I had my orientation session for the hospital rotation I’ll be doing for my nursing program.
I met my “boss” and she spent the day showing us around, telling us what to expect in the next eight weeks. Take a look at some of the “talks” I was having with myself from the time I awoke until the end of the orientation session.

God, it’s so early, I’m so tired. I don’t think I slept a wink again…

Cheerios cheer me up. That must be why they call them Cheerios. ‘Cause they cheer…you up…I’m so smart.

Oh look, the other girls have already arrived. They’re all so young. And I’m so…married with four kids. The educator is either going to respect the fact that I have children, or she’ll be all like, “Oh this one is going to think she knows it all just because she has four kids!” like my educator from last term.

Great. We have to give a blurb about ourselves…do I mention the kids or pretend I just graduated from high school? what? you think I couldn’t pull it off?

She likes that I have kids! Phew!

I’m so tired. I wonder how many more sleepless nights I need to have before I start hallucinating unicorns?

This educator is so nice. I’ve never had such a nice one. This one actually wants to teach us…

She has got some big-ass nostrils. I bet she could stick two pencils in each one…

…focus focus…she’s talking about very important stuff here.

Oh. Now she’s talking about IV medications. I suck at IV medications. This is why I shouldn’t be a nurse. I don’t want to administer IV meds.

That’s just stupid. You don’t have to get a job anywhere near IV meds when you graduate. You could…you could…

Why are my kids calling me?

I can’t believe they called me to tell me they were fighting over cheese.

This educator is so nice. She’s actually having lunch with us.

Must not look at her nostrils…must stare into her eyes…

Why is that girl telling us that she’s going to the gym after this? Is that a challenge? ‘Cause I will so go to the gym too chickie, and I’ll kick your little teenybobber ass all over the place!…

man I’m competitive. Why does the word ‘gym’ trigger feelings of violence within me. I don’t have to be the fittest in the land…

Yes, yes I do.

I wonder if I could get a job as Cinderella at Disneyworld. I’d look great in the blonde chignon.

Those babies are cute. What if I get that same urge I had when I did the maternity rotation to take one of them home with me and go on the lamb?

Would Wayne come with me?

Would the kids enjoy living on the run?

We’re being told what to expect tomorrow.

Ok. I think I can stick around for the next 8 weeks.

Who knows. Maybe I’ll be the best at giving IV meds. I’ll be like the Queen of the IVs!

…why does everything have to be a competition with you…?

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56 Responses to Self-talk
  1. Matty
    October 1, 2010 | 12:13 am

    Oh my goodness. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought I was inside my wife's mind. Her thoughts go a mile a minute and cover everything under the sun.

  2. Christina
    October 1, 2010 | 12:25 am

    The gym makes me violent too. It's like a dirty four letter word… minus one of course. :)

  3. Donda
    October 1, 2010 | 12:33 am

    That sounded a tad like my racing thoughts. All in all sounded like a pretty fun day!

  4. Pragmatic Spector
    October 1, 2010 | 12:41 am

    Haha that's so cute. I love the nostrils part.. that must be one of those things that are so strange to see but you can't stop looking because you can't believe something like that is possible

  5. BeMistified
    October 1, 2010 | 1:07 am

    I laughed at the nostrils thought. I am very competitive too, especially when it is someone younger than I am.

  6. Jennie @ Modern Mamaz
    October 1, 2010 | 1:31 am

    I'm wondering… did you know how random your thoughts were prior to having a blog? I thought I made perfect sense until I started writing thoughts down in the order they entered my head. Now, I get to question my own sanity every morning over coffee.

  7. Sara Louise
    October 1, 2010 | 1:39 am

    The Cheerios thought just kills me!! Too funny!

  8. The Girlie Blog
    October 1, 2010 | 3:15 am

    Hang in there! I think it's wonderful you are going into a new career. Shows the rest of us that anyone can do anything they put their mind to.

  9. Julianna
    October 1, 2010 | 7:04 am

    My cousin was "Esmerelda" at disney world for years. There's a dark side to character acting my friend. A VERY dark side. :) It was weird though to be looking through someone's vacation photos with their kids and see my cousin. Especially when we didn't know that's the job she had there.

    Just imagine the IV is filled with Vodka… that'll help. -J

  10. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    October 1, 2010 | 7:41 am

    You had 4 kids; Yes, you do know it all.
    If you get in as Cinderella can you give a recommendation for me as Sleeping Beauty? I can pull that off. I'll be laying down and all the wrinkles will flatten out.

  11. Mamma has spoken
    October 1, 2010 | 7:44 am

    Randomness at it's finest. Good job, good job! Especially when you should have been listening to the instructor. But honestly, I would have been doing the same thing :o /

  12. Just Plain Tired
    October 1, 2010 | 7:50 am

    I usually wait until I'm trying to sleep to have my brain click into overdrive like this. Maybe that's why I'm "just plain tired." :)

  13. Jill
    October 1, 2010 | 8:38 am

    Big ass nostrils? LOL! Everything's a competition with me too. Best of luck with your rotation!! Very proud of you.

  14. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    October 1, 2010 | 9:14 am

    Glad that I'm not the only one to have these conversations with herself. Once you notice things like big ass nostrils it is so hard to stay focused. You know who else has big ass nostrils…that chick from the biggest loser. She flares hers.

  15. Pamela
    October 1, 2010 | 9:29 am

    See, now I'm all self-conscious about my nostrils. They're a tad on the big side lol! I do envy your competitive nature though – it gives you drive. I would have been like, the gym? No, thanks, you go knock yourself out honey, I'll just curl up on the sofa & catch up on my Oprah;)

  16. Holly Ruggiero, Southpaw
    October 1, 2010 | 9:32 am

    A week and a half. That's how long before you start to see unicorns.

  17. ChiTown Girl
    October 1, 2010 | 9:39 am

    Bwah hahaha!! It's so sweet of you to let us into your head for these private conversations. :)

  18. Big Fat Gini
    October 1, 2010 | 10:06 am

    Ha! I thought I was the only one who ever did that!

  19. Doc
    October 1, 2010 | 10:19 am

    Wheew, the nostrils would get me too!

  20. MissEmy
    October 1, 2010 | 11:00 am

    LOL – that was funny, Sandra. I always hate it when the mind wanders and I know I'll need to know this stuff! It happens often when my mom is telling me how to do something. Not good!

  21. Jeanie
    October 1, 2010 | 11:06 am

    I hate it when someone says they are going to the gym…or maybe I just hate them because they are going….or maybe I hate myself because I'm not going. I really hate it the most if they are younger than I am, or if they are older than I am.

  22. Katy
    October 1, 2010 | 11:55 am

    Awesome. Oh how the mind does wonder.

  23. Jennifer Juniper
    October 1, 2010 | 12:07 pm

    LMFAO.. I love your inner monologue.

  24. Bouncin' Barb
    October 1, 2010 | 12:08 pm

    This was great. Glad I'm not the only one who talks to herself in her head. You'll make a great nurse I'm sure.

  25. Chandra
    October 1, 2010 | 12:27 pm

    I'm starting to see a trend here…Big nostrils…Big boobs, LOL!

    You need to walk in there and show the younins' how it's done!!

  26. Monkey Man
    October 1, 2010 | 12:59 pm

    It must be very busy inside that noggin of yours. You can carry on those conversations AND take notes in class? Best stop putting so much sugar on your Cheerios.

  27. Julie
    October 1, 2010 | 1:43 pm

    please do more of these posts. i love them. especially when you start poking people in the arm to try and get their iv lines going!

  28. SoccerMom
    October 1, 2010 | 2:40 pm

    Ha Ha Cheerios ! Love it!

  29. Kristy
    October 1, 2010 | 3:25 pm

    A co-worker and I joke with each other about our distractability in our thought processes. We shout at each other, "Squirrel!"

  30. Kristina P.
    October 1, 2010 | 4:33 pm

    I know some heroin addicts who can help you with your IV skills.

  31. Cinner
    October 1, 2010 | 4:47 pm

    Hi I loved your post, were you inside my head….lots of times I think where did that come from,,,I hope you get some sleep. I have a feeling you will be Queen of the class. hope it goes well. take care.

  32. ModernMom
    October 1, 2010 | 7:35 pm

    Bwhaha I love this. Good thing she didn't have anything in her teeth you wouldn't have heard anything she said:)

  33. SkippyMom
    October 1, 2010 | 7:57 pm

    If you are anything like the nurse that used to visit me in Apr/May that brought me Dilaudid every four hours to control my pain then you will just fine as people will worship you, agree to bear your next four children and pay your mortgage until Ed McMahon shows up [which will be forever because he is dead].

    Seriously – IV meds are a gift and you will do just fine. Really the only IV med nurse I threw sh*t was the one who came to flush my line. Hated her.

    [See? We ALL have random thoughts]

  34. Busy Working Mama
    October 1, 2010 | 8:28 pm

    Yeah, the nostrils would have freaked me out. Nothing wrong with a little healthy competition. Can you motivate me to actually WORK at the gym? Cuz all I do is walk or bike and read a book. I figure this way I'm killing two birds with one stone…or something like that. Speaking of which I need to get off the computer and go kick Adam's ass at Boggle. TGIF!

  35. FeliciaE
    October 1, 2010 | 8:51 pm

    All I can picture is some lady in a lab coat with glasses and pencils coming out her nose giving a lecture on proper IV procedures.

    Are you a gemini? Because your brain goes 90 to nothing like mine does.

  36. Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy
    October 1, 2010 | 11:28 pm

    I read this post tonight when I was walking on the treadmill. Had to laugh, because I have entire conversations with myself like this! :)

    Glad it sounds like she's a better fit as an instructor than the last one!

  37. ThePittsofBeingPeachy
    October 1, 2010 | 11:29 pm

    ok, so I see some super common traits between us. I wont list them all here and divulge our secret identities. but I think we are sisters. if that's the case awesome I will go ahead and shake the grinch link wench step sister I have been tolerating for 30 years. just let me know. My dad traveled A LOT. just sayin.

  38. A girl needs 2 Talk
    October 1, 2010 | 11:45 pm

    I love how unbelievably entertaining you are! AND yes! you are going to be the queen of IVs!!!

  39. Brenda Susan
    October 2, 2010 | 1:47 am

    Hi Sandra, thanx for coming by and leaving a comment! I love your blog and will be your newest "Follower"!
    The blog title and cartoon at the top got me right away, I knew I'd love it!

  40. Patricia ~ The Naked Writer
    October 2, 2010 | 3:52 am

    To answer your question…it's nine..precisely nine consecutive sleepless nights until you start hallucinating Unicorns and on the 10th day everything you see will be animated out of playdoh…oops I spoiled the surprise.
    Oh and thanks for the laugh about the cheerios! They make me cheery too but not because of the name, because of the rediculous amounts of gas they give me and well as you know farts make me laugh :o ) what a great way to start off the day!
    i liked reading your thoughts…um one question though, did you write down your thoughts or do you have super duper strength memory…i think it would be funny if you were totally not paying attention and then writing about how big her nostrils were and she happened to see it …maybe not funny for you, but funny for me, your #1 fan
    have a great day

  41. Opto-Mom
    October 2, 2010 | 5:33 am

    Teach them whippersnappers how to rock the IV's! You can DO it! (That last part was in my Rob-Schneider-in-The-Water-Boy voice.)

  42. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    October 2, 2010 | 6:59 am

    I work in a hospital and every time I see a mom being wheeled out with her newborn I want to take the baby and run. I'm not sure why. Newborns are total hell and I have a perfectly adorable 6 mo old at home. They are just so tiny!

  43. Deborah
    October 2, 2010 | 9:17 am

    "Must not look at her nostrils…"


    Once you see it you can't unsee it! LOLOL!

  44. Widow_Lady302
    October 2, 2010 | 10:36 am

    I LOVE your Blog!!! This totally IS my cup of tea!! I know my blog is pretty serious, but I follow a lot of humor blogs like this!! Heck I even guest post for Ron Reed's blog "If I had a blog" which is humor!! Thank you so much for stumbling into my "home"…when I followed you back I found out I wanted to be a squater! LOL <3 Followed you little lady, this is good stuff!

  45. kel
    October 2, 2010 | 1:28 pm

    I love the nostrils comment.. I am always fascinated by how many people have lopsided nostrils.

  46. Leila Ellice
    October 2, 2010 | 2:19 pm

    lol, sounds like such a really good day!! :)

    i think you should of taken the cute baby(ies) :) ))

  47. Jersey Diva Mom
    October 2, 2010 | 8:13 pm

    You'll be the hottest blonde-chignon wearing IV pro in the place!

  48. Little Ms.Average
    October 3, 2010 | 8:59 am

    Seriously, I thought I was inside my own head. I do it so much I can swear I have talked to someone about it, but nobody knows what I am talking about. Then I just figure I was probably talking to myself.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog. Its nice to know there are others other there like me :)

  49. Tooje
    October 3, 2010 | 9:02 am

    I always think it'd be a good idea to follow my thoughts when I'm supposed to be in a meeting one day, but my memory sucks. I'd try and put them in a line in my head…visualizing the silly thoughts…but nothing works. I could pretend to be taking notes I suppose, and writing these thoughts down. But then I worry…what if someone missed a part and asks to see my notes so they can figure out what part of the meeting they missed???

    You did much better than I ever would.

    And as for the girl heading to the gym…why did she feel the need to tell you that in the first place? So she looked good? She would totally deserve her ass kicked just for bragging.

  50. tulpen
    October 3, 2010 | 9:46 am

    brings me back to my hospital clinical rotation.

    It took me a while, but I got used to IVs. They're not my favorite though. Needles are. Yup. LOVE giving shots.

    We're giving flu shots this week. Can't. Freaking. Wait.

  51. Kmama
    October 3, 2010 | 10:39 am

    Ha!! This was so funny. I'm very competitive too, and I let things like big nostrils distract me all the time.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my panic post.

  52. Mama Zen
    October 3, 2010 | 1:18 pm

    Oh, this is hilarious!

  53. HulaBuns
    October 3, 2010 | 2:32 pm

    Hahahaha! Too funny! 2 things: 1) My hubby has large nostrils – he can actually fit medium size black olives in them (probably TMI, but I felt you should know) and 2) I believe the girl who mentioned going to the gym afterwards WAS initiating a challenge, at least I'm with you and would've taken it that way also. lol

  54. nitebyrd
    October 3, 2010 | 2:35 pm

    You're so freakin' scary sometimes!

    I do believe that having four kids and a husband will make you a better nurse. Really!

  55. Cassie
    October 4, 2010 | 4:08 pm

    I truly love the way your mind works.

  56. Mama Kayla
    October 11, 2010 | 2:27 pm

    hahaha!! Thanks for giving me a good laugh today. I am like this at clinical nearly EVERY single day. Nursing school SUCKS (but I guess it's necessary…) :-) Thanks for visiting my blog.

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