This week’s writer’s workshop prompt is: What would you change about your life if you could?
This is a complicated subject to write about. I could be a smart ass and say the usual stuff:
I wouldn’t have married the first asshole
I would have pursued my modeling career ~cue to peels of hysterical laughter~
I wouldn’t have turned down Bill Gates when he asked for my hand in marriage ~trying not to pee my pants from the peels of hysterical laughter~
In all seriousness though, I could say that I wish I had done things the other way around, ie. got my degree, my career, then had my kids. But even as I write this, I know this wouldn’t have worked out for me. I change my mind too much. Even if I had gotten my nursing degree in my early 20s, by the time I would have been graduating, I’m pretty sure I would have thought of some other career that appealed to me more. Flight attendant. Lawyer. Astrophysicist… ok, actually that last one, I would never have thought of. As a matter of fact, I had to google it to figure out the spelling.
It’s the ADD thing I have going on, though. I just can’t seem to find a passion, or even a substantial thought and stick with… Oh look, a butterfly!
Even now, in my third year of nursing school, I’m rethinking my decision. I’m not sure I want to be a nurse. This is a huge admission for me. I’ve been talking about being a nurse since I was 5. Of course I never thought I would actually go through with it. I took the easy way out and had four kids. Every time I was in labour, I’d tell the nurse, “I would be a maternity nurse if I didn’t have kids.”
It’s so easy to say that, isn’t it. I would be if… I would be an Olympic sprinter if I wasn’t so slow. I would be a veterinarian if I liked animals. I would be a super model if I could stay at 2% body fat (ya, the modelling thing: lifelong dream that’s never going to happen. Time to move on, I know.)
And I’m not going to quit nursing. I’m too close now. Not to mention, my mom is waiting for me to quit so she can say, “See, I knew you wouldn’t finish.” So I’m basically going to be gainfully employed thanks to my burning desire to prove her wrong.
But as I spend more time advancing towards my degree, working in the hospital, learning about medicine, I realize that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to handle the pressure associated with caring for sick people. This morning when my son told me that his ear hurt when he pressed on it, I said, “Then don’t press on it.”
And then, as I type away at these blogs, I’m always struck by how much fun I’m having, by how easily the words flow onto the screen, by how satisfied I am when I hit the button on which are written the words: Publish Post.
Publish. If only it were that easy in the land of the famous authors. Here’s my manuscript: Publish Post.
So what would I change about my life if I could? Probably nothing…
…well, maybe just one thing: famous modelling agency, meet Sandra… ya, ya, I know, that ship has sailed…well, that ship was never built to leave the dock. I’m moving on.