Beach Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally our first beach day of the season.

I am a Sun Worshipper. Yes, I know tanning causes cancer. I know it will age my skin. I know I’ll be all scary looking when I’m 50. But I have another 9 years so, for now, I can live with the fear.

I remember when I was an 18 year old university student at UBC, there was a beach within walking distance of my dorm called Wreck Beach. I don’t know if it’s still like this, but when I was young(er) it was a nudist beach. It was home to, what  I can only assume were homeless naked people. Every once in a while, we’d see them come into our dorm houses to use our showers and bathrooms. They were dubbed “Beach Creatures.” I would look at these people in awe. What a life. No job. No studying. No responsibilities. Just laying around the beach all day working on their tans.

During this year, I was in mad mad love with a guy (well, I had been in mad mad love with this guy for several years, and had actually followed him to UBC). He also loved the sun and would rock a wicked tan from the second the sun was strong enough to brown his beautiful soft skin…wait…having momentary lust flashback…

Ok. Think I’m good now.

So anyway, I would imagine myself and this guy running away together, leading this nomadic nude existence on Wreck Beach, our beautiful naked progeny following us down the beach while we searched for shelter for the night. Great visual, right. We could have been like Ma and Pa Ingalls from Little House on the Prairies. Only naked.

Still don’t understand why this guy wouldn’t commit.

Anyway, now, as the mother of four children who are usually clothed, to make up for the short summer, I’m at the beach as often as I can. I quite literally flop down on my blanket, and stay there until the sun starts going down. As a matter of fact, today, my youngest son momentarily went missing. I know, you’re thinking what a shitty mom I am. Well, it’s not like he drowned. I just couldn’t find him. When I did spot his little head bobbing out in the surf, I didn’t like how far out he’d gone. So I walked out to the edge of the water, and called out for him to get his little fucken ass himself closer to shore.

When I got back to the blanket, my oldest said, “Were you scared he had drowned?” I was like, “Well, he’s gonna drown if he goes out that far. The bottom of this lake dips.” Oldest smart-ass says, “You were scared. I could tell. In all the years we’ve been coming to the beach, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen you get up from the beach blanket.”

Shut up. Mouthy little fucker.

Le husband, Wayne, is not an avid beach person. He says he likes it. But I don’t believe him. He kind of perches himself in the middle of the blanket, almost like he’s scared one of his body parts well get sand packed in it.

Unlike me, he never really fully relaxes stretched out on the blanket, toes wiggling in the hot sand. I’ll just lay there for hours. I don’t even have to talk (I know. Unbelievable.) But he seems bored.
He positions himself precariously in the middle of the blanket trying to keep himself busy. It’s actually funny the things he’ll do to kill time.

This is him checking emails on his Blackberry. Notice the strategical position on the blanket.

Clipping his toenails. How much forethought when into this outing that he actually brought toenail clippers along?
And here he’s doing yoga. It must have relaxed him a little because his feet are actually touching the sand. Go baby! Go baby!
My kids on the other hand, have no problems at all keeping busy.

I know, a tad porno, but how fucken cute is that!

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37 Responses to Beach Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  1. Pamela
    July 18, 2010 | 10:07 pm

    lol! Looks like a fun day although I too am amazed that your husband actually thought about bringing nail clippers to the beach. Guess he knew he was doing to be there for a while;)

  2. Cheryl
    July 19, 2010 | 12:07 am

    The nail clipper thing? Kinda grossed me out. I mean, where did he put all the clippings? On the blanket? In the sand?

  3. Kelley
    July 19, 2010 | 1:21 am

    I am SO GLAD you found my blog because it helped me find yours! I was laughing OUT LOUD at those pictures of your husband! Hahahahahaha!!! I love the way he's sitting on the towel checking his e-mail. That is hysterical. THIS is my type of blog. I will be coming back, sistah. Gotsta get. I'm at Wreck Beach and my fellow "Beach Creatures" want to go gallivanting. Bye now.

  4. The Empress
    July 19, 2010 | 2:08 am

    Oh, how funny!

    Has he seen this?

    Pssst…you can make your engagement romantic,too, just ask him to marry you and voila! a nice romantic surprise…

  5. S.I.F.
    July 19, 2010 | 4:27 am

    I am SUCH a beach girl too! It's one of the things I miss the most about San Diego… I used to spend ages on the beach… and I even frequented our one nudie spot from time to time! Although, nude beaches in Australia were never as creepy as the ones in the states!

  6. Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do
    July 19, 2010 | 9:14 am

    My hubby is the same way. He treats sand as if it's boiling magma.

  7. Cheryl
    July 19, 2010 | 11:29 am

    Oh to be 41 again and actually enjoy baking in the sun. Early menopause killed that desire quite dead. Gah!

  8. Olivia J. Herrell
    July 19, 2010 | 11:34 am

    OMG! Thank you so much, I laughed out loud. It's so nice to read a blog by someone whose lizard brain (you know, that part of our brain that is sooo worried we'll offend someone and they won't like us) doesn't rule them. And censor their writing. I LOVED this. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    And thank you for leaving such a wonderful comment on my blog last night. I love my blog, I love blogging, I love everything about it. Well almost. But knowing that it touched someone, if even only in a small way, then WOW. You made my weekend. Thanks!

    ~that rebel, Olivia

  9. A Moms Rantings
    July 19, 2010 | 12:21 pm

    Hey there. Returning the follow from Mommy bloggers. Thanks for following. Love the post. WE just got back from a trip to a water park. First time in years. Will be posting about it soon. Come check it out

  10. Poppy
    July 19, 2010 | 12:47 pm

    Nake or not, I'm having a tough time picturing you being Caroline Ingalls. What, no gratuitous bikini shots of those fab abs? Right, you want readers.
    Love, the porno shot, I see they have your sense of humor.

  11. Brooke
    July 20, 2010 | 12:27 am

    Hey! we are right next to each other on the Follow me Back Tuesday link-up…
    just thought I would say HI and tell you that you were Totally Robbed of the Not Mom of the Year Award!!!!!
    I looked for your name and threw virtual tomatoes at theta mom for not picking you!!
    have a great tuesday-b

  12. Xenia
    July 20, 2010 | 12:35 am

    Now that's just plain funny. I'm with you on just being able to lay on the beach – my husband is always reading a magazine or fidgeting around. Bah! Go play with the kids and leave me here in peace.

    Thanks for stopping by!

  13. chubskulit
    July 20, 2010 | 12:41 am

    I am a new follower from FMBT, hope you can drop by and give some love back too.

  14. Truthful Mommy
    July 20, 2010 | 1:00 am

    I am so following you back from FMBT! Love the day at the beach photos. My husband, also a Wayne, is of German descent and I swear to God the man hates the sun or rather it hates him. I am Hispanic so I love the beach and since I was a teenager, could lay out for hours.We go to the beach and he looks about as uncomfortable as your husband. Maybe its a Wayne thing:)LOL happy Mothering!

  15. The Mayor!
    July 20, 2010 | 1:01 am

    Laughing…too…hard…to…type! Frikkin priceless, start to finish!


  16. The Girly Tomboy
    July 20, 2010 | 1:04 am

    Gotta love Tuesday blog hops for finding new and exciting blogs! That's how I found you! :) And now I'm your newest follower.

  17. Popcorn Served Daily
    July 20, 2010 | 1:10 am

    How can this world revolve around you, when it really revolves around me? Ha ha

    I'm now a follower.


  18. Kim@Chubby Cheeks Thinks
    July 20, 2010 | 8:51 am

    Hi! I'm a new follower! I hope you'll follow me back and check out my awesome giveaways! Right now I have a special giveaway going on for a month of free ad space for my followers!!

    Chubby Cheeks Thinks

  19. Ashley Sisk
    July 20, 2010 | 11:32 am

    Coming to you from Tuesday following and your writing is HILARIOUS! I love a blog that's all about me (well mine kinda is even though there are tons of photos) so I don't mind running into another narcissist! Definitely going to follow and would love for you to follow back. Come check me out at Have a great day!

  20. JennyJenJen
    July 20, 2010 | 12:50 pm

    a naked ma & pa ingalls?? bwa ha ha!

  21. Mrs. Claus
    July 20, 2010 | 1:01 pm

    Thanks for stopping by the "North Pole" ha ha ha!!

    I'm your newest follower!!

  22. Kelly's Avenue
    July 20, 2010 | 1:08 pm

    Thanks for stopping by my blog……have a great week

  23. Free Gal
    July 20, 2010 | 3:29 pm

    Following from FMBT!

    Free samples, coupons, giveaways, money-saving tips, and more!

  24. Bridget
    July 20, 2010 | 4:52 pm

    Stopping by from FMBT. Happy Tuesday, I am your newest follower. Stop by and visit when you get a chance. Looking forward to reading more of your posts. The porno pic is hilarious!

  25. With our best
    July 20, 2010 | 5:42 pm

    Hi! I'm already a follower! Just saying Happy Tuesday!

  26. RenderMeMama
    July 20, 2010 | 6:08 pm

    This made me laugh so much! It totally looks like a day at the beach with my family.

    Stopping by from FMBT! Loving your site! Come check me out too and follow back?

    Amy @

  27. Lisa.s
    July 20, 2010 | 6:58 pm

    You are so funny! I do wish I could lie there on the sand, but I'm the one who watches the kids and the hubby will sit on his ass, dressed in pants and t-shirt, put a towel over his head and just watch from 10 feet away. He probable wouldn't even see our boys drowning from that far! Lets here it for all the moms!

  28. Melanie
    July 20, 2010 | 9:13 pm

    Looks like you all had a blast!!
    I cracked up about the blackberry, leave the thing home man! For one day! haha ;)

  29. Rachelle @ Adventures in Creating
    July 20, 2010 | 10:11 pm

    Following you back from Adventures In Creating!

  30. Songberries
    July 20, 2010 | 11:04 pm

    Your husband is a hoot!
    Love your day at the beach!
    Thanks for following me. I'm following you now.

  31. Julie
    July 21, 2010 | 12:43 am

    I love the beach too…I use to love the sun too but my ADD gets the best of me and I can't sit still!!

    Loved the picture of hubs clipping his toe nails…quite the multi tasker!!

  32. Michelle
    July 21, 2010 | 9:13 pm

    How in fucks sake have I not been following your blog? It's hilarious! I thoguht I signed up to follow you but clearly I didn't.

    Also, clippers on the beach? That's all kinds of random.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I appreciate it! While you're having a cupcake for me, could you get strawberry on vanilla? It's my fav!


  33. Nanc
    July 21, 2010 | 10:02 pm

    LOL! I love the pic of him all crouched into a little ball checking his blackberry! I love your posts, I can actually picture your college experience!

  34. Cameron
    July 21, 2010 | 10:41 pm

    So fun! I never get to go to the beach. Haven't been in years! Of course, I'm super pale & tend to look like a lobster after just a couple hours in the sun. It's ridiculous.

    I must say, though – kinda grossed out by the toenail clipping at the beach…

  35. Tonia @Chic Modern Vintage
    July 22, 2010 | 1:36 am

    Looks like you guys had plenty of fun. Thanks for stopping by, I'm following via Thursday blog hop, and please don't be a stranger. I do come back and visit blogs that I follow from the blog hops.

  36. Big Mama Cass
    July 22, 2010 | 5:37 pm

    So jealous! I wanna go to the beach. Hubby brought clippers? Hilarious. Your son has a great set of knockers ;) LOL

  37. Jen
    August 13, 2010 | 3:06 am

    Haha – the toenail clipping picture really made me laugh!

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