This week’s Friday Flip-Offs are being hosted by Pumpkin and Piglet. Go on over. Read what she’s got to say and link up! There is something so completely satisfying about participating in this activity, especially right before the weekend. It’s kind of like a cleansing of the soul just in time for Saturday.
So let’s begin with the flip-offs shall we!
Yard Maintenance Guy
What is with this guy? He’s been coming to our house every Wednesday of the summer for the last 4 years to mow the lawn. So every Tuesday evening I’m out there poop scooping so he won’t have to dodge shit piles when he’s mowing.
Yet…YET somehow, this guy manages to drive the wheel of the lawn mower right through the one pile that was deposited late at night when I let the dogs out before going to bed.
One pile buddy!
And you have to roll your lawn mower through it dragging a trail of mashed up shit throughout my yard which I then have to somehow clean up so my kids don’t run in it.
Do you know how hard it is to clean up dog crap once it’s been ground into the wet grass?
It’s not fucken easy!
So flip-off you flipping yard maintenance guy!
Yes, pretzels! I love them. They’re crunchy and salty, and they’re perfect when washed down with a can of Diet Coke. I can put back an entire bag in one sitting. Actually, when I’m at the beach, I do this. Sometimes I’m at the beach three times a week.
The problem though, the salt gives me zits. Numerous big fat red zits. Zits that I pick at because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a zit, right? Squeeze it and poke at it until it becomes swollen and enormous, and then you start to wonder if it is in fact a zit and not some weird medical condition, or worse yet, a tumour. And you make an appointment to see your doctor because this cannot be a zit, it just can’t be, ’cause look at it, it’s huge! And you’re doctor looks at you like you’re a dumbass because why are you taking up his time and spending precious tax dollars having him diagnose….a zit!
So fuck you….errrr…I mean flip-off pretzels!
I went on a diet last October for a competition I was doing. During this diet, I was starving. So my boobs left and went to find someone who would feed them.
You’re hungry. You left. I’m cool with that.
But now I’m not dieting anymore. In fact I’ve put on the weight and then some, but the boobs have not returned.
I am now forced to pad my bras with not one set of cups, but three. This wouldn’t be a big deal, but do to my active lifestyle, the cups shift, and every once in a while someone -and not always someone I know - will point out that my tit has shifted over underneath my armpit.
So flip off boobs!…but please come back soon…I miss you!
So that concludes this week’s Friday Flip-Offs.
On another note, however, I’m being featured today and tomorrow over at The Scoop on Poop. I’m
so happy about this I could shit myself terribly flattered and honoured, so I hope you’ll head on over, and see what I have to say.