So I changed my mind, so what?

Sorry Sarah Ban Breathnach. I tried. I gave it a shot. Yet another one. So I’m at what now? Six tries? I got through 7 pages of “Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.” My goal: get through the entire journey. The purpose: gain a greater appreciation for the little things that life has to offer. AND blog about it.

Ya. Fuck that.

I can find other stuff… other INTERESTING stuff to blog about. Ms. Sarah had me writing about blossoms on the nighttable, weeding the vegetable garden, buying bouquets of flowers for every room in the house (seriously! she seriously recommends that. Who do I look like? Fricken Oprah?) Sorry. Booooring. Blogging about my husband painting our house, so much more interesting… well it doesn’t sound interesting when I put it that way, but trust me it was good.

And I don’t consider this quitting. It’s just that I change my mind a lot. I have a hard time making a decision and sticking with it. It’s not just for the big events in my life, like fianc├ęs and husbands.

Dressing in the morning: sweats, jeans, tshirt, hoodie, grown up look, student look, ageing tramp look, which one? Even picking out my bra is an issue: sport’s bra, strapless bra, bra that makes me look like I have boobs?

And breakfast! Holy shit, biggest decision of my day. Carbs or no carbs? Fruit or no fruit? Eggs? Scrambled, fried, poached? Protein shake? Which flavour? In the blender with ice or just in the shaker?

At the restaurant, I always send Wayne fetch the waiter to change my order. I thought the pasta dish looked good on the picture, but what if there are a lot of tomatoe chunks, and I hate tomoatoes, and then I’ll be disappointed, and my night will be ruined because I’ve been saving myself for this meal all week, so no, no, no, no I’d like to cancel that order and have the meat lovers pizza, to which Wayne always says, “You have that all the time, I thought you were going to try something different.” …ummm… shut up.

Here’s a perfect example of my inability to stick to a decision. I’ve been in the mood to bake. So this morning I got up, pulled out the ingredients for “clean” brownies. “Clean” just means they’ll taste like cardboard.

And since they taste like cardboard, I have to put an inch of chocolate icing on them. So I go through the whole, ”Well, I can’t eat those because I’m trying to stay in semi-decent shape over the summer so my new trainer in the fall will be impressed with what great shape I’m in, so I better make something that I can actually eat when I get a hankering for something sweet.”… and no, I would never use the word hankering, not even in my head.
So then I made raspberry muffins.
When they were done though, I thought, “Well that wasn’t a good idea. The kids won’t eat these, and I don’t have anything to pack for their desert for lunch tomorrow. They can’t bring the brownies because the icing will get all smooched up in the container, and they’ll get it all over their fingers and faces, and the other kids will laugh at them” – yes, I do go through this elaborate internal dialogue
So I made chocolate chip muffins, but I made little ones, because Terran can’t eat an entire big one, so the piece he doesn’t eat will come home in his lunch box, and then when I’m unpacking it, I’ll see it, and not want to waste it, so I’ll pop it in my mouth. And that’s not good because it’s carby, and I have to stay in semi-decent shape over the summer so my new trainer in the fall will be impressed with what great shape I’m in…
…starting to see the flow of my thoughts?
And then when I was pulling them out of the muffin tin, I noticed how hard they were, because they… frankly, they feel like cardboard. And then I thought, “Fuck it!”
So I made cupcakes. Because everyone loves cupcakes.
And let me just say here, that it can be argued that my indecision and neurotic tendencies are charming. And when the kids come in after school and see the desserts on the counter top, it wipes the bitch-slate clean. See, Super Mommy. Easy as pie… oh pie! pie would be good…
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3 Responses to So I changed my mind, so what?
  1. Susan
    June 25, 2010 | 9:14 am

    Love it! Neurotic tendicies run in the family!

  2. Sandra
    June 25, 2010 | 1:56 pm

    Hurray for hereditary neurosis!

  3. Uncle Rob
    June 25, 2010 | 7:25 pm

    Thanx for keeping us entertained. My daily dose of smile!!

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