Crying makes you ugly and fat

Yesterday morning started off innocently enough. Weight training with my friend. Rushing home to shower. Get ready for class. Go to class. Sit down in class. Open notes for class. Wait for class lecture.

But…lecture never comes. Well, it does come. But it comes in the form of a teacher who must have been PMSing or had a bowl of Corn Flakes soaked in urine for breakfast because, rather than teach the subject at hand, she interrogates us on what she claims we should know.
“This stuff is review,” she says.

And the teacher is standing there, arms crossed, staring us down silently, like her angry silence is going to somehow create an atmosphere of learning. She’s a nurse for fuck sakes. Where’s the compassion? Where’s the crooning that it’s all going to be ok? That we will learn this? It will eventually make sense.

“I want to hurry through the anatomy and physiology. It’s review. I want to get to the good stuff.”
Good stuff? Good stuff implies party supplies, baked goods, chocolate covered strawberries, fucken Blizzards at Dairy Queen.
Good stuff does not imply nursing implications of hypertension.

At this point though, I’m irritated. I’ve fought traffic to get here. Waited in a lineup for  25 minutes to find parking. Was expecting to learn something. Anything. But instead am sitting here listening to a teacher get defensive when she’s asked by a student to slow down…

Oh, OH OH, then THEN the smartest girl in the class asked the teacher a question, a very legitimate question, “What is the difference between systemic vascular resistance and peripheral vascular resistance?”
And the teacher looked at her, and said…and SAID, “Well, what do YOU think the answer is?”

I picked up my books, and left the class room.

Then I put on my sunglasses.
And cried.
The ugly cry, as Oprah refers to it.
The one where your face contorts into this scary-looking mask of despair, and your mouth shapes like an “S” and your nostrils flare. And eventually snot drips down, and you don’t have Kleenex so you’re not even wiping it away. It’s just sitting there.

I crossed campus to where my vehicle was parked, got inside, and then, the crying went from silent tears to all out wailing, like baby seals being clubbed wailing, and now, not only was I pretty sure I looked frightening, but I sounded frightening too. 
Of course, I made the huge mistake of looking at myself in the rear view mirror, and to my ever increasing horror was sent into greater fits of despair as I saw that my mascara was down to my chin, my lipstick was smeared on the sides of my face, and my nose was red and snotty.
I text my husband and warn him that I’ve walked out of my class (and in our family we know that this could mean I need a mental stress day or I’m quitting), and am heading to the nearest grocery store for candy. I am then going to go home for a good cry and a nap.
Wayne knows this is cause for alarm because I don’t cry.
And in good supportive husband fashion, he calls about an hour later to ask, “Are you done crying yet?” to which I replied, “I’m doing it right now,” to which he then says, “Oh, I better let you get to it then.”
After eating an entire bag of black licorice, which, contrary to what my mother says, did not in fact make me poop, I feel a little bit better, and only whimper occasionally for the rest of the day.
I’m not looking for sympathy. The purpose of this post was to draw your attention to the “Ugly Cry” and how it should only be reserved for very special occasions.
Overuse of the “Ugly Cry” is bad for your skin, causes bags under the eyes, puffiness around the eyes, migraines, cracked lips, and a disheveled appearance for the remainder of the day.
The “Ugly Cry” should be used with caution and preferably with the use of candy therapy.
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69 Responses to Crying makes you ugly and fat
  1. Pragmatic Spector
    September 18, 2010 | 1:45 am

    Wow that was still a relatively funny post. The photos just killed me. I hate self-important "teachers" like that. I'm not even going to question your reason for crying. With people like that in the world, who needs a reason to?

  2. WannabeVirginia W.
    September 18, 2010 | 1:50 am

    Treatment for Ugly Cry – cupcakes and red wine. Not at the same time though, because then you will have uglies in the pants.

  3. JennyJenJen
    September 18, 2010 | 1:57 am

    i hear the ugly cry can also be found with it's heinously disgusting cousin- the tummy pooch

  4. bonnie 'Marilyn' parker
    September 18, 2010 | 3:12 am

    <3 my favorite post ever.
    not because of your misfortune. but so awesomely worded.

  5. Opto-Mom
    September 18, 2010 | 3:34 am

    From now on, just keep a couple bags of candy in the house so you don't even have to clean your face up enough to go in the store.

    Hope the rest of your week/weekend is better!

  6. BeMistified
    September 18, 2010 | 3:49 am

    OMG I know this cry! I am so sorry that your night came to that. Sometimes though, it is good to let the ugly out!

  7. Gyna
    September 18, 2010 | 4:44 am

    Ahhhh nursing school mental breakdown. I remember like it was yesterday! You will study your ass off and barely understand. The teachers can be catty (esp since most are women) and not help. You learn, but it doesn't truly make sense. The shit you learn in nursing school is not "real nursing" and the teachers that suck failed at being a good nurse. Good nurses don't teach….they die at the bedside until their backs are no longer straight and their knee joints no longer have cartilage. The most important thing is to listen, buy your time, say what they wanna hear and play the game. When you get in the action its a different ballgame and its worth it. The first time you see how you have changed someone's life you will never forget it! The first time someone dies and you cry with the family will make you stronger and happy for joining a profession that essentially allows you to love. Nurses make a difference. At the end of every shift I come home happy because I am doing what I love and I know for a fact I am a damn good nurse! I hope I have helped some people deal with illness.
    Nursing school is a bitch! Hang in there! Go cry in the parking lot whenever you need to! Everyone did it when I went through it. Its normal, its hard, but it is soooo worth it!


  8. Canadianbloggergirl
    September 18, 2010 | 6:01 am

    Everybody needs a good cry now and then. The ugly cry, you're right, on special occassions only. Stress gets to us all eventually. But be proud of your cry! In my opinion it shows strength to be open and honest with yourself, that a woman can have a bad day! So good on ya! That teacher is a bitch btw!

  9. The Chicken's Consigliere
    September 18, 2010 | 6:46 am

    See? And you say you are not a nurse. That is such great advice for anyone concerned with their health. And looks: Use the ugly cry sparingly and in conjunction with Candy. Forget systemic vascularlization. Who needs that crap. You know all you need to know. You hang in there, Narcissist. Don't let the jerks get you down.

    September 18, 2010 | 6:46 am

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    Head over to to receive your award!!

  11. SkippyMom
    September 18, 2010 | 6:55 am

    You poor thing. And yes a good, ugly cry can be a good thing. So can cookies and bread dipped in molasses – hee hee- Next time call me up and I'll send over a loaf.

    Hang in there – I have to agree with what Gyna said [although I am not a nurse nor to I play one on my blog. ;) ] It will all be worth it when you are out of school.

  12. Just Plain Tired
    September 18, 2010 | 7:21 am

    It appears you have a teacher who isn't capable of teaching well and really couldn't cut it as a practicing nurse in a real life health setting.

  13. Debbie(single;complicated)
    September 18, 2010 | 7:37 am

    gosh I have SO had days when an UGLY cry was the best medicine! LOVE that your husband said "better let you get to it then"!!!!

  14. Portia
    September 18, 2010 | 8:05 am

    I've been married 29 years and nothing horrifies my husband more than my ugly cry. Not the ugly part, just the crying part. Although maybe the look of horror on his face IS from the ugly part….uh oh, never thought of that!

  15. Vodka Logic
    September 18, 2010 | 8:26 am

    Seems the person who needed the ugly cry was the unprofessional.

    I hope you feel better. xx

  16. Mamma has spoken
    September 18, 2010 | 8:31 am

    We all need a cry like that once in a while, it's a stress reliever. You'll get through it, and it will be fine. Then one day while some woman is pushing a bowling ball size baby out, you hear someone say those dreaded words and it all will come back to you. THEN you will laugh about it all.

  17. Rebecca
    September 18, 2010 | 9:13 am

    I love Wayne's supportive and understanding avoidance of the situation!

  18. Snuggle Wasteland
    September 18, 2010 | 10:09 am

    If I get Botox will it keep my face from squishing up during The Ugly Cry? Just thinking that might be another reason to try it.

  19. Deborah
    September 18, 2010 | 10:38 am

    I call it the ugly cry as well! I didn't know we should credit Oprah for it – damn her! Isn't it enough that she has gillions of dollars?

    Your instructor is a beast. She needs to get laid. (oops!)

    I'm back in school as well (accounting – I can't talk about it or I'll ugly cry) and my instructor kept us 10 minutes after the end of the class on a FRIDAY NIGHT!! WTH?? She needs to die.

    I ate Ben and Jerry's.

    You'll go back and stare her down with your momma-vision. Make her cry.

  20. Kristina P.
    September 18, 2010 | 10:48 am

    I think you should have throatpunched her! In between tears and sobs, of course.

  21. MissEmy
    September 18, 2010 | 11:05 am

    Goodness, that sounds awful! That nurse needs to go to teaching school or something.

  22. Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli
    September 18, 2010 | 11:19 am

    My preferred therapy choice is potatoes. Deep fried. Chips or fries, either gets the job done. I am an exceptionally ugly crier, I'm confined to the house the day after.

  23. Monkey Man
    September 18, 2010 | 11:34 am

    Okay. Just let me take a wild stab here…uh the smartest student in the class wouldn't be the same one who ran out to her car crying would it??? huh?? Two things strike me here. First, we share a love of black licorice. You have to squeeze each bag before buying to make sure you get the most mushy one. Second, Wayne and I are clearly related. Crying totally freaks me out. "Let me know when you're done and let this never be spoken of again." Sounds reasonable to me. Love this. So glad I found your blog.

  24. DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom
    September 18, 2010 | 11:56 am

    Ugly criers unite! I wish I could do the pretty hollywood cry. Just not possible.

  25. Matty
    September 18, 2010 | 12:29 pm

    And this ugly cry post made me laugh.

    As for poor Wayno (yes Wayno and not a typo), I can relate. Been there, NOT done that. When my wife does the ugly cry, I know better than to show no sympathy. If I know what's good for me.

  26. Kaci
    September 18, 2010 | 1:05 pm

    Oh dear…I've had my share of oogly cry…not good, not pretty and then it makes your face all blotchy. Damn it! =) Hope you're all better now.

  27. Another Day of Crazy
    September 18, 2010 | 2:09 pm

    Oh, I HATE the ugle cry. Always leaves me feeling like crap the day after: exhausted, puffy, splotchy. I call it the emotional hangover.

  28. Mom of the Perpetually Grounded
    September 18, 2010 | 2:29 pm

    All 3 of my daughters used up their quota this week. I'm saving mine for something special…like report card day.
    Truly though, sometimes an ugly cry makes the whole world a little prettier afterward.

  29. mintifresh
    September 18, 2010 | 2:30 pm

    I went into the ugly laugh last night and it almost turned into an ugly cry, it hurt so bad!

  30. Madame DeFarge
    September 18, 2010 | 3:13 pm

    Doing the 'Ugly cry' is worst at work, when you have to go back to your desk after a confrontation with your boss. Dreadfully humiliating.

  31. Busy Working Mama
    September 18, 2010 | 3:51 pm

    Oh honey. Hopefully you got that over with for a few months.

    Also, if you do the ugly cry at night, you'll wake up just as ugly. I've done it, its not good. The eye bags take hours to disappear. Not nice.

  32. Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy
    September 18, 2010 | 4:08 pm

    Just take a bag of black licorice with you to class next time. Make sure you're eating some, so if you have another ugly cry you can have black licorice juice dripping out of you mouth to match the mascara. On your way out the door, scream, "Look what you did to me!!" and glare as you smack her with a spare piece of licorice on the way out. The site alone should shut her up and make her rethink her teaching skills.

    Ok. So maybe just do it in your mind.

    Hope today is going better for you. :)

  33. Sherri
    September 18, 2010 | 4:20 pm

    Oh, the dreaded Ugly Cry. Mine are always followed but the Ugly Wakeup the next morning…puffy face and eyes, nasty mascara rubs under them.

    What a nasty teacher! Should have chosen a different job, I think….drill sargent, maybe?!

  34. Soccermom
    September 18, 2010 | 4:56 pm

    I feel ya . , crying though good for you sometimes. Really ages you. I hate crying. Sucks you had a shit day.

  35. Joann Mannix
    September 18, 2010 | 5:22 pm

    I love crying. And I love candy.

    And sometimes you just need that ugly cry, that ugly cry is so purging. For the record, if I do have somewhere to go within the next 8 hours or so, I try to put off the ugly cry because of its ugly after effects. I just put it off because the ugly cry is just a must sometimes.

    sorry about your awful nursing instructor. A teacher who won't teach is just the absolute lowest.

  36. Julianna
    September 18, 2010 | 7:36 pm

    You know what makes the Ugly Cry pretty? Chocolate! -J

  37. Mo 'Betta
    September 18, 2010 | 8:42 pm

    OMG, I think I had that nursing instructor – and I don't care that she had her master's she was a dumb bee-otch. and the ugly cry relieves tension. licorice doesn't help me, but chocolate sure does!

  38. Blasé
    September 18, 2010 | 9:23 pm

    You get back in that classroom and give that Teacher What-For!

  39. Sunshine and Summertime
    September 18, 2010 | 9:39 pm

    sometimes it's good to cry. hope you're feeling better now :)

  40. Gigi
    September 18, 2010 | 9:43 pm

    OMG! Thinking this is what I need right about now – an ugly cry. Cuz, once it's done you feel soooo much better.

  41. tattytiara
    September 19, 2010 | 2:06 am

    Oh yeah, the ugly cry headache. That's a bitch to shake off.

  42. Molly Malone
    September 19, 2010 | 3:27 am

    I did the ugly cry last night, except I didn't curl up and do it – for some reason I felt I had to walk around my pool about 15 times… mental? Yes… Hope you're feeling better sweetie xxx

  43. Lijington
    September 19, 2010 | 9:21 am

    * HUG *….its okay..its nice to see you've still got your humor so thats good..

  44. Roundabout
    September 19, 2010 | 10:08 am

    Funny.. my mom told me about the licorice poop thing too! I think you should go back in there & smack her with your licorice,leave a few welts & call it even!

  45. Sara @ Domestically Challenged
    September 19, 2010 | 11:17 am

    Now that the ugly cry is over? Attack! Show that mean nurse what you are made of!

  46. Ameena
    September 19, 2010 | 12:23 pm

    What a bitch – I hate teachers like that, or people in general that feel like they need to make others feel dumb. I'm really sorry she made you do an ugly cry…if it makes you any better I am the least attractive person when I cry. You don't believe me, I know it. But I swear I am!!

    Hope that you are having a good weekend – don't let her get you down!!

  47. Tooje
    September 19, 2010 | 1:11 pm

    I had a day earlier this year at work where I should have walked out. I wish you would have had this experience back then so maybe I'd have had the courage to just walk out. Instead I saved it up all day, got to my car at then end of it, and cried all the way home.

    It's a shame I have to rely on that place and those people to bring home money for my family.

  48. Lisa - Fine Sweet Life
    September 19, 2010 | 2:33 pm

    I callyour "ugly cry" my "metal cry". I just did it last week when I drove my brand new car out of the dealer parking lot and a big truck kicked up a stone and chipped it. One minute later. I wouldn't have felt better if I cut myself. Did I just say that? Maybe I should call it the Physcho cry instead. Either way, it was definitely ugly.

  49. Christiejolu
    September 19, 2010 | 3:14 pm

    Man your nursing teacher and my math teacher should get together for coffee…He is a complete jerk! If he is asked a question he will respond with "That is clearly stated in your course syllabus" I hope the rest of your weekend went better!

  50. Gorilla Bananas
    September 19, 2010 | 3:54 pm

    We call it the cry of rage where I live. When I see one those I duck and cover.

  51. Michelle
    September 19, 2010 | 4:04 pm

    ALl that and you're still able to be funny. I call that a sucess.

    The Brittney Spears photo made me giggle.

  52. MamaOnDaGo
    September 19, 2010 | 4:28 pm

    I've been there and done that with the Ugly Cry. My first ugly cry made me switch to waterproof mascara. Although this made my ugly cry a tad less ugly, it was still damn ugly. The best ugly cry is the one you have in the shower. You're face not only looks like crap but you get a glimpse of your body as well. How's that for making you feel better?

  53. Katie
    September 19, 2010 | 4:43 pm

    OMG! I had THE most ugly cry ever just last night! I always feel a tad bit better after though. That teacher, if thats what ya wanna call her, is a wretched mess. You are paying for that education, not for her to sit there making students feel dumb with her thumbs up her ass! I hope you feel better, and get a better teacher next semester. <3

  54. Amanda
    September 19, 2010 | 6:49 pm

    I had a really ugly cry after my class on Wednesday. I was so irritated, PMSing and mad about my homework that I just hysterically cried for about 45 minutes.

    Love the pic of Britney!

  55. Pragmatic Spector
    September 19, 2010 | 11:39 pm

    Haha thank you. And don't worry I caught your intentions (because I did laugh reading your post). I just thought I might be mean by laughing at your ugly cry moments so I just reached out with a pat on the back!

  56. nitebyrd
    September 20, 2010 | 8:49 am

    I'm tellin' ya, life just sucks lately.

  57. Mighty M
    September 20, 2010 | 9:13 am

    I do the ugly cry once in a while too…glad it doesn't come around too much. Hope you found your way back to class!

  58. ModernMom
    September 20, 2010 | 9:40 am

    Oh sweetie I am sorry. Although I do think the Ugly Cry is therapeutic I COMPLETELY agree with you. Not only does it give me a migraine…but I can't leave the house without sunglasses for 3 days because the puffy lingers on. Hope you feel better:)

  59. Katy
    September 20, 2010 | 10:26 am

    Oh goodness. I only walked out on a class once. I know the breaking point I had to get to in order for that to even be an option so I can only imagine what that was for you.

    Some times the cry reserved for special occations gets everything out. Hope you are feeling better.

  60. Danielle
    September 20, 2010 | 10:45 am

    Yes, the cure for the ugly cry in my house is skittles and wine!
    The skittles and wine happen often, however the ugly cry is reserved for special occasions.
    Sorry you had to experience it! *hugs* girl!

  61. The Mayor!
    September 20, 2010 | 12:24 pm

    Yeah, I don't cry either…so for us, when we do, we GOTTA go full tilt with the ugly cry….it comes from repressing it for so long! But I definitely prefer to lock myself in my room with candy to do it!

  62. The Blogging Goddess
    September 20, 2010 | 1:53 pm

    I am very familiar with that cry. Usually I can make it to the bathroom and lock the door before getting down to business, but sometimes, I can't. Ya know…it's cathartic..until you look in the mirror, that is.

  63. McVal
    September 20, 2010 | 4:03 pm

    I've definitely been there! I had a good cry several times a day last fall when my son moved out without any notice. I may have been pms'ing too. And yes. Candy helps.

  64. Jill
    September 20, 2010 | 5:03 pm

    Teach sounds like a real winner. I actually think an ugly cry is good for you now and again. Stuff builds up and you have to let it out. Glad I read this one knowing you're already feeling better :)

  65. kathryn
    September 20, 2010 | 6:21 pm

    Okay…I'm super-late to this party so this has probably already been covered, but…that teacher was a bi-atch. And I'll bet you she had no freakin' idea what class she was teaching…which is why she answered the smart girl's question with another question…which we all know is code for I don't know WTF you're talking about.
    I'm just saying…

  66. Indi
    September 21, 2010 | 11:50 am

    Sandra ~ Ya can't beat a good cry now and again. Oh btw I was in Manitoba this June/July.. Porta la Praire.. loved it so much we're coming bck in 2011 for the winter Brrrrr ..;))))



  67. ♥The Sweet Life♥
    September 21, 2010 | 12:25 pm

    Hi! Thanks for stopping by & following. Nice to meet you too. I am your newest follower! Thanks for your comment on my 100 facts. I'm sure your 100 facts would be interesting.

  68. Me, myself and I
    September 24, 2010 | 1:15 am

    The way you described your ugly cry made me laugh and laugh and laugh…then I felt bad because you were crying!
    I have been putting off my Ugly Cry, which I usually cannot do. Maybe I am finally getting control of my emotions.
    Or my Ugly Cry has become a ninja and will strike me when I least expect it.
    Your teacher sounds like a douche!
    I heart your blog!

  69. Bouncin' Barb
    September 27, 2010 | 1:39 pm

    Absolutely love, love, love this blogpost. Great reading.

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