't have a “leaving your kids motherless” hangover.

  3. 00dozo
    December 19, 2010 | 10:40 pm

    Ha! I'm finally early to this party!

    I know how you feel about going out – particularly the sensible shoes thing.

    But I can't really believe you were only 'hit-on' by a drunk. Even without those heels, you'd be smokin'!

    Either way – congrats on finishing your course and – in case I don't be back here – have a great Christmas!

  4. So apparently you went to a bar where all the men were blind???

  5. Farmers Wifey
    December 19, 2010 | 10:49 pm

    Ha does a “Lay on the bed all day with a headache” mean I had a good night?? I love this post, I also had a drunken night out Friday for our work party..got extremely sloshed, had a great time and will post pics on my blog today…Oh it was a dress up party so make sure you check it. If you want a laugh…

  6. Thisisme.
    December 19, 2010 | 10:50 pm

    Very funny. I particularly liked number 6. Hope you had a great evening!

  7. PM Taylor
    December 19, 2010 | 10:50 pm

    Nooooooo!!! Please tell me you did NOT remove those fab heels BEFORE you left the house!!!!

    Sweetie, darling … here is the protocol … Pre-game it before your leave home. Two drink minimum. It makes everything that comes after so much more enjoyable -the smells, the hooker remarks (not that being compared to a hooker isn't enjoyable in and of itself), the probably high-ankle sprain from the inevitable high heels meet steep stairwell mishap …

    Here's hoping it isn't another seven years until your next drunken outing!

    Cheers :-)


  8. Gail
    December 19, 2010 | 10:51 pm

    I love to dance but I don't think they play my music anymore.

  9. Oilfield Trash
    December 19, 2010 | 10:51 pm

    There is nothing wrong with a good drunken night out.

  10. Rebecca
    December 19, 2010 | 10:55 pm

    When the guy asked if you were the hooker you should have responded with “Fifty dollar make you hollar.”

    And then you could punch him or kick him in the nads.

  11. Bouncin' Barb
    December 19, 2010 | 11:01 pm

    Come to South Carolina and we'll show these young kids how to party in style! We'll get hit on too. You'll see. (I'm not a Cougar. I'm not a MILF. I'm a GILF Grandma)

  12. Brad
    December 19, 2010 | 11:02 pm

    Cuz you get paid to do the wild thang…

    But on another note, you need to go to better bars ;)

  13. Blasé
    December 19, 2010 | 11:13 pm

    I've never been drunk in my life…but I've been told that drunks speak the truth.

    I'm not a 'partier', I'm more of a 'one-on-one' type of guy.

    So, did you have fun? Really?

  14. jules
    December 19, 2010 | 11:15 pm

    Ha ha ha. I love that you were watching out for everyone. Hopefully you awoke hangover free and still had a good time!

  15. The Phoenix Rising
    December 19, 2010 | 11:20 pm

    You were asked if you were a hooker. LOL classic. What a douche he was but lol.

  16. Kristina P.
    December 20, 2010 | 12:02 am

    Man, I was suck a lame-o. I did exactly none of these things. I did once sneak in a Diet Coke at BYU, and showed an elbow. I was a rebel!

  17. ChiTown Girl
    December 20, 2010 | 12:21 am

    You should have told that guy, “Yes, yes I am. And, you still owe me $200! Pay up, Mister!”

  18. Julianna
    December 20, 2010 | 12:23 am

    HA! I don't know if I'd want to look just like a hooker either… just sayin'.

    And this is why I'm locking my doors on New Years Eve and holing up with a bottle of wine. No worries, I'll let the kids in before I lock the doors… maybe.

  19. Jeff
    December 20, 2010 | 12:29 am

    geez y'all need to go to a bar that the men are not blind or is it that the men where to much into themselves than the beautiful women..haha Glad you had a great time !!

  20. Terri
    December 20, 2010 | 12:30 am

    This is hilarious – we did the work party and danced for FOUR HOURS straight – you'd think with all the running that wouldn't make me sore, but you would be wrong! I did not get hit on, but since hubs was with me that was probably best. I don't get hit on these days, anyway!

  21. Kimberly
    December 20, 2010 | 12:38 am

    You are a sexy minx! Rawr…is that what a minx sounds like? I am not really sure. Maybe you should ask erect nips.

  22. Texan Zombie Goddess
    December 20, 2010 | 12:40 am

    Crantinis are the bomb! Problem is that you don't feel them until you try to stand up lol!

  23. Jane
    December 20, 2010 | 12:44 am

    Funny as h3ll story!!!


  24. Theres just life
    December 20, 2010 | 12:54 am

    You should have told the drink…”Yes I am and you still owe me 75 bucks.”

    Hey he should have to pay for that comment.

  25. Patti Murphy
    December 20, 2010 | 12:59 am

    What a hoot! I'm glad you went out and tied one on, even though some guy thought you looked like a hooker.

    And with the added health benefit of Crantini's, I must now have one.

    I enjoy your posts so much. You have a sense of the outrageous that I adore. And I agree that we're probably long lost sisters. You remind me a lot of my aunt. She was also a nurse and she was one of the funniest people around. Her patients loved her, her family and friends adored her.

    Keep writing and I'll keep reading and tweeting.

  26. Lori Dyan
    December 20, 2010 | 1:10 am

    Oh Em Gee. How have I not been reading your blog until now?!?!? You're my sister from another mister. Keep writing and keep making me spit water on my keyboard…

  27. JUST ME
    December 20, 2010 | 1:17 am

    You've had 4 kids?!

    I want to look like you after I have 4 kids. If I ever do have 4 kids. Which is pretty freaking unlikely. Since I shudder at the thought of having 1.

  28. Stephanie in Suburbia
    December 20, 2010 | 1:27 am

    I can't remember the last time I got hit on, and I only got married 2 years ago. Sad. You look awesome! I'm glad you had a nice night out to unwind!

  29. Lisa
    December 20, 2010 | 1:30 am

    Too funny! Those shoes in the photo are fab, but I'm glad you opted for sensible for urine puddle jumping.

  30. Carol {Everyday Delights}
    December 20, 2010 | 2:25 am

    Those shoes are great!

  31. becca
    December 20, 2010 | 2:42 am

    i know i shouldn't but i am totally laughing over the hooker remark only because the last time i was hit on was at a concert and it was a drunk woman. at least your's was a man.

  32. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    December 20, 2010 | 2:47 am

    Haha, sounds like a good time :)

  33. Yvonne
    December 20, 2010 | 3:22 am

    Oh wow! Friggin hilarious! I can see the slogan now, “Crantinis, it's not just for getting drunk it's for preventing Uti's! ahahahaha :)

  34. Nicole
    December 20, 2010 | 3:31 am

    With your still intact sense of smell you could have told your classy future lover, “Are you that old guy I placed a Foley catheter in during my nursing school rotation? You're not? You sure smell a lot like him.”

  35. CkretsGalore
    December 20, 2010 | 3:41 am

    Bitch pleasssse. I would hit on you. Not in a creepy way but maybe. Depends on how many crantinis I've had!

  36. SkippyMom
    December 20, 2010 | 4:44 am

    I canNOT believe you passed up the opportunity to make a bit of cash off the old guy.

    I am thinking blackmail. Yep, blackmail would work for me. Especially if he was married. The possibilities.

    Then again I really like Nicole's suggestion. Priceless.

    And I have to agree – you are hawt. Should have kept the shoes tho'. Definite hooker heels. ;D [And you know that I mean that in the best way. hee]

    Missed you sweetheart. Fun to come back and get to laugh out loud. You never disappoint.

    Hugs and love

  37. jess
    December 20, 2010 | 5:04 am

    the next time you take a shot ask for a buttery nipple. they are delicious. DELICIOUS.

    also, have you seen these little pair of flats that fold up and fit into a little pouch? that way if the heels start to put a damper on the evening, you just toss on the flats and drink away :)

  38. Poppy
    December 20, 2010 | 5:44 am

    Oh I knew you had it in you. Being a hooker, not a drunk.

  39. A Daft Scots Lass
    December 20, 2010 | 5:55 am

    Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin. You look hawt!

  40. The mad woman behind the blog
    December 20, 2010 | 6:06 am

    Okay, first I agree w/ Dad AND think you need to go to better bars. This sounds like the bar we would go to when we went back to visit the old college haunts.
    Last time I was drunk, I was SO classy. At a Mexican restaurant w/ Hubs and child and I told my 2 year old “Hush down, your momma is trying to get her drunk on.”
    We don't go there anymore.

    BTW, I'd take the hooker remark as a compliment. I once had a stripper asked me if I was a stripper too. I was SO flattered and yes, I can still get my ass in THOSE jeans!

    Loved this and congrats on finishing the semester.

  41. The Adorkable Ditz
    December 20, 2010 | 7:44 am

    Yeah…I think there's a reason why people older than a certain age don't dress the same when they were younger.

    Sorry momma.


  42. Hazel
    December 20, 2010 | 11:01 am

    I really liked your outfit!

    Haha and you deserve a night out after all that hard work you put into your exams :)

    Hazel xxx

  43. JP
    December 20, 2010 | 12:31 pm

    1. And we all know that too much sex CAN lead to UTIs… so… bonus coverage there!

    2. You taste your shooters? Aren't you supposed to SHOOT your shooters?

    3. It's the thought that counts… That's a pretty rockin' dress and awesome come-f…talk-to-me shoes…

    4. Yeah welcome to parenthood… Next time someone is throwing condoms around I'm betting $20 you'll say “Hey! You could put an eye out with that!”

    5. Uhhh… yeah I got no comment to that one.

    6. Were you in a gay bar and didn't know it? Seriously… I'd hit that… I mean hit ON that in a heartbeat…

  44. Carol Wyer
    December 20, 2010 | 12:41 pm

    I grinned and chortled all through that post. I've got to the age where killer heels look fab but I look like a drunk myself in them…oooh and as for corns…..:0
    Fab post and I'm already looking forward to getting back and reading more this coming year. Have a wonderful festive time.

  45. Mamabear
    December 20, 2010 | 12:52 pm

    “sigh, I have a few years to go before I get one of those! My son is 9 months….maybe when he's five or six I'll actually make it out of the house!

  46. becca
    December 20, 2010 | 1:06 pm

    gave you an award go looky


  47. ryoko861
    December 20, 2010 | 1:41 pm

    LMAO! Isn't it amazing the difference?

    Shooters? We always just called them Shots.

    Love the crantini joke!

    This was hilarious! I can SO relate to it!

  48. Brandy@YDK
    December 20, 2010 | 2:10 pm

    i saw your pictures- i can NOT believe that you didn't get hit on lots more than that! AND who the hell puts stairs in a bar. that's asking for trouble

  49. nitebyrd
    December 20, 2010 | 2:37 pm

    There were more men that wanted to hit on you but your sheer awesomeness was more than they could handle. I'm sure of it.

    Didja have fun? That's all that counts!

  50. KittyCat
    December 20, 2010 | 2:43 pm

    did you have fun?
    Yes the times have changed for the older generation like us.
    I have been hitting it pretty hard lately with the gf's, which the sportsman is not happy about.
    but hell life is too short not to have a good time now and again.

    Loved the photo!

    You are such a riot.

  51. Jill
    December 20, 2010 | 3:20 pm

    HILARIOUS! A girl, you look ridiculously hot!

    LOL crantinies!!

  52. Brandy Rose
    December 20, 2010 | 3:42 pm

    Good times! Hope you get to enjoy them again soon, minus the hangover :D

  53. Booyah's Momma
    December 20, 2010 | 4:21 pm

    Seven years since your last night of debauchery? Sounds like last night was definitely in order!

    And for the record… I thought you looked pretty hot!

  54. Nicole
    December 20, 2010 | 4:25 pm

    Crantinis are awesome. Also cosmopolitans. Mommy's kool-aid.

  55. Monkey Man
    December 20, 2010 | 4:51 pm

    I gave up drunkeness 21 years ago, but I still favor debauchery. Congrats on surviving the night and your finals.

  56. Matty
    December 20, 2010 | 4:58 pm

    I like your style of reasoning. At least drinking the right things prevents disease. LOL

  57. BlahCooCooBlah
    December 20, 2010 | 5:03 pm

    Holy shit, 7 years?!? I'm glad that you found out that Crantinis are are must! Great post, you look amazing for 4 kids btw!

  58. HulaBuns
    December 20, 2010 | 6:13 pm

    First things first – you look fabulous! I bet you're glad to be done with that last exam! I love crantinis! Yumm! LOL to the hooker part. :)

  59. Hutch
    December 20, 2010 | 6:21 pm

    Preventing UTI's is very important when out drinking.

    Or something like that…

  60. karensomethingorother
    December 20, 2010 | 6:28 pm

    I already determined that the way to make it through the holidays without my Mom is cocktails! It's so obvious, that I didn't think of it until last night.

  61. StephanieC
    December 20, 2010 | 6:58 pm

    Totally should have told him he was mixing up his intersection, and your area was at Main and Finch.


    Hope you had fun!

    And narrow stairwell + alcohol totally equals DANGER WILL ROBINSON!

  62. Mrs. Tuna
    December 20, 2010 | 7:21 pm

    Goes to show what a weakling I am. I need to make Sheldon be my driver and have to have “afternoon wine” so I can be asleep by 9.

  63. Impulsive Addict
    December 20, 2010 | 7:33 pm

    Seven years girl? Wow! You needed to party and I'm glad you did. You had a great outfit. You should maybe go out more often.

    Stairwells with urine? Eww. Maybe find another establishment that doesn't reek of bodily liquids. Just a suggestion though.

    63 comments? Lucky girl. I wanna be you when I grow up.

  64. lyndylou
    December 20, 2010 | 8:02 pm

    Sounds like you needed to let your hair down and you looked fab! Wish I looked as good as you after having kids. Hope you had a good time :)

  65. Corey
    December 20, 2010 | 8:41 pm

    haha! i love it! glad you had fun!

  66. City Mom
    December 20, 2010 | 9:58 pm

    Well you looked hott so I'm surprised you didn't get hit on more than you did!

    I had to go to a bar a few weeks ago and I noticed the crazy differences too! I guess I'm not 19 anymore! ;)

  67. amyblam.com
    December 21, 2010 | 3:19 am

    The main thing I've noticed has changed? I'm no longer willing to freeze to show off a cute outfit and not have to deal with a coat. Bundle up!

  68. meleah rebeccah
    December 22, 2010 | 7:45 pm

    well, Im happy to her after 7 years, you had a great night out, with the exception for the “hey are you that hooker” comment!

  69. Kimber Leszczuk.
    December 22, 2010 | 8:27 pm

    I can't believe you didn't get hit on! They must have heard the urine comment and because you said urine instead of piss it dated you. LOL Guess they didn't want any class with their @ss. LMAO

  70. Aleksandra Nearing
    December 31, 2010 | 12:12 am

    LMAO at the compliment. You are one hot mama!! I loved that dress – saw your other pics on FB. Glad you avoided the urine and warned people of the difficult stairs!

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