Just say it…come on, say it like you mean it!

I got a comment on one of the posts I published recently pointing out the fact that I hadn’t sworn once during said post.
Really? Not one swear word?
Well fuck me.

Of course this got me thinking about the use of cuss words and their value as a means of communication. Every once in awhile I’ll come across a blogger who will drop an F-Bomb during the course of a powerful, charged post. And then they’ll apologize for their use of profanity fearing they may have alienated a follower.

So if you’re going to swear as a means of expressing strong emotion:
a) don’t fucken apologize afterwards. It’s kind of like saying that you’re lactose intolerant, then saying, “Hey! Let’s go for ice cream!”
b) be comfortable with your reasons for using expletives in the first fucken place

See, I swear regularly. I have for years. My friends would consider me pretty laid back and very few things bother me. I attribute this to the fact that I alleviate stress and frustration by punctuating most of my sentences with some formulation of the “F” word, be it: ‘fuck,’ ‘fucken,’ ‘fucking,’ ‘fuck that,’ which is sometimes combined with other expletives to form the ever popular ‘fuck that shit,’ ‘fuck! shit!,’ and ‘you’ve got to be fucken shittin’ me’.

I do understand, however, that some people are very discomfitted by the use of profanity. And I respect that. Sort of. I say this because one of my best friends is a good, Christian woman that I’ve known for 4 years, and the one and only time I heard her use the word ‘asshole’ was when she was describing a patient who had attacked her at the hospital where she is a nurse, and I was so proud of her for exhibiting such passion that I hugged her.
But that’s happened once, and I’m quite certain it’ll never happen again.
Ever.
Fuck.

So when I’m with her, I do try to control the profanity. But I must look like I’m having an appendicitis attack while doing so, because eventually she’ll say to me, “Just be honest, Sandra.” So respect or not, usually a couple of fucks and assholes make their way into our conversation.

I always know I’m going to like someone within the first few minutes of an exchange if they swear while in my presence.
Because swearing represents a release of emotion. It’s intimate. It’s authentic. It shows that you like me enough to say what you really mean. You aren’t putting on airs.
Now this is not to say that people who don’t swear are fake. As previously mentioned, plenty of people have never said the word ‘fuck,’ not even while performing the verb. To those people, I’m sure you release your frustration and stress by…I dunno…painting?…gardening?…kickboxing?…
I’m talking about people who swear behind closed doors, but to your face, they’re all “look at me so sweet, and pretentious, and look at my impecably phony manners.” Manners. Bite me.

Occasionally I’ll receive comments, which not only make me smile, but give me warm-fuzzies due to the author’s honesty and uninhibited use of the F-Bomb.
Just yesterday, my friend Poppy over at Funny or Snot wrote: “Fuck you for outdoing me, but you are forgiven because you complimented my ass. XOXO”
See! Now that’s what I’m talking about! There is no pretention there. Just straight-forward, shooting from the hip honesty and authenticity. She tells me to fuck off. No hard feelings. Then sends me hugs and kisses. I could very well marry this woman because there would be absolutely no passive aggressive bullshit to contend with. Just a “fuck you! Wanna piece of cake?”
Queen of the Rant over at The Relationship Rant wrote: “I fuckin love you!” Now that’s praise. Not just a very lovely, “I love you.” No. I got a “fuckin love you!” Expression of adoration in its purest form, unencumbered by the censorship of genuine thought and emotion.

While on vacation in Orlando, I met one of my fellow bloggers, Jen from bootyandbrains. Within moments of meeting, we were comfortable and at ease with one another, as though we had known each other for years. Of course this is in part due to the intimate nature of reading each other’s blogs regularly, but also because neither of us felt intimidated by the use of expletives to exhibit the passion of our thoughts and the excitement of our meeting.

Swearing is liberating. I know it’s not for everyone. And some people come across as comical rather than impassioned. My mother is a perfect example of this. Although she’s said the word ‘fuck’ maybe twice…no…no…probably only once in her entire life…I still remember it as being the cutest thing to see. Like she was wearing a clown suit with humongous floppy shoes and a big red nose.

So try it. Don’t be shy. Close the door. Hide in the closet. But say it with me: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Feels good doesn’t it.

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33 Responses to Just say it…come on, say it like you mean it!
  1. Mama B
    September 3, 2010 | 8:47 pm

    You know (or really you don't) I cussed for YEARS! The F-bomb being a close personal friend of mine. But as I had kids and got back into church I've REALLY tried to control it. Sometimes I get mad and frustrated and it sounds like there's a drunk sailor in my kitchen. But on my blog I have more control, I can THINK the words, but I don't type them. I'm rather proud of myself for keeping my blog 100% swear free! I am proud that I 'flinch' when reading others blogs or tweets with cussing it. You are entitled to put whatever you want on your blog or whatever internet site you have because it YOURS and I don't have to read it. So you won't hear me complain – you just (hopefully) wont ever hear me join in the F-fest. ;-)
    Maybe you can still tolerate me. :-)

  2. WannabeVirginia W.
    September 3, 2010 | 8:49 pm

    Fuckin A.

  3. The Girlie Blog
    September 3, 2010 | 8:51 pm

    Yes, it does feel good!

  4. Dazee Dreamer
    September 3, 2010 | 8:58 pm

    It feels fucking wonderful!!!

  5. JennyJenJen
    September 3, 2010 | 9:21 pm

    i fucken love you so fucken much!!

    I will never forget that night you came running towards me like a scene from a movie and our embrace like we had known each other forever! Twas a fuckin fab night indeed : ]

  6. Aimee
    September 3, 2010 | 9:23 pm

    i so loved this!!! you speak my language!!! fuck is my favorite word, which i'm sure if you read my blog you'll see!!! my poor poor readers. ah well… they'll get over it. as i see it…. 'fukem' (see i make my words up! lol)
    awesome post!!!
    aimee

  7. Kristina P.
    September 3, 2010 | 9:40 pm

    I swear on occasion. Actually, hell and damn are daily vocabulary words, and the other ones are thrown in sometimes.

    But I never use the F word. Not my thing. I'm not offended by it, but it just doesn't feel comfortable for me.

  8. BeMistified
    September 3, 2010 | 9:42 pm

    I really think we are twins. The more and more I read your posts the more and more I am like "hmmm sound familiar?" It is your blog, you should not be sorry for what you post! They don't like it, they can read somewhere else!

  9. MommaKiss
    September 3, 2010 | 9:52 pm

    I don't know if I can swear properly.

    I just don't know if it's like "in my nature"

    HAHHAHAHAHA

    Shut the fuckin' door!

    And For Fuck's Sake, will you just come over & say hello already? Jaysus.

  10. Gigi
    September 3, 2010 | 10:24 pm

    I worked once as a prosecutor in an impoverished, housing-project-filled area of Chicago.

    When you work in an environment like that, you tend to get a mouth like a sailor, and it's never really left me. I don't swear a ton on my blog because someday I'll be applying for a job again somewhere and I'm mindful that someone may read it. But I FUCKING LOVE swearing when commenting on other people's blogs. :)

  11. Erin
    September 3, 2010 | 11:09 pm

    it feels Fucking Fantastic!

  12. Heather
    September 3, 2010 | 11:13 pm

    LMAO. I have never really thought about using Fuck in my blogs, for me and I say this kindly, I feel like I could use another word, but because its not in my language on a day to days basis because I don't curse around the kids I watch, it tends not to come up in regular conversation…but that doesn't mean I don't use it. I tend to use it more like,

    "Fuck I forgot milk when I was at the store",

    or
    "FuuuuuuuuuCK! I stubbed my toe".

    Shit like that. ;)

    Funny Post!

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  13. Ami
    September 3, 2010 | 11:39 pm

    Fuck yes!!!

    I will have to wait until my son comes home to give me a link to the best use of 'fuck' in forms I've never heard.

    Then, I will come back. And like, fucking POST it here.

  14. Julianna
    September 3, 2010 | 11:58 pm

    Now that's fuckin' hilarious. Gee, I do feel better…-J

  15. Another Day of Crazy
    September 4, 2010 | 12:13 am

    Fuck yeah it does. 'Course that might be the bottle-shaped glass I've been drinking… First week of school, over and done. Heck, hell yeah.

  16. Helena
    September 4, 2010 | 12:29 am

    Funny for sure! Call me prissy, but I feel the need to reserve that choice expletive for when I am really mad or feel very strongly! That way, people know I mean business!

  17. Rebecca
    September 4, 2010 | 1:25 am

    Fuckin A!

  18. Ostriches Look Funny
    September 4, 2010 | 1:57 am

    and here I am really trying to NOT curse. It always comes out in competitive sports though. Tennis is the worst for me.
    Don't I sound hardcore? Tennis.

    Um, yes. You are scandalous. I big puffy heart you and your overabundance of profanity, even though I don't exactly get it. Meet me on the tennis court, then we'll talk..and i'll show you my rub on tattoo.

  19. Ostriches Look Funny
    September 4, 2010 | 1:57 am

    Dude! Comment available after APPROVAL??!?!?!
    What's there to approve here?

    Oh you. You're so ironic.

  20. Farmers Wifey
    September 4, 2010 | 1:58 am

    You are so much like me you could almost be my mirror twin. I do swear in my blog and I did worry for a while that some of my "mummy bloggers" may be offended by the use of the Eff word.. but sometimes the word just MAKES the post. As a frazzled mother, I can often hear myself saying (undermybreath) "for fucks sake)" "get in the car" or "get your shoes on, we're late for school".

  21. Gorilla Bananas
    September 4, 2010 | 2:39 am

    Fucking is a good thing, so I rarely use it as a swear word. "Pus", "Vomit" and "Shit" are the words I prefer.

  22. Jeff
    September 4, 2010 | 2:50 am

    I hear you. Four-letter words are the basis of the writing style I use over at my blog.

    It's not because I'm some dumb fuck-all who can't express himself without expletives, they're just fun. I think a well-placed "fucktard" or "bat-shit insane" can make an entire post.

    Love what you're doing here.

  23. Mamma has spoken
    September 4, 2010 | 8:13 am

    Funny thing about me swearing: I don't do it during the school year and two weeks before school starts. I have a tendency to want to swear on the job when I do it at home. Weird I know…
    I am proud to say I've only sworn at a student one time and he deserved it. Of course he noticed it and told me he was going to tell on me. I told him to go for it, because what he did was 10 times worse than me swearing…
    Instead, I get to explain to the little ones how some words are meant for home and those words are for home not school ;o)

  24. Joel
    September 4, 2010 | 12:31 pm

    I can see your point Sandra but I also think that profanity is so overused nowadays that it has kind of lost its effect in some ways. For example, in the 80's Guns and Roses were basically the first mainstream band to have liberal use of profanity in their music and it was edgy and totally a pushing of the envelope. Nowadays, it often seems as if meaningful lyrical expression is totally dead and has given way to to baseline profane fluff that isn't even shocking, just pathetic in it's lack of creativity. Comedians used to use profanity for comedic/shock effect (and some still can do it) but many just come off sounding foul for the sake of being foul.

    If something that was previously used to express out deepest most strongly seeded emotions becomes commonplace, suddenly that expressive form becomes lessened. For example: if your mom or friend used the F-bomb, it would really get your attention and you'd know instantly that they were serious. When you use it, who knows if you are or not. Maybe you're joking, maybe you're upset. We wouldn't know right away.

  25. bonnie 'Marilyn' parker
    September 4, 2010 | 4:12 pm

    :)

    i'm glad you're not afraid of a funny "fuck" every once in a while. my husband is one of those that thinks it's rude. one of the funniest things my friend has ever said was "what did you fucking say to me" with a straight face.

    i'll always find 'cussing' comical <3

  26. Lourie
    September 4, 2010 | 6:30 pm

    My swear words look like this: @#$&! I am fine with that. If you want to swear on your blog that is fine because it's your blog.

    And I am with you…if you're going to say it, don't apologize for it.

  27. passionofthemom
    September 5, 2010 | 2:50 am

    LMAO Well fuck me sideways!! Finally, a place where I fit in!! FUCK YEAH!! ;) You know what I really hate? Seeing LMBO instead of LMAO. Seriously, I don't know ANYONE who ever says, 'I laughed my butt off!' I don't think I could be friends with a person like that. LOL I think I've been guilty in the past of the whole apologizing for my French thing…which I do now fully intend to go back and remedy!! =) Because you're absolutely right, and I should have known that all along. Kudos for reminding us all not to be such pansies!! I fucking love that about you. ;)

  28. Gina
    September 5, 2010 | 4:00 am

    If you are Irish then cursing comes naturally. It's in my DNA. However I never say fuck in front of my parents. I say "Feic" (pronounced fek) it's Irish for Fuck and is considered acceptable. You can say the feicin' rain is getting on my feicin' nerves and not even the local priest will bat an eyelid. Outside of Ireland people don't get it. I think they get what I mean but they are not sure if they should be shocked or not.

  29. The Chicken's Consigliere
    September 5, 2010 | 8:40 am

    Aw, AN. I just don't feel like saying it today. But when I do, I know where to come! My level of swearing is in pretty direct proportion to the amount of wine I've consumed and/or the level of annoyance my children have instigated

  30. bluzdude
    September 5, 2010 | 5:41 pm

    Sandra,
    You come and comment on my blog and tell me I might not like yours because you're just a mommy blogger, and the first thing I see is an essay about profanity?

    Holy Shit! Sign me up!

    I enjoy the "art" of profanity… using new and interesting forms, strange combinations (I particularly like "fuck-tards", as Jeff mentioned above.)

    I try not to over-do it, or use it gratuitously, but sometimes there's a time and situation that demands some emotionally loaded language. And sometimes, it's just funny.

    Anyway, you won me over right here and I'll be back!

  31. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    September 6, 2010 | 6:45 pm

    Thank you so much for this post. I feel like I am surrounded by goody-two shoes who act like they've been stabbed by a hot poker when I utter something as mild as "damn".

    I am a tad worried my son's first sentence will be "Fuck you douchebag", since he spends so much time in the car with me.

  32. Danielle
    September 7, 2010 | 1:00 pm

    Yep, I cuss like a sailor. My daughter is going to be a treat in preschool let me tell you!

  33. Suzie Que
    September 10, 2010 | 6:34 am

    Ha! I LOVE it. You don't have to be a deviant to love a good "F" bomb.

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