Yesterday was a good day.
A very good day.
So good in fact that I feel compelled to blame my sudden and very enjoyable endorphin rush for my wacky, sometimes inappropriate behaviour… I know you’re finding it hard to believe I ever exhibit inappropriate behaviour…
By mid-morning, I came to the very thrilling realization that the most difficult course of my nursing program is one lecture away from being complete…cue to the sound of angels singing “Hallelujah!”
And then, when I didn’t think I could get any happier, I got through my nursing skill lab, a classroom that sort of looks like this…
Image from http://www.nicholls.edu/nursing/facilities/
…in which the students can practice necessary and relevant procedures on a dummy, affectionately referred to as Jake.
In my hands, Jake usually dies.
Either from a medication overdose, asphixiation due to inadequate oxygen levels, infection due to unsterile catheterization techniques, and/or neglect.
And quite frankly, inserting a tube into a plastic penis freaks me out.
But this week, Jake lived!
With the help of my classmate, we zipped through each bedside scenario and saved the life of each and every Jake…
…well, with the exception of that one in which we had to insert the oral tracheal tube.
But that Jake had a big-ass tongue, and there was no way to delicately shove that trach in there.
So as I’m getting ready to leave the classroom, I am feeling TERRIFIC.
I mean I’m feeling so good, my stomach is fluttering with excitement and my face is flushed with pleasure.
Kind of like orgasm pleasure, minus the mess.
As I’m bouncing towards the door, I bump into one of my classmates, and due to my euphoria, my brain-to-mouth-filter temporarily misfires, and instead of saying, “I’m sorry!” I say, “You have really great tits!”
Well, she does.
Don’t worry though, I didn’t say it in a creepy way.
I was smiling kindly.
The girl, although slightly shaken, manages a quiet, “..ummm…you too!”
I don’t, though.
She was just being nice.
I flitter over to my next class, (the one that is one lecture away from being finito!) and listen attentively to the teacher explaining causes of urinary tract infections.
This particular teacher never minces her words, and so, to further reinforce the complications associated with a UTI, says, “Remember ladies, wipe front to back, front to back.”
Front to back front to back…
Well, that’s all I needed to send me over the edge of joyful madness.
I burst out laughing.
I mean, clenching-my-sides-tears-rolling-down-my-face-I’m-having-the-time-of-my-life-here-bring-me-another-vodka-rocks laughter.
But nobody else is laughing.
Finally, my girlfriend Jen who is sitting next to me, says, “Wow…you really are in a good mood. I like it.”
So I may now be labelled as the weird girl who laughs at references involving E.coli travelling from anus to urinary tract due to improper wiping technique.
But it seems, I’m more likable this way.
I can handle that.