Reflections

This week’s writer’s workshop prompt is: What would you change about your life if you could?
This is a complicated subject to write about. I could be a smart ass and say the usual stuff:
  • I wouldn’t have married the first asshole
  • I would have pursued my modeling career ~cue to peels of hysterical laughter~
  • I wouldn’t have turned down Bill Gates when he asked for my hand in marriage ~trying not to pee my pants from the peels of hysterical laughter~
In all seriousness though, I could say that I wish I had done things the other way around, ie. got my degree, my career, then had my kids. But even as I write this, I know this wouldn’t have worked out for me. I change my mind too much. Even if I had gotten my nursing degree in my early 20s, by the time I would have been graduating, I’m pretty sure I would have thought of some other career that appealed to me more. Flight attendant. Lawyer. Astrophysicist… ok, actually that last one, I would never have thought of. As a matter of fact, I had to google it to figure out the spelling. 
It’s the ADD thing I have going on, though. I just can’t seem to find a passion, or even a substantial thought and stick with… Oh look, a butterfly!
Even now, in my third year of nursing school, I’m rethinking my decision. I’m not sure I want to be a nurse. This is a huge admission for me. I’ve been talking about being a nurse since I was 5. Of course I never thought I would actually go through with it. I took the easy way out and had four kids. Every time I was in labour, I’d tell the nurse, “I would be a maternity nurse if I didn’t have kids.”
It’s so easy to say that, isn’t it. I would be if… I would be an Olympic sprinter if I wasn’t so slow. I would be a veterinarian if I liked animals. I would be a super model if I could stay at 2% body fat (ya, the modelling thing: lifelong dream that’s never going to happen. Time to move on, I know.)
And I’m not going to quit nursing. I’m too close now. Not to mention, my mom is waiting for me to quit so she can say, “See, I knew you wouldn’t finish.” So I’m basically going to be gainfully employed thanks to my burning desire to prove her wrong.
But as I spend more time advancing towards my degree, working in the hospital, learning about medicine, I realize that I’m not sure I’m going to be able to handle the pressure associated with caring for sick people. This morning when my son told me that his ear hurt when he pressed on it, I said, “Then don’t press on it.”
And then, as I type away at these blogs, I’m always struck by how much fun I’m having, by how easily the words flow onto the screen, by how satisfied I am when I hit the button on which are written the words: Publish Post.
Publish. If only it were that easy in the land of the famous authors. Here’s my manuscript: Publish Post.
So what would I change about my life if I could? Probably nothing…
…well, maybe just one thing: famous modelling agency, meet Sandra… ya, ya, I know, that ship has sailed…well, that ship was never built to leave the dock. I’m moving on.
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13 Responses to Reflections
  1. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    July 8, 2010 | 9:19 pm

    Thanks for being so honest in this post…and hysterical at the same time.

  2. Deanna
    July 8, 2010 | 9:22 pm

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's… great post! It's hard to say what you'd change when you know it means you'd end up somewhere else, isn't it? That's pretty much the conclusion I came to in my post! : )

  3. beingnicksmom
    July 8, 2010 | 10:07 pm

    I am glad I stopped by to read this…great post! I don't know what this means except I have been around a lot of nurses, including my sister…and you sound like a nurse. Her favorite expression? Get out of my ER with your stupid cold! Just sayin….

  4. Nancy
    July 8, 2010 | 10:47 pm

    Love your honesty. Every decision we make reflects our present outcome. I don't think I'd change anything because if I could, things would not end up the way they have.

    How do I get in on these Writer's Workshops? Me likey! BTW, I'm going to add you to my blogroll, feel free to link back if you'd like!

    Nancy

  5. Michelle Faith
    July 8, 2010 | 11:20 pm

    I do so love your snark, or whatev you call it. anyway you crack me up. I was going to college taking the prereck for Nursing school…droped out and had four kids. I know how you feel…I was going to be a nurse, now I just want to write the next Harry Potter and make a ton of money lol yeah right lady, If I had a day job, I'd keep it.
    I like you so much I'm adding you to my blog list….I know…your welcome.

  6. Mama Kat
    July 8, 2010 | 11:22 pm

    It's hard to pinpoint something we might do different when we're happy with the overall product…although…making millions modeling would be nice too. :)

  7. Booyah's Momma
    July 9, 2010 | 1:21 am

    Bill Gates asked you, too? And here I thought I was special… man, what a two-timer. Great post… you had me giggling!

  8. Uncle Rob
    July 9, 2010 | 1:42 am

    there is always time to model… you could be now, and you always could have been!
    Don't though, cuz I love your blogging!

  9. JennyJenJen
    July 9, 2010 | 11:47 am

    I dont like this question mama kat's..

    Your life, complete with its sucesses and misgivings, is what got you to where you are. Sure there are a lot of things we could do differently that would have made our lives better/richer/grander but then they wouldn't be our lives would they?

    PS don't quit nursing school.

  10. Julia
    July 9, 2010 | 1:14 pm

    Since I was in the womb I knew I was going to be a teacher. I'm almost 27, with a boyfriend, no kids, and a career. I love what I do, HOWEVER, I keep thinking that I should continue with my career, finish up this master's degree which I have extending far too long, and continue with a doctorate then work for the US Dept of Education. I've got dreams, girl! To sum up this God-awful long comment, I don't think anyone is truly always satisfied with what they have. So, Sandra, finish up nursing school. Be a nurse. And then…model for a nursing uniform catalog. See? It allll can happen. :)

  11. The PWT
    July 9, 2010 | 9:17 pm

    1) I love your header!
    2) I totally have career ADHD also!
    3) I say finish the nursing degree (because you can) and with a career under your belt… start on another one :D

  12. Pamela
    July 10, 2010 | 10:55 am

    Are you sure you're not a Libra? I can so totally relate – I'm constantly changing my mind about what I want to do. I've taken many courses & gone to school for so many different types of jobs and once I finally get my "dream job" I get bored & want to do something else! Oh well, guess it just makes us that much more versatile and interesting, right?;)

  13. Lisa Brown
    July 10, 2010 | 9:44 pm

    Thanks for stopping by my blog – and giving me a reason to stop by yours! I've got two sections for my "follow" blogs in Google Reader – "Blog Watch" and "Hide" – I'm definitely putting yours under "Blog Watch"! ;)

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