Friday Flip-Off! You know you wanna read these!

This week’s Friday Flip-Offs are being hosted by Pumpkin and Piglet. Go on over. Read what she’s got to say and link up! There is something so completely satisfying about participating in this activity, especially right before the weekend. It’s kind of like a cleansing of the soul just in time for Saturday.
So let’s begin with the flip-offs shall we!
  • Yard Maintenance Guy
What is with this guy? He’s been coming to our house every Wednesday of the summer for the last 4 years to mow the lawn. So every Tuesday evening I’m out there poop scooping so he won’t have to dodge shit piles when he’s mowing. 
Yet…YET somehow, this guy manages to drive the wheel of the lawn mower right through the one pile that was deposited late at night when I let the dogs out before going to bed.
One pile buddy!
And you have to roll your lawn mower through it dragging a trail of mashed up shit throughout my yard which I then have to somehow clean up so my kids don’t run in it.
Do you know how hard it is to clean up dog crap once it’s been ground into the wet grass?
It’s not fucken easy!
So flip-off you flipping yard maintenance guy!
  • Pretzels
Yes, pretzels! I love them. They’re crunchy and salty, and they’re perfect when washed down with a can of Diet Coke. I can put back an entire bag in one sitting. Actually, when I’m at the beach, I do this. Sometimes I’m at the beach three times a week.
The problem though, the salt gives me zits. Numerous big fat red zits. Zits that I pick at because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have a zit, right? Squeeze it and poke at it until it becomes swollen and enormous, and then you start to wonder if it is in fact a zit and not some weird medical condition, or worse yet, a tumour. And you make an appointment to see your doctor because this cannot be a zit, it just can’t be, ’cause look at it, it’s huge! And you’re doctor looks at you like you’re a dumbass because why are you taking  up his time and spending precious tax dollars having him diagnose….a zit!
So fuck you….errrr…I mean flip-off pretzels!
  • My Boobs

I went on a diet last October for a competition I was doing. During this diet, I was starving. So my boobs left and went to find someone who would feed them.
You’re hungry. You left. I’m cool with that.
But now I’m not dieting anymore. In fact I’ve put on the weight and then some, but the boobs have not returned.
I am now forced to pad my bras with not one set of cups, but three. This wouldn’t be a big deal, but do to my active lifestyle, the cups shift, and every once in a while someone -and not always someone I know - will point out that my tit has shifted over underneath my armpit.
So flip off boobs!…but please come back soon…I miss you!
So that concludes this week’s Friday Flip-Offs.
On another note, however, I’m being featured today and tomorrow over at The Scoop on Poop. I’m so happy about this I could shit myself terribly flattered and honoured, so I hope you’ll head on over, and see what I have to say.
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27 Responses to Friday Flip-Off! You know you wanna read these!
  1. Danielle
    August 20, 2010 | 9:07 am

    Pretzels are the perfect salty addiction. I ate way to many when I was preggers! lol! And boobs,well, I'll just flip off mine because I wish they were bigger!!

  2. Leigh
    August 20, 2010 | 9:11 am

    ROFLMAO! That is hilarious, especially the part about the boobs!

  3. Dazee Dreamer
    August 20, 2010 | 9:15 am

    loved the boobs. that's just all sorts of funny.

    and the maintenance guy. geez is he freaking blind?

  4. Herding Cats
    August 20, 2010 | 9:15 am

    You can have my boobs. They seem to grow even if I lose weight, and I hate it. I guess the grass is always greener right?

  5. Cristy
    August 20, 2010 | 9:40 am

    Those damn boobs! Why don't they get the memo that their job is to stay perky and perfectly sized for eternity? geesh.

  6. gopopgo
    August 20, 2010 | 10:06 am

    LOL! These are excellent flips! And wouldn't it be nice if you could direct fat and calories where to go? Too bad they seem to love my love handles the most.

  7. Canadianbloggergirl
    August 20, 2010 | 10:20 am

    I laughed so hard I cried at your flip off about shifting boobs! Reminded me of an incident I had with an underwire breaking through and slowly curving up my V-neck t-shirt. I wasn't somewhere like at home, no I was at work with a floor of 350 of my "closest" work buddies!

  8. Kristina P.
    August 20, 2010 | 10:26 am

    I have been lucky that when I lose weight, I don't lose my boobs. They are always down to my knees.

  9. Pumpkin and Piglet
    August 20, 2010 | 10:26 am

    Lol about the boobs! I'm not sure why but it's always the way, lose weight and they are the first to go, gain it and it goes everywhere but!

  10. SoccerMom
    August 20, 2010 | 11:11 am

    I say flip off boobs also!
    WTF? why is it when you loose weight that is where it comes off first?
    I was a nice 34b, then I lost weight now I am a suck ass 32a!
    Are you freakin kidding me, I have never been an "A" in my life.

    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
    Thank goodness the sportsman is not a boobs man.

  11. Booyah's Momma
    August 20, 2010 | 11:59 am

    I'm with you on the boob thing. Since weaning my littlest, they ran away and hid. And I am not cool with that.

  12. Tooje
    August 20, 2010 | 12:08 pm

    The salt gives you zits? Hmm. I might have to think about my diet and see if that's why I have occasional break-outs. I know that diet can affect complexion, but I don't track it very well to really KNOW what the problem morsels are! :)

  13. nitebyrd
    August 20, 2010 | 1:01 pm

    This is your virtual esthetician speaking – DON'T SQUEEZE YOUR ZITS! If you've got to play with 'em, put some hot water compresses on them and then some witch hazel. I think they make pretzels w/o salt but they probably suck.

    Sorry I can't help with the boob situation.

  14. Pamela
    August 20, 2010 | 1:02 pm

    I hear you on the zit thing. I'm currently battling it out with the monstrosity that is inhabiting my chin! I'm 40, not 14 – not fair!

  15. Kendra
    August 20, 2010 | 1:31 pm

    Oooh, I'm with ya on the boobs… they seem to have a mind of their own.

    …and hopefully, your gardener got some of that shit on his shoe!

  16. Queen of the Rant
    August 20, 2010 | 1:39 pm

    Found you on poop, and I like what I see-cant wait will follow!

  17. Holly Diane
    August 20, 2010 | 1:42 pm

    Cracking up over your boobs…I over fed mine and they are taking up my whole front area now…so it's a double edge sword!

  18. JennyJenJen
    August 20, 2010 | 2:44 pm

    Bwa ha! Fuck you pretzels!

    PS I can't wait to see youuuu

  19. Julianna
    August 20, 2010 | 4:01 pm

    Mmmmm… pretzels and Diet Coke. Damn, now I'm hungry. -J

  20. Semi-Slacker Mom
    August 20, 2010 | 4:42 pm

    You can have some of my tits. Remind me that I have some Canadian questions to ask you.

  21. Tina
    August 20, 2010 | 5:32 pm

    Haha! I love posts like these. Although I actually wish my boobs did stay away after comp. I loved them being smaller! They are out of control now with pregnancy and it drives me nuts.

  22. Jennie @ Modern Mamaz
    August 20, 2010 | 6:12 pm

    I'll give you some of my boobs! With every kid I have, I grow an entire size… which may sound great and all… until you remember that with every child your boobs drop a good inch or so, too. Thank god for underwire and double enforcement!

  23. MamaOnDaGo
    August 20, 2010 | 9:19 pm

    Boobs! That's probably going to be my next topic. I've said all I can say about vajayjays right now. I'm moving on to other body parts.

  24. Greta
    August 20, 2010 | 10:53 pm

    Congrats on the feature post!
    I hate when dog shit gets stuck to the lawnmower wheel. It wreaks! and it sucks to pick up.
    Be grateful for small boobs and not saggy boobs. I have the latter.

  25. The Drama Mama
    August 21, 2010 | 12:20 am

    I like these Friday flip offs, and thanks for hanging out at my place this weekend!! It was a pleasure to have you.

  26. Danielle
    August 23, 2010 | 10:03 am

    Out of all of that, I want to know what you compete in? I am assuming figure comps. But maybe figure and fitness?

  27. Busy Working Mama
    August 23, 2010 | 9:02 pm

    Thank god I don't have a pooping dog. Or a lawn. And thank god even more I've tricked my hubby into cleaning the cat litter box not once but TWICE daily. And they're MY cats :)

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