So I was getting my
long, lustrous hair done yesterday.
My hair is so frizzy, that occasionally, I get a relaxer put in.
The place where I go, which can’t even be qualified as a salon because it’s part store where people can buy wigs and African-American cultural films, part little area where you sit and hair stylists, and I use the word loosely, do style your hair, but with such a lackadaisical attitude, that a fifteen minute hair straightening session will take 1 hour and 10 minutes.
Why do I keep going to this place?
Because I love the atmosphere.
In this salon I can find the most authentic people and the most honest conversation.
I don’t have to worry that I’ll bump into “those” women who are made up from head to toe in jewels, waving their perfectly sculpted gel nails in my face, talking to me with their perfectly botoxed faces and recently plumped upper lip, asking me which private school my kids attend.
I guess that sort of makes me a reverse snob.
Or white trash.
In this “salon,” the tv is always on, the ladies are watching The Price is Right or The Young and The Restless, and they’re commenting; their thick Caribean and Nigerian accents arguing over what the real price of the Rice-a-Roni is or who Victor Newman is going to boink this week.
I love it here.
So yesterday, the tv was on, and the ladies were watching The View. It must have been a repeat because Whoopi announces that the Duggars are expecting their 19th child.
So my ladies are like, “Nineteen? She’s already had her nineteenth.”
Well, it just so happens that the only other person sitting in this area is one of “those” ladies, getting a blonde weave put into her hair, waving her perfectly sculpted gel nail at her stylist, commanding her to “Make sure you straighten my hair when you’re done. The other girl” -and she gestures with her perfectly botoxed head to my stylist- “that one over there, she always straightens it.”
At the mention of Michelle Duggar, snotbag lady pipes up, “That’s disgusting! Nineteen kids…”
Normally I wouldn’t even comment. I know that people have conflicting opinions regarding the Duggars.
From what I have seen on tv (and again, I know it’s tv, which is why I can’t say for sure exactly how I feel,) but from what I have seen, the Duggars are doing a great job.
This isn’t the Octomom we’re talking about.
And really, with that many kids, Michelle Duggar would never have to do the dishes.
I am both admiring and jealous of her.
But snotbag lady is irritating and rude, so it’s up to me to
save the day shed some light on the matter, so I say, “Why do you say that’s disgusting? It’s not like you’re giving birth to these children. You aren’t the one raising them.”
Snotbag lady has now swivelled her chair in such a way that she is no longer facing me.
I don’t stop though.
Now it’s fun because snotbag lady is just a mouthpiece and can’t even have a discussion about something that people discuss all the time.
Come on! People either love or hate the Duggars.
The stylists start up though. One thinks that the girls in the family shouldn’t wear skirts all the time, to which the other lady explains that it’s their religion. Then the one lady comments that 19 kids would be so hard on Michelle’s body, to which the other lady replies that she looks good for a woman who has had 19 kids.
Snotbag lady is still saying nothing.
And even though I can’t see her face, I can see smoke coming out of her very red ears.
Of course, I could have just sat there and watched The View quietly, while the stylists continued to discuss Michelle Duggar’s uterus.
Instead, I pipe up: “Have you guys seen that new show on TLC? Sister Wives?”
“Sister Wives? What is that?” they both ask.
Snotbag lady does not turn around but her shoulders shoot up around her ears.
I’m sure if she could have extricated her arms from under her cape, she would have plugged her fingers into her ears and started singing, “I can’t hear you! I can’t hear you!”
I say, “Sister Wives is about a guy married to four wives. They all live in the same house. It’s quite a terrific arrangement.” giggle giggle
The stylists start bantering about Kody Brown, and about this one African lady they know who is in a polygamist marriage, and said lady loves it.
The one stylist says, “She thinks it’s great that she doesn’t have to have him in her bed every night. You know, he can climb on one of the other wives.”
At this point, snotbag lady has enfolded herself into a little ball on the styling chair, hiding under the cape.
That’ll teach you snotbag lady!
Stay off my turf.