The fridge

Today I did something I haven’t done in near 12 years. I cleaned the inside of my fridge.
No. This does not mean it had not been done in 12 years. It means I was never the one doing it.
That’s what I have Wayne for. Wayne’s my husband. Along with trying to seek fame and fortune through regular features in my posts, he also wishes I would get the hell off my ass, and, for starters do the laundry.
In my defence, I used to do the laundry. But now I don’t. ‘Cause if I wait long enough, he runs out of clean underwear, and has no choice but to do it himself.
Me, I have lots of underwear. I’m good for at least two weeks.

It’s not like I came into this marriage lazy and unmotivated. In my past life, I did all kinds of menial chores. Actually, my ex-husband didn’t even know where the garbage bags were kept. So, in other words, I did  all of the menial chores.

But when I met Wayne, he sort of lured me into his life with the promise that he would do all the shit jobs like cleaning the oven, washing the walls, and yes, cleaning the inside and polishing the outside of our stainless steel refrigerator.
Well, he didn’t say it in exactly those words. He didn’t say: “If you fuck me I’ll not only clean the inside of your oven, but I’ll also move it, sweep up all the burnt chicken nuggets and french fries from beneath it, and Mr.Clean those sticky spots where the apple filling from the pie you were cooking somehow oozed out from the oven and caked onto the floor.”
He didn’t say it like that.
That wouldn’t be romantic at all.

What he did say was that when we were in the early stages of our relationship, I had been walking by his house as he was cleaning the windows. I looked up at him and yelled out, “When you’re done cleaning your windows, you can come over to my house and do mine.”
What he thought, “I’ll do your windows baby!”
See, he never should have told me this story, because although HE meant “do your windows” to mean “I’ll bang you like a gong!” I took it to mean, “I will be your faitful servant, washing your windows, scrubbing the inside of your cubboards, and chipping away at the caked on shit in the microwave for all of eternity if you will do me the honour of becoming my wife.”
That’s what I thought.
That’s more like it.

It took me over an hour this afternoon, but I pulled out every single jar, bottle, container, and rotted peach hidden in the very back of the fridge behind the 4 year old jar of pickles (why do we even buy pickles? Nobody in the family eats them).
I scrubbed, scoured, polished, and said, “Fuck! What is this fucken dried on shit?” for over an hour.
But in the end, I looked upon my manual labour with pride.

When Wayne got home, I excitedly showed him my accomplishment, awaiting my praise, my thanks, my “Sweetie, you deserve a manicure after that hard task!”

What he said, “Wow… so does this mean I’m not getting a birthday present?”

Smart-Ass.

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18 Responses to The fridge
  1. Belly Charms
    August 10, 2010 | 9:57 pm

    LMAO!!! Have a great night!!!

  2. Gigi
    August 10, 2010 | 11:32 pm

    OMG.

    You are freaking hilarious.

    So glad you came by my blog so I could come over here! Following you. So funny.

  3. -MissC*
    August 11, 2010 | 5:12 am

    Thanks for the giggle! I am now a new follower!

  4. Leigh
    August 11, 2010 | 9:31 am

    My hubby does the gross jobs like fridge cleaning too. But he's never touched the laundry – he'd rather go commando than have to do a load of laundry.

  5. ~J
    August 11, 2010 | 11:43 am

    BWHAHAHA!!! Love it! (Not that you had to clean the fridge, of course!) Love that it's normally the husband's job. Ugh…this means I should probably clean my fridge out too…sigh.

  6. ournextchapters.com
    August 11, 2010 | 3:14 pm

    OMG… that's awesome! And actually, I do my laundry and he does his. However, his complaint is that HE always does the towels… Well, YEAH… you do more laundry than I so you do towels!

    Anywho… that's my rambling response! ha!

  7. SoccerMom
    August 11, 2010 | 4:53 pm

    Your my kinda gal. I have a similar setup/agreement with my sportsman.

    He does all the shit I dont care to do. WHich includes the cooking.

    He is AWESOME.

  8. My name is Momma
    August 11, 2010 | 8:50 pm

    ROFL!

  9. Aimee
    August 11, 2010 | 11:34 pm

    yay, you're speaking my language!! anytime i see the word fuck on a blog, it calls to me!!! lol thought i was reading my own blog!!! lol love it!!!

  10. The Empress
    August 12, 2010 | 12:56 am

    of course, you did take him up on the mani, right???

  11. MamaOnDaGo
    August 12, 2010 | 2:30 am

    Isn't it strange how the mind of a female can interpret things so differently from a male? I was just staring at my fridge, the laundry, the house as a whole. And to be honest, it's a whole lotta mess!!!!

  12. Rich
    August 12, 2010 | 5:30 am

    Thanks for stopping by! Love the blog, and this post was just funny. I also do the laundry and the fridge, I don't do windows though….. ;D

  13. Miti
    August 12, 2010 | 9:17 am

    Thanks for the reminder! Actually, I need to say, "Thanks a lot for that reminder!" (sarcastically of course) Nobody really enjoys it, do they? That just can't be possible. But I seriously am in need, well I'm not in need, IT'S in need of a good makeover. OH WHY! WHY DID I CLICK ON YOUR BLOG?!?!?!

  14. ArtsyCanvasGirl
    August 12, 2010 | 9:37 am

    Love the story! Thank you for following me… I'm following you back. I loved your posting on my blog perhaps you can inspire me to focus on my dreams!

  15. Florida Girl Meets the Midwest
    August 12, 2010 | 11:22 am

    Hysterical!!!

    We need more people like you in the world.

  16. Matty
    August 13, 2010 | 2:07 am

    Ya gotta love the way men and women see the same thing from a different point of view. Over here, the inside of our fridge doesn't look so good right now. I suspect there are age old things lurking in the back that I really don't want to know about.

  17. Heather
    August 13, 2010 | 9:49 pm

    Well….was he right?

    And I totally also would have thought he meant he was actually going to wash my windows. But then I've been drinking tonight.

  18. Busy Working Mama
    August 14, 2010 | 7:16 pm

    Really, really enjoyed this. You rock. I hate cleaning the fridge. I do a compartment/shelf at a time. Sometimes. One has permament wine stains on it. Oh well.

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