Today I’m joining a host of terrific bloggers who have all excised their demons by flipping them off. And since I’m all about the flipping, count me in.
A great big thank you to Kludgymom for hosting this fantastic opportunity which allows us to tell off all those we love, and others we don’t love so much.
My son, the oldest, the 14 year old, has this inexplicable fear of wiping his ass. As a result, he uses – I’m sure I wouldn’t be exagerating when I say – one entire roll of toilet paper each time he uses the bathroom.
As a result, when he flushes, the toilet plugs up.
The problem, however, lies, not in the fact that I have to plunge. No. Plunging would be a welcome activity to the alternative.
Rather than tell me he’s plugged the fucken toilet yet again because of his phobia of…what?…what are you scared of?…getting shit on your hand?… he walks away and tells no one.
So the next person to use the bathroom gets a very unpleasant surprise when he/she flushes, and now it’s too late to plunge because the shitty toilet water is overflowing onto the floor along with the entire roll of toilet paper, and my son’s enormous turd.
So plunging I can handle.
But cleaning, scouring, and bleaching the floors afterward makes me feel like I’m crawling through the sewers.
So flip-off kid, and learn how to wipe your ass.
Panties that have the seam running down the middle
I’m quite certain these were invented by a man. Because a woman would never create an undergarment that crawls up your hoochie forcing you to try and surreptitiously extract the bunched up fabric throughout the entire day.
And, I can’t be sure, but I’m betting that having the cotton seam wedged up there for hours on end would not only contribute to continuous discomfort but also yeast infections.
So flip-off man who invented this underwear. You’re an asshole.
And just in case you designed the garment in this way believing it would leave women in a perpetual state of arousal, well it doesn’t. Having this much friction on my clitoris does not make me horny, it makes me fucken cranky.
CAPTCHAs are the little letters certain sites get us to type in to prove that we aren’t spam.
Fine. Good. Great.
I have no problem typing these letters in.
My problem, however, is when the CAPTCHA is so stupidly convoluted that I can’t even figure out what the letters are supposed to be.
It would be nice if the letters actually spelled out a word.
But most of the time they don’t, and I can live with this. I can type in: Tuilmnop.
However, typing in a few letters is not the same thing as typing in some of the pathetically long CAPTCHAs I have encountered: youareAfuckenIdiotforevendoingTHIsdontYoUHaveaFuckENLIfe
When I’m expected to type something the length of the Nile, I will usually lose interest or forget what I was trying to get into in the first place.
So flip-off CAPTCHAs or inventor of the CAPTCHA. You waste exorbitant amounts of my time.
Believe me, I waste enough of my time without your help thank you very much.