Is it just me?

My daughter has been dancing in the same studio for four years.
The layout of the studio is such that each classroom has a large picture window.
The parents can sit and watch their children dance.

For four years I have been sitting next to the same mothers.
For four years I have been ignoring these mothers.
Because all they talk about is their kids.
That’s it.
Nothing else.
I kid you not.

I’ve tried bringing earphones and an iPod to drown out their nattering.
I’ve brought textbooks, laptop, and notes to submerge myself in homework.
I’ve even tried a really good book.
But even the fantasy of Edward whisking me onto his back and climbing up tall trees while I wrap my legs tightly around his thighs can’t take me away from the sound of their shrilly voices discussing their children.

It’s not that I totally hate it when people talk about their kids. Much.
I can handle an update, example: “Suzie’s doing fine, they were able to remove the pea that was lodged up her nostril.”
I don’t mind a quick mention, such as, “Right after this we have to hurry home, Suzie hasn’t bathed in over a week and her feet stink like shit after she takes off her ballet shoes.” actually that last statement is really about my daughter

But these women go on and on, and on, and on…
Finally, I stopped going into the studio at all.

But yesterday I decided that I wanted to see my daughter dance.
So armed with my textbook, I sat down stoically next to the mothers, determined to ignore them, or at the very least, not judge them for the fact that they are incapable of conversing about topics other than their kids.

I was there four minutes before I wanted to whack myself over the head with the textbook.
I didn’t though because I figured this would make great blog fodder.

This is what I listened to:

Lady #1: I really like the body suit that Madison is wearing. Where did you buy it?

Lady #2: I bought it at that place downtown.

Lady #1: I really like it.

Lady #2: Madison really likes it too. She finds it comfortable.

Lady #1: Yes, it looks like it would be so much more comfortable than the other body suits.

This is the body suit deemed more comfortable…

Adjustable Camisole Leotard

This is the body suit assessed as less comfortable.

Picture courtesy of Costume Craze
How they have come to this conclusion, I have no idea since I’m pretty sure neither woman has sported either of the above body suits in over 30  years. Yet this riveting topic of conversation kept them going for a good 10-15 minutes.
Thankfully, once it was established that the other child could get a body suit just like Madison’s, the ladies moved on to an even more titillating topic.
Lady #1: Charlotte really loves figure skating. She told me that she wants to skate three times a week. I told her, “No way!” It’s not like I can split myself into all these pieces.
Lady #2: Exactly! They are already so busy with dance, gymnastics, ballroom dancing, balloon-animal making class…  
No, the child isn’t really taking balloon-animal-making class, I just added that in there because I figured you were as bored as I was.
Lady #1: Not to mention, I’m not sitting in a rink, freezing my butt off three times a week.
Lady #2: Of course not! That’s awful!
Lady #1: I told Charlotte, “I’ll freeze to death if I have to sit in the rink.”
Clearly, Lady #1 would not freeze to death sitting in a hockey rink. I’m pretty sure, nobody has ever died of hypothermia from sitting in the stands at the arena.
But I guess even she was bored of the dialogue so she interjected that little near-death tidbit to spice things up.
Lady #2: Madison is still not putting very much weight on her broken foot. I wonder if this is going to affect her chances of getting selected for the solo.
Lady #1: It shouldn’t. That would be so unfair! It’s not her fault her foot is broken. She should still have a chance at the solo. Why wouldn’t they pick her?
…Ummmm…because her fucken foot is broken and she can’t stand on it, and there are 24 other girls in the classroom who have two good legs…?
It gets better though…
Lady #2: Yeah, I was really upset yesterday at gymnastics when Madison didn’t land her dismount properly because she was afraid of landing on her broken foot.

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I can’t even comment here without using a string of profanity, so let’s move on to Lady #1′s reply.
Lady #1: Maybe if you bribe her,  you know, tell her she can have that iPhone she’s been asking for, if she lands on her foot.
Yes. That’s a great idea. Let’s bribe the child into inflicting permanent damage onto her already broken foot…
I’m not even going to go on, because honestly, I had to walk away.
I figured my daughter will be dancing in this studio for many years to come.
The last thing she needs is the reputation of being the kid of the psycho textbook wielding mother.

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117 Responses to Is it just me?
  1. SkippyMom
    November 4, 2010 | 12:55 am

    To say I just vomitted in my mouth is an understatement. I know you are not kidding, are you. Don't answer that because I know the answer.

    I gave up so long ago because of these bitches.

    I am not kidding.

    And look! I have turned out college educated, being college educated, house owning, Air Force cadet, nice kids without the benefit of this kind of abuse. And that is all it is.

    This will be my only anonymous post ever, but it is only because I am …oh I don't know. Sorry Sandra.


  2. SkippyMom
    November 4, 2010 | 12:57 am

    Well that didn't work out too well…HI I am anonymous Skippy.

    So I HATE these types of women. Next time take a withdrawl slip and an extra heavy textbook.

  3. The Adorkable Ditz
    November 4, 2010 | 1:09 am

    These women have no life and must live through their children. They are selfish and I hate them too.

  4. ChiTown Girl
    November 4, 2010 | 2:19 am

    These women need to be bitch slapped!!

  5. Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy
    November 4, 2010 | 2:43 am

    Be happy you have a more rounded life than they do. ;)

    And no. It's not just you.

  6. The Watchman
    November 4, 2010 | 2:58 am

    Oh hell nah! These are the types of moms that give their children psychological ISSUES!
    They are probably the type that drive an extra large SUV and only have one child(a minivan or sedan is just beneath them), get stark raving mad at coaches and teachers for giving their little angel a lower grade or position in anything(even if their kid deserved it), and of course they're the ones who always try to live vicariously through their kid(s)!
    This is why people hate dealing with "those" kinds of parents!

  7. Blasé
    November 4, 2010 | 3:51 am

    Many women/mothers have a co-dependency relationship with their children.

    These type of women usually have ugly pussys. You know, the kind where even a vibrator will fake like it's batteries are dead…

  8. Miss Vicki
    November 4, 2010 | 4:05 am

    Love this post…has a chuckle to myself thinking I have been in this position before and if I had a textbook I would of whacked them up-side the head :)

  9. Matty
    November 4, 2010 | 4:10 am

    It isn't often that I actually laugh out loud reading a post. I just did.

  10. Opto-Mom
    November 4, 2010 | 4:20 am

    Our dance studio doesn't allow parents to watch, so we don't have the drama.

    My daughter used to do competitive cheer, and we had a pretty good group of moms. We talked some about our kids, but we also talked about food, work, school, and why they didn't have a margarita machine at the gym.

    My daughter bruised her butt by falling off a scooter about a week before a cheer competition – group competition, not individual. She could walk fine, so I took her to practice, but wouldn't let her tumble or jump. No way would I let her do anything like that, and she didn't even have a broken bone. She decided that she wanted to do the competition (doctor said it was ok) because it would affect the team if there was a person missing. The coach was really understanding and took out my daughter's tumbling pass because that was the uncomfortable part for her. And I was proud of her for thinking about someone other than herself. However, if she was recovering from a broken bone or the doctor had not approved, she would NOT have participated.

  11. citymouse
    November 4, 2010 | 5:54 am

    Quiet honestly, I'd probably bring a thermos of martinis and ignore them. I am so the anti-supermom I feel your pain.

  12. A Daft Scots Lass
    November 4, 2010 | 6:11 am

    Over-hearing these types of conversations, I can't keep my mouth shut. Hell, its not possible for EVERYONE to like you anyway.

  13. Gigi
    November 4, 2010 | 6:12 am

    Gah!!! These kinds of women are everywhere! Besides the fact that they are going to ruin their children (bribing her to land on a broken foot??) they are superficial and have nothing else to talk about.

  14. MacDougal Street Baby
    November 4, 2010 | 6:13 am

    You have no idea how much I relate to this post. The worst is when your kid is best friend's with someone whose mom is one of these parents. It's like having a perpetual wedgie.

  15. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    November 4, 2010 | 6:23 am

    Oh Christ. I am so worried that I am going to turn into one of those parents. My brain is so fried that Max is the only thing I have the capacity to think about.

    At least I'm aware of my potential obnoxiousness!!

  16. The Chicken's Consigliere
    November 4, 2010 | 6:34 am

    Wow. Up until the end, I thought they were just being social-making small talk in a forced situation. But yeah, I see what you mean. Yikes.

  17. Mynx
    November 4, 2010 | 6:43 am

    I have always tried to avoid sitting on the sidelines watching the kids do thier sport (I have boys). Last time I tried to watch my son do a karate grading he got so stressed that he ended up vomiting . I think he felt that I would have been disappointed if he didnt suceed and that added to his stress. Me being there just put way too much pressure on him. So now, even if I want to be there, only one of us will go, his father or me to lesson the pressure. Neither of us attend his weekly training. Too distracting. Might be different with a daughter.

  18. Mamma has spoken
    November 4, 2010 | 7:33 am

    I'm the mom who loves to sit on the sidelines talking to other moms but about fun stuff like which bars has dollar drink nights. But seriously, some of the others have sum it up better than me. They are living their lives through their daughters in a sad way…

  19. Portia
    November 4, 2010 | 7:35 am

    Wow. Making a kid do gymnastics on a broken foot. Wow.

    These ladies are only making idle conversation while waiting for their kids but it also sounds a lot like "My kid is better than your kid."

    My word verification? NO lie!


    As in, this makes me feel shosadd!

  20. lvankuiken
    November 4, 2010 | 7:39 am

    I loved this post! My kids are now 16 and 14, and through the years they've done taekwondo, soccer, gymnastics, ballet and rhythmic gymnastics. Those moms are everywhere. The worst part (to me) was the sideline "coaching." Thankfully, my 14 year old daughter now takes dance at a pre-professional studio where we are not allowed to watch – or to talk in the lobby because sound carries and is distracting. The bad part is I have to drive her 45 minutes each way, 5 days a week. Ugh.

    I think you showed remarkable restraint!

  21. ms. caboo
    November 4, 2010 | 7:41 am

    I just beat myself over the head with a book. And I wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut, so you are clearly the stronger woman here!

    What a bunch of door knobs.

  22. Yandie, Goddess of Pickles.
    November 4, 2010 | 7:49 am

    I've never gotten the mommy-clique dynamic, myself. I noticed it when I was taking my oldest daughter to Mothercare ("Do you use cloth diapers? Oh, I don't let wee snooki have a suckie, she'll get bad teeth") and I still notice it today. Groups of women who talk about their children because that's pretty much all they have in common, because Heaven forbid they have OTHER interests. That might make them less-than-stellar mommies.

    I maintain that your kids should be the most important thing in your life.. but not the ONLY important thing.

  23. Nicole
    November 4, 2010 | 8:00 am

    We need to have a pact, ladies. A pact that we will share the burden of the heavy textbook beating. Should any of us mommy-clique haters ever need a beat down because we give more than 5 minutes time to the topic of children's clothing on sale or how many activities our kids are involved in, it falls upon her fellow haters to get one of Sandra's textbooks and begin the pumelling.

    Actually, I was all set to defend these ladies. I am very often consumed by my kids' lives and do tend to natter on about them. But, I don't say ridiculous BS like that. So, back to the haters club for me!

  24. Deborah
    November 4, 2010 | 8:09 am

    Nope – it isn't just you.

    Oh how I wish I had known you back in the day!

  25. Raquel's World
    November 4, 2010 | 8:14 am

    OMG How annoying. I hate that too. And then if you do not brag and go on and on about your princess surely they will think you are a bad mom. Uggh Hit them hos with a ballet slipper already.

  26. allison
    November 4, 2010 | 8:18 am

    I've been pretty lucky — I've only heard about most of those mothers (like the one that made her kid do gymnastics with a fever after just barfing all over) at a degree of separation. We had that same window at gymnastics though, and I still always hated sitting there. There's something about the window that turns everyone into a bit of an asshat.

  27. Mo 'Betta
    November 4, 2010 | 8:21 am

    oh em gee…that's why I wait in the car. The comments to this are pretty funny too. How many of us have had to sit in this type situation and make polite chit chat when we were ALL thinking the same thing!! And the mom with the kid with the broken foot? She needs to be punched in the face.

  28. Life in the mom lane
    November 4, 2010 | 8:30 am

    When my girls were little (they are now 19 & 22) I took them for ballet & tap lessons… the part I DREADED the most was the other moms and all the drivel that came out of their mouths… after a couple of months I finally could not stand it anymore- one mom in particular kept moaning every frickin week about how stressed she was because of her hectic schedule. She had her kid in dance lessons, karate, gymnastics, music lessons and was debating if she should add art lessons to the mix. For this mom it was almost as if she was trying to "one up" all the other moms. I finally couldn't stand it and said to her "considering your daughter is four years old and cannot sign herself up (not to mention pay for all of those lessons) why don't you just NOT sign her up for all of those lessons- kids need time to play and just BE KIDS!" needless to say the mother never spoke to me again AND when I was around she curtailed her bitching- I was branded the BITCH, but didn't care :) Without all her yakking I was able to read my book in "relative" silence from that day forward!

  29. Life in the mom lane
    November 4, 2010 | 8:32 am

    and I agree with Mo'Betta- the mom with the kid with the broken foot should have been referred to child protective services- what a douche bag!

  30. female, I shit you not!
    November 4, 2010 | 8:35 am

    Reading your blog and the comments is like being at a Comedy Club. :0)

    THX for the great performance.
    Everyone….take a bow!

  31. Momma Jorje
    November 4, 2010 | 8:54 am

    O.M.F'n.G! Just don't even know what to say!

    And I think these women talk about their kids (and nothing else) for a couple of reasons: 1) They have NO lives. (how could they if they're sitting through dance, gymnastics, and and and all the time?) and 2) They are afraid they have nothing ELSE in common with each other about which they could discuss. Children is such the "safer" topic. :-P

  32. Canis Majoris
    November 4, 2010 | 8:57 am

    Clearly, you do not stand alone in your aversion to these types of women. I never understood the inability to have an intelligent discussion concerning something other than your offspring.

  33. Jessica
    November 4, 2010 | 8:58 am

    People without braincells can think up the most…. interesting… conversations.

    Makes you feel like a higher species for sure!

  34. Diane
    November 4, 2010 | 9:08 am

    Holy shit. And I thought the little league parents were bad!

  35. Jeannie
    November 4, 2010 | 9:12 am

    The ladies are clearly using the conversation to brag and position themselves as the best mother to a brilliant child. New and better and designer and expensive and more, more, more because that is what they think matters. Poor broken foot girl. She has everything except a mother who really cares about her instead of her image. Empty life.

  36. Sara Louise
    November 4, 2010 | 9:25 am

    The broken foot conversation just kills me. Morons. I pray that I will never ever be like this.

  37. FatAngryBlog
    November 4, 2010 | 9:29 am

    I don't know how you restrained yourself. I'm sure I would have said something and then gotten the "seemingly superior Mom eyeroll" from the insipid Moms.

  38. Climb2Nowhere
    November 4, 2010 | 9:31 am

    You're a very cool Mom in that you're not obsessed about stupid shit regarding your kids. I've listened to that kind of talk between mothers and I want to kill myself. It's brutally brutal. I'm sorry for what you had to endure!

  39. Roundabout
    November 4, 2010 | 9:35 am

    I'm so HAPPY to hear I'm not alone ! I love that my girls want to be involved sports etc. , but I HATE having to sit there & deal with "those" moms!!

  40. -stephanie-
    November 4, 2010 | 9:41 am

    Oh, oh…I bribed my daughter to put more weight on her broken leg. But that's only because the doctor said she had to put more weight on her leg.

    I am liking you more and more, the more I read your stuff. I'm with you on NOT talking about my kids all the time. I was the mom standing back at dance class. I didn't want to join in on the other mom's conversations about our kids.
    I have one "friend" who, when we get together only talk about our kids. We don't talk often.
    My other friends….woo hoo, very little children talk. Love them!

  41. BeMistified
    November 4, 2010 | 9:48 am

    This is the exact reason that I cannot be around the public! I am not a people person by any means. Good for you for walking away. =)

  42. Danielle
    November 4, 2010 | 10:01 am

    See this is why I like men better than women. Boobs and beer interest me sooooo much more!

  43. Lady Fromage
    November 4, 2010 | 10:12 am


    Let me get back to cleaning the coffee I spit all over my keyboard now… :)

  44. Webster
    November 4, 2010 | 10:18 am

    I'm just going to say what NEARLY EVERY ONE OF THE PREVIOUS COMMENTS DID NOT SAY. Because what they said disgusts me almost as much as what those girls' mothers had to say.

    When what they (the Moms) say out loud disgusts you so much, why do you not respond to them to their faces? With the comments that you thought so appropriate for the anonymity of your blog?

    How hypocritical! Especially with regards to the girl with the broken foot.

    I saw an ad on TV today concerning sports injuries and children. It's an epidemic. We are teaching these kids to work through their pain. NOT ALL PAIN should be worked through – and these parents (and coaches) need to be made aware of that fact.

    So, Shame on you, for keeping your mouth shut. It really was absolutely narcissistic of you.

    And you may cuss me out if you feel the need to do so. I stand by what I say and don't feel the need to defend myself for it.

  45. Nezzy
    November 4, 2010 | 10:32 am

    Oh the trials and tribulations of Mommy~Hood…that's why they make music and earphones baby!!! Heeehehe!

    I just feel sorry for the gal who is damaging her poor broken foot!

    God bless and have just an awesome day!!!

  46. Jill
    November 4, 2010 | 10:52 am

    Well, I can definitely see why you keep to yourself. Eavesdropping will only make you crazy though. I like the iPod idea. Sadly, your daughter has to grow up with daughters of these women. Lucky she has such a grounded mama!

  47. Bouncin' Barb
    November 4, 2010 | 10:53 am

    Good for you for sticking to your books. These ladies need a life besides "mommy".

  48. DCHY
    November 4, 2010 | 10:54 am

    At least I can just sit there and pretend that the parents don't exist. Not hard to tune them out. ;)

  49. GB Girl
    November 4, 2010 | 10:59 am

    Textbook wielding does seem a little extreme. You should go for the more psychological, less obvious route. You should infiltrate their clique and start turning them against each other until they take each other out.
    Your hands are clean and you can enjoy your daughter's dance class without the idiocy.

  50. Colleen
    November 4, 2010 | 11:13 am

    Did she really want her daughter to land a dismount onto a healing broken foot? Its sad how some parents get over involved to the point of looking past the well being of their kids. "Its okay if it hurts hunnie, at least you'll be the best."

  51. MissEmy
    November 4, 2010 | 11:17 am

    That's is incredibly lame. How can people manage to talk about nothing for so long??

  52. Steph
    November 4, 2010 | 11:35 am

    I'd probably have hit her with the book. I can't stand it when parents think the world revolves around their kid. Seriously, he/she is not the first 5 year old to grace the earth with his/her presence. Get over it! Now my dogs on the other hand, they are something to brag about. ;)

  53. Another Day of Crazy
    November 4, 2010 | 12:16 pm

    I can't help but poke those kind of moms… "From experience I'd have to agree… those leotards ARE comfortable when I wear them, although my husband likes it better on the floor."

  54. twelvedaysold
    November 4, 2010 | 12:21 pm

    I don't have any kids (yet), but reading this gives me hope. Sometimes I feel bad because I think, well, if we have kids now, is that it? It's all about the kids? Really? Even though my siblings have kids and they still have lives apart from their kids, (and conversations about other things than just their kids) it's good to read there are people who have kids who still have lives and that's OK.

  55. Kristina P.
    November 4, 2010 | 12:59 pm

    I think you need to really step it up and start talking about your brazilians and vajazzling.

  56. Noelle
    November 4, 2010 | 1:06 pm

    55 comments??? You are my hero!

    What amazes me the very most is that you didn't say anything. If I had heard that comment about bribing her with an iphone I'm pretty sure I would have said something.

  57. Losing Brownies
    November 4, 2010 | 2:28 pm

    Mom's like that make me want to slapacow.

  58. TheBabyMammaChronicles
    November 4, 2010 | 2:31 pm

    OK, so this makes me not feel so bad about lacking other mother friends. Wow. That's about all I can say to that.

  59. Anonymous
    November 4, 2010 | 2:45 pm

    Là San, tu m'as vraiment fait rire! Merci pour les belles photos de costumes! Dommage qu'il n'y aura pas de cours quand je vais y aller… je pense qu'on se serait vraiment amusées!

  60. Heather
    November 4, 2010 | 2:48 pm

    I want to run them over with my car and I wasn't even there! Dear Good Things!!
    This is why I talked my daughter out of dancing EVER AGAIN.
    Football moms are just as bad, but it is outside so you go farther away from them.

  61. Worry Not Little Chicken
    November 4, 2010 | 3:03 pm

    2 things:
    1.) You are hilarious
    and 2.) Say WHA!?!? Oh my. I am not currently a mother, but I think that if I were and I had to sit next to women like that… I might kick them. Or throw up. Actually, I just kinda threw up in my mouth thinking about it..


    Maybe I can convince my mom to buy me a car if I stop telling people about my throw up….

  62. Quirkyloon
    November 4, 2010 | 3:04 pm

    This makes me soooo glad to have boys.

    Oh wait.

    We have Little League.

    Oh yeah.

    Never mind.

  63. Poppy
    November 4, 2010 | 3:49 pm

    Hopping on a broken foot to refill mommy's wine glass is one thing, but landing on in gymastics for an I-phone? Ridiculous!

  64. becca
    November 4, 2010 | 4:04 pm

    i so would have been banging my head against the wall to drown them out. how you did it is beyond me. thank goodness my son takes private Guitar lessons so i never have to deal with sort of thing. bless the silence.

  65. Linda Medrano
    November 4, 2010 | 4:30 pm

    Damn! Sandra, I know you aren't lying. My niece was a competitive ice skater till she was about 19. I hated to be around her or her mother (my sister) the whole time. You can love the kid but not turn into an absolute idiot over it. And gymnastics and ballet on a broken foot. Bitch mother should be in jail.

  66. Shell
    November 4, 2010 | 4:49 pm

    WTH is wrong with these moms?

    I can't believe no one jumps in and makes sarcastic comments to them.

    I bet they go home and have meltdowns.

  67. Holly Ruggiero
    November 4, 2010 | 5:06 pm

    What? Why? I mean really? What was she even doing in gym or ballet with a broken foot? Ye gads.

  68. Dutch donut girl
    November 4, 2010 | 5:06 pm

    No, it's not just you.
    This kind of chitchat will make your ears bleed if your not careful.

    Edward Cullen? Um… well.. he's kinda… never mind.

    ps. I came here via Blasé’s blog.

  69. blueviolet
    November 4, 2010 | 5:37 pm

    Those women are breeding, huh? Damn.

  70. Kimberly
    November 4, 2010 | 6:02 pm

    You should totally show up there wearing said suit and while they're paralyzed in awe of your hawtness you can than betch slap em in the face with a Cosmo magazine preferably one that says "Life doesn't revolve around your kids. Shut up already"

  71. katie
    November 4, 2010 | 6:04 pm

    You are HILARIOUS!!! :o ) So glad you stumbled upon my little blog because now I get to read yours!!! Woot. Woot. Can't wait to read more.

  72. Katy
    November 4, 2010 | 6:25 pm

    I was so happy my daughter decided to do karate. I guess its because most of the kids in karate are boys… and most of their dads bring them to class…

  73. MamaOnDaGo
    November 4, 2010 | 9:01 pm

    What did women discuss prior to actully having kids? There must be more to their lives. Something deeper. A hobby? Perhaps they just need you to reach deep down and extract their pre-kid days.

  74. Bridget
    November 4, 2010 | 9:45 pm

    OMGoodness! Unfortunately I would want to bash my brains in with a textbook too…

  75. Sara @ Domestically Challenged
    November 4, 2010 | 9:54 pm

    Well, I just poked my eyeballs out READING that. Crap.

  76. Julianna
    November 4, 2010 | 9:56 pm

    Just another one of the many reasons I am glad I have boys. Katate has become as much my escape and my kids. The oldest plays his DS with the other siblings, the yougest Karate chops his way through the studio, and the parents and I either go for coffee or Chinese next door. Sometimes we all have dinner together at the big kitchen table in the adjacent office… It's win, win, win!

  77. Webster
    November 4, 2010 | 10:51 pm

    Hi Webster,
    I'm coming over from Absolutely Narcissism.
    Of course I'm not going to cuss you out on my blog. You are absolutely right, i should have said something to those ladies, and I didn't. Shame on me.
    I give you a lot of credit for calling me out.
    I haven't read your latest post because I suspect you are too smart for me. I couldn't keep up to your intelligence.

    Thu Nov 04, 06:24:00 PM PDT

  78. Webster
    November 4, 2010 | 10:56 pm

    The above comment was made by Sandra on my blog in response to my comment on this post over here on hers. I moved it back where I think it belongs.

  79. Sandra
    November 4, 2010 | 11:41 pm

    Oh Webster, you're so clever! Thank you for making me a better person!

  80. Webster
    November 5, 2010 | 12:25 am

    Sandra, I like you. I like your blog. But I thought sarcasm was my superpower! You're giving me a run for my money.

  81. Booyah's Momma
    November 5, 2010 | 12:35 am

    O man, this takes the concept of living vicariously through your children to a whole different level. Kudos to you for keeping your mouth shut. I'm not sure I could have done the same thing.

  82. Anonymous
    November 5, 2010 | 12:49 am

    I had to come back and redeem my anonymous comment.

    Brownie wins the comment of the day with the word:


    Brownie we need to be best friends.

    You just have to find me. Now watch Sandra…I think I can do this. Anonymously.

  83. Anonymous
    November 5, 2010 | 12:51 am

    HA! ::skipping away with my mad skillz::

  84. The Zany Housewife
    November 5, 2010 | 1:27 am

    Good grief. I dread the day I get wedged in with these kind of women. I'll be the mom banging her head into the wall whilst flipping them off and muttering something about how they clearly have no life. I'll have to leave the nerf bat at home. I'd end up on the five o'clock news. "Local mother wields foam bat at a group of clucking women while screaming out profanity. Acrylic nails were broken, hair extensions a flyin'…"

  85. Woman In The Midst: Raw
    November 5, 2010 | 1:53 am

    A hysterically riveting post!

  86. slow panic
    November 5, 2010 | 7:23 am

    ugh. i think women yammer on like that because they feel out of place and uncomfortable, so they talk just to talk.

    or they are just stupid crazy.

    ok it's probably that.

  87. Sugar Mama
    November 5, 2010 | 9:31 am

    I sat in the same room with the same moms for the same time frame; 4 years. And for a while there I thought I was becoming that mom. It was awful. So I started taking magazines that had great articles and I would talk about the articles instead of my kids. I also befriended one of the grandmothers who, for her much older age, was SO much more enjoyable to talk with than the others.

    My daughter decided she doesn't want to take dance anymore. I don't miss it one bit.

  88. Julie
    November 5, 2010 | 9:54 am

    stick. a. pen. in. my. eye.

  89. Joann Mannix
    November 5, 2010 | 10:38 am

    Moms who live their dreams through their kids. It's an epidemic right now. My girls love that show Toddlers and Tiaras for its ridiculousness.

    Piece of advice: Do NOT allow your daughter to become a cheerleader. Those crazy bitch mamas are the WORST.

  90. Shabbygalsnest
    November 5, 2010 | 10:52 am

    Oh Sandra you crack me up!My boys are grown but I do not fondly remember those situations! You are a woman cut from the same cloth as me! I'am so not a people person at times. I should say not a fake people person. Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving the comment. Traci

  91. gopopgo
    November 5, 2010 | 12:15 pm

    Wow. Tons of comments on this one. First of all, I thought I was having a bad acid trip or something when your blog opened – not sure what happened to the cute little princess. But I like the new design.

    I guess the girl can at least text her friends and surf the web while she hobbles around in a cast.

  92. sapphireblue
    November 5, 2010 | 4:15 pm

    Thanks for leaving such a nice comment on my blog. You're in my google reader now, because this was just hilarious! Some of my hub's friends wives probably think I'm a stuck-up prick, because I don't ever say anything, but this is a perfect example of why I don't. I don't have diarrhea of the mouth. It makes you want to scream, "Get a f))*ing life!"

  93. Penny
    November 5, 2010 | 5:56 pm

    So it's not just me that thinks "mommy banter" is enough to make mass murder legal? I feel better now!!!


  94. Tonya
    November 5, 2010 | 6:30 pm

    sounds pretty superficial to me. thanks for visiting my blog :)

  95. Busy Working Mama
    November 5, 2010 | 6:33 pm

    Holy mother mary of god this will never be me. EVER. Actually I'm all pissed b/c Adam's (hubby) family is moving their thanksgiving from the actual Thanksgiving to the saturday before because of a soccer game their kids have. REALLY?! a fucking (excuse me, should i say fucken?) soccer game? Last night I was lecturing Adam about how I will NEVER plan MY life around my child (and you know I love love love my child, probably spoil her disgustingly but still, there are limits) and he said…"but what if she has an important tournament?" Um…what the hell is so important about a 10 year old playing soccer that I have to go to Thanksgiving on a non-Thanksgiving day?!?!

    Phew. I need a drink. TGIF!

  96. JoJo
    November 5, 2010 | 6:43 pm

    Oh gosh those mama's are insane, but at least we can entertain ourselves with out stupidity.

    Oh and I agree little Madison should not get the dance solo with a broken foot. WTF?! It's like having a surgeon with a broken hand.

  97. K
    November 5, 2010 | 7:02 pm

    I was dissapointed about the balloon modelling class not being real as that sounds like fun.
    Mum talk is another planet to me. Thankfully these women tend to ignore me a I am a middle aged woman with no children. Mums like that think women who don't have children are the work of Satan.

  98. Sparkling
    November 5, 2010 | 8:14 pm

    Let me take it one step further. I used to put on a variety show. One year, there was a little girl dancing. With her leg in a cast and crutches!!! Dancing on the stage! With crutches! I know the show must go on, but not when you're ummmmm 10 and the show is ummmmm a local variety show. What is with parents???????

  99. Pamela
    November 5, 2010 | 10:20 pm

    Wow, holy scrolling to leave a comment! Look at you – Miss Popular! It's nice to see that we're all in the same boat & want to bitch-slap those moms, though. That truly gives me comfort.

  100. Holly
    November 6, 2010 | 12:21 am

    OMG!!! Can you say child NEGLECT?? Oh yeah… I know… They have NO EXISTENCE without living THROUGH them… but to push the poor child into that kind of pain without allowing her time to HEAL??? The dance TEACHER should pull that mom aside and tell her the daughter is welcome to come and watch… trying to absorb the routine mentally, but she has to HEAL and have a doctor's note before she can PARTICIPATE!!!! GAH!!!

    I'd have had to leave sooner… or change my child to a new studio after I was done! BAHAHA!! ;p

  101. Ami
    November 6, 2010 | 1:33 am

    Oh. My. God.

    I can't even imagine.

  102. Rayna M. Iyer
    November 6, 2010 | 5:30 am

    I would have found it hilarious, if I did not know such mothers do exist. Gross.

    And, they do it every day. Makes you almost feel sorry for them.

  103. koralee
    November 6, 2010 | 10:48 am

    Oh dear…I soooo understand…my daugher has been dancing for years and year…I never go wait for her..the bunch of dance moms at our dance studio have nothing nice to say about anyone….really it is soooo sad.

  104. Pam
    November 6, 2010 | 11:42 am

    Brilliant! Been there, done that too, though I forgot to bring my textbook weapon. Well written.

  105. Unknown Mami
    November 6, 2010 | 4:19 pm


    I totally understand. Please smack me if you ever hear me going on like that. I have a "friend" that bores me with the minutia of her child's life. I zone out. She never even notices.

  106. Kelley
    November 6, 2010 | 4:43 pm

    For some reason, this reminds me of my small talk quiz that you took last week. I can see now why you opted to ingest lethal toxins… Those ladies are anooyyyyyyying!

  107. Semi-Slacker Mom
    November 6, 2010 | 7:34 pm

    You are lying! I guess that's why I drop my kid off & leave.

    But I do know a momma that left her kid that at major surgery to repair a broken leg & still walking with a limp at a roller-skating party. I'm glad I wasn't in charge of that one.

  108. Snuggle Wasteland
    November 6, 2010 | 10:16 pm

    Ugh. I can't stand those types. Thank God my kids stopped playing sports after one miserable season. Sitting through practice and games with the moms was painful for me.

  109. Tina
    November 6, 2010 | 10:59 pm

    OMG that reminds me of sitting on the sidelines of soccer practice – and why I only did it for one year.

    Those bitches need a slap upside the head – perhaps it could knock it out of their ass.

  110. Annette
    November 7, 2010 | 12:06 am

    Thanks for visiting and following my blog–you are absolutely hilarious! Yes, there's a reason why kids grow up now-a-days feeling entitled like the whole world owes them something. Yes, that entitlement comes from parents like these who seem to think their child deserves, oh I don't know, perhaps dance solos even when their foot is broken. (Give me a break!) I'm happily following!

  111. Myya
    November 7, 2010 | 3:36 am

    Ok so I am a chatter & will chat about whatever to pretty much anyone but SERIOUSLY WTF with these moms. They are ladies who are going to shrivel up & die when they don't have anyone to "take care of". Their poor husbands, can you imagine how boring they must be in bed!

  112. brainella
    November 7, 2010 | 8:24 am

    I know these whack-job mothers exist but I never seem to find them. I'm sure it is because our son is completely uninterested in playing sports or other activities. And let me just say, I pretty much refuse to force it on him.

    I understand that I'm a bad parent. It's all good. :)

  113. karensomethingorother
    November 7, 2010 | 12:09 pm

    holy crap! If I'd been there, I'd have been dying, inch by inch, minute by minute. I'm going to make a broad, unfair, sweeping statement and say that most of the (other) stay-at-home moms I've encountered are so caught up in their own minutiae, you CAN'T have a decent conversation with them. That makes me sound like an arrogant prick, but so be it.

    Loved the bit about how the poor kid should be hopping around on her broken foot. Honestly…

  114. A girl needs 2 Talk
    November 7, 2010 | 6:54 pm

    I'm probably going to bad-mouth too. iphone??? She's a freaking kid, right?

  115. MommaKiss
    November 7, 2010 | 9:16 pm

    clucking hens.

    that's what i call them.

  116. Marla
    November 7, 2010 | 10:41 pm

    Yeah, this is the scary stuff that makes my stomach hurt. Please, next time, apply the book to the back of some heads "accidentally."

  117. Gina
    November 9, 2010 | 3:29 am

    I would have thought that because their brains are clearly located in their arses they would have adequate padding to keep self same arses warm. Oh, on second thoughts being as how their brains are probably on the smaller side maybe not…..

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