There’s been this blog topic floating around these past few days, and try as I might to ignore it because I’d much rather write about complete and utter nonsense I felt it important to tackle this one.
So without further ado, if I had the opportunity, here is what I would say to my 16 year old self.
- Stop wearing the leg-warmers. You are not, nor will you ever be Madonna, or that chic from Flashdance.
- And while you’re at it, stop wearing 87 bracelets and 93 sets of fake pearls around your neck. Again, you’re far from being like a virgin, so quit pretending.
- Eat. Eat whatever you want. Stop stressing over calories and fat grams. And for the love of everything that tastes good, stop drinking Tab.
- You love anything that keeps you active. So here’s a great idea for your future: find a career that allows you to continue being active, ie. trainer, coach, phys.ed teacher. You may think you have all the time in the world, but believe me when I say that you won’t feel comfortable in the Faculty of Kinesiology, sweating right alongside the 20 year olds when you’re in your forties. You just won’t.
Pic from trainwithlucas.com
- The boy with the bright blue eyes that you pursued for
many many yearsa long time, well, you never end up with him. So save your dignity, and quit stalkingcalling him. Nobody thinks desperation is attractive, not even in a wet tshirt.
No, this is not the guy with the bright blue eyes.
; But I couldn’t get this guy either.
- Here’s a heads-up for you: in about 10 years you will walk into a bar in a small military town, and meet a guy who looks like he’s a lot of fun, but has, in fact, the IQ of a cumquat. Turn around. And run.
Pic from gundowringfinefoods.com.au
- Never ever lose touch with your best friend. In the even that you are too much of an idiot to take heed of my advice and run for your life when you meet cumquat guy, you will end up marrying him, and as a result, be very miserable. Your best friend would make the entire ordeal a whole lot more bearable. And failing to make it more bearable, you could always count on her to liven things up. Just make sure you have a wine bottle, cumquat guy, and her in the same room. She will either drink the wine with you, or test its resonance on the top of cumquat guy’s head.
- Now go out, have a great life, and remember: wearing panties is always a good idea.