I know, right, it’s been what? Three days of summer holidays so far? Not even - they got out Tuesday at 4:10, that’s not even 72 hours ago.
I don’t know what to do with…let me rephrase that: I don’t want to do anything with them.
I’m a firm believer in letting kids play with other kids. I had my childhood. My NORMAL childhood. Where I was kicked out onto the street after breakfast and told to come home when it got dark. “Just go see the lady across the street, she’ll give you a sandwich or something when you get hungry.”
It worked. I’m probably going to get skin cancer any second now because I ran around in a bikini every summer day of my youth without a drop of sunblock. But I had a terrific childhood.
I don’t even know how to handle my kids. Their lack of enthusiasm for summer days. Their refusal to go outside and knock on the neighbours’ doors to ask: “Do you have any kids my age in the house?” Their lack of stamina. I’ll take my kids on runs with me, and I spend the entire time
screaming at them asking, “What’s wrong? Why do you keep stopping? You’re 14 years old. When I was 14, I was running on the cross-country team, and I certainly wasn’t stopping my ass to gasp for air every 10 fucken steps.”… of course I would never swear at my children… swearing is bad.
It’s not like I don’t try to get them out there, enjoying the good weather.
This is my backyard…
Nice, right. Kickass trampoline. Pool. Sure, the pool isn’t the biggest, but we wanted one we could take down at the end of the summer so they’d have plenty of room for snow forts and a skating rink during the winter months. Turns out, they don’t know how to make forts unless they’re digitally animated. As for the skating rink, Wayne, le husband, will never make another one ever again because he spent more hours in the subzero temperatures freezing his ass off than the
little ingrates kids actually used it. Actually, the kids spent more time putting on skates, lacing up skates, complaining that said skates were too tight, and relacing skates, than they actually spent on the skating rink.
This is who actually uses the backyard…
This is Molly. She’s my favourite. And when she gets on my nerves, I can put her in a kennel.
Unless I’m on my kids to get outside and do something…go vandalize something for fucksakes! Just get the fuck outside! This is what they do…