What did you want to be when you grew up?

I have a friend with whom I constantly have this discussion with. She is so consumed with her family, her business, her husband, her life, that I feel she doesn’t have anything that belongs to her. Just her. I’ll say to her, “Shannon, what is your passion? What do you love? What belongs to just you? What did you want to be when you grew up?” And she’ll answer, “I never really thought of it.”

So what’s worse? Admitting you had a dream that didn’t come to fruition? Or pretending you never did?

She’ll call me on it though. She’ll say, “Have you always had a dream?”

Yes. Yes I did. I always wanted to be a supermodel. Oh, I know I have said it in previous posts in jest. Sort of.
But the truth is, it was my dream. In my bedroom I had an entire wall plastered with magazine cutouts of super models. This could have been construed in two ways:
1. It was inspirational
2. I was a raging lesbian

I’m not a lesbian.

And in all reality, as much as some tell me that it’s not over yet, there’s still time, this dream can still come true. It won’t come true. It was never meant to come true. I’m 5’4. I have always had a very athletic – read no boobs – build. I was not tall, emaciated, interesting looking, or have huge orbital “make love to the camera” eyes. And I wasn’t about to grow any taller, get any skinnier, or sprout long, luscious eyelashes. And let’s keep in mind, that I have the appetite of a lumberjack. A very big, very hulking, very hungry lumberjack. A lumberjack, who, it just so happens, loves blueberry pancakes.

YET this did not stop me from pursuing my dream. My mother drove me to Vancouver to have a portfolio done. I had an actual photoshoot with an actual photographer in an actual modelling agency, where said photographer assured my mother that I was a natural. I would go far in the business. I would get calls all the time for work. I was the next Elle McPherson. That’ll be $300 please.

After the shoot, we went for lunch at a restaurant that boasted the biggest chili burger in town. 1 lb of meat. My friend, Trevor, who had come along to ogle the other wannabe models at the agency made me a bet that I couldn’t eat the entire burger. Picture it. Strikingly beautiful (ahem…my blog people) budding model, still in full makeup and goth attire from first photoshoot, slamming back 1 lb of hamburger meat, Titanic-sized bun, and an entire can of chili.

I never did get a call-back from the modeling agency. But I did win the bet.

I continued to pursue my dream though. I entered local beauty contests. Which I never won. Competed in pageants. Which I lost. And went to other modeling agencies. Which never called me back either.

And I’m not writing this because I’m looking for sympathy or people to tell me how breathtakingly stunning I am (although I’m not opposed to this brand of shameless flattery). My point is that dreams are a necessary part of life.

I still continue to pursue this dream, although now I have to put an ageing twist on it. I won’t be on the cover of Vogue, but there are several fitness magazines out there, and I’ve had four kids, and I’m not above exploiting them to achieve my goals. Hey Oxygen, look at me, mother of four kids, rocking a two-piece bathing suit.

Yesterday, a friend of mine who owns a costume design company asked me to wear her bikinis for a photoshoot. The pictures will be used to make her new business cards and flyers. Ok! Modeling dream here I come!

I show up at her place, put on my big platform shoes – the ones that all the models wear to make their legs look leaner and longer. I stand in front of the camera. And I’m like, ok, now what.

‘Cause I’m not a model. I have no idea which poses are alluring. Which smile is provocative. Which angle makes my ass look thinner. Is my stomach hanging out? I should have worn my hair straight. This is taking long. This bikini is crawling up my butt. I shouldn’t have eaten that family-sized Mars bar last night. This isn’t a good time of the month to be taking half-naked pictures. I feel bloated.
And my feet are sore from these fricken shoes.

So maybe, just maybe I’ll see my smiling face on posters in some obscure place in the city. But now that my dream has sort of come true, I’m wondering if it brought me more pleasure when it was but a dream…

…oh, who am I kidding! It was fucken fantastic! People, I’m a fricken supermodel!

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21 Responses to What did you want to be when you grew up?
  1. Certified Holistic Healing Practitioner
    July 13, 2010 | 1:26 am

    I love that you haven't given up on your dream! That's awesome!!

    Jeanine

  2. Certified Holistic Healing Practitioner
    July 13, 2010 | 1:33 am

    I love that you haven't given up on your dream. That's awesome!!

    Jeanine

  3. Donda
    July 13, 2010 | 2:16 am

    Found your blog from a comment you left on another blog I follow so I am now following you…insomnia rocks! I love the title of your blog..now I am going to read until I fall into a medication induced sleep :)

  4. Katina
    July 13, 2010 | 3:00 am

    I'll be looking for you on da billboards! I always wanted to be taller too. At a measley 5'3 you at least have me beat! Following you from FMBT

  5. Ash
    July 13, 2010 | 9:55 am

    i think i wanted to be a singer at one point then a guitarist with nil knowledge on how to play a guitar…then i wanted to be a radio jockey…then a video jockey…and had more dreams which kept on changing as the years went by. i dont know where i'm heading with this. ANYWAY, good on you for keeping it up with your dream. it's never too late. ;)

    ~ash's mum

  6. Angie
    July 13, 2010 | 11:34 am

    I think I just wanted to be a hooker…long story siiigh…New follower from FMBT! Love your blog!

  7. Bloggy Blog Designz
    July 13, 2010 | 2:13 pm

    Newest Follower from FMBT!

  8. With our best
    July 13, 2010 | 4:33 pm

    Hi there Sandra! You are too funny!!

    Following through Tues Follow! I like your blog and looking forward to reading more!

    I would love it if you looked around and followed me back!
    http://www.withourbest.com

    -Karissa

  9. Nancy
    July 13, 2010 | 5:01 pm

    Oh shoooot… You totally gotta post those ads when they come out! I wanna see! Well, you know what, no matter how big or small, you did accomplish your dream! And you're kicking ass in a freakin bikini!! Now, that I'm jealous of! LOL! I love your confidence!

  10. Holly
    July 13, 2010 | 6:13 pm

    I gave you the "Sugar Doll" Award on my Monday July 12 post of http://www.diamondpotential.com/
    Oh! I couldn't find a BUTTON for you, so you're WELCOME to the one I created. It's on the post.

    Check out this post: http://www.diamondpotential.com/2010/06/woohoo-thats-my-design.html where it shows one of MY DESIRES that was short lived!! Hint: 5'2" just doesn't CUT IT! LOL! ((HUGS))

  11. Rebecca
    July 13, 2010 | 6:36 pm

    You need to post one of these modeling pics! Otherwise we won't believe you!

  12. WhitneyB99
    July 13, 2010 | 6:53 pm

    Your blog title is too funny lol!! I love your blog, I'm your newest follower from FMBT!

  13. ThePeachy1
    July 13, 2010 | 9:21 pm

    ROCK ON super model momma !! how much would it cost for me to tatoo my url on your forehead before your next modeling shoot?

  14. Pamela
    July 13, 2010 | 10:28 pm

    It's never too late! You totally rock for not giving up the dream & I am in awe of anyone over the age of 40 with 4 kids who can wear a 2-pc!

  15. Cameron
    July 13, 2010 | 10:53 pm

    I always wanted to be a model too! But I feel way too awkward when people start taking pictures of me…especially for a model setting. I can't act natural in that setting. haha

  16. Michelle Faith
    July 13, 2010 | 11:05 pm

    Ok some strange stuff is going on Your blog address keeps shooting over to narcissism101 on the GFC…so when I put you in my blog list thats what shows up??? even in my blogger it shows up at that. You are a hard lady to find. I got a kid in the bath but I'll be back to read this post. :)

  17. ~Tara
    July 14, 2010 | 12:17 pm

    Hi from your newest FMBT follower! (Sorry I'm late!) Hilarious post!! Looking forward to reading more! Hope you ahve a chance to stop by Life, as it is…

  18. Semi-Slacker Mom
    July 14, 2010 | 10:13 pm

    Work it girl! You totally need to post those pics!

  19. Kristina @ MamaDivas.com
    July 17, 2010 | 3:27 am

    "appetite of a lumberjack"

    You're hilarious! :)

    Kudos to you for winning that bet! That's sooooo much better than getting a call back from a modeling agency, anyway! (I HEART FOOD!)

  20. makemommygosomethingsomething
    July 25, 2010 | 3:13 pm

    Hi Coming to you from BLoggy Moms,

    LOVE. LOVE this post. I am so glad that you're going for your dreams. ROCK ON!!!

  21. Janellaaaaa
    July 26, 2010 | 2:49 am

    Sandra….

    You'll always be my Super Model! :)

    Ok – seriously… What's this about making your ass look smaller??? I thought we were going for defined glutes, here???

    To those of you who are demanding to see the ads, I'm working hard to get the suits done. I sit, at my sewing machine all day! Shackled! Like a small Chinese child working in a factory.

    Well…. at least the days I'm not sitting on the couch eating bon bons.

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