No offence to these kind of mothers but…

This is the kind of mother I am:

My children are not my friends.
I have friends.
They have friends.
The two shall not meet.

I have a full life outside of being a mother.

I don’t allow my kids to talk back. If you have a point that you want to dispute respectfully, then go for it, otherwise, shut up.

The kids are not given options.
In my house, you do as you’re told, or give me everything you own, and it goes to the less fortunate.

The word “hate” is not tolerated. Nor are the words “stupid” and “idiot.”
They can say asshole, however, but not to describe a person, only when referencing the actual orifice.
Oddly enough, though, I’ve never heard any of my children use this term. Instead they seem partial to “butthole.”
I won’t lie: I’m a little disappointed about this.

I am not a sacrificial mother. This means that if there is one pickle left in the jar, and I want it, then I get it. This also applies to the last chocolate in the box, the last candy in the bag, the last piece of gum in the pack, and/or the last slice of the pizza.
Some would call this selfish.
I call this the I-pushed-a-watermelon-out-of-an-opening-the-size-of-a-dime clause.

My kids don’t swear.
They don’t disobey.
And they very rarely even fight with each other.
Other than the occasional porn site being accessed by the 13 year old, I have really good kids.

Of course I can’t be with them 24 hours a day, so I can’t completely rule out a life of crime, but so far I feel pretty confident that none of them is involved in drug trafficking or oral-sex rings.

…now this is the part where I fall off the proverbial horse…

One of the rules in our home is that birthday parties; the big ones with lots of friends, games, pizza, prizes, and kick-ass loot bags to shame all others, end on the 10th birthday.

This means that for the 11th birthday and those afterwards, we have a family get-together with cake and the birthday child’s meal of choice.
But no more parties.

The other rule is that we don’t, under any circumstances do slumber parties.

One friend for a sleepover is ok.
Two friends for a sleepover is NOT ok.
Because I was sleep deprived for nine consecutive years.
I don’t mean I was awoken occasionally by a sick child.
I don’t mean that I woke up with a newborn for a few months then had a break until the next baby came along.
I mean I was getting up pretty much every 3-4 hours for nine consecutive years.
Now all my kids sleep through the night.
I rarely have to get up with any of them.
Even the youngest can maneuver himself to the toilet before vomiting, wipe his own brow, clean his own face, wipe his own shitty ass, and return to his bed without disturbing me during a bout with the stomach flu.

However, under pressure from a woman I know who insist childhood be one big, unforgettable fucken memory of bliss, I broke the cardinal rule about the birthday party and the slumber party.

Zoe, my now 11 year old, had five friends for supper and a movie to celebrate her special day.
Then she had two of those friends back at the house for a sleepover.

The neurotic woman had made the comment to me: “Come on! Slumber parties! Every child should get to experience a slumber party.”

Oh ya.
Well every child also deserves a mother who doesn’t hate them the day after the slumber party because she was awoken at 2:30am by the sound of thumping, music, and giggling, and upon entering the room where the noise was coming from, was greeted by three prepubescent girls painting their faces as tigers.
This is not cute at 2:30am.

Suffice it to say, I’m going back to my own rules.
And will no longer feel sorry for mothers who are trying to recreate the childhood they never had by making snowcones and cupcakes in the wee hours of the morning when the rest of the NORMAL people are sleeping.

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100 Responses to No offence to these kind of mothers but…
  1. Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.
    November 28, 2010 | 6:17 pm

    You're officially my hero.

  2. Gena
    November 28, 2010 | 6:25 pm

    ROFL I refuse to share my chocolate PERIOD! They get plenty of other treats on their own. The chocolate AND pepsi are OFF LIMITS! If you want some? Go get a job and buy your own. But be warned, I have the authority to eat that too!

  3. Bouncin' Barb
    November 28, 2010 | 6:27 pm

    Sandra…You go girl! When I was a kid I think I had 2 maybe 3 sleepovers in my house. I survived. I mix well with others. I'm not a crazed serial killer or a psycho bitch. If those are your rules those are your rules. I'm sure your kids know how much they are loved and wanted.

  4. Ami
    November 28, 2010 | 6:29 pm

    I did 'slumber parties' with my girl scout troop. Got a migraine every damn time.

    We don't do them here at our house. Did one once. My son's friends at age 10.

    Life was one big fart joke that night.

  5. Kristina P.
    November 28, 2010 | 6:35 pm

    If all parents were like you, I would be out of a job. Thank goodness for crackhead enabling parents.

  6. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    November 28, 2010 | 6:37 pm

    I don't care for the slumbering type of party. Not here, not there, not anywhere. I have done a few and they were not fun. Not for me. And when they attend said slumbering parties elsewhere they are still not fun for me because they are are always, always crabby little cretins that I do not enjoy being around. So, stick to your rules, I'll back you up.

  7. SSW
    November 28, 2010 | 6:39 pm

    Yes I agree I also have no slumber parties, no getting into my chocolate, and Stupid is a cuss word at my house as well as shutup! So I'm right there with you..lead on!

  8. SherilinR
    November 28, 2010 | 6:58 pm

    i love that every parent gets to make their own rules. i let a slumber party happen once in a while, but i'll certainly be getting a nap the next day. and i, for one, never let me kid win at games. she has no siblings to teach her how it feels to lose, so it's my job.

  9. Ashley
    November 28, 2010 | 7:08 pm

    I am with you! I think you are being a great mom for not being the "friend" parent. There are too many of those these days and that's the reason why kids are disrespectful, expect everything to be handed on the platter to them without having to work, and bratty kids. My kids (once I have them) will not be like this nor will I allow for it.

    <3 Ash

  10. CkretsGalore
    November 28, 2010 | 7:14 pm

    Yup, you keep reinforcing the fact that you rock.

    I still tell people/adults that "Hate," is a bad word and to use something else.

  11. Jane
    November 28, 2010 | 7:32 pm

    Sounds to me like you are a really great mom! Keep up the good work,


  12. Mynx
    November 28, 2010 | 7:32 pm

    Whoohoo another mother who thinks like me. Sleepovers are great AT SOMEBODY ELSES HOUSE. And I also claim the last chocolate and any chocolate left in the fridge.

  13. Jeanie
    November 28, 2010 | 7:35 pm

    Good rules and well stated. I relly like the idea of never letting other parents tell you how things will be at your house.

  14. Blasé
    November 28, 2010 | 7:36 pm

    Good Gawd, Woman!

    I like the way you think. We need more women/mothers like YOU.

    p.s. Have I told you lately that you are some kind of sexy?

  15. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    November 28, 2010 | 7:55 pm

    Sandra, I agree. I might be a friend, in some ways, to Kaia as she grows but only if the number one rule, I am always boss, is recognized. If you could only meet my stepson's mother I think you would die. Let's just say the boy's six and he thinks he rules the roost . . . that s*@t does not fly at my house. Rule on Mama, rule on.

  16. Shell
    November 28, 2010 | 8:02 pm

    Definitely not my friends. They are my kids.

    And I'm glad that boys don't ask to do slumber parties as much. B/c I don't want to deal with that crap.

  17. karensomethingorother
    November 28, 2010 | 8:09 pm

    I don't mind being friends with my kids. They're smart, lovely little people who are crammed with charisma. They know I mean business as well, and because they drive me crazy, I do require lots of breaks from them, as well as quality time with grownups. I don't know–the rules get bent to a certain degree when you have a child on the Autism spectrum. The kid can't do all the bending because he wasn't born that way, so I bend because I love him.

  18. Nicole
    November 28, 2010 | 8:16 pm

    I suddenly feel like a very wimpy mom. Rock the rules, lady. And take that damn pickle for thine ownself!

  19. Sparkling
    November 28, 2010 | 8:19 pm

    I knew I read you for a reason. You are my hero. I wish all mothers would behave like you.

  20. A girl needs 2 Talk
    November 28, 2010 | 8:23 pm

    Nice. :D :D You're a sensible girl! The rest of the Mums ought to be learning a thing or two here! :)

  21. Monkey Man
    November 28, 2010 | 8:37 pm

    You're a hard ass. But a good kind of hard ass. I agree up and down the line.

  22. Alex
    November 28, 2010 | 8:51 pm

    You are my idol!!.. love love love this post! . I agree with you, especially on the slumber parties.

    Keep up the good work!

  23. Dad
    November 28, 2010 | 8:51 pm

    I am with you on the "friends" issue…someone has to be the parent and enforcer :-) Having grown up with 4 brothers…slumber parties actually seemed normal to me…and I still and will always make a big deal out of my girls birthday…because one day they will decide what nursing home I go to!!!

  24. Missy
    November 28, 2010 | 8:54 pm

    My DH is in love with you. He wants to do a Wife Swap thing and let you come here and whip everyone in line! LOL

  25. Name: female, I shit you not!
    November 28, 2010 | 8:58 pm

    Definately NO derogatory name calling.
    That sticks and stones rhymme is B/S.

  26. Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
    November 28, 2010 | 9:09 pm

    I think you are doing the right thing in laying down the law. I do that all the time! LOL! But, do my kids sometimes get the last chocolate? Yes! Do I sometimes bake cupcakes until the whee hours of the morning? Yes! Not because I'm trying to create a childhood for my kids I never had, but because I hope to be half the parent my mom use to be!

  27. Brenda Susan
    November 28, 2010 | 9:16 pm

    Ugh kid parties! I quit them very early in my kids lives because they were so hyped up and cranky by the time the others arrived! Did it twice but never again!

  28. Meathead
    November 28, 2010 | 9:23 pm

    I think the only way we differ is that I do "allow" idiot and stupid to be said. Just NOT to describe a person or an idea. They can 'feel like and idiot'. They can say the dog is stupid (because hello.. he is!" but they can't say asshole.
    I friggen LOVE you!!
    My kids think I'm suppose to be their friend . Nope. Sorry. Get your own friends.

  29. Opto-Mom
    November 28, 2010 | 9:30 pm

    I will share the last pickle, but keep your paws off of my Dr. Pepper, you damn dirty little ape!

    Let me tell you how to endure a slumber party: scare the shit out of the kids. That's what my mom used to do, and it made the sleeplessness totally worth it. She loved scaring people…thought it was hilarious! God, I miss that woman!

  30. ms. caboo
    November 28, 2010 | 9:33 pm

    If I had kids, those would be my rules, too. I have already determined that I would be the kind of Mom who did not sacrifice every bleeping thing for my kids! A happy mommy makes a happy family. So keep on doing what you're doing, cause it sounds like your kids are great, and they will thank you when they're adults and they haven't been spoiled rotten.

    I am an kick ass Auntie, though. The kids don't get away with the crap they use on their parents. The "look" usually works just fine.

  31. Mamma has spoken
    November 28, 2010 | 9:41 pm

    Ok here I disagree with you. I loved the slumber parties that the sons had. They would all go down into the basement or camp out in the backyard and I still got my night's sleep. In fact, I miss those sleepovers.
    Though I do have to say I totally agree with you on I am their parent not their friend. That's one of the major problems that I have today with students: parents who let their child set the rules and let them do whatever they want to do. Sorry, I work hard for my money, I'll spend it however I want to!

  32. TinaM
    November 28, 2010 | 9:42 pm

    Asshole isn't swearing? lol :)
    We may have slightly different paranting styles, but if it isn't broken- don't fix it!
    Your kids seem great, happy, healthy- so keep doing whatever you're doing!

  33. ModernMom
    November 28, 2010 | 9:42 pm

    lol I admire you for trying to have rules, I'm flying by the set of my pants over here. We are strict about respect and language. Sleepovers? Very shaky ground!

  34. bruce
    November 28, 2010 | 9:52 pm

    sing it sista!

    growing up my kids were not my friends…they were my kids. i love them…i do not want to be their friend.

    my oldest at 23 is my friend, now, unless i need to unleash some daddywhoopass on his 23 yr old stupidity..

    good post


    stupid stuff i see and hear
    bruce johnson jadip

  35. JoJo
    November 28, 2010 | 10:08 pm

    Taking notes for when I'm a mama one day. You seem to know what your doing.

  36. Gigi
    November 28, 2010 | 10:12 pm

    This is one of the reasons I'm glad I don't have a girl. Boys aren't big into sleepovers. Or giggling.

  37. Jewels
    November 28, 2010 | 10:13 pm

    Thank God that you are this kind of a mother. I have blogged plenty about negligent and non-existant parents…or parents who have no idea how to handle their children. I am so glad that you know the line.

    My public service announcement can be viewed at

  38. BeMistified
    November 28, 2010 | 10:22 pm

    ~*High five*~ I must say that I hate kids. I ♥ my child, but I hate kids. She is 9 and hasn't had a friend over to the house at all. People may think this is wrong and all, but I mean she is with these kids 5 days a week for a little of 6 hours, why on Earth does their need to be more time?!

  39. Another Day of Crazy
    November 28, 2010 | 10:24 pm

    I only allow one or two a year, but by golly, I make the kids work for it. They have to clean the whole house, not just their rooms, and by clean I mean C.L.E.A.N. They have lights out rules, and once my bedroom door is closed, they know that unless the house is on fire, I better not hear one freakin' peep. Nor one snide remark on how many glasses of wine I have while being subjected to said sleepover.

  40. bluzdude
    November 28, 2010 | 10:30 pm

    If the neurotic woman feels so strongly about it, perhaps SHE can host your daughter's next slumber party.

  41. Cool Gal
    November 28, 2010 | 10:33 pm

    The "butthole" comment had me laughing out loud. Hilarious!

    I quit the birthday party thing when my son turned 10, too. We ended with a "bang," though. A day at the local amusement park followed by a sleepover! My son ended up coming upstairs in the middle of the night to sleep in his bed, and I immediately shooed him back down (can't leave your guests for god's sake). He told me he couldn't sleep. Ha! That was the end of sleepovers and birthday parties. Immediately following, he told me he didn't want one the next year. Phew!

  42. Mrs. Tuna
    November 28, 2010 | 10:58 pm

    Just wait until sharing comes back around when they are teens, you and little Zoe will cycle your periods and she will start to date your friend's sons. Just click your heels together and say, there's no place like home….

  43. PM Taylor
    November 28, 2010 | 11:07 pm

    Could not be more on board with this. I am known as the strictest of all my kid's friends moms and I? Am fine with it. No slumber parties, ever. No bouncy house, carnival ride, over-the-top mortgage your home birthday parties (immediate family, cake and pizza is more than sufficient). I have an older daughter (now 23) and a younger (13) and so far as I am aware, I have not yet been reported to Child Protective Services for depriving my kids. Tell it like it is, friend! I share your philosophy and wish more parents did! Good stuff!


  44. Penny
    November 28, 2010 | 11:34 pm

    You have 44 fucking comments, so the idea of you actually reading this one is probably nil. But, HELLS YA! I agree! 15000000000%. Same in my house. After the age of 10, the next big party is 16…then graduation…then 21st (maybe). One friend…dinner…sleep over…period.

    You fucking rock and are now my best friend. And I am not saying that just because I have had 4 mud slides and 3 glasses of wine lol :) .


  45. Evonne
    November 28, 2010 | 11:36 pm

    I like your rules. It means that I only need to shell out the money for 1 more party for my daughter!

    I might luck out with my boy. He's a summer birthday. It's harder to get friends together since they're out of school.

    And the I pushed a watermelon clause? So very true!

  46. Lisha @ DeLovely Life
    November 28, 2010 | 11:39 pm

    You make me smile. Thank you. :)

  47. Dysfunctional Mom
    November 29, 2010 | 12:04 am

    I wish I'd have read this years ago. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble!
    I am planning my daughter's 15th birthday party right now. Shoot me, please.

  48. Jill
    November 29, 2010 | 12:14 am


  49. Saimi
    November 29, 2010 | 1:05 am

    You rock!!

  50. Copyboy
    November 29, 2010 | 1:17 am

    Now this is the Dr. Spock handbook I was looking for.

  51. Yvonne
    November 29, 2010 | 2:03 am

    LMAO! This post cracked me up! While I'm not a mother, I am an aunt to 5 adorable nieces and nephews who on occassion have asked me to chaperone their slumber parties. I did one. NEVER EVER, EVER AGAIN! I'd rather have my tooth pulled without anesthesia than to go through something like that again! God bless all of you mothers who do this because it is insane! lol That being said, good for you for sticking to your rules! If I was a mom, I'd want to be just like you! :)

  52. Myya
    November 29, 2010 | 2:34 am

    You crack me up. You are for sure one of those what you see is what you get kind of people. I can totally appreciate that. Now see about the waking up a million times, ehhhh I like those moments. Weird huh!

  53. MommaKiss
    November 29, 2010 | 3:22 am

    I was never allowed a slumber party. You pretty much win big in my book.

  54. Gawgus things...
    November 29, 2010 | 5:34 am

    Oh yes! I think we've written the rule book together! I do allow slumber parties though…!

  55. blueviolet
    November 29, 2010 | 7:23 am

    You and I come from the same mom stock. Excellent!

  56. Thisisme
    November 29, 2010 | 8:25 am

    Crumbs, so many comments. Took me nearly an hour to scroll down (twice!) so that I could say something (LOL!!.)
    Such a funny post, and I love your rules. Children need rules anyway and I bet they are really respectful, which can't be said about a lot of them these days.

  57. Matty
    November 29, 2010 | 9:29 am

    Sandra, I wish more parents thought like you. Too many parents want to be their kids's friends, instead of just being their parents. Heaven forbid their kid should be angry at them. And yep, I've experienced the noise in the middle of the night during a sleepover. Egads.

  58. Julie
    November 29, 2010 | 9:31 am

    We are cut from the same cloth. My poor only child. What a terrible childhood he will have. Suck it up buddy!

  59. Raquel's World
    November 29, 2010 | 10:07 am

    Ha! I agree with all this (except for the cursing) I mean I curse like a sailor, but they better not. At least not when I can hear them.
    I too hate the mommies who are "friends" with thier kids. It's super annoying when they get to highschool age and the mom acts like she 15 and dresses like it too. All her kids friends call her Julie instead of Ms. Julie or Ms. Smith. Ugggh!

  60. Pennie
    November 29, 2010 | 10:25 am

    I really think your blog is hilarious! You crack me up! I think you must have known my mom…

  61. anSeL
    November 29, 2010 | 10:38 am

    like your rules! it's the same in my country where I was born. it's forbidden to answer back. and for slumber parties? not a fan of it. we don't have bday parties, we prefered eating out with the kids.

    have a nice day!

  62. Diane
    November 29, 2010 | 10:45 am

    I think I love you. And I KNOW I for sure love your rules!

    My boys are 4 years apart but their birthdays are just a day apart so we've always done parties together. We broke down and agreed to a sleepover party for their last birthdays in July.

    Will NEVER, under any circumstance, do THAT again!!! They stayed up all night long and woke us up at 7 am playing hide and seek outside our bedroom window. And there is still some mystery shit on the bonus room carpet that I will most likely never be able to get up!

  63. Marnie
    November 29, 2010 | 10:48 am

    I love this post :0) Truth!

  64. Barbaloot
    November 29, 2010 | 11:43 am

    It seems like there are very few mothers left that have legitimate rules for their kids now! I don't think they realize life is easier that way?! I grew up with a "I'm the mom, that's why" kind of mom. And I'm not psychologically or emotionally stunted by it. In fact, I'm a decent (I think?) contributing member of society.

    And also, slumber parties scare me. I hear of so many scary things that happen as a result of them now—not to mention the lack of sleep. Good call on sticking to your guns for that one!

  65. Bird Shit and Baby Caca
    November 29, 2010 | 12:37 pm

    I always hated sleepovers as a kid anyway…I always used to panic I would be the first one asleep and be the kid everyone messed with

  66. McKenzie
    November 29, 2010 | 1:04 pm

    You are amazing, and I love this post. =]

    November 29, 2010 | 1:17 pm

    You've got good instincts and good, reasonable rules. Let other parents (e.g., the one who made you feel guilty for not having them) host the slumber parties.

    Cheers and happy holidays.

  68. KittyCat
    November 29, 2010 | 1:46 pm

    I feel like I am a pretty "normal" mom.
    I have rules.
    I am not my kids best friend.
    I tell them alot that they will thank me later in life.
    I want them to experience things, but it most definately isnt things I missed out on in my own childhood.

    So far they seem to be pretty good kids.
    but by to whose standards?
    Does it even matter.

  69. HulaBuns
    November 29, 2010 | 1:47 pm

    I love your rules. When I have kids of my own I might have to steal, errr, umm, borrow them. ;)

    Thanks for sharing!

  70. Travel Nurse Extraordinaire
    November 29, 2010 | 2:02 pm

    I love this and agree with most but… the slumber party. I can't help but feel there's a solution so you can all be happy. Maybe your husband could cover as parent for the slumber party and you could do a slumber of your own at a friend or siblings house?

  71. Linda Medrano
    November 29, 2010 | 2:56 pm

    You are a great Mama. Never once did you mention locking any of them in the closet. Never once did you mention selling Zoe to a wealthy Arab. Nor have you even threatened to cut off their fingers for being bad. Plus, Sandra, a little porn never hurt anyone.

  72. Together We Save
    November 29, 2010 | 3:52 pm

    Good rules!

  73. drollgirl
    November 29, 2010 | 4:15 pm

    well you sound like a great mom to me, and i bet your kids turn out JUST FINE! :)

  74. DCHY
    November 29, 2010 | 6:01 pm

    I don't mind the sleepovers as long as they respect the distance of the boundary line of international waters from my bed. ;)

    Glad to know you expect a lot from your kids…what I expect from my 3 year-old, most parents don't even begin to with their teenagers.

  75. Jessica
    November 29, 2010 | 7:24 pm

    As a kid, I had no idea how much torture I put my mom through during sleepovers.

    As a grownup, I see the torture my sis-inlaw has to go through. She tries to get me to stay and help. I laugh in her face. :D

  76. FabuLeslie
    November 29, 2010 | 8:08 pm

    I think I would have the same rules as you if I were a mom. Good solution to the problem. My solution? I have a dog instead of kids. :)

  77. EmptyNester
    November 29, 2010 | 8:56 pm

    So glad to be a new follower! Excited about exploring your blog…can't take the last pickle here anymore since the kids are grown and Hubs doesn't care for pickles. LOL

  78. Mamarazzi
    November 29, 2010 | 9:30 pm

    i totally agree…we just had this convo with our 15 yr old daughter after i read her text messages and found something that made me cringe. i HAD to confront her. she said she could not believe that we looked at her texts. she said, "but we are friends, how can i ever trust you again." my husband said, "We are NOT friends, do NOT get it twisted sister. WE are your PARENTS, friendship has nothing to do with it."


  79. JPO
    November 29, 2010 | 10:31 pm

    Haha! Love it!

    But, see I'm a step-mom and when I have this type of attitude, I'm just the wicked step-bitch who's pancakes don't taste like mommys…


  80. Snuggle Wasteland
    November 29, 2010 | 10:34 pm

    Ummmm….can you come to KY and do a boot camp for us or something? My kids need to be whipped into shape.

    PS I think you're awesome.

  81. gayle
    November 29, 2010 | 10:44 pm

    I hate slumber parties too!! Glad that part of my life is over!

  82. Julianna
    November 29, 2010 | 11:15 pm

    I am also "that" kind of mother. But I allow slumber parties, for birthdays, and they usually involve 10+ boys and a natural disaster of some sort. (Sadly, this is not a joke, and yet all 12 of the kids showed up anyway.) So I guess I'm "that" kind of mother with a side of psychotic.

    And, my kids are partial to "Cabissa Cousine" which literally translated means "butt head" in Portuguese. Not an actual word mind you, just one they threw together thinking they were smart.

  83. Scrappy Girl
    November 29, 2010 | 11:15 pm

    Thanks for visiting my blog {and following}. I love what I have read here so far…I'll be back!

  84. Michelle
    November 29, 2010 | 11:29 pm

    I like you. A lot. If only my wee ones were older, they could be friends with your children ;) No slumber parties here, either. Or sacrifices for that last maraschino cherry.

  85. dbs
    November 29, 2010 | 11:50 pm

    Please write a parenting book. Please.

  86. Shannon
    November 30, 2010 | 12:34 am

    Just found you through…well, honestly I'm not sure, but I'm so glad I did! Your blog had me cracking up tonight and after today, trust me that laugh was long overdue! I agree with the comment just before, you SHOULD write a book, please! Looking forward to more fun posts! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

  87. Sandy
    November 30, 2010 | 1:42 am

    Thanks for checking out my blog and leaving a nice comment. I'm so glad you did because that led me to your blog. That's some funny shit you say, I love it. My husband does funny stuff like yours and totally embarrasses me too. Makes for some funny posts though. Your on my list of blogs to follow, thanks for finding me…

  88. Sarah Elizabeth
    November 30, 2010 | 1:53 am

    I'll admit, at first I felt really bad for your kids, because slumber parties are lots of fun. And then I kept reading, and now I understand. Slumber parties would probably be more okay when they're older and can take care of themselves and know how to be quiet, but at a young age like that, they have no idea.

    My mom is a "sacrificial" mom who's sacrificed too much for me and my little brother in our lives and she's unhappy because of it most of the time. So good for you for not doing that.

  89. Jessica
    November 30, 2010 | 7:01 am

    OMG! You are my Canadian me! The rules and the selfishness!! Thank your for the validation. I don't have to have a complex anymore about not sharing!!

  90. Shabbygalsnest
    November 30, 2010 | 11:01 am

    You have the right idea! Go mamma! Traci

  91. Soccer Mom
    November 30, 2010 | 7:59 pm

    Your house…your rules. I agreed all the way up to slumber parties…my kids rock, but I do let them do slumber parties. Probably b/c they let the mommy sleep :)

  92. Teisha
    November 30, 2010 | 11:51 pm

    Confession: I once stole the last juice box to mix with my vodka. What?

    I like your no slumber party rule. I think I shall abide by it.

  93. Flying high in the sky....
    December 1, 2010 | 2:22 am

    well… every mother has a choice to make and you have made choices about the motherhood style which suited you as a person…. i dont think mothers who are involved with their kids in terms of friends or anything will take an offence… they are too busy to take an offence you see!!! and to re-live your childhood (bacause you really had a cool one…we go want to go back to positives… ) has its own charm and therapeutic effect for struggling adulthood (first motherhood is certainly a challenge!)… thanks for all those witty insights you have .. trust me .. all the mothers out there (if they ever wanted to be one) are enjoying their life to the hilt ..they have made a choice..

  94. Colleen
    December 1, 2010 | 11:05 am

    I think I peed my pants laughing at the "I-pushed-a-watermelon…clause."
    Excellent reasoning. I totally agree.
    I have to admit though, slumber parties were my absolute favorite thing as a giddy-pre/teen. Actually, we were still having them post college in our bar-hopping days as my gaggle of girlfriends lived all over the place. So I'm not against them…but then again, I have a long way to go before I have to deal with 3am giggles. I'm still dealing with 3am diaper changes. That attitude may change. Especially if I'm still in this acoustically-liberal house.

  95. DB
    December 3, 2010 | 3:14 pm

    You sound like my mother. And I've turned out just fine.

  96. daniela
    December 4, 2010 | 11:50 am

    When I have my own little spawn – this is exactly the kind of mother i want to be!!! I may be contacting you for parenting classes at this time – Super Nanny style ;)

  97. *LLUVIA*
    December 13, 2010 | 3:06 pm

    I was never allowed to go to a slumber party. Mom said that some of those moms don't clean their house very well, and who knows what kind of bacteria I might catch, not to mention lice!!!

    I don't think I will allow slumber parties with my kid.

    I don't get parents who try to reason with their disobedient kids. It doesn't work! MOve to plan B!

  98. Pam
    August 23, 2011 | 10:57 pm

    So, apparently you dropped by my house and pulled my rules and regs off the refrigerator door ;-)

    Mother of two here (daughters both, ages 24 and 14) and could not be MORE ON BOARD YOUR BUS. Agree, agree and AGREE.

    Especially the slumber party bullshit. My kids have HAD the slumber party experience – at other people’s home. Not happening in mine. Period.

    Anyway, cannot say BRAVO enough … tell it, friend!



  99. Kathy
    August 23, 2011 | 11:38 pm

    Perfect post!! Just too funny!! You are just awesome!!

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