My first…~insert own perverted thought here~

A few more days of summer holidays then the kids go back to school, I go back to school, and real life begins again.

This is exciting and scary all at once.

For one thing, I have 14 year-old-year boy who is going into grade 9.

Grade nine.

For me grade nine held a host of “firsts”:

-first time taking the train from Toronto to Montreal by myself

-first time having a real, can’t-stop-thinking-about-him crush; the kind of crush where you make sure you wear a different outfit to school every day of the week so the boy will notice how…well, I’m not sure what he’s supposed to notice. I guess he’s supposed to notice that you can dress yourself.

-first time I french kissed a boy: just for the record, I didn’t like it, and did not do it again until…well, until grade 10

-and the first time I got felt up

I was at the movies with a boy named Glen. I had liked Glen back in grade 8.
In grade 9, although I had the crazy-in-love crush on the boy who I was trying to impress with my ability to insert one leg at a time while putting on pants, I did still have a little torch burning for Glen.
Glen knew that I had had a crush on him in grade 8.
At this point I can only presume that he was getting very little action in grade 9 so he asked me out.

So we’re at the movies together, he’s inching his arm around my shoulder, then creeping his hand down the front of my cute flowery blouse that I had purchased with my hard-earned babysitting money to impress the other boy, the boy I had the mad-mad crush on (you still with me?)

The second his hand made its way into my bra and touched my boob, I bolted out of my seat, told him I had to go to the bathroom, and left the movie theatre.

The next day at our high school, he told everyone that I was frigid.
When you’re a 14 year old girl who is trying to capture the attention of the one you love – not the one who felt you up – the last thing you want is that boy to know you not only had another boy’s hand down the front of your blouse, but you didn’t even stick around for said gropper to get his rocks off.

I was frigid. Like a fridge. A refrigerator.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, Glen sent me a friend request on Facebook.

This is me in grade 9:

Go ahead. Laugh. Get it out of your systems. Glasses. Big ones. Lady Di hair style. Very chic in its time but not for someone who sports glasses with lenses the size of a large pizza.
This is me now:
Of course I’d only put up the very best photos of me on Facebook. I’m not about to post the ones of me when my hair is all goony-goo-goo and I’m wearing my googly glasses.
Within moments of our reacquaintance, Glen sends me a private message all flirty-flirty, with the veiled message of, “Look at you all grown up without those goofy glasses and that dorky hair cut.”

I messaged him back and said, “I’m still frigid.”

Then I defriended him.

Hey Glen. The jokes on you. I didn’t have any boobs to feel up back then and I still don’t!


This is the part where I would insert a picture of me in grade 9, but fortunately for my fragile ego, I don’t know how to work my scanner.

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53 Responses to My first…~insert own perverted thought here~
  1. Nancy
    August 31, 2010 | 12:13 am

    Oh gosh, I wonder what Glen thought when he saw that!

    BTW, you're HOTTT… *rawr* Work it mama!

    Hope you've been well & good luck on back to school m'dere.

  2. Lourie
    August 31, 2010 | 12:23 am

    I would love to do something along those lines. You know to the ones who broke my heart.

  3. Kristina P.
    August 31, 2010 | 12:24 am

    You should totally go on one of those Maury shows about Geeks to Chic.

  4. Opto-Mom
    August 31, 2010 | 1:04 am

    Ahhh, the good old days of trying to keep hormonal boys away from our boobs.

  5. Kari
    August 31, 2010 | 2:34 am

    Hi! I'm your newest follower from the blog hop. Hope you can come visit

    Mommy's Little Dinos

  6. Momma Sunshine
    August 31, 2010 | 5:43 am

    Love it!

    Facebook makes me laugh. I've gotten all kinds of flirty messages from guys who wouldn't give me the time of day in junior high…guess they're wishing they'd been nicer to me back then… ;-)

  7. Jessica
    August 31, 2010 | 5:55 am

    Good for you you! Glen sounds like a class A loser!

  8. Theres just life
    August 31, 2010 | 6:07 am

    I got called frigid and a lesbian. Guys seem to think if you say no it can't be them. There must be something wrong with you.
    FLASH — IT WAS YOU!!!!
    The last thing I am is frigid or a lesbian, and the person who matters knows it very well…

  9. Deborah
    August 31, 2010 | 7:14 am


    Nice rejection!

    Facebook is worse than AOL back in the day (geezer alert!)

    The girls that looked good in the 9th grade now look over their prime in record time.

    Just sayin'. :)

  10. Canadianbloggergirl
    August 31, 2010 | 7:23 am

    Way to tell it to Glen!

  11. Mamma has spoken
    August 31, 2010 | 7:29 am

    WOW is that really you? Your are one hot mamma! I LOVE that you got your revenage on him. It must have felt great!

  12. TKW
    August 31, 2010 | 9:26 am

    Revenge is sweet, ain't it, sister? In grade 9 I had my first hard-core crush, too. Suckage. And yet so very thrilling.

  13. Cristy
    August 31, 2010 | 9:45 am

    HAHA! Wow…holding a little resentment there? ; )

    Don't ya just love those stories? Yep, 9th grade is a big year. That was the year I had my first REAL boyfriend that I cared about. We made out ALL the time, had the boob feeling going on, etc. When we broke up, I was DEVASTATED. Turns out it, of course, wasn't that big of a deal, but remember now to minimize their feelings, cause at that time, I thought the world was going to end!! ha.

    p.s. You're gorgeous!

  14. McKenzie
    August 31, 2010 | 9:51 am

    This post made me laugh =] I love how you messaged him back saying you were still "frigid"! You look very good!!

  15. Rebecca
    August 31, 2010 | 10:32 am

    The cows french kissing pic made my day!

  16. fojoy
    August 31, 2010 | 10:46 am

    That is awesome! Stupid Glen.
    Grade 9 was probably my worst year (which is saying a lot after grades 7 and 8).
    There was a lot of pining and unrequited loves, but not a lot of firsts – except that was the first time I was told I dress like a 30 year old. Which I guess would be a compliment now…

  17. Danielle
    August 31, 2010 | 11:02 am

    Damn girl, you are HOT!!!!! Ha ha Glen! So did you ever get the other boy?

  18. Haupi
    August 31, 2010 | 11:06 am

    Ha! ha! ha! Good for you and you look gorgeous. Hope your 9th grader has as much heartache, fun and growth as you did…but get ready. It ain't easy. Smiles.


  19. Chandra
    August 31, 2010 | 11:37 am

    Thanks for visiting my blog!

    I love yours too! You are beautiful…Glen must be kicking himself now!! :)

    In looking at your picture from grade 9..I swear I think I had the same exact coat excpet it was blue! How funny is that!

  20. Booyah's Momma
    August 31, 2010 | 11:47 am

    I sported me some sweet glasses like that back in the day, as well as some pretty bad 80's hair. You seem to have transitioned nicely, though! I don't know about frigid… but you look pretty hot in that picture.

  21. Another Day of Crazy
    August 31, 2010 | 11:49 am

    Freakin' awesome response to him!!! Too funny, I bet that made him shrivel up good for a while. :)

  22. Queen of the Rant
    August 31, 2010 | 1:42 pm

    YOU RCOK- and you are freakin beautiful back then and now! eff Glen-boys are stupid so throw rocks at them!

  23. SoccerMom
    August 31, 2010 | 2:10 pm

    Freakin LOVE IT!!!!

    My son is 15 and a sophmore, this is his big year. He is very shy so we havent really hit all the "Firsts" yet.

    Thank goodness cause I am so not ready.

  24. SoccerMom
    August 31, 2010 | 2:11 pm

    LOVE to read you by the way. You always make my day.

  25. April
    August 31, 2010 | 2:39 pm

    Ahh, the power of Facebook! Great story!

  26. JennyJenJen
    August 31, 2010 | 3:16 pm

    HA HA!!!


    I literally cackled out loud (COL is the new LOL) and did a rosie the riveter-esque fist pump as I read this.


  27. Julianna
    August 31, 2010 | 3:57 pm

    I'm not even gonna tell you what I was doing in 9th grade… mostly becasue I was a dork and didn't have any fun until 10th grade. -J

  28. Mama Zen
    August 31, 2010 | 5:45 pm

    That is absolutely priceless!

  29. Funky Mama Bird
    August 31, 2010 | 5:46 pm

    We have a 14 year old girl about to go into grade 9 over here. I've been having flash backs all summer!

  30. Kaci
    August 31, 2010 | 6:00 pm

    Ack what a jerk!! You're hilarious too..I love your writing!

    THanks for stopping by ImPossible.

  31. Matty
    August 31, 2010 | 9:45 pm

    Gosh, at that age, I was too scared to even try to feel a girl up. Yep, I was the frigid one. LOL

    But it sounds like you got the last laugh on ole Glenny boy.

  32. Ameena
    September 1, 2010 | 12:16 am

    I looked 10 X worse in 9th grade. I had glasses AND frizzy hair AND was about 100 pounds soaking wet. You are a superstar Sandra!! A hot superstar!

    Glen is and always will be a ass.

  33. Dirt On The Rocks
    September 1, 2010 | 1:48 am

    very funny story and i loved reading every bit of it :) and of course you go girl you show him !!!

  34. Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom)
    September 1, 2010 | 2:47 am

    SO funny! I really like how you handled that situation :) And ninth grade…it really is such a milestone. Good Luck :)

  35. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    September 1, 2010 | 5:43 am

    Revenge is still sweet no matter how many years it takes to get it!!

  36. Regina
    September 1, 2010 | 7:59 am

    OMGOSH….you are the bomb gurl!!!

    I love your writing…witty and funny and some of it hits right at home…LOL!!!!

    I will be back for more…have an awesome day.


  37. tulpen
    September 1, 2010 | 10:31 am

    Now I'm gonna have that darn Barenaked Ladies song stuck in my head all day "This is me in grade nine baby, this is me in grade nine…"

    Thanks a lot.


  38. Tooje
    September 1, 2010 | 10:54 am

    I love that you accepted the request, sent your message, and defriended. :) As a sidenote, I might just be the only Facebook member who has never had an old crush "friend" me or send a flirty message. I'm starting to feel like something's wrong.

  39. Jen
    September 1, 2010 | 12:32 pm

    Holla! You told him.

    Ninth grade is a big year – hope it's a good one for your kiddo!

  40. Cinderella
    September 1, 2010 | 2:02 pm

    I think I might have had the same experience with Glen's South African cousin :) Whoops those were the days.

  41. Jill
    September 1, 2010 | 2:18 pm

    Absolutely hilarious!! You certainly did get the last laugh! Isn't it a shame that women generally have to wait 30 years and a few kids to gain confidence? If I knew then what I know now…

    Thank you so much for you vote btw :) )) YOU'RE so pretty!

  42. Liz
    September 1, 2010 | 2:39 pm

    I always love when good triumphs over evil! And I've found that so many of the people who thought they were too cool when in H.S. must have hit their peak then and only went downhill as they aged.

  43. jessalyn
    September 1, 2010 | 3:46 pm

    oh i didn't let anyone come near my girls until i was like 17. those little boys were not good enough for our girls. they were just bitter.
    but seriously though. i think i need you to come be my personal trainer and kick my ass.

  44. Noelle
    September 1, 2010 | 8:04 pm

    What a perfect story!!! :)

    September 1, 2010 | 8:41 pm

    WE have a 14yr old entering 9th grade… let's not talk about being felt up eh? lol

  46. Farmers Wifey
    September 2, 2010 | 8:26 am

    Yeah, I can't work my scanner either…

  47. Semi-Slacker Mom
    September 2, 2010 | 8:45 am

    I love it! Isn't rubbing your hottness in someone's face just the best!?! That has got to be the greatest thing about FB.

  48. Poppy
    September 2, 2010 | 10:10 am

    So what does Glen look like?

  49. Molly Malone
    September 2, 2010 | 10:56 am

    Hahahahaaa "I'm still frigid". That should keep me going for the rest of the day. I looked up my 'first love' on FB a month or so ago (he threw me over in favor of the principal's daughter), and was delighted to see that he is fat and balding. Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Ohhh yes!

  50. King of New York Hacks
    September 2, 2010 | 1:07 pm

    Wow , I hit the blog exacta today, cynicism from Molly Mallone and Narcissism from Sandra…I was dorky too back in the day and defriending is such an absolute. Feels like I struck them down with a light Added you to my Royalty Reading blog list ! Brilliant stuff.

  51. Jason
    September 6, 2010 | 8:45 pm

    I am so impressed and I feel like I was the only guy leaving a comment…however there was Matt. Well I think you look great and very proud of you…your awesome

  52. Busy Working Mama
    September 12, 2010 | 7:44 pm

    You're a hoot, hon. I love it!

  53. Leslie
    October 9, 2010 | 7:27 pm

    I've loved all your posts that I have read thus far, but this one has earned you a new subscriber! I hope you come back and see me and find out the results of what happened with me and dairy queen

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