No, wait, I'm the narcissist!

Yes, I am a self-professed narcissist.
When trying to find a name for my blog, I had no hesitation when I picked this one…no, that’s not true, for about two seconds it was called Narcissism 101, but when I googled that, it brought up a bunch of websites about an actual disorder for narcissism.
A disorder! Self-absorption is a disorder?

The funny thing is that when I was creating this blog, I was in the midst of training and competing in figure competitions.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with this world, essentially it means that you eat, breathe, and sleep thoughts of your body.

Special diet.

Two hour training workouts at the gym every day.

Pic from fitnessuncovered.co.uk

Hunger.
Hungry woman
Pic from http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Having-Trouble-with-the-Eating-Guidelines-Ask-Geneen-Roth

Exhaustion.

Pic from gettyimages.com

Food hallucinations.

Pic from http://www.tabletmag.com/life-and-religion/45297/seeing-things/

Glee at the sight of sugar.

Pic from fotolia.com

…I won’t go on, but suffice it to say that this particular brand of fitness world is one where you have to be a narcissist in order to succeed.
Every second of the day is devoted to meals, training, and Diet Pepsi consumption.

Your family wants to make Pillsbury cinnamon buns after supper?
Are you fucken kidding me?
No way!
You will lose your fucken mind the second those bad boys are being taken out of the oven. And I’m not talking, “Oh, maybe I’ll have a little piece, just this little piece here on the corner.”
No, I’m talking, “Nobody touch the fucken cinnamon buns or you’ll lose an arm!”

Your husband wants to take you out for a romantic supper?
You’re like, “You hate me, don’t you? Why don’t you just leave then! Go ahead! Leave me!…oh you don’t hate me? Taking me out for dinner when all I can eat is lettuce and chicken breast is supposed to make me happy? Are you smoking crack? Do I look like I want to be happy?”

And a bunch of food-obsessed, self-absorbed figure competitors all in the same room is even more dangerous.
Once a week, my trainers offered “posing classes;” an opportunity to learn how to walk out on stage, how to stand, how to clench your butt-cheeks for optimal butt striation.

In reality, this “posing class” was an opportunity for us crazy, starving people to stare at ourselves in a mirror for an hour, comparing abs and asses.

In retrospect, I bet we were a hilarious sight to see, all of us, staring intently at ourselves in the mirror, flexing and feigning indifference at the perfect body next to ours with the breast implants and the darker fake tan.

But back then, when I was the one flexing and feigning indifference, that hour in front of that mirror was exhausting, not only because I had to flex and pose, flex and pose, flex and pose, but also because I barely had enough energy to swallow my saliva, never mind having to act perky while pretending that I was happy that Little Miss Fake Boobies next to me had dropped four more pounds.

…where was I?…or right, narcissism…

So all of this to say that the other day, when one of the moms at the hockey arena referred to one of the coaches as a narcissist, she said it like it was a bad thing…
I was like, “What’s wrong with that?”
But there was something wrong because we were making fun of the narcissistic coach.

And then that got me thinking about the name of my blog.
And that got me thinking that narcissism doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

As long as I’m the narcissist in question.
And my diet consists of carbs and candy.

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59 Responses to No, wait, I'm the narcissist!
  1. The Adorkable Ditz
    November 15, 2010 | 1:13 am

    Brilliant. Everyone needs to be narcissistic every once in a while. With carbs and candy of course!

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

  2. Yvonne
    November 15, 2010 | 1:23 am

    There's a little "Narcissist" in all of us! lol OMG, I have a childhood friend who was in ballet in high school and she was on your lettuce and chicken diet too! Talk about split personalities!!! OMG, poor thing! She finally dropped out her Senior year (of gymnastics) because she realized she loved food more than pliés!

  3. Poppy
    November 15, 2010 | 1:30 am

    When you started this blog, you were talking about doing another competition and working out with a new trainer in the fall and then in the next post you were talking about your voracious appetite. And though I wanted to hate your guts, I fell madly in love with you because of your narcissism. I even learned how to spell it. On you, narcissism is not a bad thing at all. Charming in fact.

  4. Jennie @ Modern Mamaz
    November 15, 2010 | 1:50 am

    I'm sorry… what?? You lost me when I saw that cherry cake.

  5. ChiTown Girl
    November 15, 2010 | 1:52 am

    Apparently, I never made it back far enough into your archives. Wow, I'm impressed! But, I'm with you on the carbs and candy thing. ;-)

  6. Nikosmommy
    November 15, 2010 | 2:51 am

    ok, isn't EVERY blog narcissistic??? That's why we all show up. That's who we are. Love it…..just sayin' !!!!

  7. Ratz
    November 15, 2010 | 3:20 am

    Aren't we all narcissist at some point in time? As long as we have the guts to admit it! Bows to you

  8. The Girlie Blog
    November 15, 2010 | 3:45 am

    You are too funny!

  9. I'm So Fancy
    November 15, 2010 | 5:48 am

    Oh I could go on and on about society and the pressure to be thin (heightened when you are wealthy or living in NYC or London and your "Corporate Wife" job is constantly threatened by younger, thinner versions of yourself–or so says my therapist) but instead I'll just say: Laughed out loud! I actually wept once in a restaurant when my husband ate a deep fried Oreo and I nibbled my chicken. I hear you on those cinnamon buns! Love it!

  10. The Chicken's Consigliere
    November 15, 2010 | 8:22 am

    good luck with the competition and hope you are able to consume some cinnamon rolls and romance soon!

  11. Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.
    November 15, 2010 | 8:24 am

    Figure competitions? That's a special brand of masochism, right there.

  12. becca
    November 15, 2010 | 8:44 am

    thank you very much now i want cimmon buns..lol..as always love the post you make my day

  13. Mrs. Tuna
    November 15, 2010 | 9:46 am

    I can't even spell narcissism, but I am a little over involved with myself.

  14. Debbie
    November 15, 2010 | 9:51 am

    Love the photos with this post!
    And no, there is nothing wrong with narcissism:)

  15. Another Day of Crazy
    November 15, 2010 | 9:53 am

    I totally relate… good friend is IFBB and on her last week before Lauderdale. I used to do the extreme all protein with her to show solidarity, but holy crap did that mess with me! I laughed at your fake boobies and faker tan comment… that nailed it!

  16. Bouncin' Barb
    November 15, 2010 | 10:13 am

    I, I, I, Me, Me, Me…what's wrong with that? You make me laugh so much! Thanks.

  17. Travel Nurse Extraordinaire
    November 15, 2010 | 11:15 am

    I love carbs and candy and me! Lol!!

    Funny thing is most people nowadays seem to be on one extreme end or the other. A large number of people could use a healthy dose of self love!

  18. HulaBuns
    November 15, 2010 | 11:24 am

    Wow! I had no idea you competed in figure competitions! That takes a tremendous amount of willpower and dedication. I have my MS in Exercise Physiology and thought about doing that a while back, but it just didn't work out.

    However, I do know about the side effects of following a diet like that are…you can add forgetfulness to mine. I'd end up asking questions like "who am I? Do I know you?" ;)

    Hilarious post! My husband does the same thing to me with sweets.

  19. Just Plain Tired
    November 15, 2010 | 11:46 am

    I am now thoroughly ready for lunch now, and I just had breakfast an hour ago. ;)

  20. karensomethingorother
    November 15, 2010 | 11:51 am

    this is excellent 'food for thought,' Sandra. Must ponder this idea of how far we will go to be happy with how we look…hmmm
    Anyhow, I got stuck at the diet Pepsi part, because I'm a closet nutrition nerd. Get rid of that stuff! Never drink that chemical crap again! But that's just me…
    Good post!

  21. Kimberly
    November 15, 2010 | 12:15 pm

    You lost me at cinnamon rolls. Who's going to bake me some facken cinnamon rolls? I'm hugry. I also love my arms so don't rip them off…is that being narcasisthasrd…I can't facken spell it.

  22. CkretsGalore
    November 15, 2010 | 12:28 pm

    There's healthy levels of Narcissism…I think.
    There's one guy (meat head) here who is nothing but.
    He wanted a license plate that says, "I LOVE ME." Then decided on "YOU LOVE ME."

    I think that's pushing it.

  23. McKenzie
    November 15, 2010 | 12:34 pm

    You have me wanting to go make cinnamon rolls, mmmmmm! Great post btw!

  24. Missy
    November 15, 2010 | 1:00 pm

    LOL! I need to work on this!

  25. Kristina P.
    November 15, 2010 | 1:08 pm

    I will make sure to send you a giant cookie basket.

  26. Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts
    November 15, 2010 | 1:20 pm

    Narcissism is not a bad thing at all!! lol

  27. Sparkling
    November 15, 2010 | 1:30 pm

    Those competitions really make you think, don't you? Somewhere, I read your line that says "in reality…" umm reality??? Really? Eating air and lettuce is reality? Clenching your butt for an hour is reality? Sure isn't my reality! How on earth do you deal with your kids and eat nothing?

  28. Bird Shit and Baby Caca
    November 15, 2010 | 1:45 pm

    MMM cinnamon buns…I'm also still staring at the chick wearing the donut. I am jealous of her giant donut

  29. Linda Medrano
    November 15, 2010 | 1:48 pm

    I'm not even hungry unless I'm told not to eat. Then I go crazy hungry for things I never eat normally. Competitive figure sounds too hard for me! And no, narcissism is not a bad thing at all!

  30. Ashley
    November 15, 2010 | 1:52 pm

    LOL! You just made me hungry and for cinnamon buns. Yum :)

    <3 Ash

  31. Grand Pooba
    November 15, 2010 | 2:12 pm

    I'm still drooling from that donut picture. Oh and the cake picture. Anyway, what? Oh yeah, Narcissism, I think it's time I tried it out!

  32. Monkey Man
    November 15, 2010 | 2:14 pm

    Narcissism drives….apparently. But it looks like it drove you nuts. I can relate. In my 20's I ran like a mad man. 5 to 7 miles every day with 12 to 20 mile runs on weekends. I was skin and bones, but all I could see was the skin that was loose on my sides. Sit ups. Twisting with medicine balls. Weights. Me. Me. Me. Me. Well, it's still all about me, but I don't obsess over my workouts anymore.

  33. KittyCat
    November 15, 2010 | 2:30 pm

    Dude you just described me.

    NO sweets!
    Yes, Gym! Yes, running!
    Yes, weighting twice a day.

    It is an obsession, but I am in control. Really

  34. Holly Ruggiero
    November 15, 2010 | 3:38 pm

    It would be cool to be stuck inside a big ping donut – and eat my way out. Oops was I talking about myself just then?

  35. Katy
    November 15, 2010 | 4:35 pm

    All things in proper balance and all that jazz. Maybe being able to lead a bunch of kids in a game of hockey takes more than a self abosorbed ego, but it does take ego. Without a heathly ego the guy wouldn't have anything to offer the team in the first place.

  36. blueviolet
    November 15, 2010 | 5:40 pm

    I think it's absolutely perfect for you, as is a diet of carbs and candy!

    And I'd die if cinnamon buns were in my house and I couldn't indulge too!

  37. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    November 15, 2010 | 5:47 pm

    Ah, my dear, how I can relate! I boxed for several years and one year was at a sickening weight for me. I mean, I love boxing but how sick is a sport where people try and fill a 16oz bottle with spit before a weigh-in to lose a pond?!

  38. Myrna R.
    November 15, 2010 | 7:51 pm

    Yes, cinnamon rolls. I can smell them. I can sort of relate. In my younger days I was a gym enthusiast to say the least. But now, I'm a foody.

  39. Lourie
    November 15, 2010 | 8:08 pm

    Your candy and carb diet sounds a lot like mine! ;)

  40. Jessica
    November 15, 2010 | 8:30 pm

    Mmm cinnamon buns, candy, carbs…. things that make my world go round. :D

  41. Julianna
    November 15, 2010 | 9:57 pm

    Could never do it. I'm a Diet Coke kind of girl. And sugar is my friend. Just not my waistline's friend.

  42. Myya
    November 15, 2010 | 10:59 pm

    I wish I could go on Survivor just so I would be forced to lose weight. Uggghhh I am so jealous of people who have motivation. For the record I don't think narcissim is bad… well when we are talking about you anyway. :)

  43. Ameena
    November 16, 2010 | 12:17 am

    The greatest part of your blog – in addition to your humor and honesty of course – is the fact that you've taught me how to spell narcissim. Yes, I actually did go to college but I still can't spell basic words.

    You rock. I have nothing else to say.

  44. Kelley
    November 16, 2010 | 1:23 am

    Since you openly claim your narcissim, you can do whatever you want! You're not annoying, so be as narcisstic as you'd like. BTW, I love the lady coming out of the donut. Haaaaa!

  45. bananas.
    November 16, 2010 | 1:45 am

    it's cool to be a narcissist…if you're funny, cute and witty.

    but if you're annoying and narcissistic, well…that's no fun.

  46. MacDougal Street Baby
    November 16, 2010 | 7:29 am

    I'm sorry m'dear but acknowledging your narcissism automatically negates it. Those are the rules. I didn't make them up.

    Of course, that shouldn't stop you from wanting to become one. It's always good to aspire to something.

  47. Mighty M
    November 16, 2010 | 9:13 am

    I so would have failed at figure competition training. :)

  48. Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
    November 16, 2010 | 9:28 am

    Too much of "a good thing" (be that cinnamon buns or crazy diets) is never a good thing! LOL!

  49. nitebyrd
    November 16, 2010 | 10:39 am

    The visual of everyone flexing their butt cheeks will get me through the day.

    Thanks!

  50. Garden of Egan
    November 16, 2010 | 10:41 am

    Hilarious!
    I love carbs and sugar.

  51. Midwest Mommy
    November 16, 2010 | 10:47 am

    You are too funny! I'm not sure I would survive.

  52. 1 Funky Woman
    November 16, 2010 | 11:01 am

    I think I might go and bake me those chocolate chip slice and bake cookies after reading this, lol! There is no way on God's green earth I would survive. Glad it's you and not me!

    New follower from Bloggy Moms and you are cracking me up, can't wait to follow you!

    http://1funkywoman.blogspot.com

    Megan

  53. Holly
    November 16, 2010 | 1:59 pm

    ACTUALLY… there is a NEGATIVE narcissism out there and I've experienced someone that WAS… You read that post, I do believe.

    There is the self absorbed self-proclaimed divas… then there is the one the recreates the world and people around them in their fantasy world that revolves SOLELY around them and the first sign that someone isn't buying it, they go berserk and homicidal… YEAH… NOT good… I can DEFINITELY be OK with YOU! ;D You're AWESOME!! As for the figure competitions… You're right… a slight degree of it is a prerequisite. LOL!! (((HUGS)))

  54. WhisperingWriter
    November 16, 2010 | 4:04 pm

    Yes, I definately need carbs and sugar in order to be happy.

  55. Lin
    November 16, 2010 | 8:54 pm

    My p/t talks of her days of being a body builder. That woman STILL craves the carbs and it was years ago that she gave it up. Cannot even imagine that life!

  56. MommaKiss
    November 16, 2010 | 11:18 pm

    you're so vain, i bet you think this comment is about you

    [but really - give me that cake. i'll eat that shit with my hands just like her]

  57. Woman In The Midst: Raw
    November 18, 2010 | 9:20 am

    Luv this! So many memories.. I remember being totally infatuated with my own self.. Seems like a life time away and makes me smile a bit.. Thanks for the memories. :)

  58. Busy Working Mama
    November 19, 2010 | 11:48 pm

    LOL we have opposite tastes. I can't stand sugar but gimme some good old salty chips and salsa and to hell with any diet!

    TGIF, mama!

  59. Ginger
    November 22, 2010 | 10:15 pm

    lol. Sugar and spice and all that's nice, that's what Sandra is made of…

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