It's so hard being smart…

I have a really hard test on Monday for a really hard course, which frankly, I hate.
Because the teachers are really hard.
And the content is really hard.

Usually when I’m studying, I’m good for about an hour.
For about an hour, I’m a sponge.
I can tune out everything around me, absorb the minutest of details about whatever it is I’m supposed to be learning, and learn that shit like nobody’s business.
During this hour, I’ve been known to memorize entire physiological systems, their functions, their dysfunctions, treatments, complications, and follow-up recommendations.
During this hour, I am sa-mart!

After that hour though, not so much.

I can be deep into reading a paragraph in the textbook, and my mind starts doing this:

Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…

…oh my God, shoot  me…

…Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…

…I wonder if Kimberly has posted yet…I loved that post about butt paste…
I love the word butt.
Why is that?
Why does vocabulary meant for three year olds give me so much pleasure? That can’t be good. It must mean there’s something wrong with my intellect.
Makes no wonder I can’t concentrate on…what am I supposed to be reading?
Oh right…
…Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…

…I wonder who that guy was who “poked” me on Facebook. He’s not even in my ‘friend’ list.
Why would he ‘poke’ me?
Why would you ‘poke’ someone you don’t know?
‘Poking’ is so intimate.
Let’s face it, when I picture someone ‘poking’ me, I don’t envision a finger coming at me, and going poke-poke.
I picture something a little more…well…not a finger.

…where was I?…
…Cell division in cancer…this is so boring…

…Cell division…I wonder what the kids are up to?
If I check though, then I’ll have to talk to them, and maybe they’ll want lunch…

…lunch…what should I have for lunch?…if I go downstairs and make myself some lunch, then the kids will want some, then that’s, like, an hour away from the books.
No. I don’t need lunch right now. I’ll study one more chapter, then I’ll have lunch.

So…
Cell division in can…
…You’re a chihuahua, I’m a rottweiler…I love that song!
That reminds me, I need to tell the girls that I’m going out to the bar with them next week.
I think I’ll have a drink. I’ll deserve a drink after all the studying I’m doing for this test.
I haven’t gotten drunk in, like, eight years…that’s a long time.
I don’t even know what I like to drink anymore.
Maybe something pink. Yes! Pink! With whipped cream!
That will probably make me vomit though.
I don’t want to vomit.
What if I vomit in public? What if I vomit in my hair?
So definitely no whipped cream then.

Usually after an hour of these random thoughts, Wayne will come into the room, “How’s it going?”
“Good,” I’ll say.
“You getting anything done?”
“Yup. Lots.”

Silence.

Staring over the screen of my laptop, he’ll exclaim, “I knew it!”
“Knew what?”
“I knew you were in here blogging!”
“No, I’m not. I’m googling ‘cell division in cancer’.”

More silence.

Sighing, I’ll say to him in defeat, “You’re right. I’m blogging. Do something funny, will ya, so I have something to blog about. I can’t blog about studying.”

Apparently I can though.

 

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69 Responses to It's so hard being smart…
  1. Bouncin' Barb
    November 20, 2010 | 9:58 pm

    Hahahaha…do something funny will ya…did he stand on his head? Rub his head and pat his tummy. I'm picturing this now. You are funny.

  2. Kristina P.
    November 20, 2010 | 10:01 pm

    Cell divi…zzzzzzzzzzz.

  3. Eliza
    November 20, 2010 | 10:02 pm

    OMG, that could be me except I only last about 15 minutes before my brain switches off :-) Great post.

  4. Portia
    November 20, 2010 | 10:12 pm

    Boy that brings back memories of my college days! I was not married yet and had no kids,yet, so I guess I was pretty much thinking about the next party.

  5. Vanessa
    November 20, 2010 | 10:14 pm

    I agree. Entertaining post…even if it IS about studying. :)

  6. Colleen
    November 20, 2010 | 10:18 pm

    I don't think now with kids I could even get in a whole hour before I started thought jumping. Too funny!
    I find myself doing it reading books I want to read, never mind complex stuff like cell division…

  7. Momma Jorje
    November 20, 2010 | 10:36 pm

    You could've asked him to poke you. ;-D

    I've heard a study where college students got spanked while they studied. They all remembered the material better. I don't think that'd work for me. I'd be too distracted by the spanking.

    Gawd I have no secrets!

  8. The Chicken's Consigliere
    November 20, 2010 | 11:01 pm

    Cell division in cancer is deregulated and haphazard…

    Thanks for that, AN. I'll be tweeting that at 3 am. Now I have to go read about butt paste and find that dog song. Good luck on the test.

  9. Julianna
    November 20, 2010 | 11:08 pm

    Butt Paste…pft! Tripple paste works so much better if you can find it. ;)

    Poking. This is why my blogs not linked to my FB account. Poking and well… other reasons.

    Finally, I have good news. You lasted about an hour… I last about 2.7 minutes. Which I think means that your ADD is not as bad as mine.

  10. Miley
    November 20, 2010 | 11:14 pm

    Wait, why are you studying for my biology test?! Oh yea, that's right… I did the "The flow of the kidney is… oh! Shiny!!"

    I hear ya. Studying with ADD SUCKS!! Good luck on your test though! I have yet to study for the one I have Monday. Blegh.

  11. Ami
    November 20, 2010 | 11:27 pm

    ::snort::

    If someone were to offer me a full ride college scholarship, pay all my bills, clean my house, take care of everything for me and massage my feet, I would run screaming in the other direction as fast as I could.

    I hated school. I still hate it.

    But the idea of being spanked while I learn… hmm.

  12. Cheeseboy
    November 21, 2010 | 12:04 am

    Ha ha! This is hilarious. I am so glad I am out of college and all school in general.

  13. Myya
    November 21, 2010 | 12:06 am

    I'd love to go back to school to do something, although it would be something more like massage therapy or something like that. Ehhhh maybe one day when I'm bored & don't have little ones running around demanding all my attention :)

  14. Bossy Betty
    November 21, 2010 | 12:20 am

    I think you should blog while you study. It really helps you learn.

  15. Diane
    November 21, 2010 | 12:20 am

    Wth is that whole poking thing on fb about anyway? I've always been baffled by it and like you, I'm not thinkin' the "poker" is a finger! ~:O

  16. Yvonne
    November 21, 2010 | 12:48 am

    Ha! You study like I used to!

  17. Donna @ The House on the Corner
    November 21, 2010 | 1:18 am

    That exactly they way my mind works All THE TIME!!! I thoughts bounce around like a chipmunk on speed – there is absolutely no telling where I'll end up and if I will ever circle back around to where ever it was my mind originated. Heaven help me if I end up with some kind of dementia – the doctor's are going to have a heck of a time diagnosing it….

  18. Donna @ The House on the Corner
    November 21, 2010 | 1:18 am

    btw – I agree on the poke thing – but I figured it was just a sign that I have a dirty mind….

  19. ClosedOnSunday
    November 21, 2010 | 1:22 am

    That sounds like me when I'm trying to focus on anything. The laptop is always calling…

  20. Travel Nurse Extraordinaire
    November 21, 2010 | 1:41 am

    I always thought I had no concentration after the first hour too but it turns out I conivnced myeslf of that lie. So I kept at it and told myself I could do it and I did. Then it got easier and easier. It's still a struggle but I can actually do it.

  21. Noelle
    November 21, 2010 | 2:35 am

    At least you have a good hour. I have maybe twenty minutes. Good luck with the test!

  22. Ratz
    November 21, 2010 | 3:22 am

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    i get it sister… i am a biology major. God help you

  23. My name is Renée.
    November 21, 2010 | 5:04 am

    So funny!

  24. Cole
    November 21, 2010 | 8:36 am

    Mommy *starts* out with the attention span of a fruit fly… How she managed to learn anything in college, where distractions about, is a complete mystery!

    Also, poking someone not even on your friends list? Creepy.

  25. Deborah
    November 21, 2010 | 8:57 am

    Aaaaah! It scares me how my brain can have two thought-threads going on AT THE SAME TIME.

    Ya.

    I'm with you on the hubs – he needs to do something funny! We depend on it. Or we depend on your interpretation of whatever he does because THAT'S funny.

  26. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    November 21, 2010 | 9:11 am

    This cracked me up! You sound just like me when I'm supposed to be doing invoices.

  27. Ava
    November 21, 2010 | 9:29 am

    I am the exact same way..except I don't even last an hour of smartness lol.

    I awarded you stylish blogger award

    http://www.retrohousewiferemix.blogspot.com

  28. Mighty M
    November 21, 2010 | 9:49 am

    Haha……we are a lot a like! Only I'm not very good in the first hour either!! Great post!

  29. Gigi
    November 21, 2010 | 9:57 am

    You are normal. Study for that hour & then take a break. Your brain can only handle so much at once.

    At least, that's what I tell myself

  30. Gawgus things...
    November 21, 2010 | 10:11 am

    ha,ha,ha!! I love your posts!

  31. SSW
    November 21, 2010 | 10:14 am

    Too too funny..my brain does just exactly that when I try to study! I have to have the tv and radio on and usually my son asking me crazy questions, to even focus on my work….you are normal! I do thing drinks are in order, Go for it!

  32. Fran
    November 21, 2010 | 11:28 am

    Very, very funny. You really made me laugh. You speak my language. Thanks for signing up to my blog. Consider it mutual.

  33. Jeannie
    November 21, 2010 | 11:36 am

    Ha! That's me after about 30 seconds.

  34. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    November 21, 2010 | 12:04 pm

    Um, yeah, that's exactly how my brain works too. It goes from one random thought to the next. I mean, really, how do you get from must take dogs outside to cupcakes are delicious, etc. But, somehow, I always do. And then I promptly forget what I've been thinking about for the last hour so when someone asks what I've been doing or thinking about all they get back is a blank stare. At least you're productive with your thoughts :)

  35. Saimi
    November 21, 2010 | 12:21 pm

    Cell division comes from vomiting..wait…cell division happens because of blogging…that's not it…cell division…ah forget it!

    Get some rest will ya!

  36. Kimberly
    November 21, 2010 | 12:54 pm

    Hahah…I can relate to the hour spent trying to memorize my nursing books because actually understanding the crap was far more boring than repeating the same chapter over and over in my head. Ugh I am so glad I dont have to study that crap anymore.

  37. Bibliomama
    November 21, 2010 | 2:01 pm

    A world of yes. This exact thing happened to me last night while I was studying electronic databases and statistical sources(I ended up googling what the song was that they sang in the restaurant in My Best Friend's Wedding). It also happens when I go to the symphony with my husband. That's right, in my relationship, I'm the one who hates the symphony. Sigh.

  38. JoJo
    November 21, 2010 | 2:04 pm

    Haha that was great! I had a ton of moments like that when I was in school too.

  39. Missy
    November 21, 2010 | 2:45 pm

    LOL! Too funny and too familiar!
    I hate the poke thing!

  40. DCHY
    November 21, 2010 | 3:09 pm

    You did the whole stream of consciousness writing style very well. Why do I think that? I've thought the same way too. ;)

  41. Dutch donut girl
    November 21, 2010 | 3:11 pm

    I should be studying right now…. but guess what? I'm reading your blog.

    Oh well, it's not like my brain is going to listen to me anyway.

  42. Jessica
    November 21, 2010 | 3:22 pm

    School stinks. At least for a good hour you get things accomplished, I can't even get in a good fifteen minutes without a break.

  43. Linda Medrano
    November 21, 2010 | 4:00 pm

    Wayne poking you would have been funny! Still, I get tired of studying too and my mind starts to wander. When I was in school, I got up at 4 AM to do my studying. I could be completely alone between 4 and 6 in the morning and my energy level was fine. (At 6 it was time to get the kids up for school, and me ready for work.) There are fewer distractions early in the morning. Now I sleep till 9 everyday because people die early in the morning and I would prefer to die in bed in a pretty nightgown to dying on the kitchen floor with spilled coffee all over me and my arms and legs at weird angles. Know what I mean?

  44. Miss Vicki
    November 21, 2010 | 4:10 pm

    Ok so cell division is what?????? Great post :)

  45. A girl needs 2 Talk
    November 21, 2010 | 5:07 pm

    You got me, Sandra! I'm glad you can go through 1 hr decently at least. I need to start doing that. You've inspired me. You go ace that test! You ARE sooooo smart. Ace it!

  46. Lourie
    November 21, 2010 | 8:20 pm

    My brain is in shut off mode 24/7. And what IS it about those words like "butt" and such that sends us into fits of laughter?

  47. Sparkling
    November 21, 2010 | 8:27 pm

    This is like the bing.com commercials. I love those things because THAT is exactly how my brain works. K-ster thinks they are stupid. Because his brain has 2 tracks. My has a million and I just jump from one to another. Like you.

  48. Stephanie in Suburbia
    November 21, 2010 | 8:31 pm

    So glad the Internet was just coming to fruition and I was too dumb to understand it when I was in college. I'd fail our in approximately three weeks now. Best of luck!

  49. Alessandra
    November 21, 2010 | 9:31 pm

    OMG girl, you've got a gazillion comments, I am green with envy…but I don't envy you having to study. Gotta tell you though, one hour is pretty much normal for any brain. You have to take a break just to give your grey matter enough time to digest all the stuff.

    Btw, great blog and post, gotta follow you now :)

  50. Olivia J. Herrell
    November 21, 2010 | 9:47 pm

    You study the way I do life these days. Thanks for the chuckle!

    ~that rebel, Olivia

  51. pinkbrain
    November 21, 2010 | 10:36 pm

    Like Stephanie in Suburbia said, thank god I didn't have the internet when I was in university. I would have ended up transfering to McDonald's U.

    That is some serious mental lolligaggging!

  52. Deidra
    November 22, 2010 | 1:35 am

    Your observations are hilarious! My favorite was the Facebook "poking"…I had never thought about that before. Now you've corrupted me. There's no way I'm not going to think about that EVERY time now…

  53. purplume
    November 22, 2010 | 1:57 am

    Interesting. So for maximum efficiency study one hour?

    I;m a crammer. I used to cram the night before an exam and the next day I could recall it all. Not any more but oh well.

  54. Barbaloot
    November 22, 2010 | 11:56 am

    I wouldn't have made it past the first cell division sentence. Studying was never my thing…hooray for being finished with school!

  55. Jersey Diva Mom
    November 22, 2010 | 11:59 am

    I bust my kids' chops re: studying vs. zoning out yet when I took my grant writing course, it was torture to stay focused. And I wasn't bloggin at that point- YIKES- I never would have finished! Give you tons of credit!

  56. Kristy
    November 22, 2010 | 1:44 pm

    My brain likes to pop around too. That is a technical term you know. Popping brain.

  57. Pamela
    November 22, 2010 | 2:16 pm

    I'm impressed you can actually study that stuff for an hour – I'd be re-reading the same sentence after like 5 seconds!

  58. ifbyyes
    November 22, 2010 | 2:23 pm

    Unlike most people, I was always a big fan of cramming, because I can memorize stuff quickly… but I don't retain it for long!

  59. Sara @ Domestically Challenged
    November 22, 2010 | 2:43 pm

    I made it through college never studying. Mostly because it bored me! However, I am not required to know about cell crap, so I had it easy.

  60. Mrs. Tuna
    November 22, 2010 | 3:44 pm

    I concur about studying, my current class, Society and the Environment. By the second hour I begin to think things like, who cares if the entire ocean is polluted and we'll have to wear oxygen tanks by the year 2020. I need picture books apparently to get through.

  61. Gwen
    November 22, 2010 | 3:46 pm

    Are you in my head? This is TOTALLY what goes on in there…except you make it sound funny!

  62. Poppy
    November 22, 2010 | 3:57 pm

    This is why you need to be on Twitter. Hours of distraction from what you need to be doing and no fucking poking. Or fucking. Whatever. You know what I mean.

  63. Brenda Susan
    November 22, 2010 | 6:35 pm

    yep, you blogged about studying. Lots of people blog about blogging so it's an improvement. But I really kind of love the blogs about blogging!

  64. Ginger
    November 22, 2010 | 10:02 pm

    I can relate to this.
    I am meant to be studying but here I am, reading your blog. Happily at 2am. Beats studying hands down. also ensured to get me smiling which study wont!

  65. Kat
    November 22, 2010 | 10:42 pm

    We snuggle but we rarely, if ever, hug. Go figure.

    Pass on the whipped cream for sure, lady.

  66. Pink Feather Paradise
    November 23, 2010 | 7:42 am

    So funny!… you should write a book and give hte cell division a rest! lol

  67. The Girl Next Door
    November 23, 2010 | 8:31 am

    I totally understand! My mind does the same kind of wondering when i try to study.

  68. Busy Working Mama
    November 27, 2010 | 2:22 pm

    LOL I want to know…did he do anything funny? Man, I am SOOOO glad I'm done with school. Have a wonderful weekend!

  69. Busy Working Mama
    November 27, 2010 | 2:23 pm

    And come on…you were blogging…not like you're surfing pron or something!

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