Drama in Orlando

So this was going to be a post about my mental status in Orlando, Florida. A few hours ago when I was composing this in my head, I was miserable.

I was going to describe a typical scenario of my children’s behaviour since we have arrived here. It would have gone something like this:

Wyatt: Ok so we’re here in Magic Kingdom Epcot Center Daytona Beach Cocoa Beach Kennedy Space Center this world famous attraction. I’m hungry.

Zoe: I want some French fries.

Me: it’s 10am, you don’t need French fries. You just had breakfast less than an hour ago. You aren’t hungry.

Terran: I’m thirsty.

Me: Here’s a bottle of water.

Terran: But I don’t want water. I want chocolate milk.

Me: I can’t buy you any. I’m not supposed to spend any money whatsoever while we’re here. Your dad strictly forbids any extra expenditures whatsoever. That’s why we’re carrying this 50 lb backpack with 24 bottles of water.

Terran: Mom, Jackson is calling me Mental Maxwell.

Jackson: That’s because I’m Disabled Danny.

Me: Don’t say stuff like that. It’s not politically correct.

Actually I don’t even acknowledge this kind of stuff. Who has time for PC when I’m trying to convince them that the granola bars we brought are just as good as the funnel cake they’re being refused.

Zoe: I’ve got a sore stomach from my hunger pains.

Me: Well, you’re going to have to eat one of the cold pizza slices we brought left over from last night’s supper because I’m not supposed to buy you anything here. Remember: no spending any money.

Wayne: Oh for the love of God, would you guys just give it up!

And then I would have continued this post by describing how much of a tyrant Wayne is while on these holidays. How he can’t just sit still and enjoy the moment. How every second of Epcot Center at Disneyworld, he was marching us from one pavilion to the next. And if there’s a lineup, well forget about getting anywhere near that ride because Wayne doesn’t like to wait.
Oh you want to meet Winnie the Pooh? Only if nobody else is waiting in the lineup to meet him.

In one day we managed to visit Daytona BeachCocoa BeachKennedy Space Center, and swim in the pool at the resort. This is a productive day for Wayne.

And all of this is done on the strictest of budgets.
Although he will encourage us to enter the souvenir shops, there will be no buying of souvenirs.
Even though he will gesture towards the cute little candy stores and the fudge-making factories, saying, “Look! Look over there! It says that they have the best chocolate in the world!” absolutely no purchases will be made.
There will be no buying of additional snacks, drinks, tshirts, or postcards.

If you’re hungry but we’ve gone through the snacks that were packed, then tough. You must wait until the next scheduled meal.

By the time we reach the planned restaurant, the kids are faint from hunger.

This is Zoe. She’s curled up on herself from weakness.

This is Jackson. He’s normally a very hyper exuberant child.
When I first saw him like this, I was pretty sure he had passed out due to low blood sugar.

I was going to write about my feelings of failure as a parent who has been sucked into the stereotypical Disney vacation despite the fact that I’m the type of person who would much rather flake out on a deck chair by the pool or the Atlantic ocean while the kids swim. But noooo. I allowed myself to believe that my children required this kind of vacation in order to have experienced an idyllic childhood. I listened while my friends told me that Disney is magical. I had to see it through the eyes of my children. I had to be a kid again myself and experience what I never did as a child.

However, because I hated every second of everything, and getting upset with my children for hating it too, the experience wasn’t idyllic one little bit.

I was going to write a post about how I felt like a shit now, because instead of giving my children a good experience, all they would remember was me yelling at them about how ungrateful they were.

Turns out though that this post won’t be needed.
While we were at the biggest McDonald’s in the world (this was written on the sign) we witnessed a young woman being dragged out of the restaurant by her hair by her boyfriend. She was yelling, “Somebody help me!” The children and I stood stalk-still, numbed into inaction while the boyfriend ripped the dress off her back and left her curled up into a little ball in her underwear. As he exited the restaurant screaming something that we didn’t hear and/or don’t remember, Wyatt, my oldest son, looked at me and said, “I can’t wait to go back to school to tell my friends about this.”

Ok. Not funny.
But the girl was fine. She left a few moments later wearing a McDonald’s tshirt mumbling that she was going to kick her boyfriend’s ass.

But talk about dinner conversation. And the memories!

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27 Responses to Drama in Orlando
  1. Theres just life
    August 27, 2010 | 11:54 pm

    Sounds like you have one of those planned to the last second, we don't have time for fun, we have a schedule to keep vacations.
    Hope you are able to relax a little and sneak in some fun.

  2. Helena
    August 28, 2010 | 12:15 am

    I feel that big amusement parks are a pain in general. It's sad, but all the humanity, the crazy expense of food in the park, the lines, the danger of losing your child, all the walking, all the lugging of stuff, oiy, I'll do it once every year if I must, for the kids' sake. I actually felt sorry for my sister yesterday when she told me they were leaving today for LA to go to Disneyland with her MIL, and SILs and their families.
    And what a crazy domestic altercation in public! Wow!

  3. Kristina P.
    August 28, 2010 | 12:56 am

    And the memories are the most important part. You can scrapbook this!

  4. Opto-Mom
    August 28, 2010 | 2:49 am

    Ha ha! I might have to blog about our disney vacation when I was a kid. we called my dad Mr. Griswald, even though we never did see the world's largest ball of twine. Don't worry, your kids will remember it fondly when they are a little older and realize what all they actually got to do like rides and stuff. Oh, the only difference is that my dad loves to eat, and that's usually the highlight of his vacations, so he's not cheap on the meals. However, he was definitely a scrooge when it came to snacks!!!

  5. Semi-Slacker Mom
    August 28, 2010 | 7:21 am

    I'm glad you got some entertainment out of my home country. You should have come to GA! :)

  6. The Chicken's Consigliere
    August 28, 2010 | 8:31 am

    Wow. Whole lot of mixed feelings here. I believe it is every child's constitutional right to eat pieces of fried dough and powdered sugar-I'm not really sure why, but apparently I feel strongly about it. And the poor girl, how humiliating. I'm sorry your kids had to see that.

  7. Mamma has spoken
    August 28, 2010 | 9:03 am

    Sorry but I am sitting here laughing at the the thought that you went to Disney with a man who hates to play the line game. What your well meaning friends forgot to tell you was that's the biggest attraction of Disney! (waiting in lines to do/get whatever there is to do/get) No lines means crapppy attraction that will be remade for the next season.

  8. nitebyrd
    August 28, 2010 | 9:55 am

    When I was in college one of my art professors said that Walt Disney was The AntiChrist. Any mother of young children that visits Disneyworld and/or land, knows that this is true.

    Know that my heart aches for you. But you've actually seen more of FL in your brief visit then I have in 34 years here!

    Your kids will remember it as a FANTASTIC time in the coming years, have no doubt about that.

  9. Tylaine
    August 28, 2010 | 10:20 am

    Yep sounds like my idea of a great family vacation! :) I don't know what the big deal is about Disneyland anyway….I've never takin' my kids there and not sure we ever will. I mean there's so many other better (less crowded and ridiculously expensive) places to go.
    That last part might of made it worthwile though! Only because the girl wasn't really traumatized just ticked off.

  10. Pamela
    August 28, 2010 | 10:31 am

    Wow, are you sure they weren't filming an episode of Cops, or something? Scary & definitely memorable!

  11. McKenzie
    August 28, 2010 | 11:35 am

    I'm wowed by what happened at the McDonald's.. Sounds like your trip wasn't as exciting as you thought it would be? I'm sorry!

  12. Busy Working Mama
    August 28, 2010 | 1:17 pm

    Oh dear lord! I say this about the Mickie D's scene and your hubby's buying moratorium. We're going to Disney next year. I vowed I would never, ever go. I also boycotted Disney movies b/c they portray the women in a bad manner in almost ALL the movies (they're either evil step moms or crazy ladies or dead). And you know what happened not 2 weeks after I declared we'd never go and made my husband PROMISE that we never had to go? I won a trip to Disney. For 6. Airfare, hotel, tickets and 1K spending cash. We were supposed to go this September but my hubby convinced the sponsor to let us wait till next year when Lily's older and not taking 3-4 hour naps daily. I am already dreading it. I only get 3 weeks vacation, my time is precious!

    Disclaimer: I love love love the sponsor (Crest) for sponsoring the prize and really can't wait to go (kinda).

  13. Jessica
    August 28, 2010 | 5:38 pm

    I hope this doesn't damage your opinion on America. Your hubs sounds like a anal member of my extended family.

    Are we allowed to laugh? ;-)

  14. Lourie
    August 28, 2010 | 5:57 pm

    You have some great stories. I think my kids would have fallen over from shock at the site of that guy dragging his girlfriend by the hair!

    PC is not my cup of tea. I am tactful at best. And I am not ever that sometimes. :P

  15. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    August 28, 2010 | 7:19 pm

    That poor girl. How horrible. I hope that guy winds up with erectile dysfunction.

    As for you, sorry the vacation sucked. Next time, you should be able to choose the spot. And that spot being a beach somewhere with comfy deck chairs and a no kids policy. ;-)

  16. Cheeseboy
    August 28, 2010 | 8:49 pm

    I've been to that McDonalds!! It is insane!

    You have perfectly described our vacation to DLand/World every year. Except our kids want fries at 9:00 AM.

  17. Julianna
    August 28, 2010 | 9:29 pm

    I hate going on vacation and feeling like I have to watch every penny. This is why I'm not going back to Disney until I can afford it…sometime in 2014…maybe… And that girl, poor thing, maybe she stole his fries. -J

  18. Sara @ Domestically Challenged
    August 28, 2010 | 11:06 pm

    Your husband would DIE on vacation with me! I hit the gift shops, food stands, buy $4 water and funnel cakes while holding my gift bag! Either that, or he could teach me something!

  19. Allyson & Jere
    August 29, 2010 | 3:37 am

    Ummm, that is disturbing on so many levels. No really, I don't know what I might have done had I witnessed that domestic dispute. Poor girl.

    In other news….I can totally understand your husbands uptightness about NOT spending in the park. I mean, have you SEEN the prices there? They pretty much want your first born child for like an ice cream cone. It's ridiculous. Hoewver, I can see how this kibosh on the spending could put a real damper on your trip. Again, glad you "survived" it, starving, hair dragging, dress ripping and all.

  20. Allyson & Jere
    August 29, 2010 | 3:37 am

    Ummm, that is disturbing on so many levels. No really, I don't know what I might have done had I witnessed that domestic dispute. Poor girl.

    In other news….I can totally understand your husbands uptightness about NOT spending in the park. I mean, have you SEEN the prices there? They pretty much want your first born child for like an ice cream cone. It's ridiculous. Hoewver, I can see how this kibosh on the spending could put a real damper on your trip. Again, glad you "survived" it, starving, hair dragging, dress ripping and all.

  21. jayayceeblog
    August 29, 2010 | 8:56 am

    Wow, that sounds like a lot more vacation than you bargained for. Quite a page for the scrapbook! =)

  22. Poppy
    August 30, 2010 | 11:09 am

    Kind of funny

  23. Danielle
    August 30, 2010 | 1:55 pm

    Holy cow! That sounds like one heck of a vacation. I will re-read this someday when my daughter wants to go to Disney "whatever" No can do!!!

  24. Noelle
    August 30, 2010 | 2:17 pm

    This post could have been straight out of the page of a journal from our family vacations when I was growing up. :)

  25. Queen of the Rant
    August 30, 2010 | 2:18 pm

    Isnt it amazing how family trips bring you all together for a relaxing fun filled time? lol

  26. scribblingsofasoccermom.com
    August 31, 2010 | 11:42 pm

    I never remember all the nutty random comments in my head…seriously have to start writing them down. I love your voice!! We visited Disney in December–honestly it was a SUPER vacation…but we didn't do the drill-sergeant vacation. We spent just 2 days and nights at the resort and parks…I think that's why it wasn't horrible. I'd love to go again in the near future, this time bringing friends for the kidlets (12 and 10)…but don't tell the Fiance…he'll FREAK!

  27. Jess@StraightTalk
    September 6, 2010 | 12:52 am

    holy crap. That's not a very happy meal at McDonald's. Yeah I'm not so sure about a trip to Disney for us anytime soon because we will leave very broke.

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