How many more days till they're back in school?

I know, right, it’s been what? Three days of summer holidays so far? Not even - they got out Tuesday at 4:10, that’s not even 72 hours ago.

I don’t know what to do with…let me rephrase that: I don’t want to do anything with them.

I’m a firm believer in letting kids play with other kids. I had my childhood. My NORMAL childhood. Where I was kicked out onto the street after breakfast and told to come home when it got dark. “Just go see the lady across the street, she’ll give you a sandwich or something when you get hungry.”

It worked. I’m probably going to get skin cancer any second now because I ran around in a bikini every summer day of my youth without a drop of sunblock. But I had a terrific childhood.

I don’t even know how to handle my kids. Their lack of enthusiasm for summer days. Their refusal to go outside and knock on the neighbours’ doors to ask: “Do you have any kids my age in the house?” Their lack of stamina. I’ll take my kids on runs with me, and I spend the entire time screaming at them asking, “What’s wrong? Why do you keep stopping? You’re 14 years old. When I was 14, I was running on the cross-country team, and I certainly wasn’t stopping my ass to gasp for air every 10 fucken steps.”… of course I would never swear at my children… swearing is bad.

It’s not like I don’t try to get them out there, enjoying the good weather.

This is my backyard…

Nice, right. Kickass trampoline. Pool. Sure, the pool isn’t the biggest, but we wanted one we could take down at the end of the summer so they’d have plenty of room for snow forts and a skating rink during the winter months. Turns out, they don’t know how to make forts unless they’re digitally animated. As for the skating rink, Wayne, le husband, will never make another one ever again because he spent more hours in the subzero temperatures freezing his ass off than the little ingrates kids actually used it. Actually, the kids spent more time putting on skates, lacing up skates, complaining that said skates were too tight, and relacing skates, than they actually spent on the skating rink.

This is who actually uses the backyard…

This is Molly. She’s my favourite. And when she gets on my nerves, I can put her in a kennel.

Unless I’m on my kids to get outside and do something…go vandalize something for fucksakes! Just get the fuck outside! This is what they do…

And I wish I could say they were watching the Discovery Channel or even Toddler’s in Tiara’s, but nope…
Nope.
So unless I’m out there, telling them what to do: “Go play soccer. Here’s the ball. Here’s your foot. Now move your foot against the ball.” They just don’t get it. Playing outside is a foreign concept.
Of course I do try to find the bright side. If they want to stay inside, then all the more peace and quiet for me out there. Right?
Wrong.
This is what happens when I go out there to enjoy the sun…
Can you see me in there? I’m the one at the bottom of the pile. I’m reading a book. Not to them. It’s not a story book. It’s a text book called “Ethics in Canadian Nursing Practice.” I’m trying to study. I often try to study. But this is what happens. Somehow it’s more fun for them to sit and admire me, than it would be to jump in the pool four feet from them.
So this is why it’s going to be a long summer. Yet another one. And this is why, contrary to what I’m supposed to do in order to receive the “Mother of the Year” award, my kids are encouraged to go play their XBOX 360.
Smart and Trendy Moms
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24 Responses to How many more days till they're back in school?
  1. Michelle Faith
    July 2, 2010 | 6:38 pm

    Ok I'm a little pissed that I now have Doritos on my laptop screen! Cause I spit them out laughing at your post…I feel your pain honey..My house looks about the same…Get the F out of the house, I spent my summers playing "Pole dancer" for the boys next door, whats with kids now days…Funny post!
    Anyway… I'm a new follower from FF…I love meeting new blogging friends…Have a save happy 4th.

  2. KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER)
    July 2, 2010 | 6:46 pm

    Found you on Friday Follow. I'm your newest follower on your super awesome blog!

    KyAnn

    http://checketts-myers-clan.blogspot.com

  3. Brooke
    July 2, 2010 | 8:29 pm

    so happy you found me as well!!! I think we may be a match made in blogosphere heaven!
    hop on over anytime you need to feel better about yourself…I do a wonderful job of making mom's feel like they are good moms! :)

  4. Rebecca
    July 2, 2010 | 8:37 pm

    I'd play in your backyard, it looks fucking awesome!

  5. brainella
    July 2, 2010 | 9:03 pm

    LOL. I feel ya — my mother kicked us out of the house after breakfast, lunch and dinner…and it did not matter what season it was. We were ALWAYS outside. We lived in the middle of nowhere so all we had were each other. That's probably why we none of us speak to each other now. :-) Happy weekend!

  6. Java
    July 2, 2010 | 9:05 pm

    This just cracks me up! I know exactly what you mean! I think my kids eyes would burn from seeing the sun! Actually I don't even know if they know what the sun is! They NEVER go outside! My parents live next door with an inground pool and they don't use it! I would have killed for a pool when I was younger!
    What is wrong with kids nowadays? I sure don't know! Drives my husband and myself CRAZY!!
    I thought I was following you but apparently I wasn't! Opps! Well I am now!!!

    Thanks for this post and thanks for linking up on theFollow Friday 40 and Over Blog Hop!

    Have a great weekend and I hope you stay sane!!

  7. Everyday Kathy
    July 2, 2010 | 10:44 pm

    Most enjoyable post!! I was told to "come back when the street lights come on" and was even known to ask the neighbors for breakfast when my mother didn't wake up when I wanted it. — I was planning on sending my girl to fend for herself soon… you have dashed all my hopes!

    Thanks again for visiting Everyday Mommy! Have a great weekend

  8. Just A Mom (Call me JAM for short)
    July 2, 2010 | 11:11 pm

    Stopping by from Smart and Trendy Moms Social Parade!

    Hilarious… My sister has four kids and like you, no matter where she goes, they follow her like puppies! Trust me, there will come a point in time when they don't! But it takes about 25 years!

  9. Haupi
    July 3, 2010 | 12:39 am

    You're doing better and luckier than you think. The kids love being around you…and that says a lot – your swearing and all. Great job! Happy 4th to you all.

    Haupi
    http://hauplight.blogspot.com/

  10. Tina @ Tina Gray {dot} Me
    July 3, 2010 | 1:08 am

    First, thanks so much for having me in your "superstars" blogroll!

    Second, I'm following you back!

    Third, school holidays should be banned! If kids can't make fun for themselves and get their asses out of the house, then they don't deserve holidays! I think I might start a petition or something.

  11. NorCalMom
    July 3, 2010 | 2:45 am

    Stopping by from Friday Follow and I am nor a follower.

    I have the same problem with my kids. Love to find a solution.

  12. Random Blogette
    July 3, 2010 | 8:54 am

    My kids are the same way! Ok I do not have the amazing back yard festival like you do, but we have lots of stuff in our garage to keep them entertained. I feel like I am always telling my kids to go play or go outside. I know that there are kids in our neighborhood, but do you think that my kids play with them…hell no. They would rather sit there and wait for me to do something…so they can annoy me.

  13. Apron Senorita
    July 3, 2010 | 9:41 am

    Hi, I’m Yoli from Apron Senorita. It is so nice to meet you. I’m coming through the Social Parade, and I look forward to following your blog. Hope you drop by for a visit at Apron Senorita. Happy 4th of July.

    Yoli :)
    http://apronsenorita.blogspot.com

  14. Suburban Princess
    July 3, 2010 | 1:51 pm

    Girl I was in love with your blog 3 seconds in!
    Thanks for visiting mine!!

    I love this post – and the biggest problem is that if you send your kids out to play…there are no other kids out there! *sigh*

    You need to get them watching Real Housewives!

  15. Erin
    July 3, 2010 | 7:40 pm

    ROFLMAO!

  16. Semi-Slacker Mom
    July 3, 2010 | 10:26 pm

    I about choked on my blueberry muffin when I saw the OC! My kids watch E!. We are awesome mothers!!! I'm so pumped that I "know" 2 Canadians now, you & Suburban Princess!

  17. Daffy
    July 4, 2010 | 5:05 am

    My husband annoys me. What do you suggest I do about that? Seems you have fantastic solutions for the kids. I tried packing his shit up but he just unpacked while I was gone the other day. And damned if he isn't sleeping in the bed right now.

  18. Grace
    July 4, 2010 | 6:44 am

    I hear you're also in the running for Mother of the Year. My sister is neck and neck with you.

    This was hilarious! I so remember those days. Now that mine are older, I hate to see summer end.

  19. Erin
    July 4, 2010 | 8:17 am

    Yeesh….kids these days! (Is it bad that I was thinking, well at least it's not only American kids…?) I'd happily take that pool off your hands. I would blissfully sit my pregnant ass in there day after day.

    Stopping by from LBS :)

  20. Michelle
    July 4, 2010 | 9:51 am

    Gleefully my kids aren't old enough to annoy me this much yet, but I'm sure that time is a comin!

    Love your blog! Stop by and see mine if you get a chance. I found you via the Tea Party.

    Michelle
    http://pietrosmomma.blogspot.com/

  21. Domestic Diva
    July 4, 2010 | 1:28 pm

    I think you're me in a few years! My kids are still little (5, 3, 1), so my problem is that when I'm hot, sweaty and have an afro from being out in the humidity for hours, they throw fits when it's time to go back in the AC. From the sounds of it though, I'll be wishing for these days again when I'm trying to peel them away from Wii or X Box or whatever they come out with next!
    http://divinesecretsofadomesticdiva.blogspot.com/

  22. Cameron
    July 4, 2010 | 2:48 pm

    I gave you an award today on my blog!!

    http://www.ingenuemom.com/2010/07/award-season.html

  23. Poppy
    July 4, 2010 | 6:51 pm

    I've been taken to a place without Wi-fi against my will. Oh, and my in-laws are here too. So, glad I didn't miss too much.

    Glad it's not just me that the kids follow around. I've tried to test the theory that kids prefer an abusive mother over no mother. Yep, they still follow me. My motto this summer is GTFO: Get The Fuck Out

  24. Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend
    July 9, 2010 | 10:35 pm

    Love your blog …so glad that I stopped by. Happy Friday

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