I want me one of those!

A new show has begun airing on TLC.
It’s called “Sister Wives.”

                                             pic courtesy of Google…I don’t actually know these people…

The premise of this reality show is the trials and tribulations of being a polygamist family.
Actually, that’s not even true. Other than the fact that society disapproves of the polygamist lifestyle and the people featured on the show have to accept criticism for their choices, these guys are not bellyaching one bit about their decision.
In fact, they are very happy.

Sister wives is the term attributed to wives who share the same husband.
In this particular situation, said husband is Kody Brown. And he has three wives.

Oh I know most of you out there started rolling your eyes to the heavens at the mere mention of the word “polygamist” and the only reason you have continued to read is because you are curious to see where I’m going with this.

I’ll tell you where I’m going: I’m going to find my husband another fucken wife!

These polygamists have the right idea.
Because really, who wouldn’t want a wife?
I want a wife!

In “Sister Wives,” the wives are very honest about this. One of the wives works outside of the home. She admits that she prefers being at work than being a homemaker. By having other wives on the home front, she’s free to pursue her career, and she knows her kids are being cared for. For free!
It’s free fucken childcare!

One of the wives is back in school getting her degree in psychology.

And of course, one wife is quite content to stay at home and take care of the children. So everybody has a role.

So based on this, I figure, I need to find Wayne a minimum three wives.

I need one who will wake up with the kids in the morning so I can catch up on my sleep from my late nights of blogging.
This wife can stay home and take care of all menial chores. And she can be home for the kids when they come back from school, awaiting their return with cupcakes and home-made cookies, because if there’s a wife at home all day, we aren’t going to be eating any of that processed shit. Only organic and home-made meals for us from now on!

I need one who will be on stand-by for those nights when one of the kids is sick with the stomach flu. She can pat their backs while they vomit and change their sheets when they’ve missed the trash can.
She can be the one running to them when they start coughing in the middle of the night.
She better run fast though, because I’m a light sleeper, and I’d hate to be awakened.
Anything that goes on after 11pm is hers.
Oh, don’t feel sorry for her. It’s not like she’ll never get to sleep.
She can sleep during the day while the homemaker wife is on duty.

The third wife would have a job at a multi-million dollar corporation, and she would be very generous with her income. She would buy me a nice shiny new car. Maybe a BMW or a Jag. Maybe both. You know, in case I get bored of one.

I’m sure the guys watching “Sister Wives” think that Kody Brown has it made. The dude rotates beds every night. Has sex with three different women.
What in the world could he possibly have to complain about, right?
He’s like a rockstar.

Well, when I mentioned to Wayne about the perks of having a few extra wives, his comment: “Why? So I can have more people nagging me? One is enough.”


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76 Responses to I want me one of those!
  1. Pamela
    October 6, 2010 | 3:17 pm

    Dude, I'm all over the sister wives thing…. Think of all the rest we'd have and hello??? The bed to ourselves MOST of the time? Bonus!

  2. SkippyMom
    October 6, 2010 | 3:19 pm

    Sounds like something Pooldad would say.

    Although I don't think I like the idea of sister wives. Give me a couple of brother husbands and I would be good to go. [Especially the ones that like laundry, kids and kitchen duty] I need eye candy.

  3. Jumble Mash
    October 6, 2010 | 3:21 pm

    I've never looked at it like that before!! Good point! I think I'll find myself a wife or two. Boyfriend can't have any though..I'm too selfish for that.

  4. Another Day of Crazy
    October 6, 2010 | 3:22 pm

    Ooh! Can I have three husbands instead? One can stay home to take care of the kids, one can be the handyman/masseuse, and one can work so I have income to spend. :)

    On the other hand… Wayne has a point. One is more than enough.

  5. twelvedaysold
    October 6, 2010 | 3:23 pm

    I only have one thing to say.

    Why isn't that guy wearing a wedding ring? You think with three wives someone would have already yelled at him for not wearing his ring so other women would know he was taken.

    Oh, wait…

  6. The Zany Housewife
    October 6, 2010 | 3:26 pm

    Ooh I like what Skippy Mom said about brother husbands. They all have to be hunky eye candy in tight jeans and white tees. So when hubby number one is too tired to continue, I have back-up. Hubba hubba bring on the housemen.

  7. Ali@LastSplash
    October 6, 2010 | 3:36 pm

    Love it! I was surprisingly intrigued when I watched the show and thought the same…wow…how much easier would life be?

    But of course, your post was much more hilarious/eloquent than I could have put it!

  8. BeMistified
    October 6, 2010 | 3:37 pm

    <—- From Utah and it is so funny when I tell people that. The first thing out of their mouths is, "Are you Mormon?" and "How many sister-wives do you have." This was WAY before this show even came to be. The thing is, they may seem happy, but watching the show and their body language, they are clearly not happy. They admit there is jealousy, which does not bring happiness. Religious beliefs are just that, beliefs. They chose to live this way, and there is nothing wrong with that in my book. The number of kids though?! No wonder why there are so many wives. Haha!

  9. Kristina P.
    October 6, 2010 | 3:38 pm

    I know people think that Mormons would look at this as old hat, but we haven't practiced polygamy in over 100 years. It was intriguing!

    You will be very jealous to know that they live about 20 minutes away from me, and I have their address. Taking a field trip next week!

    Oh, and honestly, they seem happy and well adjusted. They were all adults when they got married. Can't really fault them.

  10. Mighty M
    October 6, 2010 | 3:42 pm

    Superb post – I think we all our hubby's ought to get an extra wife or two – why didn't the majority of us think of this sooner?? :)

  11. Jill
    October 6, 2010 | 3:48 pm

    I find it revolting and Wayne's response is brilliant! You gotta give him that…

  12. Holly Diane
    October 6, 2010 | 3:49 pm

    I am loving this new show..not a life choice I'd make but I think if it works for them…more power to them!! :) The kids all seem very healthy and happy and they are supporting themselves..Looking forward to seeing how wife number four will fit into the already made family.

  13. Canadianbloggergirl
    October 6, 2010 | 3:50 pm

    LOL! Love your hubby's comment!

    The idea of more wives in the house hold for tasks you do not wish to do yourself would be nice….

    But I couldn't share my hubby's sexual desires with other women. I'm not the jealous type, but no other woman is going to sleep with my hubby!

    But someone else to bring in the bacon while hubby and I travelled the world would be nice…….maybe……nope. Just couldn't share the bedroom!

    Thanks for the compliment on my new button. She is quite sexy isn't she…lol

  14. Anita @ GoingALittleCoastal
    October 6, 2010 | 3:53 pm

    I'm with Skippy, I would like a couple of spare hubbys. One who is a carpenter and builds me all sorts of things. And one who likes to cook and clean. So, I'm good with 2 extras. My kids are older and really don't need tending to, just always want money. So, someone needs to bring in the big bucks.

    I'd like to see this guy when he hits his 50's and his libido takes a nose dive. Right when all the women hit their peaks. Yeah, that will be a fun household, let him try to keep up with that.

    I forgot to tell you. You got a shout out the other day over at my blog.

  15. Joann Mannix
    October 6, 2010 | 3:53 pm

    First of all, that guy and his big blow dried poof of hair makes me want to puke. And of course, he's in love, again. He's having a freakin' polygamous mid life crisis with his big hair. The new wife is 31. 31.

    And I totally see some big time jealousy behind their words of, "We're one, big happy family." Not.

    Having said that, if I could write all day and have all those other lovely ladies taking care of the rest of the nonsense, I might just be able to put up with big hair.

  16. Molly Malone
    October 6, 2010 | 3:57 pm

    Hot damn! I don't generally go for females, but would be happy to marry a couple just to help me keep my finances on track and my dogs in line…

  17. Ashley Sisk
    October 6, 2010 | 3:59 pm

    I think you're on to something…this post made me laugh so hard – quite funny!

  18. Amanda
    October 6, 2010 | 4:04 pm

    LMAO! I am OBSESSED with this stupid show. It's the most intriguing thing EVER. I'd totally love to have other women at my house to cook, clean, deal with the kids… but I don't like to share my husband. My husband is all into the show too…. makes me wonder if he's gonna bring a girl home.

    My friends in Utah found their address and drove out to their house and took a picture… they're stalkers. And I'm utterly jealous that I'm in Oregon and couldn't go along for the ride.

  19. joanna
    October 6, 2010 | 4:22 pm

    Don't forget the fourth wife who is on call 24/7 to answer to all of hubby's "needs." Not saying ALL the time, but sometimes a girl just wants to sleep! Although I suppose having all those other wives taking care of menial duties and childcare, it would leave more energy for gettin' frisky!

  20. Chandra
    October 6, 2010 | 4:30 pm

    I love the make believe one on HBO, BIG LOVE and I'm obsessed with it for sure so if this is the real deal then I need to start watching!

    You're onto something about getting you a sister wife. Husband: Honey how about a little something something tonight
    Wife#1: Nope, go see Wife#2 cause I've got a headache…man…you could use that excuse for, like, EVER!!! Sah-weet!

  21. Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli
    October 6, 2010 | 4:40 pm

    I hate to rain on the parade but I'm going to. 3 wives worth of children is like 1900 kids. That's a lot of mess and diapers and vomit and soccer games. No thanks. I'm out.

  22. CkretsGalore
    October 6, 2010 | 4:45 pm

    Oh fuck me, was that ever funny!

    I'm on the laptop on our long drive back to Calgary. This article gave me a good giggle after my realization of having to replace my brand new blackberry because I dropped it in the toilet.

    If I had a sister-wife, she would be the one going to pick me up a replacement phone.

  23. Julianna
    October 6, 2010 | 4:49 pm

    We'll talk more about this once I get the first husband… -J

  24. Together We Save
    October 6, 2010 | 5:05 pm

    Interesting but so not for me…

  25. Mr Monkey
    October 6, 2010 | 5:17 pm

    I agree with you on the sharing chores part & I only want one wife for the same reason your husband did. Yah I get everything 3X … no thanks but good luck to them. I grew up in a divorced / single parent situation & those kinds look like they are well loved and never alone or needing. Its not for me to judge…
    Mr Monkey

  26. Monkey Man
    October 6, 2010 | 5:20 pm

    Wayne's no stupid. Who wants three women ganging up on you? While you may think this is a great convenience for you, what about the first time Wayne say no to you and yes to newest hottie wife???? Who's crying now. Jeez.

  27. Pragmatic Spector
    October 6, 2010 | 5:24 pm

    Sandra may I ask you this ultimate caveat? What if the extra wifeys turn out to have their own ideas about not only their roles in the family, but YOUR role as well? What if they become more Type A than you? After that your house becomes a jungle of Amazons and your hubby will have to endure an inevitable mud wrestle…

  28. Bouncin' Barb
    October 6, 2010 | 5:27 pm

    Good idea Sandra. Make sure one of these wives is also trained in massage therapy and aesthetics so you can get a facial and massage at your disposal. You get top priority since you've been wife #1 the longest and did all the training. lol

  29. Mamma has spoken
    October 6, 2010 | 5:30 pm

    K, I'll throw this out there but really do you want a man who is doing the 'nasty' with another woman? Sure we can joke about it but in reality I am one jealous bitch. The idea of sloppy seconds just don't set well with my mind…
    Oh and can you imagine the sex talks between the 'sister wives'?
    "Well last night Kody did this to me and it was so wonderful."
    "What? he's never done that to me before and I asked him about it and he said he didn't like it that way."
    Nope don't want to ever go there with another woman….

  30. Kaci
    October 6, 2010 | 5:51 pm

    I like it!!! And I admit when I first watched the show I thought for sure it'd be a freak fest but was pleasantly surprised they were totally normal. =)

  31. Jewels
    October 6, 2010 | 6:14 pm

    Everytime I think of this show I think of the guy in my online dating experience I blogged about who was polyamorous. I know it's a different concept than polygamy…but still…I just don't think I can do it. I see the perks…but no thanks.

  32. Jennifer Juniper
    October 6, 2010 | 6:48 pm

    I was saying this exact thing today!! Or actually I just said that I want a wife. I don't really think Bean needs one so much. Because really wives aren't supposed to put out anyway, so its perfect. I can work full-time, she can work part-time and help me with the mountain of shit at home.

    Great minds, huh??

  33. Aging Mommy
    October 6, 2010 | 6:52 pm

    Wayne is definitely smart :-)

    I totally agree with you on the merits of sharing the duties of child rearing and home management but sharing my husband is the part I'd have trouble with. Maybe I can find a couple of Nuns or women sworn in some other way to chastity :-)

    Great post.

  34. JennyJenJen
    October 6, 2010 | 7:03 pm

    i will be your baking sister wife! :D

    ok but seriously.. one is getting her degree in PSYCHOLOGY!? sign me the fuck up for NEVER sitting on her couch.

  35. Buffee
    October 6, 2010 | 7:04 pm

    I watched the show, I love it!

    Sister wives though, it's like BFF's that sleep with your husband. No thanks!

  36. Snuggle Wasteland
    October 6, 2010 | 7:04 pm

    You are speaking my language. On my old blog I was always whining about looking for a sister wife.

  37. Nicole
    October 6, 2010 | 7:06 pm

    I want sister wives, too. Who wouldn't? But there's got to be some contractual shit going down. I need to be alpha wife, or head little woman. I'll need to consult a lawyer and get back to you on this one.

  38. Jo-anne (Blossy)
    October 6, 2010 | 8:45 pm

    I had to laugh at Wayne's response. I can't blame him on that one.

  39. Jessica
    October 6, 2010 | 9:22 pm

    I burn calories reading your blog b/c I'm laughing so hard. I'm laughing while I type!! My husband thinks I'm coo-coo now.

    I couldn't take it though. I'm way to jealous.

  40. Holly Ruggiero
    October 6, 2010 | 9:44 pm

    You got me I didn't see where you were going. I do see your point, but I think you need another one to lecture hubs too. ;)

  41. Portia
    October 6, 2010 | 10:09 pm

    I saw the first show and recorded the most recent one. Interesting concept and it seems to work for them. I'd say whatever floats yer boat as long as everyone is an adult and wants the lifestyle.

    I could use a sister wife to do the house cleaning, that's for sure!

  42. daniela
    October 6, 2010 | 11:54 pm

    I ALWAYS change the channel when this show's commercial comes on b/c frankly, i think it's horrific.

    But this point of view is amazing!! And Wayne's comeback was pretty epic LOL :)

  43. Holly
    October 7, 2010 | 12:08 am

    My husband says one is enough!! LOL!! Besides, I ain't sharin'!! If he's in the mood, I'M THERE!! He has no complaints… HAHA!!

    I do like the way your think , though! You know how to pull in the readers! ;p


  44. Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy
    October 7, 2010 | 1:26 am

    If I get another wife for my husband, I just need to make sure she's a neat freak. She can help me get out of this mess!

    I love when you tickle my funny bone with your words. Giggles are good. :)

  45. Matty
    October 7, 2010 | 5:28 am

    I think that I'll stay under the umbrella of wisdom, and watch what I say here. Being a husband and all.

  46. Doc
    October 7, 2010 | 6:50 am

    I could not deal with 3 wives… No way.

  47. Just Plain Tired
    October 7, 2010 | 7:15 am

    I dunno. I was married once to one woman. I can't imagine what 3 to 1 would've been like vs 1 to 1 ratio. I'm picturing 3 times the nagging, and stuff. ;)

  48. Farmers Wifey
    October 7, 2010 | 9:13 am

    That comment about nagging made me snort. But wouldn't it be great to have an extra wife to get the kids up for school and their lunches ready so yes I could stay in bed because it's now nearly midnight and I'm still blogging…..

  49. nitebyrd
    October 7, 2010 | 9:18 am

    I've always wanted a "wife" to do all the crap I hate. I never wanted another husband because one of THOSE is more than enough!

  50. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    October 7, 2010 | 9:26 am

    At first I thought "no, I'm too much of a control freak to share my precious chores" but now I'm starting to reconsider.
    Love your husbands comment, it sounds like something mine would say too!

  51. robertga99
    October 7, 2010 | 10:21 am

    Love your husbands comment…so funny!
    It does seem like kind of a good idea until you think about that. :) '

  52. Deborah
    October 7, 2010 | 10:21 am

    I watched this the other day when I was sick! I am fascinated!

    And creeped out. Yuck to that guy.

    Do any of ya'll watch 'Big Love'? Love that show.

  53. Helene
    October 7, 2010 | 1:05 pm

    LMAO…I could totally see my hubby saying the same thing. He would just see it as more people bitching at him to do endless household tasks.

  54. Katy
    October 7, 2010 | 3:52 pm

    As a single person I have to admit that your post makes me want a wife… I think the only question I would have for these Sister wives would be… "Why do you need a husband?"

  55. Jennie @ Modern Mamaz
    October 7, 2010 | 4:06 pm

    Wish I would have thought about this 5 years ago… I'd have asked for a surrogate wife. Damnit. Always one step behind on my game.

  56. Danielle
    October 7, 2010 | 4:22 pm

    I will be your gym/trainer wife. We can find a couple of side husbands for our off nights.

  57. Poppy
    October 7, 2010 | 4:54 pm

    I'm with Katy. No husband required. Get me a CEO wife, one to take care of the kids, and a rabbitt with extra batteries.

  58. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    October 7, 2010 | 7:11 pm

    This made me snort. That's a compliment.

  59. One Cluttered Brain
    October 8, 2010 | 1:37 am

    Seriously? lol. i so missed this show. I really wanted to catch it. Perhaps I will get it next week!
    Thanks for stopping by my place again to watch me…;) lol…

    Nice place you got here. I likey.

  60. RawknRobynsGoneBlogWild
    October 8, 2010 | 2:06 am

    You make some very good points, and who doesn't want a good wife? I'll just take the 3rd one you described (the one making millions).
    Cheers, and thanks for dropping by!

  61. Sara Louise
    October 8, 2010 | 4:28 am

    I see your point and I like it :-)

  62. ellen abbott
    October 8, 2010 | 9:13 am

    Oh yeah, I'm with you on that. though our kids are grown, we're looking for a spouse with a regular job (self employed artists need not apply) and great benefits. Husband or wife, we're not picky.

  63. Molly
    October 8, 2010 | 10:01 am

    I watched this for the first time this week, just because Kody looks like my sisters boyfriend! Ewww, it made me want her to break up with him!

  64. gopopgo
    October 8, 2010 | 12:53 pm

    LOL! That's what I was gonna say. That and I wouldn't want more than one boss.

  65. Jane
    October 8, 2010 | 3:00 pm

    Thanks for your recent comments on my blog. This post was hysterical!


  66. Semi-Slacker Mom
    October 8, 2010 | 6:58 pm

    I know I'm currently taking applications for us some new wives.

    And I think there's another wife too, but she lives down the road.

  67. Pamela
    October 8, 2010 | 8:06 pm

    I think you're on to something! You are fucken on to something! Man, I'd give anything to have another wife just to fold the damn laundry! Funny post & Wayne sounds just like my hubby. Sometimes if I'm watching Oprah & it's about cheating husbands just hearing about those man-whores makes me all bitter with men in general, he's like "You don't have to worry about me – I can barely handle one of you, why the hell would I want 2 women bitching & telling me what to do!"

  68. ModernMom
    October 8, 2010 | 8:29 pm

    Oh no..can't get on board with this one. My Hubby can hardly handle me let alone another wife. Plus, I'm not sharing. :)

  69. Busy Working Mama
    October 8, 2010 | 8:37 pm

    You don't need any extra wives, you need a cleaning lady, a chef and a landscaper. They make a major difference…a difference for the better :)

  70. Raven
    October 8, 2010 | 9:44 pm

    First off, just have to say that I love the title to your blog. It rocks.

    Secondly, I think it would be fantabulous to have a couple extra wives, but do I need to have the husband to get them? ;)

  71. MommaKiss
    October 8, 2010 | 10:39 pm

    Bitch Please. I'm ALL ABOUT the sister wife. Not the whole poligamy thing – whatever – just the whole 'help me put up w/ shit' thing.
    sorry for yelling.
    love this.

  72. Mik
    October 9, 2010 | 3:03 pm

    Yeah my son and I both had the same comment on that show; "One is enough to handle thanks."

  73. Linda Medrano
    October 10, 2010 | 1:14 pm

    I've told my husband Alex to get me some sister wives. Good help is hard to find, so I've even suggested a few to him. I want a couple to work outside of the home just to increase our income. We have a big enough house I think we could manage 3 easily. One would be for laundry and dog walking as well as poop scooper upping, and litter box duty. Alex just looks at me blankly when I talk about it.

  74. Semi True Torystellar
    October 10, 2010 | 3:51 pm

    So I totally get your point and sometimes think that I would like some sister wives, but then I come to my senses and remember that I don't share well.


  75. mintifresh
    October 10, 2010 | 4:40 pm

    I'm all for some sister wives! I'd be first wife so they'd have to obey me! MWAAHAHAHAHAHA

    I think that dude on that show looks like a total creep, tho!

  76. Anonymous
    October 10, 2010 | 6:06 pm

    I believe the present participle of the F word ends with "-ing" or "-in'", not "-en."
    That being said, perhaps you really believe what you've written here, but I hope not. Have only read your blog a few times & I think you sound like a good mom. For all the lost sleep, car-pooling, teenage angst, etc. of parenting and the ups and downs with my hubby of 32 years, being wife and mom is still the most rewarding job I ever had.

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